Her words hammered at him like painful blows. No. It wasn’t possible. His mother had adored his father and her life had ended up a living hell. Ethan didn’t know how to give Aria what she wanted. And he couldn’t risk it.
“I think you should sleep in your own room,” he said. “And perhaps you shouldn’t cancel that hotel reservation after all.”
Without looking at her again, he strode into the bathroom.
When he came back to the bedroom, she was gone.
* * *
The morning following the debacle with Aria, Ethan had a vitally important meeting with two influential investors. It had been orchestrated by Sterling Perry and was not optional.
These two men, whoever they were, had offered to donate huge sums of money to the new club in exchange for having something named after them, like a dining room or ballroom.
Ethan was in a foul mood when he walked into the meeting, and things disintegrated even more when he saw that one of the two men was Harmon Porter. The second fellow was one of Sterling’s contemporaries whom Ethan did not know.
Harmon’s sneering smile threatened to blow the top off Ethan’s head. Ethan hadn’t slept more than two hours the night before. He had assumed Aria would go to her room and leave at daybreak. Instead, he had heard her walk out at three in the morning.
By the time he realized what was happening, he had been naked and groggy and unable to follow her.
He felt guilty and angry and even more guilty for feeling angry.
With a manufactured smile for Sterling’s friend, Ethan gave a vastly edited version of his presentation and thanked both men for their generosity. He also showed them the list of choices for where their money could go.
Sterling’s friend made his goodbyes and left happy.
Harmon Porter lingered. Aria’s rejected suitor wore an air of triumph that first puzzled then enraged Ethan.
Porter preened. “Payback’s a bitch, Barringer. Here’s how this is going to go down. You’re going to tell your parents that the only reason Aria agreed to be your fiancée is because she needed your money to get out of her father’s obligation. Which makes her an opportunist any way you want to look at it. And make sure they know her poor weasel of a father is an addict who would sell his own daughter to the highest bidder.”
“You son of a bitch.”
“It’s all true.” Porter sneered. “That’s why there’s no ring. I’m not stupid. I’ve been following the two of you around to see if you were really an item. But you haven’t even made a pretense of putting a diamond on her finger.”
“And if I don’t tell them?”
“Then I pull out of this deal. Sterling Perry will be embarrassed and kick you to the curb. And your whole house of cards comes tumbling down.”
“Go to hell, Porter.” Ethan’s fists itched with the urge to rearrange the other man’s face. But he didn’t want to go to jail, and Harmon Porter was just the kind of vindictive bastard to press charges.
Porter walked toward the door. “I’ll give you forty-eight hours to think about it. But know this, Barringer. I never bluff. You took what was mine. So it’s my turn to ruin you.”
Ethan didn’t care about himself so much, but he couldn’t stand the thought that Harmon might humiliate Aria. She had suffered enough because of her father’s selfishness.
His gut ached with the realization that Harmon Porter was no better or worse than Ethan. For a man who claimed to care for Aria and want the best for her, Ethan had been cavalier with her heart and her feelings.
Again, he heard her voice inside his head. I love you, Ethan. The words had terrified him.
But was there a tiny part of him that wanted to believe he could say them in return? A man who would pledge himself to protect Aria from the Harmon Porters of the world?
After Porter’s departure, Ethan wandered the streets of Houston for hours. His phone buzzed and dinged with texts and phone calls. He ignored them all. Inside his chest, a terrible aching void grew and intensified.
He didn’t know what to do. The memory of Aria’s face haunted him. The worst part was that she had looked exactly as devastated as he remembered his mother being when his father had treated her like garbage.
So what did that make Ethan? He had told himself he was doing the right thing. The safe thing. And yet, he had ended up hurting Aria, anyway.
Harmon Porter’s empty threats were nothing to him. Ethan’s mother and stepfather would never think ill of Aria. But Ethan did need to tell them the truth before Porter could find some way to cause even more trouble than he already had.
It was starting to get dark when Ethan found himself in front of the hotel where his parents were staying one more night before returning to Royal. They were back from San Francisco and had hoped to have dinner with Ethan and Aria.
Ethan had put them off with a vague excuse.
Now he walked into the lobby and picked up a house phone to ring the room. If they weren’t there, he didn’t want to deal with another barrage of texts and calls.
His mother answered almost immediately. After a brief conversation, he hung up and headed for the bar, where he snagged a table in a dark corner. He didn’t have long to wait. Minutes later his mother, her expression anxious, hurried across the room with John at her heels.
Ethan stood up to greet her with a hug. He shook John’s hand. The older man pulled him close and embraced him. The generous gesture threatened to shatter Ethan’s fragile composure.
Sarabeth and John sat down opposite him. His mother leaned forward, her eyes filled with concern. “What’s going on, son? Where’s Aria?”
He swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”
And then he told them everything. He told them about Aria’s father and the gambling and Harmon Porter. He told them about the money he had paid to Harmon and his pretense at an engagement to appease his mother’s concerns that he wasn’t settling down.
