by Sara Schoen
“The entire team isn’t resting on you, Sara. It’s okay to be hurt. Just take the time to rest or you’ll be useless when we need you.”
“Then why do I feel like everyone’s counting on me?” I asked, completely ignoring the rest of his comment. I didn’t want to be seen as weak. The rest of the team was in the field right now. Injured or not, we did what we had to. There wasn’t time to rest.
“You’ve felt like that your entire life, but you’re on a team now.” He stopped for a moment to shift more of my weight onto him and then continued our walk. The hospital was in view now. Though I couldn’t figure out if I was pleased to get away from Demon or annoyed I now had to be in a hospital. “Let the team carry some of the weight. That’s how we captured Mark, that’s how so many agents came back alive, and that’s how we’ll get CIRA back in working order. Believe in your team, okay?”
I nodded as we entered the hospital and he waved down Rose, the nurse who had berated me for talking to Valkyrie earlier. Great, my number one fan... She looked me over and shook her head before directing us where to go without a word. “I can’t believe I have to tell Renegade you wound up in the hospital wing. I told him you couldn’t get into trouble here.” He glanced at me before helping me sit down on the bed Rose pointed at. “I should have known better.”
“You should have.” I smiled sweetly as Rose began looking me over. She didn’t say anything except asking for what brought me in and what hurt as she looked me over.
“Looks like you ripped some stitches again.” Rose glared at me. This was her third time replacing my stitches on my leg, and if I had to guess it wouldn’t be her last. “We’ll have to close it again and run tests for the pains you’re feeling in your stomach. For now, lay down and wait while I get some numbing lotion. “By the way, how does it feel to be on the other end of nonstop questions while you’re in pain?” Rose asked, leaving to get whatever she needed without an answer. I knew she didn’t really want one, she just wanted to prove a point about me bothering people who were here to rest. Too bad for her, I still didn’t see her side of things.
“I prefer to be on the other side, but now you can’t stop me from asking questions in here.” I couldn’t see her face, but saw her shoulders tense. I might live to regret messing with the nurse meant to help me...
Chapter 8
I tried to keep my distance behind Seeker while I followed him through the building. He seemed off since returning and since talking to Valkyrie I knew why. He’s feeling guilt from killing Fire Fox...I shook that thought from my mind. He needed to be alive. Seeker didn’t kill him. But something sure happened, and I didn’t want to directly ask him. I doubted I’d get an answer anyway. Every time Fire Fox came up in conversation he fell silent and didn’t tell anyone what he did. Maybe he didn’t want to be judged, maybe he did it to save him. I scoffed. Then why wouldn’t he say something. Keeping quiet made him guiltier to me.
I tried to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut. I wanted more than anything for my team to be innocent, but I knew someone had worked with Mark and subsequently the Cardoza Cartel. Looking back, it all made sense just like Spit Fire had said. They seemed to keep one step ahead of us. When I went on my first mission, they were able to find and trap me. I got out because Camo turned on them. When Renegade was undercover, Camden knew there was a mole. How could he know unless he was told? Even when it came to Katya, she double crossed for us, and Mark seemed to know we were coming for him. I had thought it was paranoia, but it was because he knew and prepared for us.
No matter what, I’d find out who it was. Which meant while Demon was busy training the recruits, I snuck around to spy on a few agents. It helped that after my trip to the hospital, Rose banned me from any physical training, forcing Demon to take over until I was fully healed. I guess she didn’t want to stitch me up again. Or she didn’t want to hear me whine about ‘overexertion’ again. I rolled my eyes at the thought as I peeked around the corner to watch Seeker walk through the hallways. He didn’t stop to talk to anyone. He seemed focused on wherever he was going and I was focused on him.
Stay out of anything, Sara. It’s not worth the trouble you’ll cause if someone catches you lurking around. We will handle it when the time is right.
