I was one of the first to scream police brutality when I now know how sometimes the lines are blurred, and perspectives might be obscured. One person can see one thing and another something completely different. It’s like one of those paintings where you can see a lady and/or an elephant. It all depends on the perspective, as well as what the person wants to see.
I long decided which side I want to be on; I want to be one of the people who do; I want to be one of the ones who face the danger and protect the others. If I have to live with these people’s judgment, then so be it; at least I’m doing what I not only know to be the right thing; it’s also what I was meant to do.
I’m fully prepared to die for this, but this is nothing I can expect other people to do. It’s just something inside of me, and Colin, and Blake, and his dad. And I see it in a few of the others. Ace, Michael, and Ty, to name a few.
We step in line behind our prisoners after the last vehicle passes us. Three of the gang members begin to cry. Maggie’s words come back to my mind, and I think, ‘You didn’t stop when Katie cried. You came running to watch the show. And you pulled her hair,’ as I study one after the other.
“You don’t have to do this, Viv, if….”
I don’t let Colin finish his sentence. The hand holding my gun rises, and I pull the trigger. The shot echoes through the woods, closely followed by seven more. It doesn’t even take a minute, before eight dead bodies lie in front of us.
Somebody has moved our dead. They must be with the vehicles to be buried later because I don’t see them anywhere. I stare down at the eight dead men, and I feel nothing. There is a hole inside of me that wasn’t there this morning. I’m changing; I’m constantly changing. Hardening. But the unsettling question is if it is for the better.
Chapter 34
That night the mood around the fires is entirely different from the night before. Maggie is not with us; she wanted to stay with her mom and her sister, which I totally get.
Alfredo took the dead in his RV, and we buried them a couple of hours earlier. It was a solemn affair. People openly cried, a few came up to us to hug and thank us, but we also caught some hostile glares, which I studiously avoided to engage.
We saw Jose earlier. Doctor Paton got the bullet out of his shoulder and told us it looked good. No major damage. Jose himself looked happy on whatever painkillers the doctor gave him.
Somebody is driving Brigham’s truck; I don’t know who, but I saw his wife lean on Ace’s dad earlier, crying. This could have been so much worse. Thank God for the training Martin has been giving us; without that, we probably would all be dead. “We need to start training again,” I say into the fire, to no one in particular.
“I’m willing if you are willing to get up early tomorrow.” Martin offers.
“Okay, I’ll tell the others,” I tell him.
Somehow, surprisingly, all our cell phones still work. I send out a group text, to which I receive several thumbs up almost immediately and smile.
There is a message from Maggie. I read it to Martin. “Katie wants to join.”
“As long as her parents are okay with it, the more, the better.”
I can’t imagine Katie’s parents being against it after what happened earlier; every mother and every father should be pushing their kid to join us, at least to be able to defend themselves. Hell, every parent should join our group.
Blake and I are on second watch, so I say my goodbyes and make my bed in the RV. The boys offered me the double bed in the back, but I pointed out that it would be a waste for one person and would be better used by Adam and Ben. So now I sleep in the chair that converts into a bed, while Martin uses the dining room part that also converts into a double bed. Colin and Blake take the bunk beds. Since I’m not very tired yet, I decide to pull Martin’s bed together, too, before using the small bathroom.
Being on second watch sucks. You either barely fell asleep when somebody wakes you for your turn, or you hardly get any sleep at all. This is even made worse by having to get up early for Martin’s training.
Hopefully, I’ll get at least an hour of sleep before somebody will wake. That way even interrupted, I might get six hours of sleep in total.
I opt for sleeping in black leggings and a shirt; because then, all that’s left to do, is to pull on my combat boots.
At least we have a functioning toilet, for which I’m eternally grateful, even though I’m banned from the shower. I’m only allowed to use it every third day. The water tank is not big enough to hold water for all six of us.
Hopefully, tomorrow, we’ll find a gas station where we will be not only able to gas up but also dump the black tank and fill the regular water tank. Maybe I will be able to take a shower then.
I surprise myself by falling asleep almost immediately. I thought I would toss and turn until it was my turn for watch. I guess my conscience is not bothering me as much as I anticipated. I refuse to reflect on how many people I killed today. Every time the images enter my mind, I remind myself of Katie and Eric and Eric’s mom and Brigham. That helps right away to dispel any qualms I might have experienced. Probably not the healthiest way to deal with it, but it works for me.
Way too soon, I feel hands on my shoulder as Blake shakes me awake. “Time to get up.”
I sit up—another new development. Before, I would have never been able to jump out of bed like this.
Tonight, Maggie and I are on duty while it’s time for Blake and Colin to turn in.
“All quiet,” Blake informs me with a big yawn.
I make out Colin’s body by the door to the bathroom. His shirt is already off, and I suck in my breath. That man is built. And I mean built. Talk about a six-pack. Blake smacks me upside the head, but luckily has no idea where my mind went for a second.
“All quiet. Got it. See you in the morning.” I say quickly.
“Right after your shift, we’ll train,” he says with a big grin and ducks before I can hit him.
“Remember, your idea.”