He stopped short of mentioning the amazing sex and Aria’s declaration of love and the way he had kicked her out of his life.
His mother’s visible disappointment was a bitter pill. “Oh, Ethan. You’ve really screwed this one up, haven’t you?”
Even John seemed shocked.
Ethan hunched his shoulders. His mother was always on his side. To hear her speak so judgmentally made his stomach tighten. “I was trying to do the right thing.”
Sarabeth shook her head. “No,” she said. “I think you were trying to hedge your bets. You were scared, and you didn’t want anyone to know. You were always that way, even as a little boy.”
“I couldn’t let Aria marry that weasel Porter.”
“Of course you couldn’t. And why is that, son?”
He gaped at her. “Because she deserves better.”
“That’s not why,” she said. “You paid the money, because you wanted Aria for yourself.”
Ethan felt as if he was on the witness stand. His mother’s clear-eyed gaze judged him and found him wanting. “That’s not true. I told her from the beginning that it was only temporary.”
“And how did this temporary engagement work out for you?”
He swallowed hard. “You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me, son.”
He searched for the right words. “I remember you telling me that you adored my father from the moment you met. That you fell head over heels. That you thought he was the great love of your life. But it was all a lie. And you suffered. I saw you. For years. I’d rather never have Aria at all than do that to her.”
His mother’s expression flickered. “Are you telling me Aria loves you?”
“She says she does.”
“And what did you say in return?”
He swallowed hard. “I told her to get out of my life.”
Even John flinched.
Sarabeth
groaned. “Oh, my poor baby. Listen to me. And listen well. You are not your father. There are several clinical definitions for what he is, among them a narcissist...a con man. I was very young, and too clueless to see through the act to the real person. Aria, on the other hand, has known you for years. We all know and love you, Ethan. Your family and your friends and your business associates. If you were going to follow in your father’s footsteps, it would already have happened long before now.”
Ethan stared at her in shock. He had never heard her speak so vehemently nor so plainly. “I see.”
“I’m not sure you do. I had no idea you were walking around all this time with the sword of Damocles dangling over your head. Tell me something, Ethan. How many women have you slept with?”
His face flamed. “Uh...”
She rolled her eyes. “A round number will do.”
“Ten. Maybe a dozen.”
“Okay. And out of that number, how many did you really care for deeply? How many did you worry about hurting? How many did you want to protect and cosset and keep from harm?”
He clenched his jaw so hard his head ached. “One.” Only one...
His mother’s eyes filled with tears, with aching regret. “That’s what I thought. That’s what I was afraid of. And I suppose that’s on me. I didn’t realize what my experience had done to you. I tried for so long not to let you know what kind of man your father was, but maybe I did you a disservice. By the time you found out, you were at such a vulnerable age. Oh, Ethan. You’ve wasted so much time. You love Aria, don’t you?”
He opened his mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn’t come. His throat was constricted. His stomach felt funny. He felt as if a giant boulder had been lifted off his back. The knowledge that his mother believed for a certainty that he didn’t carry the seeds of his father’s selfish, callous personality freed him. But at the same time, nothing could undo the consequences of his recent behavior with Aria.
He wet his lips and tried again. “Yes. I love her.” He hadn’t admitted it until then, not even to himself.
“Then go to her, Ethan. Make this right.”
“She may not listen. I hurt her badly.”
For the first time, John spoke. “Then grovel if you have to. But make her understand. When you find the woman who is your other half, you have to move heaven and earth to make her yours.”
Eighteen
Ethan left the hotel in a daze. He knew Aria planned to return to Royal in the morning. Though it made no sense, he had the strongest feeling he couldn’t let her leave Houston without resolving this thing between them. That if she left, and he hadn’t made things right, he would never have another chance. It would be over.
Her hotel was four blocks away from the one where his mother and John were staying. He walked there on autopilot. His brain created and discarded one speech after another.
A smart man would go into a big apology with an honest-to-God engagement ring. But all the shops were closed, and he knew he dared not wait any longer to make amends. So there he was. On his own. With nothing but his words and his genuine remorse to pave his way.
The manager of this particular hotel was actually a friend of his. For a split second, it occurred to Ethan that he could probably wheedle a key from his buddy by spinning a tale about wanting to surprise his fiancée. But he had skirted the truth too many times already. Besides, he didn’t want to disrespect Aria, particularly not during such a critical moment.
He paced the lobby for five minutes until the concierge gave him a disapproving frown. In the end, he did have to call in a small favor when it occurred to him he had no way of knowing Aria’s room number. His manager friend bent the rules enough to give him that information.
Not that it would do Ethan any good. He didn’t have much hope that Aria was going to allow him inside.
He rode the elevator to the fourteenth floor, got off and found the correct room. With a quick prayer that he wouldn’t say something stupid, he knocked.
The door had a privacy fish-eye.
Moments later, Aria’s muffled voice answered. “Go away.”
