“Why Doctor Grant, is this your way of asking me out?”
I peek up at him through my fingers and I find he's laughing at me.
Finally picking up the courage to remove my hands, I stand ready to leave the cafe.
“Well I'm glad you're finding this funny Mr. Michaels.” I walk away from him and out the cafe door.
“Blake.” I turn to face him, confused.
“Pardon?”
“Blake, my name is Blake,” he states so matter of fact as if I should know that about him already.
Smiling at him over my shoulder as he walks behind me, I say, “I’m Gabi, well Gabriella but I’m not a fan of it, so I prefer Gabi.”
For fuck sake, I’m rambling now.
Strolling down the high street, we walk side by side in a comfortable silence. We both have things going on in our minds right now, so not talking is the best thing, I’m just glad he’s still with me.
Something about this man tells me there’s more to him than meets the eye, and he’s that tortured taking the pills and booze is his way of escaping.
From what I’m still not sure, and I don’t know if I’ll ever find out.
We make it to my apartment in record time, walking through reception, giving Greg a swift wave as I pass. I get in the lift and push the button to my floor. Blake gets in just before the door closes. I try to stop my heart from racing, every time I’m near him. It’s like all my senses go on high alert and become fully aware of the fine specimen that is Blake Michaels. I don’t know what has gotten into me, really, I don’t, but I can’t deny what is standing right in front of me. My lady parts are telling me they feel the same too.
“You okay there?”
I turn to Blake and see he’s staring at me, his lip turned up on one side. Is he trying not laugh at me. That’s when I notice I have my legs crossed and pressed firmly together. Oh god I’m so turned on by the thoughts in my head, my legs must have moved on own accord. I’m so embarrassed, I can feel my cheeks blushing and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so turned on right now, I can feel my knickers are soaking wet. As if he can read my mind…
“If you want me to sort out that problem for you, all you have to do is ask.” He smirks, it’s my undoing. All thoughts go out the window as I cross the short distance between us and grab his shirt, I pull him towards me and crash my lips to his. At first, I feel his reluctance, but only for a split second before he starts to kiss me back. Holding nothing back, he kisses me with everything he has, to the point I think my lips will be bruised, but I welcome it. I haven’t been kissed like this in a very long time, if ever. He’s a good kisser. It has me wondering what else he may be good at.
My hands go up around his neck, pulling him closer to me, as he places one of his hands along the bottom of my back, the other finds its way to my cheek. Things are just starting to heat when I hear the lift doors slide open. He pulls his mouth from mine, only slightly, but for me it’s too far. I want more. Feeling lightheaded but also disappointed I look up at him.
“Unless you want people to see me strip you bare and fuck you harder than you’ve ever been fucked before, I suggest we move out the lift before the doors close again.”
I can feel how aroused he’s is, as something hard is pressing against my leg. He’s just as turned on as me. Do I want to go through with this, or am I just caught up in the moment, not thinking with my head? I’ve not had sex for a long time, and a girl needs a bit of fun every now and again. Even if it’s just for one night. I can do this. It’s also an added bonus that he’s so damn sexy, even if he has a damaged soul. Having made my mind up, I dive in.
“Oh, erm, yeah. God point. Let’s go.” I take his hand and lead him to my apartment. This is going to be an absolute cracker of a night. I can just tell. Something amazing is about to happen.
Only it doesn’t turn out quite as I had hoped.
Chapter Seven
Blake
I find myself standing outside Gabi’s apartment, contemplating whether or not this is actually a good idea. My head is telling me I shouldn’t be doing this this. One, my heads all kind of fucked, and two, Gabi seems like a sweet girl. She has her life planned out. She has a good job and most of stable. Something I’m clearly not, even if she is more than willing to go through with this. I know she’s not a one-night stand kinda girl. If I’m to go through with this I need to make that clear to her.
“Look, I can tell this isn’t something you’d normally do, but I don’t do relationships. I don’t like been tied down, and having someone relying on me. I can’t give you that.”
I can tell by her face she was a little hurt by what I’m saying.
“Now... if you want a bit of fun, that I can give you. I just wanna make that clear to you so there’s no awkwardness after.”
I’m unsure of what she’s thinking, but what comes out of her mouth next, I was not expecting.
“Look Blake, I’m a big girl and can make my own decisions. I’m not asking you for a ring or to move in with me. Just relax. Like you said, it’s a bit of fun. Something I haven’t had in a while, and we just happened to cross paths more than once and here we are…. outside my door.” She laughs, it looks good on her. She’s still nervous about what’s about to happen next. As soon as we’re through that door and it’s firmly shut beside us, I’ll make her forget about how she feels. The only thing she will feel is me. All of me.
I nod, letting her know we’re on same page, she opens the door and walks in, me following close behind her. I don’t give her chance to say anything. I spin her around and pin her up against the door, pressing body flat to hers. Grabbing her hands with mine, I left them up over her head and pin them there. Putting them in one of my hands, making sure I have tight grip on them. Not giving her time to catch her breath, I slam my mouth on hers, she opens up giving me more access.
