**********
TEN
There was screaming. Everywhere I looked there were people running, horrified. I was standing in the middle of a highway. Directly in front of me was a bridge, or at least there used to be one. In its place was a yawning chasm breathing fire and smoke. The wide gap was accompanied by a cacophony of wails that spoke of unimaginable loss and horror. I attempted to talk to the people surrounding me, but it seemed I was but a phantom in all of the chaos.
I got confused. Why could no one hear me? How did I even get here? I yelled as loudly as I could in an effort to attract someone’s attention. How could I be saved if no one could even see me?
I moved to the edge of the chasm and looked across to the other side. There, standing in all of the wreckage, with a smile upon his face, was Xavier. He looked across the divide and smiled. His smile chilled my blood and seeped into my soul, turning it to frost.
Then he whispered, “Tell me where you are. You can be with your mother once more. Don’t fight me, Little One. We don’t have to be enemies."
I had no time to think how I could hear his whisper across such a great distance. Instead I turned to flee. My only concern was getting as far from him as I possibly could. As I ran, I glanced back behind me to make sure I wasn’t being pursued.
I ran into something solid that wrapped its arms around me. I screamed out, sure that Xavier had caught me.
“I’ve got you, Izzy. Come back to me," the wall said.
I looked up to see not Xavier, but Kennan.
“It’s not real, Izzy. It’s but a vision. Calm yourself and come back to me. Reach for the now. You can see it. Just reach out and grab it.”
I looked around, trying to find what he was talking about, and I saw a glowing path. It was like a stream, flowing through the vision. I waded into it and I felt myself rush away.
**********
I was lying on the kitchen floor, disoriented. I felt the sorrow of the wreck, the memories pressed in on me. I looked up to find Kennan, sitting on the floor leaning against the cabinets. His giant hand gently stroked my hair. My mouth was full of cotton, causing the formation of words to be more of a challenge than normal.
“What happened?”
“You had a vision. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you went in. I got there as fast as I could." I noticed the look of strain on his face, and wondered how much it cost him.
“How?" the only word I was able to utter. I hoped that he was able to understand what I was asking without much more explanation. I was afraid that my mouth might have quit working all together at this point.
“If you’re asking how I got in, well to be honest I don’t understand how it works. I know that I’ve been witness to your dreams since you were a child. The only ones I can’t see are those between you and your mother. That is how I knew you were still having the visions, dreams, whatever you want to call them about her. Anytime you would have them, I would be unceremoniously kicked to the curb. But as to how I physically got there today, well that has never happened before. I came in when I heard you scream, and you were shaking on the floor. It took a lot to get there, but I think next time it will be easier. I had to get you back. I told you, I will come for you, always," he said, still gently stroking my hair.
“Did you see him?" I asked, the fear evident in the shaking of my voice.
“Who? All I saw was the bridge collapse and you in a disoriented panic.”
“He was there Kennan, I don’t know how. Maybe he jacked into my mom’s vision or something, but he was there. He told me not to fight him. He promised that I could be with my mom again." Tears began streaming down my face once more. There had to be some limit to what a person was able to cry in one day. This was just getting out of hand.
“I didn’t see him. You know he is lying, right?" his voice gently pleaded.
“I know. I’m not going to say the thought of being with her isn’t tempting. I would be lying to say I don’t want to be surrounded by her warmth once more. But I know I would end up strapped to a machine just like her. What do we do about the wreck I saw?" Changing the subject seemed to be for the best. Repress and move forward.
“Did you see anything that would help you know what date it was or where the bridge was located?”
“No, I was too panicked. I didn’t even know I was in a vision. It was so real. How am I supposed to help people if I don’t even know I’m having visions?”
“You will get used to it, I promise. Did you finish reading your mom’s letters? Maybe there is something in there that could help?”
“Nope, only got through the one. Honestly, I don’t know if I have it in me to deal with anything else today. When I opened the first, I had a weird vision of her right before she wrote it. Then with what just happened, I feel like my brain has been liquefied. Am I allowed to take medicine, or does that mess with the mojo?" I asked in earnest, hoping to bring some relief to my now throbbing head.
“Go lie on the couch and I will bring you something." He stood to rummage through some of the cabinets.
As I stood, my legs betrayed me. Quicker than I could track, Kennan was there once again, scooping me up in his arms. I guessed I should argue with the whole caveman routine, but seeing as my legs decided to go on vacation, I wasn’t going to complain. He gently lay me on the couch before returning to his search. A few seconds later I heard, “Victory.”
“Here you go, Red," he said, handing me two pills. “Why don’t we call it a day and just relax for a while? We can watch one of your movies if you want?”
I swallowed the pills praying for relief. I didn’t even question what they were. At this point, he could’ve been tranquilizing me and I wouldn’t care. This, as it turned out, was in the running for the worst birthday ever. It was up there with my parents dying days before my ninth birthday, or my Grams dying a little over a week beforehand. Between the bad guys, the kidnapping, the visions, and the unending supply of tears, I was willing to call it a day.
