by C. T. Phipps
Arthur and Alex just looked exhausted.
“Yeah, let’s not do that,” Alex said.
Ashura sighed. “Fine, we can just take the wand from our enemies for now. Still, you should always work to increase your power, wizard. Good intentions mean nothing without the ability to make them reality.”
I took a deep breath. “The wand can fix me, right?”
“Yes,” Ashura said. “I could also break your neck and complete your transformation.”
“Yeah, let’s not do that,” I echoed Alex’s words. “Do we have any idea where the wand is?”
“Probably with the Barons or the Terrible Trio,” Alex said.
“I doubt it,” Ashura said, shaking her head.
“Huh?” I asked.
“It’s been hours,” Ashura said. “If they had the wand and the power to use it then this city would be awash with blood. The House is gone and the Council of Ancients impotent. Any treaties or oaths that the Nakoso was held to are null and void. It would look like Walt’s Fantasia with Czernobog turning the citizens of Detroit into monsters.”
I blinked. “Walt?”
“Disney.” Ashura nodded. “Such an excellent lover.”
I felt my head. “So, they’re missing something.”
“Yes, we need to find out what,” Alex said.
I got up and went to the sword on the ground among the broken glass. “Well, we could ask an angel.”
Everyone panicked as I drew the sword again.
Chapter Ten
To be a hero or a zero (I choose neither)
I pulled out the sword again and half-expected to burst into flames now that I was fully aware I was a monster (or rapidly becoming one). Instead, the light once more filled the room but it burned slightly less brilliant. That was good because I didn’t want Ashura tearing my head off by giving her an involuntary tan. I hadn’t believed in angels until a few hours ago but now that I had one at my beck and call, I wanted to make it end this nightmare.
Get with the burning, I said, shaking the sword. Turn me back into a real girl!
I was ignoring the fact I’d drawn Zadkiel in hopes of getting some information on the Nakoso. I wouldn’t need to help the ex-voivode and evil brother stealer Ashura in getting the Nakoso’s magic wand if I could just have the holy sword fix me.
That was something an angel could do, right? Maybe I needed to find a reputable book on them, something that didn’t involve housewives telling stories about how they thought one had cured their son’s laryngitis.
Please stop shaking me, Zadkiel said, sounding annoyed. It was his usual tone. Also, I’m not capable of burning you. You haven’t done anything worthy of divine retribution, yet. I can burn the former voivode and perhaps injure your brother but—
Wait, my brother is evil? I asked, missing the point.
Evil-ish, Zadkiel replied. He has poor associations.
No kidding, I said. Wait, you can’t cure me either!?
I’m doing a lot of waiting here, Zadkiel muttered. As for the rest, no, you aren’t injured anymore.
Cure me of being a vampire! I commanded.
You’re not yet a vampire, Zadkiel replied as if speaking to a very small child.
Cure me of being an incipient vampire! Dispel Evil, damnit! I was getting desperate now and didn’t want to end up like Ashura. Insane, hot, and evil. Well, two out of the three.
Being a vampire is not evil by itself, Zadkiel replied.
How is being a blood-sucking fiend not evil? I asked.
Acting on urges is what might be good or evil, not simply having them.
I felt a headache coming on. So, I can be a non-evil vampire if I don’t actually do anything I might want to do as a vampire.
Yes, the angel replied. And if you kill someone by drinking their blood, I can cure your vampirism.
Good, I said, not sure how I could pull that off.
By killing you, Zadkiel finished. It is beyond my power to cure vampirism.
That blows! Who came up with vampirism, anyway? I asked, stunned.
Demons, Zadkiel replied. It is designed to frustrate mortals.
It’s working! I stared at the sword and snarled.
“What is she doing?” Ashura asked.
“Talking to her sword,” Arthur replied. “It’s got an angel in it.”
Ashura hissed. “I hate those.”
“Huh,” Alex said. “Jane had one of those. It was more of a talking gun, though. I used it myself a few…hundred times. There’s only two holy weapons left in the world according to my old master.”
