by Varsha Dixit
Malvika shook her head. “You did too.”
Ojas pushed his plate away and his upper lip curled in a sneer. “I know you consider me your friend—”
“More than a friend,” Malvika stated.
Somewhat exasperated, Ojas met her eyes.
Malvika raised her hands. “I get it. I know you don’t reciprocate my feelings and today I saw why. You are the one-woman type, aren’t you?”
A harsh chuckle burst from his mouth. Ojas put his head in his heads and then sat back straight. “Malvika, I’m anything but a one-woman kind of a man. I have shared everything with you.”
Malvika tapped her chin, watching Ojas like he was something under a microscope. “Maybe it’s time you heard a few things. And coming from a friend, you can be rest assured they’re true.”
Ojas patted her hand in a comforting manner and then withdrew his hand. “Malvika, you don’t have to make me feel good about myself. I’m not—”
Malvika gritted her teeth and said, “Shut up and listen to me, Ojas. I had a patient once. She suffered from severe post-partum depression that went untreated. She drowned one kid of hers and shot the other. The children were ten and twelve. She then shot her husband. The police found her watering her plants, like it was any other day.”
Ojas winced.
“I had one patient who came to me for PTSD, similar situation as you. We had just started treatment. He went for a wedding and in the procession, someone fired a gun as a celebratory shot. That sound took him back to the war he had come from. My patient grabbed the gun and shot the groom, then shot two more people and finally, put the gun to his own head. The groom was his brother and the others he shot were his best friend and another relative.”
Ojas rubbed his eyes. “Malvika, please.”
Malvika sat back. “I’m not making excuses for you. But Ojas, you have to accept that you had severe PTSD from experiencing a terrifying ordeal and losing someone you cared for deeply. You were suffering from depression, extreme lack of self-worth, and to top that, survivor’s guilt and anger. You were in a destructive phase. You went after the one thing that meant the world to you: Gina.”
Ojas felt his lower lip tremble. “Let’s change the topic.” His voice was hoarse as he stared at his plate without really seeing it.
“It was your love for her that finally made you change. The accident with her hand. In your self-destructive mode, it made you pause just long enough to realize that you needed help. And look at you. A few months in therapy and you are coming back to your old self,” Malvika’s voice softened. “You accepted the blame, apologized to her family. You brought them back together and indirectly rescued her from a relationship that was horribly wrong for her. You apologized to your parents. You are back with your family. And how can you overlook that you hired your late friend’s brother and provided support to his family?”
Ojas swallowed heavily, refusing to look at Malvika. “All the people you mentioned, who were so quick to forgive me, are god-send and kind. More than I deserve.” His vision became blurry. “You are one of those people, Malvika.” He inhaled deeply, drawing control on his emotions.
Malvika reached over and patted his hand that had fisted. “I’m not god-send or anything. I just want to save as many survivors of war as I can. Losing patients can take a toll on one’s mind. Even the psychiatrists.”
Ojas uncurled his fingers, turned his hand, and clasped Malvika’s hand in his. He glanced up at her. “Thank you.” He used his other hand to pat the side of his eyes with the napkin.
Ojas sighed and let go of her hand. He tried for some humor. “I think you have been talking to my therapist. He says the same things.”
“He’s good! He’s my mentor.” Malvika nodded.
“Dessert?”
“Yes, please!”
Ojas waved to their server. Malvika ordered a crème brûlée and Ojas chose black coffee and biscotti.
“I shouldn’t tell you this, but what the heck! You’re paying for dinner, so here you go. Gina too has feelings for you.”
Ojas stilled and stared at Malvika. And kept staring! His heart leaped in his ribcage.
“Did you just stop breathing?” Malvika’s smile was coy.
Ojas shook his head. “What did they put in your food?”
Malvika clicked her tongue. “Don’t be mad. It’s true! You are not the only one with feelings.”
“Enough.” Ojas looked away, his jaw set. “That’s not funny!”
Malvika rolled her eyes. “Ojas, don’t you remember what she said the minute you introduced me? ‘I didn’t know a therapist could date their patients.’ She was jealous. She didn’t like seeing you with another woman.”
