“I won’t open my window. No worries there.”
He paused to listen. “I grew up with that sound. We lived in the country, and I spent many a night going to sleep with the sound of frogs in my ear. And other things.”
“Other things?”
“Coyotes. Owls. Cows too. It was the country.”
Kayla studied him. “I don’t think I knew that about you. You told me you were from Missouri, but not the country.”
“Well, honey, a lot of Missouri is the country.”
“I’ve never been there.”
She’d been dragged all over Tennessee, Alabama, and Kentucky as a kid, and she’d moved to Maryland with Bailey, but that was the extent of her travels.
“I’m sure we’ll get there at some point,” he said as she followed him over to the side door. The same side door she’d fled from a little over two months ago when she’d stayed the night with him. The only other time she’d spent the night in his house.
He unlocked the door and flipped on the interior light. Kayla followed him inside. There was a big landing and stairs that went up or down. Up was the kitchen and main living area, along with the master and another bedroom. Downstairs was a large living area with two bedrooms and a wet bar. There was one bathroom downstairs and one up.
Zach led her upstairs to the master where there was a queen-sized bed and a dresser. He set up the crib while Kayla looked around the room.
“How did you and Ryan decide who got upstairs and who got down when you rented this place?”
He finished expanding the portable crib and straightened. “We flipped a coin. I lost.”
“He moved out a couple of months ago and you’re still downstairs.”
Zach shrugged. “It’s just a room. Besides, I’d have to move all my shit—sorry, stuff,” he corrected, glancing at Ana.
Kayla laughed. “I don’t think she’s going to repeat it yet, but the time is probably coming.”
“I’ll clean up my language, promise.”
“I know. Trust me, I’m still working on mine. There are times when the only correct word is a vulgar one.”
He grinned. “So true.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “I left the wine and pizza in the car. Better get it.”
“Za!” Ana yelled, and they both laughed.
Zach went outside to retrieve the pizza and wine. Kayla walked into the kitchen with Ana and looked out the window at the street. She heard the car door slam, heard the beeping of the locks, and then the door closed and Zach bounded up the steps. He put the pizza in the fridge and grabbed a beer.
“Want a glass of wine?” he asked.
“Yes, please.”
He retrieved a glass from the cabinet and poured wine before putting the bottle in the fridge.
“I need to put Ana down for the night,” she said. “It won’t take long, but I’d like to stay nearby in case she wakes up.”
“We can watch TV up here. Dirty took the one from his bedroom but left the one in the living room.”
“It’ll take me a few minutes.”
“Take your time. No rush, Kayla.”
Kayla took Ana back to the bedroom and changed her diaper. Then she put Ana into the crib. Ana kicked her legs but her eyes were drooping. Kayla put a hand on Ana’s tummy and rubbed softly while she sang a lullaby. She felt rather than heard Zach’s presence. He was behind her, and then he peered over her shoulder to look down at Ana.
“Can I watch?” he asked, his breath soft in her ear.
Kayla tried not to shiver. It didn’t work. Every nerve in her body prickled at his nearness.
“Yes,” she whispered. Then she kept singing until Ana’s eyes stayed closed. She glanced up at Zach, who wore a serious expression as he gazed down at her baby. He’d changed out of his uniform and into a white T-shirt and faded jeans. In uniform or out, he made her belly clench with longing.
Kayla took his hand and led him from the room. She pulled the door mostly closed, leaving a crack so she could hear any noise, and went over to the couch to sink down into the cushions and take a drink of her wine. She needed it to calm her jitters.
“She’s not fussy at all, is she?” Zach asked as he sat on the opposite end of the couch.
Kayla shook her head. “No. She’s always been really good. I know I got lucky. Everyone says if your first baby is easy, your second won’t be.” She realized what she’d said and hurried to correct herself. “I mean if you have a second one. Not that I think you and I will want to…. Uh.”
She took another swallow of wine while Zach grinned at her.