“There’s only two in the world and two of your girlfriends end up with them?” I asked. “That’s ridiculous. Though, technically, this one isn’t mine, I guess.”
“Maybe he has a type,” Tracy said. “Hot female paladins!”
“Ashley is a paladin?” Arthur asked, snorting. “Wow, 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons has really changed its class requirements.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lied.
Did you want to ask me anything else? Zadkiel said. You are worthy-ish of being a champion of justice. In you lies the heart of a hero. Buried deep-deep-deep below the surface.
I hated the idea of being called a hero after what had happened the last time I’d pretended. Still, I was curious. What happened to the other holy weapon angels?
They died, Zadkiel said.
Angels can die? I asked.
It wouldn’t be much of a war against Hell if we couldn’t, Zadkiel said. It is our hope the Creator will resurrect us all on the last day.
Hope? I asked.
We all must have faith in something, Zadkiel said.
I wasn’t so sure about that.
“And talking to your sword helps us find the Nakoso how?” Ashura asked.
“Well unless Zadkiel was there when the Nakoso was defeated, I was just going out on a limb,” I said.
I was, Zadkiel said. My champion in 1940 was Ananya Mitra. She was part of the Red Room knight team that was sent to slay him.
The coincidences were adding up a bit too much here.
Not coincidences. Destiny, Zadkiel said. Which admittedly is less an absolute than a plan.
Does ‘destiny’ plan on having the bad guys trip on a molehill and break their necks and save us the trouble of nearly killing ourselves to try and hold the world together? Does ‘destiny’ need a list of people who need to trip on molehills? Because that’s a shitty way of planning out the universe.
I’d grown up believing I was destined for something important. That I, Arthur, and Anna were all going to be soldiers for the Red Room. We would be outfitted by White Room scientists and enhanced, then sent to fight the monsters like the Ghostbusters (always a favorite) or Colonial Marines (more realistic but depressing). Instead, the monsters had all come out into the light and turned out to mostly be people. The ones who weren’t people, well, the public treated them like celebrities too. It made me resent any idea of a greater plan, divine or otherwise.
Heaven has some truly amazing strategists, Zadkiel said. Admittedly, so does the other side. Both of us also must deal with the fact every plan we make is usually busted within five minutes of encountering human free will or the Creator’s sense of humor. You wouldn’t believe the number of messianic heroes and villains who died during the Spanish Flu.
Given I’ve only met one hero, maybe two in my life…almost all of them? I guessed.
Rarely is the truly selfless person one who lives to a ripe old age. That’s why we’re reduced to using complicated people like you. No offense.
Much taken. I prepared to hurl the sword out the window.
“What’s going on?” Alex asked.
“Ashley is debating theology with an inanimate object,” Arthur said, clearly not impressed with my emotional state. Well, he shouldn’t have turned me into a half-vampire. Still, he continued speaking, “Ashley, could you just find out where the damn wand is so we can go get it? Once th
e object is destroyed then it poses no further threat to the world.”
“He can hear you. He’s just being stubborn. Or wants me to come begging for information on saving the planet.”
I do not confuse prayer with begging, Zadkiel said.
I’m not doing either, I said. Now are you going to pony up the information we need to stop the baddies or not?
Very well. Zadkiel surprised me by responding. The Nakoso kidnapped the state governor’s daughter, the woman you know as Bella, and turned her into the animal-human hybrid she is today. The House had enough and signed his death warrant. The Vampire Nation neglected to object as they were already planning to reveal themselves to humanity. The Nakoso was a threat to this plan so while they wouldn’t sign his death warrant themselves, the Council of Ancients ordered their magistrates to inform on his whereabouts.
The Council didn’t want to get their hands dirty? I asked.
Ancients are loathed to harm other Ancients, Zadkiel said. They also feared his power to restore humanity.
Mortality isn’t a fate worse than death, I replied.