“Please, stop!” Ojas shifted in his seat.
“Why are you upset? I thought you would be happy.”
Ojas tilted his head to the side. “Happy? Happy about what?” He forced himself to lower his voice. “You think telling me lies would make me happy?”
“It’s not a lie.” Malvika said.
“I’m disabled. Do you think Gina or any other woman deserves that?”
Malvika opened her mouth to the shape of ‘o’ and kept looking at Ojas, constantly blinking her eyes. “You really believe that crap you just said!” She blurted. “Are you saying disabled people don’t have the right to be loved?”
Ojas shook his head. “I’m just saying that this disabled person,” he pointed at himself, “does not have the right. Because I’m a scum of the earth! You know what, never mind.”
“You have to learn to appreciate and accept yourself. You have to forgive yourself first. Only then will you completely recover. Are you faking all this?”
Gina’s forgiveness I seek. Ojas raised his brow. “I’m not faking anything. I’m just telling you my true feelings.”
“Phbbt!” Malvika blew a raspberry. “Your feelings, let me rephrase that, your true feelings just walked out of here fifteen minutes ago with another man. Gosh, it’s so simple.” Malvika sat back.
Ojas waited till the server put their desserts and coffee down and then he had to ask. “What is so simple?”
“I knew you would ask.” Malvika snapped her fingers. “You are working your way back to Gina.”
Ojas opened his mouth.
“No, don’t interrupt. You sorted things between her and her family, you got rid of the other guy, you got the operation, you are getting therapy, you are building confidence to go back to her. Aren’t you?” Malvika clasped her hand to her chest. “You know you can only heal completely with Gina by your side. Now I don’t feel so bad about losing you. You are a swan.”
Ojas burst out laughing. “A swan! You called me a bloody swan.” He laughed till his eyes watered. “Oh!” He sat back, shaking his head. “I have been called so many things by so many people. Most of them I deserved. But a swan?”
“Swans mate for life,” Malvika offered as an explanation, her lips tilting up at the side as she took a bite of the crème brûlée.
Ojas sobered and sipped his coffee.
“Okay, let’s make a bet. If I’m right and you and Gina get back together, you have to mail me a postcard, not an email or a text but a postcard, and you have to write on that, ‘I’m a swan.”
Ojas glanced up at Malvika and then he frowned looking over her head. “What is he doing here?”
Malvika turned around. It was the guy dining with Gina. He was on the phone and heading toward the restaurant.
“Did he let Gina go on her own?” Ojas scowled and took his phone out.
Chapter 20
“Hi Meher, it’s me.” Gina adjusted the phone better against her ear.
“Hi Ginny, how was the date?” Meher asked, her voice eager.
“It was okay. Listen, Meher. I bumped into Ojas there.” Gina gnawed her lower lip.
“Your Ojas?” Meher asked.
Gina ignored the ‘your.’ “He was with a woman. His date. So anyhow, listen. He told me that your boss operated his ankle
and that you were a big help.”
“Umm yeah!” Meher said after a pause.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you were in touch with him?” Gina stared at her nails; her face somber.
“I thought you didn’t want to hear about him. His brother told me So,” Meher confessed.
Gina’s eyes widened. “You met his brother too?”
“Well, I met his whole family. They were there with him.”
“Oh!” Gina wasn’t sure what to say next.
“So, did you notice? His limp has become less pronounced.”
“I didn’t really notice.”
There was a pause and then Meher blurted. “Gina, do you still have feelings for Ojas?”
Gina recoiled. She rapidly blinked her eyes. “What? Do you—”
She was interrupted by the sound of an incoming text. Gina glanced at the text and froze. She could only stare at the sender’s name. It was Ojas.
“Gina! Gina, are you there?”
Gina quickly put the phone back to her ear. “I’m here! Sorry Mahi, I gotta go.”
“Ginny you aren’t mad at me, are you?” Meher asked.
“No sweets, no way. I was just making sure what I heard was fact and not fiction.”