Sandstorm’s words echoed in my head and wouldn’t leave me alone. Renegade had called in to update Sharp Shooter and me on how the search was going and it turned into a lecture from Sandstorm somehow. When did he turn into Dad? I peeked around the corner again to see that Seeker had vanished. I took that as my cue to follow him.
I tried to remain casual, talking to the few agents who were moving around and glancing down the halls to find Seeker. Every day a few more agents joined the ranks of “active duty” and while they weren’t in fighting shape, most were hell bent on getting back in the field. A few could walk and move with ease. They faked it as well as our team did, I thought with a smile when I waved at Siren. We chatted momentarily, but my focus was on Seeker. I couldn’t pay attention to what she was saying and listening for Seeker. She still had gashes on her face, which would surely scar, but she wore long pants and sleeves to cover her other injuries. I knew under those layers were deep wounds that were only beginning to heal, but if she was needed, she wouldn’t hesitate to get into a fight. That’s what it meant to be an agent and everyone here was itching to get back to work, even if it cost them.
That thought vanished as I heard Seeker’s distinctive booming laugh. I leaned around the corner to catch him mid-conversation with Demon, who seemed to be entertaining him. For a moment, it didn’t seem out of the ordinary, I could have walked away and never questioned it, but then their conversation shifted to hushed tones. I strained to hear what they were saying. I only caught a few passing words: tried, help, Mark, free, and occasionally cartel. To me it sounded like someone was helping to free Mark, but I already knew that was a possibility. That was the point of lying. Though if Demon was bringing it up and Valkyrie had seen Seeker attack Fire Fox, then maybe they were working together. So much for thinking Demon had been trying to kill Mark.
Unless he was double crossing. Ugh, this makes my head hurt.
“Night Stripe, what are you doing?”
I turned to see Sharp Shooter standing beside me. I bit back a surprised scream, quickly straightening up. He may have been out of the field for a few years, but clearly, he wasn’t out of practice. I hadn’t even heard his footsteps much less his breathing from being so close to me. I had the overwhelming urge to take a step back to put some distance between us, but if I did, Demon or Seeker would see me. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself and have them ask me questions later.
“Nothing,” I replied, forcing a sweet smile to spread across my lips. Though the expression he gave me told me already knew what I was up to. So I didn’t bother to carry on the lie. I sighed heavily, “I’m following Seeker and listening in when I can.”
He shook his head wordlessly, then curled and uncurled his fingers to tell me to follow him. He walked away when I nodded in understanding. I followed him through the halls, taking special notice of the agents who were getting back on their feet now that my attention wasn’t split between them and following Seeker. I smiled again, enjoying that more had finally started to be released. While their service would be limited for a while, it was still an improvement. More would be like Siren; injured, but desperate to get back to work. Some were using the walls to walk around, others were pushing through the pain, but their faces cringed with each step. Others were taking strides and looked as good as they had before the fight. Slowly, we’d come back, and be better than before. I just have to keep reminding myself of that, I thought as Sharp Shooter opened the door to his office and motioned for me to go inside.
“I’m sorry to pull you away from your mission.” He shut the door behind him, emphasizing his authoritative tone and the unsaid order for me to stop following agents around. He had made it clear after we ran into the Demon, but I didn’t stop. I cou
ldn’t and refused until I knew who I could trust again. I still wasn’t sure why Demon was there, I wanted to believe he had gone to kill Mark, but what if he didn’t? What if he was there to help him? He wasn’t capable of helping the enemy, was he? He’d never do that, but someone clearly was. “It’s not healthy for you to be focused on this, Night Stripe.” He tapped my lightly on the shoulder as he walked past me to bring me out of my thoughts.
I nodded, following him towards his desk. He took a seat and I took my usual position in front of his desk to wait for whatever he had to say. He didn’t speak right away, instead he fiddled with things on his desk. He moved files and papers, seeming to search for something. I don’t know how he finds anything in this mess. I glanced at the cluttered desk. There wasn’t a clean spot on it. I thought I was messy. Clearly, I have a limit. My heart rate sped up the longer he held me in suspense. I always felt like a child, ready to be berated for something, whenever I came in here for something other than a mission brief.