I roll my eyes and throw a sweater on for good measure. It has cooled down considerably outside, especially at night. Which I’m more than happy about; I rather freeze for the rest of my life than be that hot again. Ever. Maggie is already waiting for me by the small steps.
“How is Katie?” I say by way of greeting.
She shrugs her shoulders. “Doctor Paton gave her something to sleep. I’m pretty sure he gave a lot of people something to sleep tonight.”
I make sure my Glock is loaded and ready to go by the little light coming from the RV, although I already know it is. It’s just become a habit.
“She was pretty torn up. Mom, too.”
“I don’t know how you kept it together out there. I wanted to shoot that jerk so badly.” I put an arm around her shoulder.
She smiles. “I did too, but I trust Colin; I was sure it was only a matter of time before I would get my shot. But honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I would have been able just to sit there and watch. I’m glad we were able to shoot when we did.”
I shiver, considering how much worse it could have been. If the other gang members hadn’t come up to the front when they did, would we have been forced to watch Katie get raped? Would we have? Or would we have engaged no matter what? I don’t know, and I thank God I didn’t have to find out.
We walk on in silence. After a while, I notice Hugo and Ace further down on their route. We wave, and they return it. They are just black shadows a second later, as clouds cover the moon. Something cries out in the night, and I startle.
“Something got a meal, and something became a meal.” Maggie smiles. Her face is distorted in the shadows, and a shiver runs down my spine.
“Are we going to talk about it?” I ask.
“Nope.” She answers, popping the P.
“Okay, then.” I nod.
And we continue our watch in silence. It feels uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. We never had silences between us before, so this is kind o
f weird, but we have never been through anything like this before either, which makes it almost feel appropriate somehow.
“Is this how it was in California?” Maggie asks so quietly I almost don’t hear her.
“Somewhat,” I answer hesitantly. “We weren’t prepared. We just reacted for the most part. But running for our lives, fighting bad people and maniacs? Yeah, that’s pretty much the same.”
“Except the dinosaurs.”
“Yeah, that’s new too,” I admit, smirking into the night.
And so, our shift continues with broken silences by five minutes of chat and then back to our own thoughts.
“Blake asked me about you.” I hesitantly venture after a while.
“Blake?”
“Yep.” I’m uncomfortable talking about it. Somehow, I feel like I’m betraying him. But this is my best friend; we share everything.
She flicks her long, blonde hair back. “Interesting.”
I wait curiously. “I always assumed he had the hots for you.” She finally says.
I laugh. “You and a lot of other people, but apparently he sees me as a sister.”
“And how do you feel about that?” She asks carefully.
I shrug. “He’s like a brother to me too.”
Another silence falls until I finally can’t take it any longer, and I ask, “So? How do you feel about him?”
“I can’t say yet. I always assumed he was into you or you into him, so I never looked at Blake that way. He is attractive, though.”
I laugh half-heartedly. She obviously hasn’t seen Colin without his shirt, but I keep my mouth shut. The last thing I need is her analyzing things I don’t even know how to feel about yet.
“I’ll give it some thought.” She surprises me by saying.
Maggie usually jumps right in if she hears a boy likes her. She is carefree and happy. At least she was. It looks like I’m not the only one changing amidst all this apocalyptical crap.
“Be gentle, though. Please? He is not like your other guys.” I beg.
“I’m not like that anymore,” she admits quietly.
There is nothing for me to say to that. I guess we are all changing, growing up, hopefully getting a little wiser. After a while, my stomach grumbles. Our shift is over, but from past experiences, I learned it’s better not to eat before we train.
“We’ll split off into groups today. Colin has agreed to take over some of the training.” Martin announces once everybody is assembled.
He reads off some names, and I realize the more advanced people are with Martin, while the others, including me, are with Colin. I frown. I thought I was better than the people who share my list.
“I watched you train before and was able to pinpoint some of your weaknesses.” Colin interrupts my complaining thoughts. “That’s what we’ll work on today.”
I check my group members over, and Maggie smiles at me encouragingly.
“Some of you have the same problem. You have good techniques, but you’re afraid of getting hurt.” Colin walks around our group, making eye contact with each one of us. His voice is low but stern.
“I have news for you if you are in a fight, you’ll get hurt.” He looks at us challengingly.
“Vivian, I saw the damage you did to Ryan and Jason; you put up one hell of a fight. At what point did you stop fighting?” He suddenly and unexpectedly singles me out. My face turns beet red at his accusation.
“I never stopped fighting.” I defend myself. “There were two of them and….” I stop myself. I can see it in his eyes. There is no pity, just mocking, and I hear him say the words in my mind before he actually does out loud.
“Boo hoo hoo! There were two of them. And they were bigger… poor me. That just wasn’t fair.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Colin…” I warn.
“Princess.” he mocks.
“They had me down on the ground; I hit my head….”
He snaps his fingers. “You got hurt.”
“Yes!” I almost scream.
“And all you could think about was the pain?”
“It was there, but…. no… I fought back.” I hate having to defend myself to him.