“So, what will it be, birthday girl?" Kennan asked, obviously trying to cheer me up and take my mind off of my suddenly derailed life.
“I’m thinking it is a Jane Eyre sort of afternoon. It seems appropriate for the sort of day I’m having." I leaned back on the pillows finally feeling some relief.
As I nestled into the couch and made myself comfy under my mother’s quilt, Kennan set the tablet up so that we could watch the movie. After getting everything situated, he came and lifted my head up, sliding underneath to become my pillow. He started gently stroking my hair once again, and I was struck by the gentleness of something so rough and large. He bent his massive frame over and kissed me on my forehead like a thousand times before, but this time he lingered, turning it into something full of unspoken promises.
“Happy birthday, Red," he whispered, as I started to go fuzzy around the edges. My last thought was that those pills were made of magic.
**********
I awoke with a start and blushed violently. No longer was Kennan my pillow. I heard him in the kitchen moving about. Thanking God for the time to compose myself, and praying to anyone listening he had not witnessed my dreams. He’d just been the leading man in a very graphic and detailed dream that was anything but G rated.
I looked around the cabin trying to figure out what time it was. Outside wasn’t much help, the constant drizzle made the sun an ineffective indicator. I looked at the clock and noticed it was around four in the afternoon. Still dazed, but grateful for the reprieve of the medicine and the time spent unconscious, I decided to shake it all off and start moving forward. No more tears, no more pity parties. Not even if there were an imaginary piñata. I threw the best pity parties. Onward and upward. Or wherever we were going.
“Don’t think that you got out of watching the movie, Kennan. It totally doesn’t count if I was asleep for the whole thing," I said groggily as I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and trudged over to the table.
I d
ecided to just ignore the dream and pretend it’d never happened. Repression would be the key to my sanity it seemed. I was sure it would all come back to bite me in my hindquarters soon, but for now it was working.
“I said one movie, it’s not my fault you slept through the whole thing, Homey," he said, taking something out of the oven.
“I thought we’d discussed your lack of gangsterness already. Do I need to put up the intervention banner again, Kennan?” I deadpanned. “I am concerned that you’re not aware of how awkward it sounds when you use phrases like 'Homey' or 'G'."
He looked over his shoulder at me and stuck out his tongue. A sight to see on an over six foot, tattooed, mountain man. A very yummy mountain man. Alright, and moving on.
Repress, repress, repress. That should be my mantra.
“Fine, oh Izzy, the glorious. See if I ice this for you when it cools off. Birthday or not, you can’t be knockin’ my slang."
I peered around him to find that he’d just taken a cake out of the oven. More importantly, it was a strawberry cake. My absolute favorite. I wasn’t above begging or groveling, especially when cake was involved. This birthday was starting to look up.
I put on my best groveling tone and even threw in some sad eyes.
“Oh mighty K.O., purveyor of delicious baked treats, I apologize profusely for my inability to comprehend the extent of your street cred. Please forgive me, and maybe ice that cake as a show of your forgiveness?" I smiled hugely, hoping that I didn’t look too desperate for the cake.
“Your giant eyes of sadness don’t fool me woman, you just want the cake. I’ve lived with you long enough to know better than to deny you baked goods."
He snickered before flipping the cake out of the pan. It seemed being around for a few hundred years had given him time to hone his culinary skills.
“I was hoping to get this finished before you woke up so that I could surprise you. But no, you had to go and ruin the surprise.”
“I can go back to sleep and wake up in a while."
As the words left my mouth, I noticed the heat burning in Kennan’s eyes. So he’d witnessed the dream. Awesome. Just awesome. Time for a subject change.
“Or, we can go watch some scintillating, gothic romance while we wait for that to cool off." And maybe wait for me to cool off.
“But I totally just watched the whole thing while you slept.”
“You know, for a however many hundred year old person you are, you sure are a terrible liar. You owe me one birthday movie. You better be glad I’m not making you sit through the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice," I snickered as I walked back over to the couch. Glad to have some semblance of normalcy between us once more.
“How do you do it?" he asked with a softness in his voice. “In all of my years, I’ve never seen anyone bounce back from things as quickly as you. You’re bawling one minute and then moving forward the next. How? How is this not just weighing you down?" The spark of wonder hidden in his eyes made me sheepish.
“Repression?" I said giggling, afraid to give him a real answer, afraid that things would get heavy again.
Reading my thoughts, like always, Kennan asked, “Seriously, just answer. Even as a child you were hopelessly optimistic and hard to keep down. With all that has happened to you, you just keep trudging forward.”
“I don’t want to be defined by the events of my life, Kennan. I can’t walk through life a sad sack of memories. I have days ahead of me, and I don’t know how many. I refuse to live those days drug down by the horrible things of my past. I will enjoy the small moments I’m given. Ultimately, life is all about choices, Kennan. My mother taught me that. She told me once that I could choose to be happy or sad. I choose happy. Do things suck right now? Yes. But I’m with my best friend, there is a tablet full of movies I love, a strawberry cake that is begging to be eaten, and I’m still alive and free. Those things matter just as much as the bad stuff. Now shut up and let me fall in love with Mr. Rochester again." I turned toward the screen avoiding any further questions. Cowardly, but effective.
