by Mari Carr
“None of that scares me. It turns me on more than I can express. I want you to teach me…all of it. And I don’t want you to hold back because you’re afraid of scaring me. Promise me you won’t do that,” she demanded.
“I won’t do that.” He cupped her face and kissed her again. They broke apart, both startled when the phone on his desk rang. “Shit.” He looked at his watch. “I’m supposed to be in a meeting. I’m late. Again.”
“That’s okay. So…tomorrow?”
He nodded, trying not to acknowledge the fact tomorrow now felt like a lifetime away. “Tomorrow.”
She turned to leave, but before she reached the door, he gripped her upper arm, pulling her back toward him, giving her one more long, deep kiss, aware he wasn’t going to be able to concentrate in the upcoming meeting any better than he had in all the others since Halloween.
Because now he wasn’t merely longing for her.
He was making plans. Plans he couldn’t wait to carry out.
And for the first time in a long time, he was looking forward to the future.
Chapter Eight
“What are you doing here?” Darcy asked with a covert wink when Ryder followed Yvonne and Leo upstairs for Friendsgiving Saturday afternoon.
Darcy had been pretty proud of the secret trial-run dating idea. After Denise’s betrayal, Ryder had convinced himself he didn’t need or want another woman in his life, and she was determined to prove him wrong.
Yvonne grinned at Darcy. “Shocking, right? I invited Ryder to come along…like I allllways do,” she drawled. “And he actually said yes this time. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather.”
Ryder rolled his eyes. “Very funny, Vonnie. You know I don’t always say no. I came to your birthday party last year.”
“That was two years ago,” Yvonne corrected. “And that was the last time.”
Darcy laughed. “Well, the more the merrier because many hands make light work.”
“How many clichés can you squeeze into one sentence?” Ryder teased.
Yvonne grasped Leo’s hand and pulled him across the living room. “We’re on kitchen duty. I have three pies to make and Leo is my apple peeler.”
“Sunnie and Landon are already in there. And Ollie and Gavin are out running errands, so if you forgot anything, text them. Everyone else should be showing up soon,” Darcy explained. “Ryder, you’re with me. I need help setting up the tables.”
Ryder feigned a sigh like he was put out as he followed Darcy up a second set of stairs. As soon as they were out of sight of the others, he reached out and playfully smacked her butt. “I like your ass,” he murmured.
“Yours isn’t so bad, either. Looks hot in those jeans.” Darcy loved this newly discovered lighthearted side of Ryder. For years, she’d thought he was serious and stuffy. She couldn’t have been more wrong.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“We have some folding tables up here in storage. We pull them down for the holidays and special occasions.”
“I’m surprised they ever get put away,” he teased.
She peered over her shoulder and grinned as they passed two bedrooms on their way to what was clearly a “junk” room. “Colm has a bedroom up here, and my brother Finn used to as well, before he moved in with Layla and Miguel. The other two rooms are where we store all the…well, for lack of a better word…crap.”
“I can see that,” Ryder said, glancing around the room at more “crap” than he’d ever seen in his life. Though he had to admit, the Collins clan was very good at keeping their shit organized and accessible. There were several large shelves lining the walls with labeled boxes that contained everything from dishes to Christmas decorations to tools. Stacked and leaning against one wall were five long plastic, foldable banquet tables.
When he gave her a questioning glance at why they needed that many, Darcy had her response ready. “My family is fifty people strong when we all show up.”
Ryder winced. “Jesus. Growing up, my family consisted of me, my mom, and my dad. And that was two people too many.”
Darcy tilted her head and realized she didn’t know much about Ryder’s upbringing or his family. “You aren’t close to your parents?”
He shook his head. “I haven’t seen them in over a decade.”
Darcy’s eyes widened. “Oh my God. That’s terrible. I talk to my mom and dad pretty much every day.”
Ryder shrugged, and it was clear he didn’t consider the lack of communication with his parents any big loss. “That’s because your parents are cool, whereas mine are chilly. Totally different temperatures.”
