“Why? I like the color, of course.” I reply.
“And I like pink, so I chose pink.” She answers without waiting for Nadia’s question.
“Aha, okay. Now look at this.”
Nadia skips the next two slides and shows me a new page. It looks similar, having ten blots but with only nine colors. There are two blue blots that have slightly different shades.
One of them looks cheerful, while the other one looks...more solemn, I guess.
“Now, Tawan, which one do you choose?”
“Um…” I pause to think. “The one that’s darker, I think. It looks rather solemn.”
“When you chose it, how did you make the decision?” Nadia asks.
“Well… I like blue colors, but there were two shades of blue, so I compared them and chose the one that I like more… Kind of like that. What does this have to do with cover-dancing Fortune Cookie? I’m getting so damn confused.”
“Have patience, I’m trying to explain to you.”
He goes back to the slides page with ten blots of ten different colors.
“When there are ten dots in ten different colors, you usually just pick the one you like in one step, right?” I nod in reply. “But when there are two blue dots, your decision has to become two steps. First, you choose the color you like, then you consider between the two and choose the one you like more.”
Nadia puts his phone face down.
“It’s the same with selling points.”
“The judges’ decisions aren’t about a good performance, they choose the performance they like. And whether they like it or not, is decided by the selling point. If your show has a unique selling point, and it is to the judges’ liking, they will choose you as a winner.”
I glance at P'Nok, who’s nodding in agreement.
“But if your show has the same selling point with other departments, there will be a second round of competition inside a judge’s mind. And which one is better can be hard to decide, so there’s no guarantee who will lose or win. Why would we risk going through two rounds of judging process, when we can make it just one? All we have to do is present a unique selling point.”
“Right, I agree with Nadia. You’ve done your research very well.”
P'Nok accompanies her comment with a loud clap. Honestly, Nadia has a valid point, and I agree. But deep down, I’m starting to worry, because if the chief shows this much approval, it means I’ll have to dance to this Fortune Cookie song as directed by Nadia. Nope, nope, oh crap, nope!
“Therefore, let’s review the selling points of other departments.”
Nadia opens the presentation on his phone again and slides a few times until it shows the title “Competitors” and the first on the list says “Orthopedics” for Orthopedic Surgery.
“Ortho dents sell their handsomeness and sexiness. They keep using the same selling point every year, and keep winning, too. So, don’t even think about selling handsome or sexy guys. Out of the question.”
Nadia taps on his cellphone screen and a giant red X mark appears.
Next slide lists “Anesthesia” for the Department of Anesthesiology.
“Everyone knows Anesthesia dents are always dazzling. This year they’re both beautiful and fierrrrrrce.” Nadia drawls the word in a high pitch. He taps the screen again, showing another red X symbol. “So you can’t sell beauty, and no fierceness, either. You can’t win.”
Frankly...I have no idea what “fierce” even means. I understand beautiful, and know we can’t sell beauty. When I think about the faces of my training peers in the department, that really isn’t an option.
“Next, selling jokes.”
Nadia moves to the next slide which lists “Surgery.”
“Just seeing those Surgery dents going onstage is enough to make people start laughing. You know what I mean? This year they’re really in their top form. They can easily stand there doing silent comedy, and people will still laugh. So selling jokes is off the table for us.” Nadia taps for yet another red X mark.
“That’s not all. Next.” He moves on and shows “Psychiatry” on his phone.
“They purely sell performance skills. They’re an artistic type.”
“Psych. dents are all skillful, they have top form in the arts. Sometimes they presented opera and sometimes orchestra band performance. I heard they plan to do musical play this year. So, if you compete against them with skills like in Thailand Got Talent, you’ll lose since at the production process, even. Therefore...”
Again, Nadia taps on the phone and summons a red X symbol.
“We can’t compete with skills. Out.”
Uh… We can’t sell handsomeness, beauty, jokes, or skills...which we don’t have in the first place. What else is there for my department to sell?
Up to this point, I am almost out of ideas of what’s left for us to sell. But Nadia isn’t even done yet.
“Next.” The image on this page says “Pediatrics.”
“My department. And I won’t join them.”
“Nadia, what’s your department selling?” I ask.
“Embarrassment, I think.” He shrugs and turns his lips into an angry sneer that would fit a legendary villainess.
“My department will present a hodgepodge. A mixture of all ingredients: handsomeness, beauty, fierceness, and jokes, all in one. Sounds wonderful, you think? But that means they have no selling point to call their own. They don’t excel at anything, jokes, beauty, handsomeness or sexiness. In the end, this hodgepodge is a hybrid recipe of failure. So, this is selling embarrassment.”
Nadia taps on the phone screen again, and this time three red X marks appear at once.
“Don’t follow in their footsteps. This is my warning. But that’s not needed, because the show I’ve prepared for you will never be embarrassing.”
He goes to the last slide that reads “Internal Medicine” and taps the screen again to show a word written in huge green text, “Selling a Trend.”
“Sell a trend? Really?”
