by Karen Deen
Those damn shoes on the floor get my attention every time. It’s her power move in the courtroom and it makes me snap out of my thoughts.
Wait, why is Jacinta talking to Edward’s lawyer? Shit, this is killing me.
Is it about me? Has he done what I assumed he wouldn’t, by saying something that he knew would hurt Mia?
She finishes talking and they both approach the bench, and I’m holding my breath. I don’t care about me, and I should never have shown violence towards Edward, but please don’t let my actions hurt her.
Jacinta heads back to her seat and talks quietly to Mia, giving me no signs. The bitch is making me pay for this. No questions asked, she is making sure I suffer for hurting her by not letting me know what’s happening. She knows how much it will be killing me, and she is loving having that power over me, especially here.
A courtroom is my domain. The place I have control and feel a sense of power in my life.
Somewhere that has always felt like home.
Today is different.
It feels ugly and sad. A place where people’s worst sides are shown. There is never any joy in that. Even though I always show compassion, I thought there was a thrill in the fight. I selfishly took joy in the wins and got pissed at the losses like it was about me in a way. I now see it in a completely different light.
Today, it repulses me.
Something I never imagined was possible.
The judge starts talking and the words are like pure gold coming from her mouth. Mia is free to go and live her life.
Mia is safe!
It’s all I can think. I can’t speak, but watching her turn and look at me, her eyes tell me everything I need to know. Her cage is lifted, and my beautiful girl is free to fly.
I’ve known for days, but last night sealed it for me. I’m in love with Mia. A love like I’ve never known.
I can’t tell her, it’s too soon and she’s not ready to hear it, but I’m trying to tell her in my unspoken way, hoping she can see it when I look into her eyes.
I see love in her gaze, but she can’t trust herself with it yet.
That’s okay, I can wait. When it’s time she won’t be able to hold it back anymore.
Following her down the aisle and out of the courtroom, she stops and looks back at Edward. I can’t look at him, because part of me still wants to kill him. But I see in the small smile she gives him, she finally feels the fear leaving her.
She has control, and I couldn’t be happier for her.
After going through the motions in the courthouse, I still haven’t spoken to her or touched her. Because I know when I do, there won’t be any stopping for a few minutes. Here in front of Ashton, Jacinta, and in a way Edward, it’s not the place.
It’s all very clinical with Jacinta, and I know I can’t leave it like this.
Walking to the cars, Mia stops to talk to Jacinta. “Thank you for everything today. I’m sure I’m the last person you wanted to help, but I’m very grateful.” Mia holds her hand out to her, and Jacinta takes it a little less aggressively than the first time they talked this morning.
“You’re right, I didn’t, but nobody deserves to live in fear. I’m glad it ended up being settled quickly and simply for you, and that the idiot here didn’t wreck it.” Oh man, she points at me. Nothing like getting her point across.
“Mia, can you and Ashton head to the car? I just need a minute with Jacinta to say goodbye.” Mia’s smile tells me she understands. This is not just a goodbye for today. This is my final goodbye to someone who needs help to move on with her own life.
Mia gives her a little wave. “Thanks again, Jacinta.” And I want to fist pump the sky when Mia reaches up on her toes and kisses my cheek before she leaves. In her own way, she is claiming me in front of Jacinta. She’s fighting for her man, and I’m fucking ecstatic. Funny thing is there’s no need because she has me, hook, line, and sinker. But it feels amazing to know she wants to make sure.
As she disappears towards the car with Ashton, my eyes still following her, I hear Jacinta behind me. “I underestimated her. She showed me today that she is far more than she seems.” Her voice is softer than I’ve heard before.
“Behind those walls is one hell of a woman who has more to give this world than she knows, and an inner strength that she underestimates.”
Jacinta’s whole face softens. “You love her, don’t you.”
“I haven’t said those words yet, and she needs to be the first to hear them, but yeah, she’s my one. There will never be another woman who makes me feel what she does.”
“I thought I loved you, Lex, but watching you right now, I now know I was wrong and I’m sorry. What I felt was nice, convenient, and easy. But love isn’t that easy, is it?” Why haven’t I seen this side of Jacinta before now?
“No, it’s not. It’s messy, hard, and like nothing else you’ll ever experience, but at the same time, it’s the most amazing, powerful feeling that you’ll never be able to describe. I won’t lie, and I’ve told Mia this. What you and I had was great, and it served us both well at the time. You were my safe place and I hope I was yours.” Giving me a little nod, she confirms I was too. “I just want you to know, that no matter what our parents or society tell you on how you should live your life, they are wrong. That whole life is fucked up. I want this for you, Jacinta, I really do.”
I look towards where Mia is sitting in the car and then back to Jacinta. “You can still be the best kickass lawyer I know but live a life with a man you love, no matter who he is. He can be a man who cleans toilets or the President of the United States. It doesn’t matter as long as you love him, and he loves you back, and you’re both happy with your lives. Don’t let them tell you any different. Where you are in your career, you got there on you own ability, not on any connections or push from your parents. I wouldn’t have trusted anyone else I know with Mia’s case. And as hard as it was for you to come here today, I can’t tell you how grateful I am. I knew you would keep her safe, and I needed a friend on my side. We might be in opposite camps in the courtroom, but I will always count you as a friend. I hope you’ll get to a point you can too.”
