by S. N. Garza
I hate feeling all this overwhelming emotion boiling beneath the surface. And it reflects in my voice, which also pisses me off. I’m always calm.
Until she came into my life
“She’s wherever the fuck I left her.”
“Whoa. Pissy much, bro? What? She didn’t give you some out in the parking lot? We were waiting for an awfully long time.”
“Can it. It’s none of your fucking business.”
That shuts them all up and Lock gives me a look that says we’ll be having words later. I’m uptight and I am never uptight about anything. I’m intense, there’s a difference. Where Willow is concerned, everything seems to narrow and come into acute focus. She’s what I think about more than anything. Even Rugby. She’s stuck in my head and she walks all over my mind as if she’s branded herself there and made a home. But I can’t get enough. I only want more.
It’s too fucking early to have such deep-rooted feelings, right? My father doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. But still… why does my chest tighten and constrict when I think about leaving her? And leaving her there in my truck was a big douchebag thing to do.
I’m twenty-three fucking years old. I shouldn’t be wanting a permanent woman. But thinking about Willow in some other man’s arms. Seeing her beneath another man’s body. Her pussy wrapped around another man’s dick. Those beautiful, baby blue eyes softly looking up at another man’s face that’s not mine, makes me want to pound every guy that looks at her into the fucking ground. Starting with the dipshit ex of hers.
“Sorry, man. Damn. You need a tampon?”
I’m close to pounding Duncan until he bleeds if he doesn’t shut the fuck up.
“Dun, shut up.” Lock says and Duncan obeys like the little bitch he is. He can’t help being under Lock’s shadow. He’s still our best friend, but he’ll always be the little brother of Lochlan until the three of us graduate. Then he’ll become top douchebag at Grifton Falls unless we go to grad school and get our Masters. Which might happen if I plan on taking over father’s company by the time I’m twenty-seven. Lock leans in and says, “Chill, Gabriel. Especially if you don’t want anyone knowing you’re having serious feelings for this chick.”
I can’t keep the growl from my voice as I whisper, “She’s not just a chick, Lochlan.”
His eyes widen but it’s not with surprise. His voice is low and serious when he says, “It hasn’t been that long. Only a few months, Gabe.”
“I knew the first time I saw her and didn’t take her to bed she was different. She is different.”
“Then where the fuck is she? Why did you leave her alone? God, what did you do this time, Gabriel?”
Normally, he doesn’t call me by my full name unless he’s trying to get a point across and yeah, I get it. I fucked up. Yet again.
“Because—,” I wipe a hand down my face and back through my hair. “It got real fucking deep. And not just my cock. Fuck. I don’t know. She’ll be here any minute and I don’t want any one making her feel like she’s less than what she is.”
“And what’s that, Gabe?” Judas asks. His voice carries a serious tone and I look into his grey eyes and tell him exactly what I’ve been thinking since I left her in my truck.
“My everything.”
The guys give me shocked looks, but they recover nicely and surprisingly, it’s Duncan who says, “Then she’s family. Go fucking get her and bring her here. She might be hungry after all that… working out.”
I flip him off, but I smirk, showing him we’re cool as I get up and head back into the parking lot. I near my truck and it’s too damn dark to tell if she’s sitting up with the tint on the windows. Maybe she’s laying down. Waiting for me. And waiting for a big apology.
I pull open the back cab and it’s empty.
“Willow?”
I walk around the truck and look over the tops of cars and I don’t see her anywhere. I get back to the ticket counter where there’s one lone ticketer. “Hey, did a girl with blonde hair, wearing a Saint letterman and skirt pass by in the last ten minutes?”
The older gentleman shook his head. “No. I’ve only seen you leave with the girl you’re describing, but only you returned. No one else.”
I pull out my phone and bring up the messaging app. Worry begins to fill me. She doesn’t really know many people here. And my blood runs cold.
Gabriel: Where TF R U?