Gina received another text from Ojas. “Listen, I gotta go. I will call you tomorrow.” Hanging up on Meher, Gina stared at her phone, more specifically at Ojas’s texts.
Ojas – Have you reached home?
Ojas – Hi Gina, could you reply please?
Bemused, Gina’s fingers hovered over her phone. To reply or not to reply? She saw the three dots. Ojas was writing another text. She quickly typed.
Gina – I’m fine. Stuck in traffic.
Ojas – Great! Let me know when you reach home. Also, can you send me the name of your cab driver or some ID?
Gina playfully wrinkled her nose and typed.
Gina – I’m fine. I can get around on my own.
The three dots started blinking. Gina waited.
Ojas – I’m sure you can. But just this time, if you could let me know. Thanks.
She knew this Ojas. This was the Ojas she had first met—overtly protective and quite stubborn. Ughhh!
Gina – I won’t! Enjoy the rest of your meal.
Ojas – Gina, please.
Gina shook her head slowly and typed.
Gina – Nope.
Ojas – Why do you have to be like that?
Gina snorted.
Gina – Like what? Independent?
Ojas – Yes, independent. That’s exactly the word that comes to my mind.
Before texting, Gina started counting till ten but she only made it till five.
Gina – You are behaving ridiculously.
Ojas – I know I am. Sorry! But please, just let me know when you get home. Please.
Gina sighed. Still stubborn as hell! Gina rolled her tongue against the side of the cheek.
Gina – Fine! Just one text!
Ojas – I wouldn’t expect any more. Thank you.
Gina eyes grew dull at that text. She put her phone down in her lap and glanced out of the window at the cars stalled next to hers. She saw couples in cars, families on their way, some talking to each other, some just sitting patiently with each other.
The feeling of loneliness came back to haunt Gina. She rubbed her chest and exhaled slowly. She saw Ojas’s face as clear as if he was sitting across her. His thick hair, his dazzling black eyes that could look straight into someone’s soul, his high cheekbones, the jagged scar, his full mouth that had broken in a smile for her so many times tonight. The tightness in Gina’s chest grew worse. She covered her mouth, quietly whimpering.
How do I hate someone who was depressed as I was? What if Ojas had not been attacked that night? How would we be today?
In her imagination, Gina was back at the Gulmarg Airport five years ago. The airport was a simple square warehouse with cement floor, large tinted glass windows with thick iron grills on the inside, and a couple of desks placed randomly around.
In one corner was a conveyor belt that could only take two pieces of luggage at a time and moved at such speed and with such noise that it could truly be a relic.
Scared and pregnant, Gina sat in an uncomfortable chair while a young soldier holding a dangerous looking gun watched her. Gina was restrained inside the warehouse for there was a curfew enforced in the entire area due to renewed terrorist activity. Without informing her family and friends, Gina had come to Gulmarg to meet Ojas who was posted here.
In her imagination, the Airport doors opened and Ojas came in, looking sharp and handsome in his uniform. He came straight to her, worry and love sparring on his face.
Ojas exchanged a sharp salute with the soldier. Another man followed Ojas and he requested Ojas to take his wife to the lounge. They would have more privacy there.
Ojas walked up to Gina. Gina rose weakly to her feet. Ojas ran his eyes over Gina’s stringy hair, her pale color, the dark shadows under her eyes, and her pinched mouth.
The irritation in his eyes altered instantly to concern. Ojas gently pulled her toward him. “Sweetheart, what happened? Tell me!”
Gina’s eyes welled up with tears and she had to swallow several times before she could say, “Let’s go to the lounge.”
Ojas gave a sharp nod. Bending down, he simply picked Gina up. Gina fell against his chest. She heard his heartbeats against her ears and felt their vibrations on her skin. She was safe and exactly where she should be, with whom she belonged. She just wanted to close her eyes, surrounded by Ojas’s familiar warmth and spicy scent. She did.
In the taxi, still stuck in traffic, Gina opened her eyes. Why would he carry me? That’s a bit much. We could walk. Gina closed her eyes, a hopeful smile on her lips. She wanted to see what happened next.
Ojas was still carrying her. Gina lay her hand against his chest, drawing strength from his warmth, “Put me down please.”