“It’s okay, beautiful. I know what you meant.” He shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe we’ll give Ana a brother or sister someday. And if not, that’s okay too.”
Kayla’s throat tightened. “You’re sweet, Zach. God knows you didn’t have to agree to any of this, but you did and now you’re trying to make the situation feel normal for me. I really appreciate it.”
He looked thoughtful. “When SEALs go on missions, we don’t spend any time thinking about what might have been or how we might have responded to a situation. We do what we were trained to do. And we don’t question ourselves once we’re operating. Second-guessing our actions could result in death. Once we commit, we follow through. Do you understand?”
“I think so.”
“It’s more than that, though. Yeah, I committed. But I didn’t have to, Kayla. I did it because I wanted to. Because I can imagine waking up every day in a house with you and Ana in it—and liking that feeling a lot.”
Her heart thrummed and her vision blurred. Dammit, she wasn’t going to cry. He hadn’t said he loved her or anything that monumental. But still. What he’d said was so damned lovely, and her heart ached with it.
He held out his hand. He didn’t say anything, just held it there.
And she knew it was her choice. It would always be her choice.
She put her fingers in his palm, skimmed them upward, and curled her hand around his.
Chapter Nine
Kayla’s hand in his was small and soft. Neo waited—and she moved into his side, settled there. He curved his arm around her. He thought about kissing her, but decided that was too much for him to handle just now. She put her head on his shoulder and he knew it was the right decision. He felt like he’d gotten a baby bird to land in his palm.
Without another word, Neo picked up the remote and powered on the television. He flipped to HGTV, because he knew she liked that channel, and settled in to watch a couple in Mississippi restore old houses.
“I love this show,” Kayla said after they’d been watching for a few minutes. “Thank you for turning it on.”
He made a mental note that it was Monday and she loved to watch Home Town.
“I’ll be honest and say I didn’t know that, but I do now.”
She leaned back to look up at him. “What’s your favorite show, Zach?”
He frowned. “I don’t know that I have a favorite. I like car auctions. Car repair shows. Tattoo reality shows.”
She laughed softly. “Manly stuff.”
“Well, yeah.”
“No SEAL Team or N.C.I.S.?”
“Nope. I have to live with the reality of that life so I’d rather not watch the Hollywood version on TV.”
“We watched Jack Ryan together.”
He nodded. “We did. It was interesting.”
“I thought you liked it. You said you did.”
He ran his hand down her side, over her hip. He liked feeling her curled against him. It was nice. Was this how Dirty felt every night when he cuddled up with Chloe? It wasn’t a bad way to feel.
“I did like it. Mostly I liked watching it with you.”
“If you want to watch something else right now, I understand.”
“You said you love this show. Why would I turn it?”
Her lashes dipped to cover her eyes for a moment. “You don’t have to watch it to make me happy.”
“And if I say I do? You gonna argue with
me?”
She frowned. “But why, Zach? If anyone should be bending over backwards to please someone, it should be me. You’re marrying me because I asked you to protect me and Ana. The least I can do is try not to disrupt your life more than I already have.”
She astounded him. Saddened him. What had her life been like that that she was always willing to tamp down her wants and needs in order to please others? It made him sad to think it.
“Listen to me, beautiful. You aren’t disrupting my life, and you don’t need to bend over backwards to please me. That’s now how this works. When I had a roommate, we had to be considerate of each other when it came to things like stomping around at all hours, smelling up the kitchen, hogging the washer and dryer, or blocking the driveway. Now I get to do what I like whenever I like—and I’m still thinking about not waking Dirty or making sure the washer and dryer are clear so he can use them. Maybe if I lived alone for another six months, I’d get into the habit of only thinking about myself. But that’s not how I am. Being part of a couple means compromise. You get your way sometimes, and I get my way sometimes. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”
“I’ve never been in a relationship where that was true before.”