I hate having the others listening in on this. And I hate Colin. With a vengeance. But my mind goes back there. I remember hitting my head. I remember Jason on top of me; I remember Ryan slapping me.
“Focus Tinker Bell.” He is in my face; our noses almost touch.
My fingers actually itch with the desire to deck him.
“What? What do you want me to say?” I ask.
“That you are afraid to get hurt.”
I move my head from side to side in denial. I wasn’t. I was afraid, yes, but not of getting hurt. At least, I don’t think I was.
Colin beckons. “Come and attack me then.”
Oh, he doesn’t need to tell me twice. I’ll need to keep my head about me, but I also want to hit him so very badly. I feign a kick, and when he goes to block it with a smile on his face, my right arm hooks around and goes for his chin. But before my fist has time to connect, I feel his fist in my stomach, and I’m so glad I didn’t eat breakfast, as I fall panting for air to the forest floor.
I stare up at him disbelievingly. He hurt me. Martin never hurts us. I can tell he held back some of his hit, otherwise, I probably wouldn’t be able to breathe right now, but still.
He punched me!
“See.” Colin points at me. “She’s hurt. All fight went out of her.”
With a roar, I jump up, trying to tackle him. But before I’m even close to him, his knee connects with my jaw, and I see stars going down. This time I don’t give him a chance to mock me, though. I grab a handful of forest dirt and throw it into his stupid, grinning face. While he is busy trying to get the grit out of his eyes, I’m up again and land a kick to his side.
He must have sensed or heard me coming. He sidesteps at the last minute, and my foot only grazes him in the side, but it’s enough to throw off his balance somewhat. While he is faltering, I regain my footing. This time I get behind him and jump on his back while hooking my right arm around his neck and grabbing it with my other hand. I start to squeeze. His elbow connects with my ribs, hard.
I concentrate on every single time he has mocked me. His elbow connects again, but his knees begin to buckle; I’m cutting off his air supply. I grunt but don’t let go, remembering his arrogance and constant sarcasm, always directed at me.
He regains his footing but stumbles backward. Once he recovers his equilibrium, he rushes a tree with his back, and since I’m still clinging to him, I will either need to let go or get hurt.
I tighten my hold and brace myself for the impact, which pushes the air out of me with a whoosh. But I’m still holding on to Colin. I’m too small; he can’t reach me with his elbows, even though they try to jab at me. He rams the tree again. My head connects with the bark, and again, I see stars. But I can be stubborn. I’m clinging to him as if my life depended on it.
His arm reaches back, he gets a hold of my shirt and pulls, now I’m the one whose air supply is getting cut off, and I’m willing to bet I will blackout first, even if I blocked his flow of oxygen longer. Afraid of pain, my ass, I think satisfied, finally letting go of him before I truly blackout. But the second I’m off his back, I kick out at him. And this time, my foot connects with his upper leg, and I put all my strength into it. His curse is like music to my ears, and I smile. Looks like he got hurt this time.
He spins around, and I see his fist coming at me; it’s almost in my face before I’m able to get my arm up and block the assault. The pain of the impact reverberates throughout my entire arm. It spreads down to my fingertips and up to my shoulder blades. But I held his punch off.
“You are dead.” He says smugly.
Something hard presses against my stomach, and when I look down, I find the sharp, shining blade of his knife pushed against my belly. I curse. He steps back.
“That was actually pretty good, Viv.”
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Even though I really don’t want to, warmth spreads through me at his compliment. He grins at me as if he knows I’m bathing in it. I frown at him, and his grin widens, which just aggravates me even more. I’m glad when he picks somebody else to fight next, so I can rest my back against a tree trunk to catch my breath.
Maggie grins at me and gives me her fist to bump. “You did well.”
I smirk and give her an: “I did, didn’t I?” in between panting breaths.
My back is in flames, it seems, my ribs got hurt again, and my head screams in pain, but I’m grinning; I hung in there.
Chapter 35
After the training, Alfredo has a hearty breakfast for us. His dark brown eyes sparkle with happiness and delight to feed people. He is shamelessly plundering Brigham’s supplies, but nobody seems to mind.
When we walk by, the people in our group stare at us, some with awe, revulsion, or sympathy, others with a mix of fear. But honestly, I don’t care any longer.
It’s just the same as it was in school not too long ago. They want us to protect them, but at the same time, they don’t want to see how. Most people, though, have family members on our team, and those are the ones that smile at us, which brings my spirits up some. Especially when teamed with the meal of eggs, bacon, and biscuits, Alfredo has managed to produce.
After breakfast, I take the seat up front, next to Martin, before we roll out. My eyes fall to the makeshift graves at the side of the road, and a pang of loss hits me. I was bone-tired after breakfast, but now a second wind pulses through me at the reminder of yesterday’s attack, and I realize that I probably won’t be able to sleep.
Instead, I sit up front with Martin. Every so often, we chat about nothing in particular as the miles roll by.
“We’ll need gas soon.” He says.
Apprehensively I study the steadily falling gas indicator, and my stomach drops; we really do.
“Will it be enough to get us to Seattle?”
The Rain | Part 1 | The Beginning Page 29