When she doesn’t respond right away—like she usually does when she’s not in classes, I text her again. I told her before, even if she gets upset with me, text me anyway, we can discuss my stupidity and move on. I wait another minute and panic ignites in my veins.
Gabriel: Seriously. Where are you?
After a full minute passes, I call her. And quick as all get out, it’s ignored. I jerk back, surprised. What the fuck? Everyone knows there’s a difference between missing a call and ignoring it. She blatantly ignored my call. No way could she go off with someone. She only knows Ragan and Worsch and her roommate bitch, but Willow said Ragan was staying home, which the dorms are a good fifteen minutes away and Worsch is playing. While she and her roommate aren’t exactly hating each other, they’re not best buds. Especially when they practically left her stranded when they got to the frat party. Whether she left with Worsch or not, they still didn’t stick with her and girls should always stick together especially at a goddamn frat party.
Gabriel: Did you just ignore my call?
I call her again, but this time, it just keeps ringing. Now, it’s not just worry racing through my veins. It’s quickly turning into anger.
Gabriel: Really? I’m not joking. Where are you?
Now, I know she knows that I know she’s reading my text messages. One thing good about iPhones. It shows when the recipient sees a text.
I’m about to call her again when Lochlan runs up to me, this raging anger burning in his eyes.
“What is it, Lochlan?”
“Worsch isn’t on the bench.”
“And?”
“Isn’t he her friend?”
No. No fucking way. She wouldn’t do that. She knows how I feel about him being all up in her fucking space. They study together and I allow that because I know she doesn’t want him like she wants me. Like I know she loves me.
I go inside the stadium and run to the stands to see for myself. His number 22 jersey is nowhere to be seen.
“HEY, LOGAN!” Logan Marsh, another senior and football player, turns and nods his head my way.
I nod back, telling him to come over. He gets up to the gate and I don’t bother to let him speak. “Where’s Alann Worsch?”
“Gone.”
That son of a bitch. I turn and with fire in my heels, I walk to my truck, controlling the urge to run and race to her dorm room or God forbid, his apartment… again.
I get inside and Lochlan climbs into the passenger seat.
“What the fuck you doing? Get out.”
“Whoa, clam down. Gabriel. I’m coming with you. Don’t kill the guy.”
“I don’t plan on doing anything to him.” It’s the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever told, because honestly, this time, I just might kill him. I told him. I told him to keep his distance with my girl. My woman. And he just… no. I don’t know she really went with him. But who else would she go with? There’s no one else. There hadn’t been enough time for Ragan to come pick her up.
“Gabriel. You almost chocked the fuck out of him the last time. He had bruises on his neck.”
“What? Did the little fucker open his big mouth and talk shit?”
“Actually, no. He didn’t say a damn thing but come on. Everyone knows you went to his apartment and left with Willow in your arms. Two and two, brother.”
I ignore his sound logic and pull out my phone. Call. Nothing. She wouldn’t go with him. If anything, he took her back to her dorm and she’s there. She’s upset with me and holing up, keeping her anger in check, right?
I don’t say anything else as I s
peed over to Saint Hall, but it still takes fifteen minutes to get there from the damn stadium.
Once I pull up into the roundabout driveway, I don’t even bother turning off the engine. I get out and race up to her dorm room. I need to calm down, but the adrenaline is now rushing through my body like wildfire. No way would she go with him. I knock on her door and after a minute of no one answering, I bang on the door, louder. Harder. And I can hear the buckles creaking against the hinges of the frame.
But it’s not Willow’s face I see when the door is opened. It’s her bitch roommate. “What do you want, Saint?”
“Where is she?”
“With you.”
“Would I be asking if she was with me?”
“Well, she’s not here. I’m sorry.” She doesn’t sound very sorry at all and even though she hasn’t been a cunt to Willow to my face, who knows how it is when Willow is here alone. Makes me want Willow to just move in with me. It would solve a lot of problems. We’d never be separated again.
This bitch widens her eyes, shakes her head as if she’s waiting for me to leave. “Anything else?”