“Blake, please…” she begs. I’m just getting started.
“Bedroom? Where is it?
“Last door on the right.” She all but pants at me. I pick her up and pull her legs around my hips, placing my hands on her arse. I walk the short distance to her room, kicking the door shut behind me with my foot. Not once breaking the kiss.
Walking us to the bottom of the bed, I put her down on her feet in front of me, as I sit myself down on the edge of her bed, then lean back on my elbows. She’s standing there looking confused, so I put her out of her misery.
“Strip.” One word, one instruction.
“You want me to strip?”
“Don’t go shy on me now, you have a beautiful body Gabi. Never be afraid to show it. Whatever happens in this room stays in this room.” I mean what I say. She does to, and even though she’s still unsure about it, she follows through with my demand.
She rids herself of her work clothes, leaving her standing there in just her matching navy, lace bra and thong. Absolutely stunning. She wraps her arms around her breasts, trying to cover some of herself up. Why? I don’t know. She has nothing to be ashamed of, her body is a weapon. I’m about to explode from just looking at her.
“Beautiful, now the rest. Get rid of it all.”
She leisurely takes her time, first her bra and then her thong. Now standing bare, I can see all she has to offer. I want to touch, tease, and taste every single inch of her body.
“Come here.” She does as I ask. “Good girl.”
Once she reaches me, I stand, grab her, and throw her on the bed. Using her hands, she pushes herself up, making herself more comfortable. I stand looking at her from the hair on her head, past her perky tits, down her slim slender waist to her pussy. I find myself licking my lips in anticipation of what’s to come. She makes my dick hard a rock when she parts her legs open for me. I can see she’s wet, and begging for me to touch her.
“Come and get it, if you think you can handle it.”
Now look who’s teasing. I’m on her in a second flat, she laughs as her hands find the zi
p of my jeans. Being here with her even though I don’t know her very well, makes all the memories of the past go away. Any thoughts of what I was going to do before I bumped into her disappear, but I know this one time with her will be the only time. I’m not good enough for someone like her. She doesn’t need a man who’s as fucked-up as me dragging her down.
“Why is it I’m the only one naked? That needs to change.”
Just as she’s about to pull my jeans down something drops out my pocket and lands at the side of us.
Just when things were starting to heat up, my hard on falls flat.
This is the last thing I need.
Chapter Eight
Gabi
When something falls out of his pocket, I was expecting a wallet, keys, shit even a condom. Not what I’m currently spellbound by.
Neither of us move.
Pills…. and a whole bunch of them.
“Why do you have them?” He’s just staring at them. “Why so many?”
In a flash he’s off me and pulling back up his jeans. The feel of his body no longer on mine, making me shiver from the cold. Grasping the blanket from the bottom of my bed I wrap it around me. It hits me then, that’s what he was going to do when I bumped into him. He was going to attempt to kill himself again and I wouldn’t have been at work to save him this time. The thought is upsetting, saving people is what I do. The thing is I don’t think he wants to be saved. He’s clearly a troubled man with demons, demons that go way beyond something I can fix.
“I’m just going to go, this…” he gestures between the two of us, “Should never have happened, I’m sorry.”
Like a bolt of lightning he’s gone. The door to my apartment slamming behind him.
Time passes and I’m still wrapped up in the sheet with my back pressed against my headboard. It’s started to go dark out and I’m still reeling with what happened with Blake. He just completely shut down in front of me, I asked him questions that he avoided answering and fled like a criminal from a crime scene.
Then like a hammer to my chest, it hits me. I just let him leave and with a pocket full of pills. My gut tells me I have to find him and quick. Only there’s one massive problem; I don’t know where he lives. Having a light bulb moment, I rush from my position on my bed and quickly throw on some clothes. What I’m about to do could cost me my job, but if it saves his life then I couldn’t give two fucks. I can’t put my finger on it but something inside of me is screaming that he’s different. That he was supposed to come into my life.
Throwing my coat on and some shoes, I run like I’ve never ran before from my apartment all the way back to the hospital. When I barge through the entrance of the A&E department I’m sweating profusely. My lungs are burning with the unexpected exercise and I fight to catch my breath. Which isn’t a very good thing considering where I currently am. It would be my luck that someone will see me and think I’m having a heart attack. Bent over at the waist with my hands on my thighs I take some slow breaths to get my body back under control. If I go in the back and I’m seen in this state, then I will get caught out straight away. Eventually I pull my shit together and walk over to the double doors. This takes me to the area with where the bays are located that hold patients once they’ve been seen by the triage nurse. I scan my key card across the lock to let me in.
Once I get through, I make a beeline for a computer, hoping no-one sees me, but if they do, I’ve got my lie ready to roll off my tongue if it’s needed.
Walking into Bay A where I work my twelve hour shifts, I look around and see everyone is rushed of their feet. This gives me hope that I can get in and get out without being seen.
