“Mum, stop.” I sit down beside her. “They don’t matter.”
“When will it end? Why didn’t you tell me your boyfriend is a fucking movie star?”
I flinch. She hasn’t sworn since she was drunk.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know this would happen. Spencer tried so hard to keep me out of the public eye.”
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.”
I suppose this was inevitable. We were naïve to think that my past could be protected. Spencer didn’t even know what he was trying to hide. Perhaps if I’d told him, he could have put some sort of block on my parents’ medical records or something.
Shit, I really am that naïve. Files can be sealed but there will always be a way around it. If hackers can get into Government documents, my parents’ records aren’t going to prove too difficult.
“Everyone thinks I’m the worst mum in the world.”
“They don’t.”
There are worse, undoubtedly. Mum is still getting a lot of hate. Some are even so cruel they call for her to end her life.
Who is that sick?
“Please try to ignore them. All that matters is you and me.”
“This matters, Indie. I won’t be able to walk out of my front door without being judged. How will I get a job now? How will I be able to face anyone when I know they’ll be thinking I’m an awful mother?”
I swallow my guilt. This was supposed to be her new start as much as mine. She had plans, actual plans for the first time in nearly fifteen years, and none of them involved getting drunk. “It will die down. How can anyone judge you when you’re working so hard to make things right?”
“They will,” she says, staring at the other sofa.
Yes, they will.
Dad would explode if he was here right now. Well, if he was here, they’d both probably still be passed out drunk.
“Mum,” I say, trying to get her attention. “Mum, please. Look at me. Focus on your recovery so you can tell everyone that you’ve beat this addiction. You can use this to help others.”
Her hollow laugh chills my blood. “I don’t want to be the poster child for AA.”
“You’re choosing to be a victim.”
Angry eyes cut to me. “Everyone knows.”
“I get that. We can’t change what’s already happened. The only thing you can do now is choose how you react. To turn it into a positive.”
“You’re delusional, Indie. I’m going upstairs to lie down.”
Without another word, she leaves the room with her arms wrapped around her body and head bowed.
I guess it’s a good sign that she’s going to her room and not just lying on the sofa. She can at least be bothered to take herself away to wallow.
That, I can work with. She needs a little bit of time to get her head around everything that’s happened. I’m expecting too much right now. We both need to take a step back and let the gossip tail off. It will. Something else will happen in the world of celebrity, and no one will care what my family life was like again.
It’ll be okay. It has to be.
My phone is full of texts and missed calls from Spence. Wren and Mila have been checking in every hour, too.
I text the girls in our group chat first.
Indie: I’m okay. Can we meet up today?
Mila: Mine? I’ll have a shovel ready in case anyone follows you.
My lips curl into the first smile in a couple of days. They are just what I need.
Indie: Is it wrong of me to hope that I’m followed? I’ll be there in an hour.
Wren: Meet you there.
Mila: Hurry up, I’m bored.
One thing I was wrong about is Wren and Mila. They were sympathetic, of course, but they don’t treat me any differently. I called Wren before Spencer did, the night my life blew up. Then I called Mila to fill her in on everything after she left. They haven’t changed how they talk to me, nor do they shy away from asking difficult questions. The last one isn’t my favourite, but I expect it.
Before I leave, I take a quick shower and check in on Mum. She’s asleep, curled up on Dad’s old side of the bed.
She hasn’t slept well recently, so I’m glad she is now.
I peek out of the blind and sigh in relief when I find the road empty. I heard a vehicle idling by about thirty minutes ago, but it was most likely someone moving the press on. Maybe Spencer did something. Called the police? I don’t know. I’m just grateful that they’ve gone.
They’ll probably be back. It can’t be very interesting, especially given that neither Mum nor I are speaking to them.
I get in my car and, thankfully, it starts without a hitch.
The drive to Mila’s feels longer today. I’m tired, and trying to convince myself that I’m not at all angry at Spencer. I don’t mean to be. I know it’s not his fault, but it’s festering in my stomach like a disease. He can’t help that these bastards think they have a right to every aspect of our lives.
This. Is. Not. His. Fault.
I park in the drive, and Mila lets me in the second I knock.
“Wren’s already here,” she says as if I can’t see her car beside mine. “How are you and your mum?”
I kick off my shoes, and we join Wren on the sofa.
“She’s a wreck—absolutely hates that everyone knows her past. She’s ashamed of who she was and is trying her best to better herself.”
“Are you worried that she might drink again?” Mila asks.
The look Wren gives her almost makes me laugh.
“It’s okay,” I say. “Of course, I’m scared of that. I just hope she can see how far she’s come and won’t want to ruin all the hard work she’s put in to getting sober. The detox was brutal. I can’t see her wanting to do that again. She says she won’t.”
“Do you believe her?”
“It’s hard to. There have been quite a few times over the years that she’s tried to get sober and it hasn’t worked.”
How easy the words fall out of my mouth now. They make it easy to talk.
Wren tilts her head. “But she’s never done it for this long, right? And she’s never been to rehab.”