No, it’s just death, Zadkiel said. It’s in the name. Mortality. That’s terrifying enough.
I rolled my eyes. Just tell me what the House’s team did.
Unfortunately, the House’s assassins were not able to kill him. The Nakoso possesses true immortality, at least as far as I know. They were able to come up with another method of dispatching him, though.
What’s that? I asked, engrossed in his story. At the very least it put a different spin on what the sword was for.
Drawing and quartering, Zadkiel said. He remained awake and conscious the entire time. The team never the same. I cannot say where they buried the Nakoso’s parts or put his artifacts. Ananya passed me on after that mission so she could look after her daughter. I felt her death only a few years later. Retirement did not save her life.
Nobody lives forever, I said, harsher than I intended.
Why do you do that? Zadkiel asked.
What? I replied.
Speak harshly when something moves you? Zadkiel asked.
“Shut up,” I growled.
As you wish. I will only say further that her daughter, Samvurtha, is in the city. You should seek her out if you wish to know more. It is possible Ananya passed on the location of the Nakoso’s remains. As for his wand? I do not know where that item is either, but I assume it was stolen with the rest of the bank vault’s contents.
“He doesn’t know where the wand is,” I said. “He does know a bit more about what happened to the old bastard.”
I explained about the quartering and team that stopped him.
“That poor man,” Alex said. “He’s probably been awake and conscious through all this.”
“Poor nothing,” Tracy said. “He’s probably even crazier than he was before if he’s been a head for seventy years.”
“I was a little unstable after being buried alive,” Ashura replied. “I don’t recommend the experience.”
“Is there any way to kill him?” Arthur asked. “I mean permanently.”
“Not that Zadkiel knew of,” I said. “Our best option is to just recover his wand and bury his head someplace where Sophia can’t find it.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Arthur said.
“Do any of you know Samvrutha Mitra?” I asked.
“I do.” Alex said, looking at his cellphone. “Ah, got her new address.”
“What sorcery!” Ashura mocked, thankfully switching topics. “Truly this is the age of miracles.”
“I can never tell whether you’re being serious or not,” Tracy said, shaking her head.
Ashura snorted. “I know how the internet works, Tracy. I run a thriving softcore pornography and online dating/prostitution service. That’s in addition to this fine strip club and others like it. Well, not this one. I gave it to Arthur as a birthday gift. Financial and food security in one is my gift to him. The meals come to you here. I still indulge, though. It’s the least he can do.”
Arthur rolled his eyes.
“Does Arthur mind?” I asked, not really wanting to know. However, she’d mentioned she had another husband and I was curious how that worked despite myself.
“Mind what?” Ashura asked, blinking. “My sleeping with other women? No. He minds the other men a bit, but he has Tracy. He should really expand his harem. One is not nearly enough for a proper vampire lord.”
“Oh,” I said, deciding to drop the subject fast. I did not need to know that. “Wow.”
Now my brother was sleeping with my best friend, who he’d sent to spy on me. Officially, I knew no one around me. Well, I knew Bryce at least. I really hoped he was all right. I’d kind of left him behind but Tracy hadn’t mentioned him getting eaten or mauled so he was probably fine.
“So, you’re dating too?” I asked Arthur and Tracy.
“Obviously he gets a discount, but freebies just devalue the whole thing,” Tracy replied. “And it’s not really dating when he’s your master.”
Ugh.
“I pass the savings onto Tracy and the other girls,” Arthur said. “The man who doesn’t pay a sex worker full price and tip generously is the lowest of the low.”
“For which I and my fellow strippers/prostitutes are grateful, master,” Tracy said. “A rich Blood Servant is a happy Blood Servant.”
“I’m going to throw myself out a window now,” I said, looking at the one next to the neon sign.
“Oh, that won’t kill you,” Ashura said. “You need to go at least a few stories higher. Try the building across the street.”
I had the weirdest impression Ashura didn’t like me. “So, how do you know Samvrutha, Alex?”