“No,” Ojas’s deep voice came from above her head. He only pulled her closer. “I haven’t held you in months.”
Gina sighed and relaxed in his arms. The walk was short. Once inside the lounge, Ojas put Gina down on the sofa, carefully. Gina raised her head and looked up at Ojas. Her lower lip quivered.
Ojas clasped her face. “Gina, I’m dying out of worry. Please tell me what has happened? Whatever it—”
“I’m pregnant!” Gina blurted.
Ojas seemed to have stopped breathing. He simply stared at Gina, his eyes wide in his handsome face. His hands fell from her face and he stepped back.
Seeing his shocked reaction, Gina covered her face with her hands. She sat down on sofa. “I don’t know how this happened—”
Strong hands wrapped around her wrists and gently pulled her hands down. Gina looked up. Ojas was on his knees a look of awe on his face. “I’m going to be a father, sweetheart. You made me a Dad, love.” Leaning down, Ojas kissed Gina’s hands that were curled in fists. “Thank you, my queen.”
Gina sat stunned at his reaction. The tortuous anxiety in her body started to ebb. “You aren’t angry or disappointed?”
Ojas leaned closer, his face inches away from her. “Why would I be angry or disappointed?” He sat back on his haunches. “Are you disappointed?”
Gina studied their clasped hands and answered honestly. “I don’t know. My future, my career! And how will I tell my parents? They will disown me.”
Ojas sat next to her and pulled Gina close. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there with you. But Gina, I will fix everything, I promise.”
“How will you fix everything, Ojas?” Gina cried out, pulling her hands from Ojas’s grip. “My body is undergoing so much. I can barely eat or keep anything in my stomach. I’m constantly throwing up and I have the worst cramps.”
Ojas sat closer to Gina and stroked her back. “Have you seen a doctor yet?”
Gina shook her head. She let his warmth seep into her. She fell against his shoulder. Ojas took her in his arms. “
You did the right thing by coming here. I know the army doctor. She will examine you and give you whatever medicines and things you need. Tomorrow morning, I will request a few days off. We will go home and even if your parents don’t accept you…” Ojas paused and pressed his lips to her forehead, imparting his strength to Gina. He pulled away and looked in her eyes. “It will be temporary. I will win your parents over, I promise. You will not be separated from your family for long. Mom and Dad will take care of you. Once my posting is over in the next few months, I will take a three-year sabbatical and then you, me and…” Ojas’s hand slid to her belly, “our baby will move wherever my queen wants, wherever you want to work.” His face softened. “You work and I will stay at home. Just make sure you make enough to buy diapers.” Ojas smiled, clasping her face.
Looking into his eyes, Gina felt hope. She smiled a weak smile. “I promise I will make enough for diapers.”
“Oh, my love, you are not alone. You both are not alone.” Ojas tilted his head to kiss her.
Gina put her hand on his mouth. “I haven’t brushed in a while.”
Ojas lifted a side of his mouth, dismissive as he brought Gina’s hand down. “I don’t care, sweetheart.” He fused his mouth with hers. Her eyes closed and Gina shifted forward, going fully in his arms.
Suddenly, her future did not look dark anymore. Ojas’s lips were cool and soft, just like she remembered. He kissed her sweetly. Gina came to life in Ojas’s arms.
In seconds, desire unfurled between the two lovers who had been apart for months. Ojas’s arms tightened around Gina. His arms shifted and he pulled her close. Gina wrapped her slim fair arms around his neck and opened her mouth to Ojas, seeking his mouth. Immediately, his tongue slipped in her mouth and mated with hers. His tongue stroked her tongue and then he sucked on it.
Gina moaned as her nipples grew hard and her center became damp. The bodies moved in unison. Ojas shifted her, carefully, and in seconds, Gina was on his lap. One of his hands reached for her soft full breast and started kneading it as urgently as his mouth was devouring her. His seeking fingers found her nipple and Ojas moaned against her lips. He rubbed her nipple till it became a hard nub. Ojas pulled at it and Gina mewed, arching, moving her breast fully in his hand.