He brushed her hair back from her cheek. “You are now, so better get used to it. Monday night, you get to watch HGTV. Tuesday night, we’ll find a car show. Wednesday we can stream more episodes of Jack.”
She smiled. “Is that the schedule then?”
He shrugged. “It’s up for discussion. Everything is up for discussion, baby.” He twirled a lock of her hair around his finger. “Speaking of discussing things, we still making an appointment at the courthouse once we get the license?”
“I think it’s the best plan.”
“I’ve gotta assume you intend to have Bailey and Alexei at the ceremony.”
“I think they’d be hurt if we didn’t invite them.”
“I think you’re right. You still planning on keeping the truth about why the rush from Bailey until her wedding?”
“If possible.” She sighed and looked up at him. “I told her tonight that we were in love. She didn’t freak out. That’s a good sign.”
“Was this in person or on the phone?”
She frowned. “The phone. Are you suggesting she was freaking out and pretending not to?”
He laughed. “I don’t know your sister as well as you do. You tell me.”
Her face twisted adorably. “Maybe. I hope not, but maybe.” She groaned as she dropped her head against his chest again. “Oh god, she’s never going to believe we’re crazy in love. I mean she’ll understand me wanting you. She won’t understand you wanting me. It makes no sense.”
Neo put his fingers under her chin and made her look at him. Her hazel eyes were golden green and she barely wore any makeup. Not the polished beauty of Chloe or Avery. Better. So much better.
He liked how pretty she was, how unaware of it she was. She was the girl you took home to Mom—if your mom wasn’t a selfish bitch who preferred polish over substance. Not that Chloe or Avery had no substance. He knew for sure Chloe did. He suspected Avery did too.
It was just that his mother would be more interested in how a woman looked and comported herself, not in who she was down in her soul.
Kayla was one of the good ones.
“What the hell do you mean it doesn’t make sense? You’re gorgeous, Kayla. Any man would want you.”
She laughed softly. “Oh Zach, you are sweet. But it’s not really true. I’m nobody special.”
He frowned. “Yeah, you are. Never think you aren’t.”
She stared at him. He knew he looked fierce, but he wanted her to believe it.
She made a soft sound in her throat. And then she stretched up and pressed her lips to his.
Kayla’s heart throbbed. Her body trembled. He said she was special. He said it like he meant it, and she believed him. Maybe because she wanted to, but it was oh so sweet to hear.
She pressed her lips to Zach’s and heat unfurled inside her belly, melting into her body, her bones. Zach cupped her face tenderly as he kissed her back. He tasted like beer, his tongue lightly teasing, and she pressed into him a little harder, seeking more.
More heat. More Zach.
He didn’t give it to her. He held her where she was, kissing her softly, lightly. It wasn’t the desperate kiss of two months ago, the kiss that had rocked them both and sent them over the edge of sanity, ripping at clothing, touching, tasting, teasing. Joining their bodies in a sensual dance that wrecked them both.
She wanted more of that, but Zach wasn’t giving it to her. He didn’t seem in any hurry to do so.
She pulled back. “What’s wrong?”
He traced a thumb along her lower lip and her body trembled. “Nothing’s wrong, Kayla. I didn’t say you were special so you’d have sex with me tonight. I said it because it’s true.”
She dropped her gaze to the neck of his T-shirt. “I think maybe you don’t know me as well as you should. I’ve done some shitty things.”
“Tell me about them.”
Her belly flipped. “It’s a long list. You’d get sick of it before the end.”
He dragged her onto his lap, turning her so she sat across him with her legs on the couch and her bottom on his lap. He cradled her against him, and she felt safe for the first time in so long she couldn’t remember. Which was silly because all he was doing was holding her. That didn’t make her safe.
“Tell me what you want to tell me, then. I won’t judge you.”
Fear fluttered to life deep inside. “You might.”