Mila throws her hands up. “See, those are good signs.”
“I agree. I think I’ll always be worried. She won’t ever be healed. Once you’re an addict, you’re an addict for life. She’s going to battle forever.”
“But it’s a battle she can win. She’s already proved that,” Wren says. “Let me make us all a drink, and then we can talk some more.”
“Can we just forget it for a bit? I feel like my head is going to explode.”
My stomach has been in knots since Spencer told me the scandal, and I have a continuous dull ache between my eyes.
Wren bites her lip and gets up anyway. “All right. I’m opening a bottle, and we’re going to have a totally shit girl gossip session.”
“That sounds perfect,” I tell her.
Mila leans closer to me. “Have you seen Spencer today?”
“No, why?”
“He’s stressed.”
I narrow my eyes. “How do you know? How often do you two discuss me?”
They talk more than I thought. I think they’re quite friendly, which I love and hate. I’ve always longed to have Spence and my friends close. Now they’re plotting.
“Often. He’s like a little lovesick puppy who is totally obsessed with you. It’s adorable. Oh, don’t make that face at me, you know it’s not bad. We both care about you.”
Sinking back in the sofa, I remind myself that Mila is right. I can’t get angry at them. It’s not like they were meeting up to have a bitch fest. Spencer is my boyfriend, and Mila my best friend.
Her heart is firmly on her sleeve. There isn’t anything she wouldn’t do for the people she loves.
“It’s okay,” I say. “I get it.”
“If there is ever anything else… I need you to know that you can talk to me and Wren.”
“Thank you.
”
“Anyway, did I tell you that Liam and I broke up?”
“You didn’t tell me you were together!”
She smiles sheepishly. “It wasn’t even a week. Apparently, he’s not sure what he wants. He’s trying to figure it out. I am, too, but what a load of shit.”
Sometimes I wonder if she remembers if they’re on or off.
Wren walks in and hands a glass of rosé to me and Mila. “Honestly, I can’t keep up with you two. Why are you still going there?”
“A woman has needs.”
What a copout. Mila is waiting for the kind of epic love that has you falling until the moment you die.
“Liam’s never going to be the one.”
Wren is blunter than me. Though, neither of us has anything on Mila in that respect.
I side-eye her. “What she means is that you have tried this relationship for years and it’s not working. Don’t you think you would be better off cutting ties for good so you can both find who you’re supposed to be with?”
Like Reid Walker, the sexy neighbour.
She raises her dark eyebrow. “And how do I know I’m not supposed to be with him, huh?”
“Because you wouldn’t ever question it if you were.”
She slumps, and her amber eyes narrow at us both. “Liam and I have been together forever. I don’t want to hurt him… or myself.”
“Mila, Mila, Mila,” Wren mutters as she walks into the kitchen, presumably to get her wine.
She pouts. Mila has naturally full lips that people pay hundreds for. Lucky cow. “I like it better when we’re talking about you two.”
“Maybe I should form some weird alliance with Liam and come up with a plan, like you did with my Spencer.”
“My alliance with Spencer isn’t weird.” She tilts her head. “Or it won’t be when he sets me up with Ethan.”
I smirk. “You should make sure you’re totally done with your boyfriend before you do that.”
“Did you know that there are a million photos of you online? Look, here’s one of you acting shady when you get out of Spencer’s car and run into his house. I also have one of you at the premiere pretending like you’re not in love with the main star of the movie.”
“Mila, drink your wine.”
I lift my glass to my mouth and smile.
No matter what is going on, these girls always make me feel like I’ve got this.
I have them.
Forty-Five
Spencer
I’m losing my fucking mind.
In three days, I leave for LA again, and my schedule will blow up. Indie is still only pretending that we’re okay. She hasn’t directly come out and said that she blames me for her family secret getting out, but she does. I’ve spent all of my free time running lines to keep myself busy. I have too much free time now that she’s not coming over.
This is all my fault.
If I’d just kept her out of the public eye, maybe she wouldn’t be too scared to come outside.
I wish I’d known what to protect her from. There is so much more I could have done if I’d known.
Now, I’m standing outside her door like a lost puppy, hoping she’ll let me in.
Brushing imaginary dirt off my top, I knock on her door. This isn’t a first date, but my heart gives a pinch. Will today be the day she forgives me? There hasn’t been anything she’s done directly. No pulling away or not calling back. No. Sometimes I catch her staring off at nothing, and then she blinks heavily before addressing me.
There’s invisible distance between us that I feel.
Indie opens the door. She looks over my shoulder and ducks around the side of the door, hiding herself. I slip through. Her smile is wide but troubled.
I look back over my shoulder. Nope, still no reporters out there today. I wince as I step over the threshold, knowing she’s paranoid and frightened she’ll be seen.
“Are you okay?” I ask, turning to her when she shuts the door.
Her big, dark eyes blink heavily. “Yeah.”
Eyes that make me lose my mind hold a lie.
“Indie.”