I ask and he nods.
“Correct! We follow the trend. Right now BNK48 girls are the talk of the town. This is a trend. You can’t go any other path, being handsome, beautiful, sexy, funny, fierce, and skillful, or even embarrassing, are all taken. The last option left is being trendy. Whatever that’s in trend, is popular, we can use it.”
“Uh… If you want to sell a trend using something people talk about, let’s try The Face, I guess? We can imitate The Face All Stars. It’s popular, too.”
I try desperately to suggest an alternative.
“Dawww, Tawan. You want to imitate The Face? Hello, this is a reality check, look at your fellow dents first. Handsome face? Maybe! But the height? Are you guys even taller than a milestone? You, too! If you perform The Face, people will ask whether you’re looking for models or for party members on a Mordor trip to dispose of the Ring.”
Ouchieeee! That hurts. That hurts so bad! Nadia, you’re my best friend. Why must you rub it in so hard? That retort completely shuts me up. I don’t even dare to make more suggestions so I look at P'Nok, in case she can come up with a dispute or an alternative to deliver us from the fate of Fortune Cookie cover-dancing.
“I think…” She starts. “That’s the plan.”
Then she claps her hand loudly on her thigh. “So cool, Nadia! What a deep analysis. I agree. I’m sold! Let’s start practicing.”
“Wait, whatttt? P'Nok, are you serious?”
It appears I’m the odd one out. She and Nadia get along like a house on fire and seem ready to call everyone to practice right away.
“Tawan, Nadia’s analysis is accurate. It seems Fortune Cookie dance cover is the best option we can choose now. At least we won’t rank in the last place.”
She pats me on the shoulder as if to offer consolation, but I feel like it is an extortion.
“Nayyy, don’t you worry, P'Nok. The last place belongs to my department, with such a hodgepodge show!”
Nadia rolls
his eyes before declaring a guarantee, “I will be their dance instructor. Your first year dents will s-u-r-e-l-y win something.”
“Okay, Tawan.” He turns to me. “You take the roll of Nong Mobile. Take the center position.”
“What!!!”
“We don’t need to find someone else. I choose you, dance as Mobile.”
Wait, wait, what?
Okay, I know I can’t avoid dancing to this song, but I thought I would be in the back row and get away with my mistakes because people can’t see me. But Nadia wants me to be the center, which means I have to be in the front and in the middle.
“Can’t you be the center? So we can watch you and copy you and make no mistakes. Won’t that be better?”
“Nay, Tawan, I can’t. Because I will dance as Captain Cheprang.”
“But, Nadia! What if I dance incorrectly? I’m scared.”
This is my fear. I couldn’t even do the short sequence of aerobic exercises correctly in elementary school. And now, it’s a long song with complex choreography. I'm doomed.
Nadia pats my shoulder, looking at me with utmost sympathy. I feel relieved and think he will swap the positions and let me stay in the back.
“The solution is so simple, Tawan.” He squeezes my shoulder firmly.
“Just don’t dance incorrectly. Come, let’s practice.”
Oh, no. Dear meeeee!!!!
…………
21:45
In truth, there was no difficult case today. I finished giving the duty handover before six. There was no new case and I didn’t have to be on duty. But I had to stay and practice dancing Fortune Cookie. Worse yet, Nadia was all businesslike about it. He went out of his way to ask for permission from the Rehabilitation Medicine Department to use their exercise room equipped with wall mirrors just like in a dance studio.
At first, I expected my resident peers to be hesitant and unwilling to dance. But they all seemed to be ecstatic during the practice. Therefore, it seems like I am really the odd one out.
Frankly, I like this song. But liking and dancing are two different matters. Anyway, it’s too late to change the plan, because everyone else could memorize half of the dance already. While I, in my obligatory center position, was still tripping over my own feet during the first verse of the song.
It took me so long to start dancing well enough in the first verse to make Nadia let me off the hook, and it was almost half past nine. I told him my darling was waiting at the condo, so Nadia let us leave, but only on one condition: we must practice on our own and gather again tomorrow evening… Honestly, if I had known I would be put through all of this during my specialty training, I wouldn’t have returned.
I keep complaining in my own head while walking from Skytrain[24] station to the junction with the motorcycle taxi station. I look around, secretly hoping to find the same driver. But maybe such coincidence is impossible. Anyway, I must admit that at the moment any driver would do. I just want to hurry back to P'Por’s condo room and shower, then go to sleep as soon as possible.
But whoa… The same guy is really still here.
He’s looking down at his cellphone screen, with earbuds in his ears. I approach and hear him blissfully humming and singing. I feel like the melody and the lyrics are fairly familiar, but I can’t recognize the song.
“Hey, Mr. Win.”
I try calling him softly and it doesn’t work. He’s still looking at his phone and humming to the tune.
“Mr. Win. Mister!”
I increase my volume, but he still can’t hear it. I guess he’s listening to it on max volume and my voice can’t get through the song in his ears, no matter how loud I yell.