“Yeah, but—”
Ryder reached out and cupped her cheek. “Hey. This isn’t a bad thing, honest. My family sucked, so I made my own. Got pretty lucky with Leo and Yvonne, the boys, and now Reba. I traded up, okay?”
She grinned. “You have an awesome family. I’m glad to hear you say that.”
Ryder’s hand was still on her face, and he used it to pull her closer. “Yeah. I’ve been walking around with blinders on. I appreciate you pointing that out because I didn’t realize how much I’ve been missing at home. Got Reba all to myself for a whole hour yesterday while Leo and Vonnie went grocery shopping.”
Okay. Well, that did it for her. The fact that Ryder was grinning from ear to ear over getting to spend an hour with the baby pretty much ensured her heart was lost to him forever.
“That’s awesome.”
“So how many of these tables do we need?”
“Only a couple. This is a smaller party. Just my cousins, brother, sister, and friends. I think you’ll know almost everyone. Emmy is coming with Paddy.”
Ryder nodded. “She’s the romance writer, right?”
“Yep. She’s super sweet. I love her. My bestie, Brooklyn, is going to be here with her fellas, and Ollie’s got a new girl, Erin. And a few other friends.” She paused. “And I should warn you, before we eat, we all go around and name one person in the room we’re thankful for and why. It’s sort of a twist on Thanksgiving—where we list everything and everyone we’re thankful for.”
“You seriously do that every year at Thanksgiving? All fifty of you? How long does that take?”
Darcy laughed at his astonished tone. “It doesn’t take that long, and we pass the bottle of Jameson as we go around, so by the end, believe me, no one has noticed the time.”
Ryder rubbed his forehead as if he couldn’t imagine anything worse.
“What do you do for Thanksgiving?” she asked.
“Clint and I go out to dinner. Try a different restaurant every year. Then we come home and watch football.”
Darcy crinkled her nose. “You eat out? Please tell me you at least have turkey.”
Ryder shrugged casually. “Sometimes but not always. Last year, we had Chinese.”
“That doesn’t sound like much of a holiday.”
Ryder tapped her nose playfully. “Traditions are what you make them, Buttercup.”
“I guess that’s true. But…well…if you guys wanted, you could come to Thanksgiving here this year. Leo, Vonnie, Vince, and Reba are all coming.”
Ryder smiled, but she could almost imagine the wheels spinning in his brain as he tried to think of an excuse. “Let’s see how tonight goes before I commit to that.”
She rolled her eyes. “You and your aversion to people.”
“I don’t think it’s the people that bother me as much as big crowds and noise.”
Darcy blew out a long sigh. “Well, then you’re probably not going to like tonight. We’re sort of a loud family.”
“I’m aware.”
“We all talk at the same time.”
Ryder chuckled. “I’ve noticed that. Don’t worry, Darc. I’m going into this with an open mind.”
“Thanks.”
Ryder gave her a quick kiss, and then they each grabbed the end of one of the tables. Ryder could have carried it himself, but she insisted on helping.
Within half an hour, they had the two extra tables, as well as the long dining room table, set for the meal. Everyone starting showing up over the course of the next hour. It was every bit as loud as she’d warned Ryder, but he was either being an extremely good sport or was genuinely enjoying himself.
Just before the meal, they did their annual “friend I’m most thankful for.”
Darcy gave Ryder a teasing grin when it was his turn. She expected him to be thankful for Yvonne and Leo—so she was shocked when he pointed to her.
“I’m thankful for Darcy. She came into my life during a very difficult time for me, and for the past four years, she’s always been there, no matter what I needed—help with the boys, a new graphic artist at work, or even just someone to explain what the hell is going on in Fortnite.”
Everyone laughed, and Lochlan raised his beer bottle. “I feel you there, man.”