Her shoulders sink. “Mum is really down today. I can’t leave the house without people staring at me, asking questions, or taking photos. How do you do this every day? I just want them to leave me alone.”
How am I going to leave for LA soon?
I take her in my arms, gritting as the guilt almost brings me to my knees. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper against her hair.
For me, it’s worth it. It’s part of the deal that I knew would happen. It’s completely different for Indie.
“Please stop apologising,” she mutters against my chest, her hot breath doing things to me that aren’t helpful right now. She’s not in a great place, and her mum is home. Dragging her to my cave isn’t what she wants… I don’t think.
“I’m still sorry. What can I do?”
Denny is on it. The man is a shark. I have no idea how to, or who to even contact to begin suing fuckers. That doesn’t mean I have to be useless. There must be something I can do to make her feel better.
“Can we go out tonight?”
I pull back enough to see her face. Is that a joke? “What?”
“Can we get away without anyone seeing? Is that even possible? I’m going crazy in this house, and Mum is irritated with me being around all the time. We both need some space from each other for a little while. I don’t want to hide in a house for one more evening. Can we go somewhere?”
“We can do whatever you want, baby. I’ll figure something.”
“Thank you.” She sighs. “Are you doing okay? I know there’s a lot you’re dealing with at the minute.”
“I’m doing fine. I pay someone to deal with things like this.”
“People think I’m drama.”
“People?”
“On Twitter.”
Groaning, I reply, “Stay off social media.”
“I know I should, but I got sucked in. Some people are nice, too.”
“You will always hear the negative ones louder. Don’t put yourself in that position. They have no fucking idea what they’re talking about, and they’ve no idea how lucky I am to have you.”
The corners of her mouth rise carefully. “How do you stay away from it all?”
“I just don’t look.”
“But you talk to fans.”
“On Insta. I skip straight past the shitty comments.”
“Well, I’ll try and do that. Some have told me about their similar story. They say they’re rooting for us.”
“Indie, is that Spencer?”
I look up as Jessica comes out of the kitchen.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hello, Spencer. Can I get you a tea or coffee? I’ve just put the kettle on.”
Indie’s bright smile is blinding as she pulls away. I know she hasn’t misheard, but she’s still reacting like her mum has offered us an all-expenses paid trip to the Maldives. She loves that her mum is doing something so normal. I can’t imagine it’s happened much before.
I push aside the anger I feel towards this woman. “Tea would be great, thanks.”
“I’ll make them,” Indie says. She slips away from me and leaves the room before I can grab her.
She’s left me with her mum. We’ve never been alone before, not during any of the three occasions I’ve seen her. Maybe I shouldn’t be mad still. I don’t understand addiction, and I won’t insult anyone by pretending that I do.
I scratch my neck. “How are you doing, Jessica?”
She smiles but I catch the subtle shrug of her shoulder. “I’m doing okay. Things are… difficult.”
“I’m sorry for my part in that.”
She shakes her head, sighing long and hard. “This isn’t your fault, Spencer. The press wouldn’t have anything to say about my family if David and I hadn’t been drinking for too long. I have to take responsibility.” She winces. “It doesn’t feel very good. Not like my therapist tells me
it should. It’s hard. Admitting all of your failings is like having sandpaper rubbed all over your skin. Especially when it’s your child you failed.”
I nod. There’s no way I’m going to deny that to make her feel better. We all know the truth. At least she’s not hiding from it anymore, I’ll give her that. “The only thing that matters now is you and Indie repairing your relationship. She needs you.”
Jessica gulps like she’s afraid of fucking that up again. “That’s what I want.”
I want to hear her assure me that she will do it, whatever it takes. Indie deserves that… and the world, which I’m currently failing to give her.
“You two coming in here?” Indie calls.
It’s probably not the best time to have it out and tell Jessica she needs to make this work. Everyone is emotional. Indie acts tough but she’s struggling. It must be exhausting to lead two lives and constantly cover up what’s happening at home, while trying to deal with what’s happening at home.
And now I need to think of some epic date we can go on without being seen. No pressure.
I’ll have to throw a lot of money at the ice-skating rink. Indie used to love skating. She glides like a pro, while I’m still rather terrible.
“Coming,” Jessica says.
Her shoulders are hunched as she walks into the kitchen. I don’t know if she’s still suffering from withdrawals or if she’s not doing great mentally, but something is off. She said she wants to be there for Indie, not that she will.
Where is her fighting talk?
I sit at the kitchen table, where Indie passes me a tea.
Her eyes slide to her mum. “Spence is taking me out this evening.”
Jessica sits straighter. “Good, you two deserve a little fun.”
“Will you be okay, Mum?”
“Of course. It’ll be nice to have the place to myself for a while. You walk about worrying constantly.” She laughs and scratches her jaw. “You’ll give yourself a stomach ulcer if you keep that up. Go out. Forget everything for a while.” Indie opens her mouth, but her mum shakes her head. “I’m not saying you’re wrong to be concerned, darling. I’ve made things difficult for you, and I continue to do so.”
Just Like the Movies Page 24