“I need to talk to you,” he said. “It’s important.”
Long silence. “No.”
He glanced up and down the hall. “Five minutes. Hear me out. After that, I’ll leave. I swear. Please, Aria.”
This time the silence was endless. At last, he heard the click as the dead bolt turned and the chain latch was disengaged.
The door swung inward. Aria stepped back to allow him to enter. It was late. She had either showered already, or she had simply been relaxing in front of the TV. She was wearing soft cotton sleep pants that rode low on her hips and a thin silky tank top that outlined her breasts to perfection.
He had to drag away his gaze, but when he focused on her face, he saw that she had been crying. Her red-rimmed eyes were the worst punishment he could have imagined. His heart fell to his knees.
“I came to apologize,” he said.
She shrugged, her arms wrapped around her waist. “Apology accepted.”
There was not a flicker of emotion on her face. Not pain. Not joy. Nothing.
“You don’t understand,” he said, feeling frustration tighten his gut. That, and fear.
“Does it really matter?” Her gaze was bleak. “I don’t hold grudges, Ethan. You can go back to your life and everything will be like it was.”
“No,” he said hoarsely. “It won’t.”
* * *
Aria was close to collapse. Or shattering into a million wretched pieces that she could never put back together. If Ethan needed closure, she would give it to him, but this dreadful confrontation mustn’t stretch out much longer. She couldn’t bear it.
Though it took every bit of emotional strength she possessed, she summoned a faint smile. “I’m fine, you’re fine. Everything is fine. We tried an experiment, and it failed. I don’t blame you. Honestly, I don’t.”
His face was stark. “I love you, Aria.”
She recoiled. The pain was intense. “Don’t,” she said. “Don’t say that. You want me. That’s not the same thing. I’m sorry to say I didn’t fully understand the difference, but I do now. This is over, Ethan. Please go.”
He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face against her neck. “I didn’t know,” he groaned. “I swear to God I didn’t know I loved you. I’d lied to myself for so long about what you meant to me that when the feelings intensified, I told myself it was nothing more than great sex. In my gut I knew that was wrong, but I was clinging to an old lie, determined to protect you from me. I couldn’t bear the thought that I might be like my father.”
She pushed at his shoulder until he released her. Then she crossed to the window, unable to be close to him. Aching from the raw torment of his touch. “How do you know you’re not?”
He rose to his feet, his expression agonized. “Because it’s been you for a long time now. Years, in fact. No other woman has ever tempted me to contemplate the future.”
She had bitten down so hard on her bottom lip that she tasted blood. “We’ve had incredible sex, Ethan. Off the charts. But married sex is different over a long relationship. If you’re counting on the physical stuff to carry us through, it won’t be the same. You and I won’t be the same. Just go. Please. I release you. Whatever guilt you feel is absolved.”
“I can’t go,” he said. He looked as miserable as she felt. “I love you, and I’ve hurt you. That was the very thing I didn’t want to do.”
“What makes you think you love me? This is quite a turnaround.” His reaction last night when she bravely told him the truth was not something she would soon forget. His angry words had flayed her, opening her to the bone, leaving her emotions raw.
His chest heaved. “When I heard you leave in the middle of the night, I felt like you had taken everything I ever cared about with yo
u. All the happiness, the joy, the contentment. It was all gone. And then this evening, after a particularly unpleasant conversation with my mother, it was brought to my attention that I might be particularly good at deluding myself.”
“Oh?”
“She pointed out that I didn’t give Harmon Porter that money to help your father or to save you from a bad marriage.”
“Then why did you?”
He crossed the room and took her hands in his, leaving her nowhere to go. “I paid the two-point-five million because I wanted you for myself.”
Everything she had ever wanted to see blazed in his eyes. Love. Passionate hunger. Unabashed commitment.
“I’m scared,” she whispered. “Scared this isn’t real.”
His expression softened. “You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever met. I’m a clueless idiot, darlin’, but if you’ll give me another chance, I swear I won’t hurt you again.”
He pulled her close, stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort. She couldn’t stop shaking.
“You don’t have to marry me,” she said. “I don’t want to be something or somebody you’re going to regret.”
“We’re going to have it all, my love. Rings. Vows. Babies. Forever.” He found her lips and kissed her long and deep.
It wasn’t her imagination this time. Ethan loved her. She felt it in every touch, every whispered caress. The knowledge was almost too wonderful to bear.
The last of her heartbreak winnowed away, evaporating in the bright, hot, perfect bliss of his body pressed against hers. “I love you, Ethan.”
He shuddered in her arms, his face buried in her neck. “This time it’s forever. You and me. As long as we both shall live.”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Forever.”
He lifted his head at last, his eyes damp. “Thank you for believing. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
She kissed him gently, feeling the simmer and sting of passion as it began to grow inevitably. “There was never anybody else,” she said. “Not really. From the first moment I stopped thinking of you as just a friend—when I was barely sixteen—I knew I wanted you to be mine.”
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