He roughed my hair as he came around, and threw himself on the couch next to me. He pressed play on his way down and we settled in to watch the drama of someone else’s life unfold.
**********
ELEVEN
By the time the movie ended, Kennan was snoring. I supposed he hadn’t said he would stay awake for the whole thing, so really I couldn’t be mad. I decided to let him rest and read another of my mother’s letters. I hoped that it contained useful information. Perhaps, it would be a welcome letter to Harbingers of Death Anonymous. Or maybe a guide book of sorts. Prophecy for Dummies: Perilous Predictions Edition.
Getting up from the couch as quietly as I could, I added another log to the fire and curled up in the chair with the second of my mother’s letters. As I opened the letter, I braced myself for another onslaught of memories. Thankfully, they never came. Instead I was greeted with more words from my mother.
My dearest Izzy,
Today was your seventh birthday. I’m so very proud of the young woman you are becoming. I’m also incredibly sad that I won’t be able to watch you grow into the amazing woman I am sure you will become. I mourn the loss of a future with you that I may never have. I’ve struggled with trying to find your future in the fog, but I’m still unable to see what might befall you. So, instead I am forced to write letters to a daughter that I no longer know. A daughter that I was forced to leave.
As the day approaches, that I must be parted from you, I find myself becoming more and more embittered. But I have looked into the fog and I have seen that this is the only way to protect you.
If I stay, you will be taken. If we run, you will be taken. The only way to be sure is to let him have me. I know that I will have to steal more of your memories. I know that I will leave you thinking that you have lost everyone that loves you. I’m sorry for that. There really was no other choice, my dear one. I hope that the memories you do have are happy ones. I hope that you remember how cherished you are.
By now, you are probably starting to have visions. They are horrifying and disorienting, but you can’t let yourself get drug down into them. You have to be able to separate yourself from the events and realize that you are not really there. It gets easier with time. Each vision will be different. Some things can be prevented, while others must remain fixed points. The ones that can be altered will always appear in two layers. They are often the hardest to navigate. One dimension on top of the other. A place that is both ruined, and fine at the same time. The ones that can’t be prevented are the hardest to watch. But you must remember, it is all in God’s time. Why we see both, I don’t know. I’ve never understood why I must face such tragedies when I am powerless to alter them. They are the ones you must leave almost as quickly as you enter them. Otherwise you will go mad with all of that sadness.
The ones you can change, you must linger in. You can look for clues as to where you are. Signs, road numbers, landmarks, anything that might distinguish this place from any other. Pay attention to the season, or if you are lucky, look on someone’s phone, or newspaper. That will help you to figure out when it is happening. Then you just have to figure out a way to prevent the tragedy, whatever it may be.
Sometimes you will be pulled into the past. Things that have already come to be. Those are important though. You must stay there and find out why you are seeing it. Look for things, things that don’t seem right, things that are out of place. Most of all look for them. They linger in the past, in the present, and the future. They have changed so many things throughout the course of history. They’ve altered the future of this world in ways that may never be reversed. Find them, and perhaps you will find a way to stop them. Something that your father and I were never able to do.
As much as I want you to be safe, and as much as I want a peaceful life for you, I don’t think it is something in my power to change. I’ve watched you these past years. The fearless determinatio
n of a soul so pure it doesn’t know to be afraid. I worry, but I also know that you will be smart. Be clever, my sweet girl. Don’t do the obvious thing. Don’t come for me, and don’t come at them head on. Find a way to reset the course. Fix what can be fixed, and leave me to the past.
I love you more than you will ever know. You are worth protecting. You may very well be all of our salvation, my dear one.
With all that I am,
Mom
Well, I had been hoping for a guide book. What I’d gotten was so much more. The information was overwhelming. At least I wasn’t crying again. I had that under control finally. I pulled myself from my thoughts and looked over to find Kennan staring at me. I didn’t know how long he’d been awake, or what he’d witnessed while I read the letter. Whatever it might’ve be, he looked concerned.
“Why me? I don’t understand how she thinks I can make a difference, Kennan. I’m one person against an entire evil empire." Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but that was precisely what it felt like.
“Evil empire, Iz? It’s a small group of men that control the Corporation. If we can find a way to take them down, then the whole group falls." He rubbed his hands down his face, an all too familiar gesture of late.
“Well, tomorrow I need to start figuring this all out. I need to physically train, obviously, but I also want to figure out how to control my visions. There has to be some sort of meditation or something I can do, right? I mean you are kind of my guru, my Mister Miyagi, my Obi Wan."
“The force is strong with you, Izzy," he snickered shaking his head. I don’t know why he thought I was joking. I really needed some guru help right about now.
“No really, is there stuff that I can do to help with all of this?" I asked, making a circle around my head with my finger.
“Well, the insanity is permanent I’m afraid, but the visions we can work on.” He smiled as he got up and headed toward the kitchen. The kitchen, where there was a cake. A cake that I’d somehow totally forgotten about.
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