I decide to walk right next to him and tug on the end of his Win uniform vest.
“Mister. Hey, Mr. Win.”
He jumps a little and pulls the earbuds off his ears by the cord. “Oh, ah. Hi, Mr. Doctor.”
I hear the song “Let me Take Care of You”[25] by Namm Ronnadet from his earbuds. He hurriedly stops the music.
“You’re back late, doc.” He gives a smirk, showing his canines on one side, and scratches his head shyly.
“Hey, the music was too loud, it will damage your ears. You didn’t hear me at all.”
“Ah… Haha, um, I was spacing out a little, doc. Looking through my ex-girlfriend’s Face.”
“You meant Facebook?” I ask and he nods.
“Why? You’re missing your ex?” Oh, after asking, I immediately realize I shouldn’t poke my nose into his personal life. We don’t even know each other. My intrusion may upset him and it can cause trouble.
Luckily, he doesn’t seem angry. He simply turns and gives me a withered smile.
“Well… I guess I was just thinking of her, not missing her, doc.”
He then unplugs the earbuds cord from his phone and rolls it before putting it into his pocket.
“What does that mean? Thinking of and missing, are those different?”
“Of course, doc. Thinking of means the person simply passes into my thoughts. But missing means there’s also a feeling of wanting them to come back to my side.”
“Oh, I see…” I nod and think about the phrase “to come across the mind.” Maybe that’s it.
“So you were simply thinking of her, like just thinking, but didn’t want her to return.”
“Well, we were together for the whole four years. It’s natural to think of the past. Haven’t you thought of your ex sometimes, doc?”
I shake my head. “Hah! Those who barely passed into my life didn’t count. This is my first boyfriend.”
He nods slowly, a look of astonishment appears on his face.
“Oh, wow… It took you until now to get the first boyfriend. Now, give me an honest answer… Are you still a virgin? BAHAHAHA!!”
I slap his upper arm in a reflex action.
“Damn pervert! I’m not telling you!”
He laughs even harder. “Just admit you’re embarrassed by my question. Okay, go to the same condo, right, doc?” Finishing the question, he hands me the same helmet from the last time.
I take it. “Yes, of course. I have only one boyfriend, same guy, so it has to be the same condo. What a weird thing to ask.” I climb onto the backseat, one hand holding the rear bar and the other arm locking around his upper arm at the shoulder joint as usual.
“Okayyyy, doc. Hold on tight, I’m gonna speed.”
“Damn, no! No speeding, I’m scared!”
“Just hang on tight so you won’t fall.”
In less than three minutes, he arrives in front of P'Por’s condo and drops me off.
“Here, thirty baht.” I pay the fare and take off the helmet to return to him. “Oh, and…”
“And what, doctor?” He’s still wearing his helmet but the visor is clear, so I can see his inquiring look.
“I like that song, too, Let me Take Care of You by Namm Ronnadet.” I nod at his cellphone which is now strapped to his waist.
He laughs delightedly. “It’s my Loong’s and Ar’s favorite song. They hum it in the house a lot, it rubbed off on me. I gotta go now. Sweet dreams, doc.”
“Mhmm. You have sweet dreams too, Mr. Win.”
And he drives away.
Well, that’s bizarre.
I’m not saying he’s bizarre. I mean both of us are bizarre. I’ve been his passenger several times and now we’re chatting like friends, but I don’t know him by name yet. Next time I should ask, so we can quit using Mr. Win and Mr. Doc like this.
…………
Then, it’s the day for the hundred days’ celebration.
“And the first prize winner of this year’s hundred days’ contest is…… Orthopedic Surgery in the show named Strip That Down!!!!”
I roll my eyes counterclockwise and happen to meet the gaze with Nadia, who's also doing it, but clockwise. We are sitting next to each other in the hundred days’ party during the awards announcement for house doctors.
It’s not surprising that the O
rtho. Dept. would be the winner, considering the loud screams (from the judges) we heard when they made their appearance with the song Strip That Down. We knew they were definitely going to get the first prize.
“Please send a team representative to collect your prize. A forty-two inch plasma TV screen and a PS4 Pro gaming console for you.”
The announcer emphasizes his every damn word. Ow, I’m turning green with envy. But my eyes wander towards the side of the stage and see the refrigerator… Oh well, we aren’t doing badly. At least we got the third prize, winning a fridge as we wanted, and also a basket of fresh eggs.
Yes, our department’s clumsy Fortune Cookie dance won third place in the residents’ performance contest! P'Nok is smiling from ear to ear, though it’s just the third prize. Honestly, we were eyeing the fridge since the start. Being third place doesn’t matter. As long as it earns us what we want, this is a win.
The strategy of selling a trend worked well, exactly as Nadia predicted. We were also lucky that two thirds of the judges are BNK48 fans, so we got additional points. We were in a really close race against the Surgery team, who won second place from their comedy show… Yep, cool, they knew they were comedic, so they presented a stand-up comedy show, just for the hell of it.
My Ride, I Love You Page 7