“We have to talk about what’s going to happen before you self-implode.” He pulled a file out from the pile of crap on his desk and turned his attention back to me.
Fear shot through me as his dark green eyes stared me down, showing me how serious this conversation was about to be…Was he talking about the recruit? Did he know she was improving quickly? Did he want to send her out already? What if he sent her to Renegade and Sandstorm and left me here? Panic reverberated through my body causing me to subtly shake. What was about to happen? Was it so bad that he had to pull me aside? Did he mean the mole? What else was there? “What do you mean?”
He must have heard the tremor in my voice because he gestured for me to sit down and immediately jumped into trying to ease me. “Hey, relax. There’s nothing wrong and there’s no problem with you. Please sit and we can talk.” He pointed to one of the chairs, but I lifted myself onto the table behind me. My feet dangled, allowing me to swing them nervously. I shifted, trying to find a comfortable position, but I gave up. I was so uncomfortable with where this topic could go that it was impossible to relax. It’s best to get over with it now. “Now, Night Stripe.” There’s the fatherly tone...This must be worse than I thought... “I know you’re worried about being replaced by Amber.” I opened my mouth to ask how he knew that, but he put his hand up to stop me. “Sandstorm and Renegade mentioned it to me before they left, but even if they hadn’t, I could see it in how you reacted when I announced you were getting a recruit.”
I nodded, pushing away the anger in my chest at both Renegade and Sandstorm. I can’t believe they both went to Sharp Shooter to tell him I was worried. I shifted to find a better seating position, and to escape the searing embarrassment that was slowly creeping from the back of my neck to my cheeks. Didn’t they know to keep comments between team members only? Apparently not.
“It’s okay to be worried, but you should take it in strides. There’s nothing wrong with you, I’m not looking to replace you, or think you’re incompetent. So don’t fret over Amber. I am concerned that between the recruit and who the mole could be is a lot to handle alone.” He paused, his eyes looking into mine to see if I understood. I nodded to move this conversation along, but nothing he said was calming my nerves. I kept my head down to avoid meeting his gaze and giving away more of my thoughts. Though Sandstorm and Renegade probably told him everything. “If you get help, then that will make all of this easier to handle in the long run. We need recruits to keep the agency alive; I even have one.”
I looked up so quickly the back of my neck cracked and then burned. “You do? Who?” Who was he trying to prepare to take his position? Was he doing it because Spit Fire announced Mark was after him to end CIRA once and for all or had this been established before then? He chuckled hearing the shock in my voice. I didn’t know he had a trainee.
“Yes, he doesn’t know it yet, but he’ll be prepared to take over for me one day. Hopefully he won’t need to anytime soon, but in case he is, then I’ve helped him understand what the job entails and what he’ll need to do to succeed.” He smiled and patted a file to his right as if that’s where the information was. I waited for him to tell me who it was, but didn’t divulge any more information. I didn’t bother to try to get it out of him, I knew it would be useless. Besides, it wasn’t me so I didn’t need to worry about it.
“Everyone gets a recruit, Night Stripe,” he said, bringing our conversation back to the point. “Don’t let this eat away at you, and as for the mole, stop harassing agents until we have more information.” He raised his eyebrow as a challenge for me to ask how we’d get more information unless I pursued everyone I could. He was right, as always. I just had to be patient. I almost laughed at the thought. Like that would ever happen. “I just want you to take it easy. So, for now, stop worrying about the mole. I know it’s scary to think a friend has betrayed your trust, but we will figure out who the mole is in time. Turn your focus to the recruits, and don’t worry about being replaced. Worry about keeping Amber alive so she can take you spot if it’s ever needed.”
