by T. R. Graves
Chapter 24
Crushed Puppy Love
Carlie
It may have been the middle of the night when Barone arrived, and I may have been exhausted beyond belief, but I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't sleep.
For the first time in my life, I understood perfectly what it meant to have to sleep with one eye open. There was no one I could trust. Jayden had already proved that to me. Then I thought about what Rorie had said about Barone and Thorne talking.
What could they possibly have to talk about?
I was learning life lessons the hard way. Nothing about my thinking was as benign as a simple case of paranoia. Something was wrong, and there were lots of pieces to the puzzle that I hadn't put together. Yet.
As soon as the sun's rays began beaming through the tent's flap, I heard Thorne gently waking Rorie. The morning's routine was the same as it had been the day before. Since I'd promised to help Rorie while I was here, I sat up on the edge of my cot.
The days of hiking, snake bite recovery, and discoveries were taking their toll on me. My head throbbed, my muscles ached, and, yes, after checking, I found my heart was still broken.
"Rorie's going to the kitchen by herself today, Carles. You and I need to talk before you leave," he said after Rorie was up and her bonnet—the one she'd not been wearing yesterday—was fastened tightly around her face.
I glared at Thorne as if he'd lost his mind. "She needs to stay here with you. I'll go over and make something. It might not be edible, but I'm not sure anyone at this camp, with the exception of Rorie, deserves anything edible. Poisonous maybe. Not edible," I said with every ounce of cynicism I felt.
"Are you kidding me? If Barone found out you were helping Rorie in the kitchen, he'd be livid." He turned back toward his sister. "Rorie, I'll come check on you as soon as I can. I want you to stay in the kitchen as much as possible," he ordered.
She nodded and ducked out of the tent without any more fanfare. Thorne sat next to me, reached over, and took my hand.
"I know something's bothering you. You don't have to tell me what it is, but it might help. I might be able to help, and I can assure you anything you tell me… anything… will stay between the two of us. I promise you that," he said.
I wanted to talk about the web of lies and deception I'd gotten tangled up in, but I didn't know him well enough to share anything. I worried confiding in him would entrap me further. I was in deep enough.
I shook my head.
"I hope this doesn't offend you because it's really the last thing I mean to do, but it's recently come to my attention that trust is overrated and can only lead to pain and disappointment. I'm not sure there's any reason to trust anyone but myself. I'm the only one who's gonna watch out for me. In that spirit, I'll keep what I know to myself and do what I'm asked," I said.
"Why don't I tell you what I know? You don't need to confirm or deny. I'm just hoping it helps to know someone else sees what's going on," he said.
I stared down at our joined hands.
"You and St. Romaine had a thing. I'm not sure how long it went on or how far you went, but I know things got hot and heavy a few times here based on your MicroPharm alarms."
Uh-oh!
I'd suspected, but I'd not known for sure that Thorne could see my body's reaction to those very exciting moments.
"It seems—at least to you—that St. Romaine played you in order to keep you on the straight and narrow while he waited for Barone to arrive."
I didn't say anything. I just sat there reliving the pain from earlier and cursing my naïve stupidity.
"As far as Barone goes… what the hell? Why is he calling you his special little girl? You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but has he ever touched you… inappropriately, Carles?" Thorne asked.
I couldn't control myself. My stare jerked toward Thorne. I felt a wave of relief wash through me. He'd seen it. I wasn't crazy. I wasn't anywhere near ready to admit anything to Thorne, but something about him seeing what Barone was capable of made me feel a little less alone.
"He has, hasn't he?"
I closed my eyes and looked away. It was in Thorne's best interest and by default Rorie's for him to not know what kind of sick bastard Barone really was.
True to his word, he didn't push me. Instead, he squeezed my hand tight and said, "Just know if you need to talk to me, I'm here. I won't judge you, and I won't go off half-cocked against Barone. I can't afford to do anything like that. Not with Rorie. I'm all she has. That doesn't mean I won't listen or that I'll let him lay a hand on you as long as I'm around," Thorne said.
My voice was small when I said, "I completely understand the position you're in. You have Rorie to look out for, and I get that. I'd do anything for my family. Unlike you and me, it seems Jayden was just looking out for himself. Still, thank you for… making me feel a little less alone… a little less crazy, and like I might actually have a friend in the world."
Thorne smiled right before his eyes got big. "Hey… you and I are betrothed. I'm not sure there's anything he can do about that. We can get married when you turn eighteen, and when we do, there won't be anything he can do to you. While I had plans for all of this to be a lot more romantic and a lot less rushed, I want you to know I'm willing to go through with our marriage at any time you're ready so he'll have to keep his hands off you. Even President Barone himself is subject to corporeal punishment for adultery," Thorne reasoned.
Before I knew what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around Thorne and hugged him. There were tears leaking from my eyes, but that couldn't be helped. This man was willing to put himself in danger in order to protect me from the most powerful man in the world, and he was the only one willing to do that.