Ryder continued, looking directly at her. “I’ve never once said thanks, Darcy, for all you’ve done for me, so I’m glad to get the chance now. I’m very thankful to have you in my and Clint’s lives.”
Darcy was so touched, she had to fight hard not to cry. She caught the far-too-interested gazes from her friends, Kelli and Brooklyn, who would no doubt corner her later to ask what was up. Then Sunnie gave her a knowing wink that made her blush as much as Ryder’s kind words.
It was Darcy’s turn next. “Well, this is kind of awkward. Because I was going to say I was thankful for Ryder for getting me a job with a 401K. Seems to pale in comparison.”
Ryder laughed and reached out to ruffle her hair affectionately. They’d agreed to keep the trial run on the down low, but Ryder wasn’t going out of his way to hide much. He’d spent most of the afternoon standing next to her, and he’d claimed the seat at the table beside her.
Typically, it wasn’t unusual for Friendsgiving to run well into the wee hours of night, but this year was different. Caitlyn, who was pregnant, was suffering from what she called morning, noon, and night sickness, so she and her husband, Lucas, left right after dinner. Oliver and Gavin had seemed to be out of sorts all night, which was weird because they were usually thick as thieves. Darcy wasn’t sure what was going on, but she wondered if it had something to do with the fact Ollie had a new girlfriend, Erin, and things between them seemed to be getting serious quick.
Even Colm, who was always ready to take things to the next level, was quieter than normal. When Kelli, the ultimate party girl, said she was going to call it an early night as well, Colm offered to walk her home, and Darcy knew that Friendsgiving was officially over.
Yvonne, as always, was anxious to get back to Reba. “Well, I can’t believe you made it to the end,” Yvonne teased Ryder before looking at Darcy. “He insisted on bringing his own car in case he wanted to leave early. Of course, this is wrapping up way earlier than usual.”
Leo helped Yvonne put on her coat. “Everyone is still probably hungover from that Halloween party.”
“You were planning to leave early?” Darcy joked with Ryder, pretending to be insulted that he had an escape route, when inside, her stomach was turning flip-flops at the thought he’d brought his own car. “How unlike you.”
Even as she spoke, Darcy didn’t dare look him directly in the eye.
She prayed he intended to stay…hopefully all night.
Her prayers seemed to be answered when Ryder said, “I’m going to stick around a little while. Help Darcy put the tables back upstairs.”
Yvonne smiled. “That’s sweet of you. See you at home.” She picked up the dessert plate they’d wrapped up for the boys and headed to the stairs that led down to the pub. Darcy caught the quick look Leo and Ryder exchanged, curious when Leo nodded his head, even though neither of them had spoken.
“What was that?” Darcy murmured.
Ryder just smiled and shrugged. They said their goodbyes to Lochlan and May, who followed Yvonne and Leo out, and over the course of the next half hour, everyone else finished cleaning up and headed back to their own places.
Oliver, one of the last to leave, said he was going to drive Erin home, and Darcy suspected he would spend the night at her place. When it was just Darcy, Ryder, and Gavin left in the Collins Dorn, Gavin said he was going to head down to the pub to watch the hockey game and hang with Uncle Tris, who was manning the bar, for a little while.
“So?” she prompted, once Gavin was gone.
Ryder gave her a quizzical look. “So what?”
“What did you think of Friendsgiving? Of a Collins event?”
Ryder frowned, blowing out a long breath as she held hers. He’d said he didn’t like people, crowds, or noise. Three things that were impossible to avoid in her family. Until that moment, Darcy hadn’t really thought about what she might consider a relationship deal breaker, but as she looked at Ryder’s serious expression, she realized she would struggle to be with a man who didn’t like her family.
“Wellllll,” he drawled. “I hate to say this to you, mainly because I’m not the type to admit I was wrong easily…but they’re great, Darc. I mean, I’ve met them, known them, liked them all for years, but most of those interactions were one-on-one whenever I ran into them on the street or in the pub. I’m not sure why I was so determined to avoid the big gatherings. Tonight was a lot of fun. They’re easy to be around. You’re really lucky, blessed with your family.”