I nodded again, but didn’t reply. I hopped off the table and turned to leave. My footsteps echoed in the room and my worries reverberated off the walls to surround me. Sharp Shooter’s right. I need to focus on one thing at a time and right now, it’s Amber. She needs me to help prepare her for life as an agent. Passing her off on Demon and having her train on her own wasn’t the way to do it.
Chapter 9
Shadow, the nickname Amber had unfortunately picked up from a few of my teammates after they caught her following me around the building, was busy working at picking a lock. She had to complete the same safe wall I had used when I first arrived. then I could advance her training. It wouldn’t be long now, I thought, noting her speed in agility and as a learner. Each time she ran through the wall of locks, she inched closer and closer to my record. She never asked for a break or asked for something easier. She took what I gave her and nailed it typically. Shadow’s eager to please and a natural talent. No wonder Demon picked her.
The familiar feeling of becoming obsolete returned in full force. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get past the feeling of being replaced. Shadow was improving faster than I had. She’d be able to master a skill set in a matter of days, much faster than I had. Training didn’t replace the need for experience, which I would be superior until a mission killed me, but she had a natural talent that surpassed my own. I don’t know how long I can teach her before she’s teaching me new things.
Though as Camo had pointed out, knowing I would become last week’s news didn’t stop me from being overly supportive of Shadow. Whenever she did a good job, I rewarded her with an early end or an easier workout, but it worked both ways. When she failed, she got a short talk about what happened and then I threw it right back at her. Even if it meant staying up in the morning hours for her to get her skills right. I scoffed. And Camo thinks I’m turning into a softy. At least I make them train. The second the recruits complain and Demon isn’t around she gives them a break. I rolled my eyes at the thought. How will that ever help them? Training means they push through feeling tired. In a mission, they’ll have to. Though adrenaline will help with that.
I noted footsteps when someone entered the room, but didn’t turn around. I preferred to be left alone while training. They lingered for a moment, wanting to see how Shadow did. I really hate when people come to watch training. Leave us alone. Shadow never complained about how I trained her, unlike me when I was given to Rum, but the other recruits hated my training. Probably because Camo took it easy on them minus a few playful tricks. They wanted an easy run and they failed to realize that this was as easy as it got. Once they got into the real world, wherever their missions took them, they’d wish for this stuff. At least here, they weren’t in danger, but during a mission, they may not come back alive.
As Shadow got to the last lock, the same one that had given her trouble before, I watched her fail again. Maybe I am soft, I thought when I no
ticed her head dip in disappointment. I wanted to encourage her, but I didn’t want to be too soft on her. She needed to learn that nothing would come easily, that it required hard work. Would being too hard and make her resent me though? I wondered as I clicked reset on the wall and told her to start over. She nodded and went back to work immediately, restarting the timer.
I watched her technique as she skillfully opened the first few locks. She slowed slightly as she got to the more complicated ones, but she had improved from when we first started. I felt a sense of pride for knowing I had taught her to do that. She had improved because I helped and gave her time to learn it. It relieved me in a way. I didn’t want her going into something she wasn’t ready for. I had done it, and while I didn’t regret it, I wish I hadn’t had such a rough start. Though it’s worth it. That’s why I’m still here. Experience really was more than half of the battle, but basics had to be addressed first.
Footsteps approached me. I had hoped whoever was here would leave. Apparently, I have too high of hopes in people. No wonder Rum used to scream at people, it got her point across better to not disturb us. “How’s it going?” Demon asked, coming to a stop behind me.
I turned to face him, crossing my arms over my chest, and shrugged as an answer. “She’s doing better; not great, but better.” I sighed, glancing over my shoulder to see if she had made it to the last lock yet. She hadn’t. She’s getting slower. She must be tired. I made a mental note to let her out early, but not before she finished the wall at least once. She needed to finish this soon so we could work on agility and stealth training. Thankfully, I could give her a few real-life examples to train her with. Rum had tried for me, but since she was never in the position she didn’t do as well as I would do for Shadow. At least I don’t think so, but students always thought they could teach better once it was their turn.