Taking a seat at the nurses station and bringing the computer alive, I log in with my code before going in search of the information I so desperately need.
Bingo.
Happy with what I’ve found, I quickly scribble the address down and log out of the computer. Making my way out of Bay A, I smile to myself. On the inside I’m proud of myself for not getting caught, that is until I walk around the corner to the exit and bump straight into Dr Bailie.
“Oh, hi, Gabi. I thought you were off tonight?” She looks at me with a smile, making the nerves in my stomach settle slightly. She didn’t see me at the computer so that’s a good thing, she won’t suspect anything.
“Erm, yeah I am. I just forgot something so I popped back to get it, I’m going home now.” I hate lying, but if needs must and all that.
“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow then. Enjoy your night off.”
With them parting words she heads back to the bay and once again I run like my life depends on it.
I have a life to save.
Chapter Nine
Blake
One tablet.
Two tablets.
Three tablets….
Before I know it, I have them all popped out of the silver foil and have them all cupped into my hand. There's a lot, the large tumbler of Jack is sitting on my coffee table, waiting for me to pick it up to swallow them down with.
What was I thinking earlier, nearly sleeping with Gabi? I’m more fucked up than I realised. The last thing I need to be doing is dragging someone else into my fuckedupness. The look of dread and shock on her face when the pills fell out of my pocket is still ingrained in my mind. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t going to do what she thought, but I’d have been lying to her. No amount of sad eyes from her was going to change my mind. I can’t live like this anymore. In this pure hell where every day is a constant battle. The guilt is chewing away at me like a rabid animal making me suffer for being alive.
Draining the glass of Jack that’s still staring at me, then placing it back on the coffee table, I know I’m stalling. I also know it’s because I can’t get her green eyes out of my head.
Fuck it.
This has to be done.
Throwing the handful of pills into my mouth, I unscrew the cap of the bottle of Jack and wash them down. Grimacing at the god awful taste of the mixture in my mouth. A few more mouthfuls of the whiskey and I can feel the stress of my life float away from me. The guilt disappears, the sadness, but most of all I feel free for the first time in a long time. There’s no memories haunting me. This time though when I close my eyes and lie down all I can see is her. Her voice is ringing in my ears telling me to stay awake, that she cares about me.
That she will fix me.
I can’t be fixed, but I wish she could be the one to cure me.
Chapter Ten
Gabi
Speed walking as fast I can, I scan the row of terraced houses on the narrow street, looking for the number I’m desperate to find. Coming to the end of the street I finally find it; panic and worry is taking over my entire body.
What if I’m too late?
What if he’s already dead?
I should never have let him leave.
Banging my fist on the PVC door I wait for him to answer. When nobody opens up, I start banging again, only this time I start screaming his name.
“Blake, Blake. Please open the door, it’s me Gabi. We need to talk. I know you’re in there.”
Continuing to slam my hand on the door, fear seizes me and I know it’s too late.
“Blake…” I wail even louder, causing the little old lady who lives next door to out and see what all the commotion is about.
“Are you ok there young lady?”
“It’s Blake, he’s going to do something stupid and I have to help him. Do you know if he’s in there?”
Sensing the desperation in my voice, she doesn’t ask any more questions. From the look on her face this isn’t the first time she’s seen someone knocking frantically on his front door.
“Can you please help me; I have to get to him.” I beg.
Without another word spoken, she disappears back behind her own front door only to return a few seconds later.
“Here, I have this. He doesn’t know I have it. His
mother gave it to me after the first time.”
She produces a key from the palm of her hand and relief floods me when she hands it to me.
“He’s a good man, he just needs to realise that what happened wasn’t his fault.”
Turning and going back inside her own home, she leaves me there confused, yet grateful.
What wasn’t his fault?
Endless possibilities start running through my mind, but now isn’t the time to be having them. Once I’ve got to him and made sure he’s okay, me and him are going to talk. Whatever it is that’s made him this way, has him wanting to end his life, I can’t let that happen. With trembling hands, I manage get the key into the lock and rush through the house. The minute I find him my heart stops and my head starts to spin.
I’m too late.
In a flash my doctor training kicks and I drag my body over to where he’s slump on the sofa. Getting him in the recovery position, I place my ear against his mouth and chest to make sure he’s still breathing. Thank the lord he is.
“Blake, it’s me. Gabi. Can you hear me? It’s okay I’m gonna get you some help, I’m gonna fix you, Blake. I promise.”
For the first time in my life I’ve never been so determined to keep a promise.
I will fix him.
Chapter Eleven
Blake
Six Months Later
I thought being in the middle of a war zone was my biggest battle, I was so wrong. The last six months has been my biggest battle by far. Slowly but surely and with the help of the most amazing woman I’ve ever met I’m getting there.
Escaping The Shadows Anthology: Shenanigans'19 @ The West Midlands Book Signing. Page 13