“We worked together,” Alex said, sounding like he was leaving a few things off. “She’s a former servant of Thoth’s and a creation of Peter Stone’s.”
Oh great, she was a vampire too. I guess everyone was undead these days. Much to my relief, Zadkiel chose not to make a snide remark about that.
I am not snide, Zadkiel. I’m grumpy.
You and one of seven dwarves, I replied, not having better to quip back.
“Huh, small town,” I said aloud. “Which, given you’ve dated two holy weapon wielders is proving pretty accurate.”
“You’re not going to let that go, are you?” Alex asked.
“Nope,” I said, turning to the others. “Did you know he dated a nineteen-year-old?”
“I was twelve when I was sold into slavery,” Ashura said. “I entered my master’s concubinage at fourteen.”
“I was nineteen when I achieved independence from my evil family via sex work,” Tracy said. “So, much better experience than Ashura.”
“You were nineteen when you started beating up armed criminals in a cape and swimsuit,” Arthur said.
“Tough room,” I said. “Also, I wore a mask with body armor. The swimsuit was for photoshoots.”
“And you wondered why you couldn’t keep a secret identity,” Arthur muttered.
“So, what’s she like?” I asked, wondering what sort of vampire she was. A good(ish) vampire, bad vampire, or worse vampire.
Alex answered. “She’s not exactly a fan of the undead and prefers to hang around the sorcerer contingent of our fair city. She’s one of the few vampires accepted among them. Honestly, Ashley and I are more likely to get something out of her than me. Ashura and Arthur are likely to get the door slammed in their faces.”
“It’s shameful,” Ashura replied. “In my day, newly turned vampires fell over themselves to offer their wealth and bodies to Old Ones like myself.”
“You’re rebelling against the Council of Ancients,” Arthur said, dryly. “So are all of us.”
“Yes, and…?” Ashura said.
“So, she might be willing to help us if she doesn’t like being a vampire herself,” I said, filing that away for future reference. “You got anything to add, Zaddy?”
Don’t call me that, Zadkiel said. And no
.
I sheathed the sword and felt its presence leave my mind.
“Okay, so we need to find a magic wand that exists we know not where, ahead of other people who want to find it, who have more resources than we do. This Samvrutha might be our best bet, if her mother told her anything.”
“Take Tracy and Alex,” Arthur said. “I’ll try and handle things from the Baron side.”
“You don’t want to come?” I asked.
“We’ll have time to catch up when this is over,” Arthur said.
In his mind, I sensed he was terrified I was going to die soon.
Chapter Eleven
I love the Nightlife, I’ve got to Boogie
I had the sheathed Sword of Zadkiel under my right arm as I walked out of Arthur’s apartment onto a balcony overlooking the Scarlet Woman. My work as a bounty hunter and P.I. had brought me into more than my fair share of strip clubs but none of them really came close to this place.
It was a purple and neon-filled place that had artificial fog clinging to the floor while techno music played in the background. Lasers and holograms accompanied the place so that it felt less like your typical flesh market and more like it was a clothing optional rave. I guessed more than half the customers were undead and the rest were undead-interested tourists. The sexes were about equal and that included the performers—which was another thing you rarely encountered in human-run joints.
I’d been in enough of these establishments over the years to know the difference between businesses operated by your typical sleazy used car salesman type and someone who fed on the blood of the living. For vampires, sex work was like fine dining and most of the employees in the city sold their blood as well as shows (whether they let sex accompany it or not was on a per individual basis).
That was one of the things that had always confused me about vampires. They desperately clung to the idea they were sexy and people seemed to think they were. Maybe it was a combination of their power with the fact most of them shook off conventional societal mores after a few decades. However, I could never quite let go of the fact they were dead in my mind. Except with Sophia, a relationship that I wished I could say had been entirely based on mind-control. Instead, I’d just liked not caring about anything with her and losing myself in selfishness. Maybe that was part of the appeal as well—it would explain why Arthur loved Ashura.