She hugged him, so delighted by everything he said. “I know I am. They mean everything to me.”
Then…something occurred to her and she looked around, frowning.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She’d been so worried about Ryder’s feelings about her family, she hadn’t put two and two together. “We’re alone in the dorm. You realize that never happens, right?”
Ryder grinned as he stepped closer to her, placing his hands on her waist. “Buttercup,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“Where’s your bedroom?”
She took his hand and led him down the hallway to her room on the end. It was the largest room in the apartment and had been shared by her mother and aunts Keira and Teagan growing up. As soon as they were inside, Ryder closed the door, locked it, then leaned against it.
“Darcy—” he started.
She knew what he was going to say the second he opened his mouth, so she cut him off at the pass. “I’m sure, Ryder. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”
For a moment, he looked as if all the air in his body had slowly seeped out, and she realized how tense he’d been. “I want you too. More than I can say.”
He pushed away from the door and walked toward her. She met him halfway, their lips touching as he wrapped his arms around her waist, hers looping over his shoulders. Their tongues tangled, his breath sweet from the apple pie, bitter from the coffee. It was as if she was getting her dessert twice.
They remained there, content to kiss, to explore, to caress. Ryder wasn’t rushing her, wasn’t attempting to push her too fast.
She appreciated that.
Until she didn’t.
Darcy wanted—needed—skin to skin, his body on top of hers, inside hers.
“Please,” she whispered after several minutes, twisting her head to suck in some much-needed air.
Ryder gripped the back of her neck with one large, strong hand, forcing her passion-drunk eyes to focus on him. “Those things I said in my office yesterday…the things I want to do to you…”
She nodded, letting him know she knew exactly what he was referring to. God. It was all she could think about last night as she’d tossed and turned and fantasized and masturbated her way through two orgasms.
“Not tonight,” he said.
She frowned, her shock giving way to panic.
No. No fucking way.
She was too ready for this, and if he seriously tried to leave her here, still a damn virgin, she’d bar the door and do the tying up herself.
“Ryder, please. Don’t—”
He kissed her, th
is touch rougher, more possessive. He was using the kiss to stop her from talking.
It was effective.
Dammit.
“It’s your first time, Darcy. No games tonight. Just you and me. Do you understand?”
Darcy swallowed the lump in her throat, fighting tears. Every freaking thing he’d said tonight had seriously moved her to tears. Beautiful tears.
“Darcy. Tell me you understand.”
She nodded. “I do. I want that too.”
“Are you on birth control?”
Her cheeks suddenly felt warm and she was certain she was blushing. “Yes. The pill.”
He paused for a moment as if considering her answer. “And you take them? Faithfully?”
She nodded. “Every morning.”
Ryder didn’t move, and she fought to understand the sudden…well, she couldn’t tell what she was seeing on his face. It could have been confusion or anxiety or…even anger.
She hated all of them. “I know where Colm hides his emergency stash of condoms.” She pointed to her bedroom door. “They’re just down the hall in the bathroom. I can run down and grab—”
“No,” he interjected. “I…don’t want anything between us.”
His words made her happy, and she would have smiled, but the sweetness of what he was saying didn’t match the expression or the tone.
“Ryder—” she started, clueless as to what was going through his brain.
Before she could attempt any sort of reassurance, the fog lifted and she fought for breath as Ryder obviously shook off whatever was bothering him and gave her a smile that was pure seduction.
Then he took a step away, reached for the hem of her sweater, and pulled it off.
“Time to take care of our similar problems,” he said.
Chapter Nine
Ryder ran his fingers along the top of Darcy’s bra, certain he’d never seen a more beautiful woman. He’d spent the entire afternoon half-erect, fighting the overwhelming desire to drag Darcy away from the party—family be damned—strip her naked, and lose himself inside her.