“You’re a total bitch, you know that?”
Her gaze travels over my body, and not with interest but with disgust. “Yeah, well, whatever you did, I’m sure you’ll recover. And she’ll forgive you.”
Then she slams the door in my face. The fact her roommate is my girlfriend lets her think she can treat me like that? Like some leper? I’ll deal with her bitch-ass later. She knows I’m not one to be crossed. I’ve told her before. But she’s not important.
Right now, rage is boiling in my blood and I swear to God, if she’s at his apartment… I’m killing him and then fucking her until she knows exactly who she belongs to. Because that’s the only person who she could have left with.
Gabriel: YOU LEFT WITH WORSCH!!!! YOU BETTER NOT BE WITH HIM. I SWEAR TO GOD! WHERE ARE YOU?
I see the little grey tag that says she’s reading them. Really? Does she think I don't know?
Gabriel: I SEE YOU READING THESE. ANSWER ME.
Her ignoring me is really starting to piss me off. I know we can discuss what happened rationally. But her leaving with him of all people, sets fire to my blood like nothing else can.
Gabriel: RIGHT FUCKING NOW, WILLOW. ANSWER ME.
I call her again and just as quickly, she ignores it. I clench my jaw, fighting the urge to punch something. I get back to the truck where Lochlan is still there.
“She’s not there?”
“Nope. His apartment is next.”
The next ten minutes are gut wrenching as I race to his parent-paid apartment—yeah, I’m being a total dick, but I don’t know what the fuck is what anymore. All I know is I need to get to Willow—and no one answers. I yell out their names. No fucking way are they… Willow wouldn’t. She’s not like that.
“ANSWER THE GODDAMN DOOR!”
“Maybe they’re not there. Maybe—,” I give Lochlan a glare that makes him shut up just as quickly as I back up and he’s quick to say, “Whoa, what are you—"
But not before I ram into the door, busting it wide open.
“Sweet fucking Christ. You’ve lost it. Went straight off the deep end.”
I ignore him as I walk through the apartment. His football gear and jersey are on the floor near his room and looking all over, they’re not here. What the fuck is going on? I pull up our message stream and yeah, I can’t help letting her feel the anger and betrayal I feel burning in my veins.
Gabriel: YOU’D GO TO HIM? YOU’D CHOSE HIM OVER ME?
“Where would she go?”
He follows me out and he shuts the door, without locking it—yeah, that’s broken for sure. O-fucking-well. He shouldn’t have taken off with my girl. She’s mine. If that makes me a possessive, jealous douchebag, so be it. But I warned him to keep his distance. A friendly distance since she still wanted to be friends with him. Whatever.
Not that I could be around her 24/7 and I know they study together, but they do it at the library, out in the wide open instead of in a tutoring room.
“If she’s not here or at her dorms, maybe they just went somewhere to chill.”
Would be logical, but not Willow. She still doesn’t know too many places around here and she wouldn’t go off without her warrior arsenal—mainly her mace and switchblade she keeps with her at all times. The thought of her knowing how to use them brings a smile to my face.
“What the fuck is that smirk for?”
“My little fairy is a warrior. She doesn’t go anywhere without her mace and switchblade, but she wouldn’t have gone off with anyone—including Worsch somewhere around here. She doesn’t know many places around here.”
“Whoa. She’s lethal, too, huh? That’s actually pretty hot.”
I give him a side glare and he rolls his eyes.
“What? She’s a cute little thing, but not my type, you know that. Don’t worry. She’s all yours. I have my own princess to deal with.”
“I know she is.”
“Okay. So, if Alann is with her and they’re driving, maybe he drove her home.”
“She’s not at the dorms.” I say with gritted teeth.
“Not the dorms, dick. Home, home. Back to where she’s from?”
Brisbon. That’s the only info I have. Fuck.
“I only know she’s from Brisbon. I need her address.”