“Honey, let me explain something to you. No matter what you’ve done, it’s probably not worse than what I’ve had to do in the line of duty. I’m not ashamed of any of it, believe me. But you’ve seen the shows on TV. You know what kind of things I do, even if the Hollywood version isn’t the real story. Unless you’ve done stuff like that, then don’t fear telling me anything.”
Kayla sucked in a breath. Then she put her head against his shoulder, taking comfort in the solidity of his presence. “I never killed anyone, if that’s what you mean. But I turned a blind eye to things when I should have known better. The Kings—God, they don’t deserve to be called kings of anything.” She gritted her teeth. “They were traffickers. Sex and drugs. They lured girls in. Runaways, rebels, addicts. They lured me in.”
She hated admitting that, but it was true. James had lured her as surely as if he’d hooked a fish.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I’m trying to remember that. But I feel so stupid. James paid attention to me when nobody else would. He was nice, attentive. He didn’t grab my ass or catcall me.”
“You worked at Buddy’s Bar for a while.”
Her heart thumped. “I did. Do you remember me?”
“I remember you had shorter hair then. And you called yourself Harley.”
She was surprised he remembered her. Most of the guys hadn’t. Even Alexei hadn’t until Bailey had shown him a picture. A blush crawled up her neck as she thought of who she’d been then. How clueless and naïve.
“I rarely waited on you guys. The waitresses with seniority wanted the SEALs, but a couple of times I helped out. Alexei was nice to me. You already know that I lied and said Ana was his when she wasn’t. I did it because he helped me once when a customer stiffed me on a bill. I needed to pull a name out of thin air to give to Bailey when I ran away again, and his was the one I thought of.”
“I know, honey. I don’t think either of them blame you for it.”
“No, I don’t think they do either. But I still feel badly about it. It was stupid and selfish of me.”
“Selfish? You were trying to protect Ana and doing the best you could. That’s not selfish.”
“I could have told someone what was happening. I probably should have.”
“Maybe so. But you made the choice you made. Maybe it wasn’t the best choice, but leaving Ana with Bailey is
what got her and Camel together. If you hadn’t done that, they might not have met. All you can do is learn from mistakes and try to make better choices in the future. That’s all any of us can do.”
“I’ve tried to learn from my mistakes. And I realize that refusing to tell Bailey what’s going on might fall under the category of didn’t learn a thing, but instead of leaving her to deal with a tough situation like last time, I’m trying to deal with it and fix it without it affecting her this time.”
“Yeah, I get that.”
Kayla leaned back and blew out a breath. “Last time, Bailey got hurt because of me. I can’t let that happen again. And I won’t let Ana get hurt either. I’d walk into the Kings’ clubhouse naked if it meant they’d leave my baby and my sister alone.”
Zach’s grip on her tightened a fraction. “I’d rather you didn’t.”
She met his light green gaze. So gorgeous, this man. It felt good to have him on her side.
“I don’t intend to. But I won’t let my actions cause trouble and pain for those I love again. Not if I can help it.”
“You can’t blame yourself for what Dunn did to your sister. If he’d gotten you and Ana, he’d have sold her. And you probably wouldn’t have escaped again.”
Kayla shuddered. She knew what would have happened to her. It wouldn’t have been pretty.
“No, I’d either be addicted to drugs and pimped out to as many men as I could handle in a day, or I’d be dead. That’s what they did to girls. And I deliberately didn’t examine it too deeply so I wouldn’t know.”
Zach sighed and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Kayla, honey. You were—are—young. And you were scared. You were also pregnant. You had a baby to worry about, and a man who was telling you everything was fine, am I right?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “It was a motorcycle club. A family, he said. There were old ladies and club whores, and the whores wanted to be old ladies. I was an old lady and I was lucky. That’s what James said. He said the club whores weren’t as good as the old ladies. They were paid for sex, and some of them were addicts looking for their fix. I was supposed to be above all that. I was his property, cherished, marked so the others would know they shouldn’t fuck with me.”
HOT SEAL Devotion Page 9