Again, I said, "Thank you, Thorne. I won't take you up on your offer because I'm not sure what Barone would do to you and Rorie, but the fact that you're willing to help me… that means more than you'll ever know."
Thorne pulled me closer and stroked the back of my head. "Anytime, Carles. Anytime."
"Uhm-hm!"
With a throat clearing behind us, Thorne and I jerked apart. When I saw it was Jayden standing in the door of our tent, I made my eyes into slits and asked, "What the hell do you want?"
Jayden put his hands up in surrender. "I just thought we'd talk."
I hid my face in Thorne's chest. "I don't talk to traitors." My words were muffled.
"Just give me a chance to explain before everyone gets moving around here, Carlie. I think you'll understand."
"Did you manipulate me to get me back to Barone? Yes or no? The question is simple."
Jayden looked like he wanted to throw up.
"Yes or no?" I repeated.
He still didn't answer.
As if issuing a final warning, I said, "Yes or no? Which is it?"
Finally, Jayden nodded. "I manipulated you, but not for the reasons you think."
I put my hand up, shaking my head. He wasn't getting off that easy.
"The only answer I needed was yes. Now that I have that, I don't want to have anything else to do with you. Don't come near me. Don't talk to me. Don't try to get messages to me through other people. I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU!" I sobbed with my next words. "I DON'T LOVE YOU!"
Jayden looked as if I'd finally followed through with every one of my previously threatened physical threats. All at the same time. His head visibly jerked.
I needed to get away from him. From here. He may have been standing in the only way in or out of this tent, but I was going to get by him. On my way past, he grabbed my arm and tried to twist me toward him. "Just listen to me. You'll understand if you do."
I snatched my arm back and through gritted teeth and tear-filled eyes, I snapped. "Don't you ever touch me again."
The Surrogate Soldier, the Lead Surrogate Soldier was stunned by the vehemence in my words and my face. He let go and stepped aside. I ran from the tent and headed toward the borders of the camp. I had no idea where I was going. I just knew I needed to be miles
away from Jayden.
Behind me I heard Thorne calling my name. I didn't slow down, but I didn't speed up either. I really didn't mind if he caught up with me. Soon, he'd done just that. Fortunately, he didn't try to talk about anything more than his casual observations regarding the wildlife surrounding the camp.
He pointed out two squirrels chasing each other until one made a fatal move. With it, he would have plunged to his death if the other more conservative squirrel hadn't offered a tail for the squirrel to use to climb up on. Despite my mood, I was amused by the way the two of them carried on as if nothing had ever happened as soon as the death wish squirrel was out of danger.
"I watch them all the time. I've even named them," Thorne said wistfully.
Yet another surprising fact about Thorne. "Really! What did you name them?"
"Well, the one who is most careful is a female. Because of her nature, I gave her a very traditional name, Ester. The one who is willing to risk his life in order to keep her attention is named Nut," Thorne murmured reflectively.
The instant he told me what he'd named the Evel Knievel of squirrels, I chuckled. No matter how upset I'd been earlier, I couldn't help but giggle over the squirrels' names, Ester and Nut. They were as fitting of names for forest creatures as any I'd ever heard.
"Why are you laughing? Do you think you could have done better?"
There was nothing funny about his question, but it fueled my giggling fire. I chuckled harder while leaning my back against a tree, sliding to the ground, and grabbing my stomach in fits of laughter.
The squirrels' names were cute. They weren't nearly as funny as I'd made them out to be, but my body had endured all the anxiety, pain, and torture it could handle. There was something inside of me that was clawing its way out and letting me know laughter was the the only real cure for everything I'd been made to endure over the last week. Six months.
Confusing Thorne was the fact that laughter for me equated to tears, and they were rolling their way down my cheeks. One after another. I did nothing to squelch them or wipe them away. At least, I didn't until I remembered the last time I'd laughed like this was with Tawney. It was after she'd forced me to read her favorite romance novel.
It really was amazing, but there was no way I was going to tell her I loved the book. Instead, I mocked the book's ever-romantic line and feigned fainting over the ruggedly handsome man every Procreate girl considered her book boyfriend. I may have been a Procreate girl, but Jayden was the only imaginary boyfriend I wanted or needed so I wasn't nearly as smitten as others.
Jayden.
Suddenly, the tears coming were real and the sobs were muffled as I pulled my knees into my chest and hid my face in my folded arms. For me, laughing and crying had always been reactions that were closely related. Right now, they were bleeding over into each other's territory in a way that made me look—feel—psychotic.
Thorne sank down next to me, put his arm around my shoulder, and pulled me into his chest. There and in the peace and quiet of the forest, the only real friend outside of my family that I'd ever had let me cry the tears of a broken heart, of crushed puppy love, and of unexpected betrayal.