We get back in the truck and I think how the hell I’m going to get it, but it doesn’t stop the shock that rolls through me.
She left me. She promised she wouldn’t. We could have talked it out. She could have smacked me; told me I was a complete asshat and we could have worked it out.
I look over to see Lock lost in thought, then he lifts his head as if something came to him. Thank God because I’m fucking lost.
Totally, completely, utterly lost. And it’s not a feeling I like having. I’ve only started feeling that way since Willow. If she thinks this is the end of us, she’s out of her mind.
Thirteen
Gabriel
I glance over to Lochlan, hoping he has an answer. “What is it, Lock?”
He gives me this dark, twisted smile and says, “Let’s go to Lakewood Hall. I know how we’re going to get it.”
“What’s at LH?”
“Ragan. She works in the admin building, remember. She’ll get it for us.”
Another trip back to the dorms and he unbuckles, smacks my shoulder, and starts getting out of the truck.
“Please don’t take too long.”
Either he’s going to take my advice or ignore it. He doesn’t say either way and he’s gone.
Yeah. Figured he’d take fucking advantage of the moment and fuck his bitch before convincing her to help. Thankfully, I quickly see them walking to the entrance and bitching at each other. I don’t know what Ragan’s issue is about getting with Lochlan—since I got with Willow, he’s been pursuing Ragan, but not too successfully.
Lock reaches for the back-passenger door when she smacks his hand away and yanks it open herself. “I do not need your help, Lock. I can do it all by myself.”
She throws herself up into the seat as Lock gets in the front, this thinly veiled rage in his expression.
Then we both jump as she screams in outrage. “OH MY GOD! What the hell? Did you have sex back here? It’s wet!” Then before Lock or I can say anything, Ragan jumps from the back seat and crawls up front, looking the wrong way, but her ire can be felt for miles. “You’re fucking disgusting, Gabe.”
I grit my jaw, irritated. “Can’t you control her, Lochlan. Your bitch is getting annoying.”
“I AM NOT—
Then Lock’s hand snakes around her body and the other covers her mouth.
“That’s enough out of you, princess. Just do as you’re told.”
If a person’s neck could stretch any longer, she’d be Mrs. Fantastic.
“Excuse me? You’re such a fucking douchebag. And this isn’t a freebie. Just remember that.”
I don’t know what she meant by that, but I put the truck in drive and Lock’s scrambling to get her sitting straight. All she ends up doing is sitting in his lap, which pleases him to no end. Snow White though is fuming.
We get close to the admin building when Ragan smacks my shoulders, making me flinch.
“The fuck?”
“You can’t park close to the building. We’ll be caught, and not even your parents can get you or us out of that kind of a mess.”
Rolling my eyes, I park a block away and the three of us make our way to the building, Ragan all in black like she’s a fucking ninja. I can’t help rolling my eyes. When she sees me giving her a once over, she throws her hands in the air and mutters, “I’m not going down if shit hits the fan. I’ll just slip away.”
“Oh, calm down, Snow.”
She flips me off.
Sneaking into the administration is harder than one believes. Avoiding cameras, softly whispering past hedges.
“I cannot believe you’re making me do this. You know how much trouble I can get into if we’re caught?”
We’re close to the front door when Lock snickers. “Ragan, that’s why you have a key.”
“Bite me, Masters.”
God, she’s so damn annoying.
“Just tell me how hard, Ragan. You know how I like to play.”
Sweet fucking Christ. I can’t take much more of this shit.
She snorts and whispers, “Ain’t that the truth.” We manage to sneak in, and we follow her to the student files, and she asks, “I’m assuming you need her uncle’s home address, right, Gabe?”
“How do you know it’s me who wants soemthing?”
Ragan snorts and mutters, “What did you do? Hurt her delicate little scholarship feelings?”
“Bitch, much? And you hang out with her too, don’t you?”
“Look, I don’t care what you do to her, but don’t fuck my life up while you’re at it. Got it? Lock promised me a grand. Who’s going to pay up?”