I hope everything I’ve just said lets her know that I do care about her. Although I didn’t understand it at the time, part of me always cared for her. We both just had a fucked-up way of showing it.
I didn’t think it was possible, but a few stray little tears roll down her cheeks.
“I want to believe you, Lex, I’m just not sure I’m strong enough to fight those expectations.”
“Maybe not now, but when the right man comes along, you will be. Just don’t settle until you find him. You deserve the best.”
Stepping forward, I take her in my arms and hug her. Dropping her briefcase, she wraps her arms around me too. She knows this is goodbye and the tightness of her hug tells me she’s holding on to that final touch. We have never connected like this in all the times we were together. It doesn’t last long, and she puts her walls back up and pulls away from me. On the inside I’m laughing at her, knowing that she will be hating how vulnerable she’s been with me.
“Don’t worry, Jacinta, I won’t tell a soul that under that bitch face you are a good soul,” I say, laughing a little at her to help break the moment.
“You better not or I will deny it all. Now I need to go, because I have a long drive back after making a trip to save some friend’s ass, after he lost his mind for a moment.”
“Like I said, love is a powerful thing. Try it sometime.”
“I’m glad you’re happy, Lex, and I truly mean that. But fuck, your mother is going to die.” This time it’s Jacinta laughing at me.
Groaning at her comment, we both turn and walk towards our cars.
Her last words to me as we part put our relationship where it should be. “See you in the courtroom the next time I whip your ass.”
“We’ll see.” I smile and turn away from her towards my new life in more ways than one.
; Mia is sitting in the car and on the phone, I’m assuming to Paige, when I get there. Ashton is standing guard outside waiting for me. I feel bad for the way I treated him to begin with and didn’t understand how jealousy can taint your vision. He’s someone I know will be part of both our lives for a lifetime now.
“That woman could stop an army on attack, dead in its tracks, with just her stare. Even I’m scared of her and that’s saying something. Imagine fucking that sass right out of her.” He’s still checking her ass out as she walks away.
“I did.” I smile, waiting for the penny to drop.
“Holy shit. Of course, you did. Mia know that?” Ashton starts laughing.
“Yeah, man, she knows it all. Every sordid detail of my fucked-up life and even the bits I didn’t know existed until she started asking questions. Not sure she shouldn’t have been the lawyer in this relationship. She has a way of pushing me to spill my secrets like no one before her.”
“She’s a special lady. Even I can see that. You are one lucky man. Like I told you, don’t fuck it up, bro.” Ashton slaps me on the shoulder as we get ready to part. “Any planned pit stops on the way home? You know, so you can celebrate in style.” He laughs to himself as he walks towards his car behind mine.
“I wish, and thanks for putting the thought in my head to torture me now.” Asshole. I can already feel the pain in my balls.
“You’re welcome,” he calls as he climbs into his car.
Opening the door and climbing into the driver’s seat, I take the phone from Mia’s hand that’s holding it to her ear.
“Sorry, Paige, we’ll call you back in a minute.” I hang up the call.
“Lex,” is all Mia gets out before I take her face in my hands and our lips collide. Kissing her like I haven’t been able to breathe from the moment we left here an hour ago. I need her to know how I feel. That my heart is hers and to please be gentle with me.
Her hands are in my hair and our bodies are now pressed hard together from the chest up. The acknowledgment that the worst is over pouring out of both of us. This woman does things to me just in the way she touches my body.
Finally coming up for air, we look at each other and then she starts giggling. “You hated that, didn’t you, not being in control.”
“Every fucking minute of it. Topped with the fact I couldn’t touch you just about killed me.” I place my hand on her cheek. “I am so proud of you. You were amazing, and I hope you understand how strong you are now.”
Her smile lights up her whole face.
“I’m stronger with you in my life,” she says with tears in her eyes.
“Maybe so, but you did that in there all on your own. Never forget that. You claimed back your life today, and that had nothing to do with me. Now let’s go home and celebrate.”
“Umm, I have kids, remember?” I fucking love her giggle.
“Yeah, but they have to sleep sometime, right?” I sit back properly in my seat and pull the seatbelt on while starting the car.
“Lex, you are not fucking me on Paige’s couch.”
“Nope, you’re right, but we’ll work that out. And that’s something we need to start thinking about for your future. You need your own space. But today let’s just celebrate my kickass girlfriend who just started her new life.” Before Mia gets to say another word, my phone rings, and answering it on Bluetooth seeing it’s Paige, I know what’s coming.
“Lex, unless you were just kissing the hell out of my sister, then you better explain why you cut me off. You might have some sort of spell over her, but I still come first. I’m the sister.” I know she’s joking, but part of her is still telling me that I better be prepared to share Mia with her. She only just found her sister and isn’t ready to hand her over to me yet. Poor deranged woman has no idea it’s already happening whether she likes it or not.
“Well, I’m guilty as charged so you can calm down, big sis. So, for the record, that was the boyfriend celebrating with the girlfriend, so you definitely come second.” I didn’t realize we were on speaker on her end until I hear Mason laughing.
“Can you two wait a second while I make some popcorn? This is going to get good, I can just tell,” Mason’s voice booms through the speaker.
“Mason, don’t be a dick,” Paige scolds. We can hear the slap on his arm from here.
“Are you two finished fighting over me now? Not that I’m complaining, I’ve never had this before and I kinda like it.” Mia is smiling next to me as we start driving out of town.
“Then bring it on, Paige. If my girl likes it, I’m happy to debate with you for the rest of the drive home. You know I’m pretty good at it.” I laugh at Mia rolling her eyes at me.
“You wish,” Paige says. “With your job as a lawyer, you debate against one person in a courtroom. I boss around twenty businessmen in a boardroom, and not one of them is brave enough to speak by the time I’m finished.” Sounding proud of herself, I can’t help bursting out with laughter.
“Mason, good luck is all I can say.”
“You think I put up with that shit at home, Lex? Not a chance.”
“Okay, very funny, you two. Now can we get back to Mia, please? Remember the lady in the car who just slayed her dragon today,” Paige says with such pride in her voice, and I can see the blush on Mia’s cheeks from the compliment.
“You should have seen her. I’m so proud of her.”
“We are too,” Mason chimes in.
Then in the background we hear the kids laughing.
“What’s Jack doing?” Mia asks.
“Um can I just say now it’s Mason’s fault, but Jack is blowing, or attempting to blow raspberries on Kaylas’s tummy. Turn on the camera, it’s the cutest thing, you need to see it. I’m sure he’s covering her in spit, but she just giggles every time he does it.” I can picture it now, but Mia is opening up the app on her phone and has the biggest grin on her face.
“Oh my god, Mason, can you video that so I can show Lex later and keep it for when they get older? I love those two little munchkins so much.” Happy tears shimmer in her eyes.
“We all do, Mia,” Paige says. “You did good, sis, they are the most adorable kids.”
Mia is emotional now and just nods her head, unable to speak.
“Okay, we need to get off the phone now, I need to call Ashton for a minute about the direction we’re driving home. So, we’ll see you soon.”
Everyone quickly saying their goodbyes, I end the call and just enjoy the quiet for a moment.
“Aren’t you going to call Ashton?” Mia softly asks without taking her eyes off the kids on the video app on her phone.
“No, I’m good.”
Her face looks up at me now and then smiles at me with a stupid grin.
“You didn’t need to call him, did you?”
“Nope, but you needed a break from your sister.” I take a quick look at her reaction and then back at the road.
“What would I do without you, Lex?” Her hand reaches for mine and gives it a squeeze.
“Let’s never find out.” I take her hand and kiss it which is one of my favorite things to do. She just smiles and nods at me, then goes back to watching the kids but still hanging on tight to me. Just the way I like it.
We drive for a while in silence. Just lost in our own thoughts of the morning and what it means to us both. I know what I want moving forward, but I need to give Mia time to find her feet, and this is going to test my patience more than it’s ever been tested before. My mind racing about the changes coming in my life are halted when she starts talking.
“Lex?” Her voice is calm but a little quiet.
“Yeah, baby.”
“You pissed me off today, and I need to tell you that.” I want to laugh but I can’t. The way she is so sweet, but obviously has been stewing on it since Jacinta walked into the courthouse.
“I know, and I’m sorry about that, and I promise I won’t do that again. But I knew if I told you it would make you worry more than y
ou already were. There is only so much stress one person can handle.” I hope she understands my intentions were good.
“That’s true, but you need to let me decide what I can handle or not. I’ve spent all my life without having much choice. I won’t put up with that anymore. So just so we’re clear, no matter how much you think something will hurt me or piss me off, please tell me anyway. Then be there to help me deal with it.” If I wasn’t driving right now, I would hug her so tightly. She’s taking control of her life with so much gusto, and I just want to cheer her on.
“That sounds like a perfect plan. I promise from now on, I won’t make any decisions for you. As long as you promise to lean on me and never run from the hard choices.”
Closing her eyes, I can tell this is hard for her to say, but finally she opens them and replies, “I promise never to run again when life gets hard.” As she looks out the window, I know there will be a silent tear running down her face, and that’s okay. That is a huge promise for her to agree to, and I treasure that she made it to me.
Giving her a few moments, I just keep driving towards home.
“Lex?” I’m starting to worry every time she starts a sentence with just my name and nothing more. It’s usually something deep or I’m in trouble. It’s her way of sorting out her thought process in her head and what she needs to say.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just need to ask your opinion on something.”
“Sure, fire away.”
“Paige has offered me a job as her PA.” I did not see that coming when she started speaking.
“That’s awesome, Mia, but how do you feel about it?” I know the fact she’s talking to me and hasn’t accepted it means that she hasn’t worked that out yet.
“I was shocked when she said it. It was after that day she was sick, and I helped her out and she seemed to think I did a good job. I just don’t know if I’m capable of being the person she needs. I mean, do you think she just offered to be nice, you know, to make me feel important? A pity job?” I can see the inner turmoil in her eyes. But I know my answer without a doubt.