“We were working Black Ops as part of the new Homeland Security program,” he began, “a secret mission in response to information on a terrorist training camp sequestered on the northwest side of Chicago. These were dangerous men, Lynn, training to kill innocent people.”
The northwest side... where she'd sent her sister.
Lynn swallowed hard and asked, “You went in to kill these men?”
“We went in to stop them. And yes, we were authorized to use force if necessary. This isn't murder we're talking about, it was war, right here on our own soil. These men had to be stopped. Unfortunately, some informant leaked word of the strike and we were ambushed.” His expression changed and filled with such pain that she could almost feel it. “People on both sides died.”
“Including my sister Lorraine... and I was the one who sent her into the middle of that horror! Do you know who killed her, Blade? Did he die, too?”
“No. He's alive, Lynn.”
Her pulse jumped. “Then you know who did it?”
“Intimately,” he agreed. “He's...”
She felt her pulse tick in her throat as she waited for a name.
“He's me.”
Whatever she'd expected him to tell her, she wasn't prepared for this. “Wh-what?” She had to have misunderstood.
“I'd just been hit myself and then I heard someone behind me and I didn't have time to think. I fired as I turned. I thought it was a kill or be killed situation. I really didn't even see the woman until she was on the ground. Now I see her in my mind every day of my life.”
His explanation was a knife to her heart.
“You killed Lorraine?” Her eyes stung, but Lynn refused to let the tears go. “And then you hid that fact like some coward?”
“I'm responsible, and given a chance, I would have owned up to it publicly. But the next thing I knew I was dragged away by one of the other men, and then I passed out. I woke up in a military hospital bed. The cover-up had already started. No one was going to admit an operation had gone that bad. Every terrorist was either dead or taken off to a jail cell. All the evidence of what happened that night was carefully eradicated.”
“Except for my sister's body,” Lynn said, blinking through her watery image of him. Tears rolled down both cheeks as she remembered the funeral. “No wonder the police never got anywhere tracking down her murderer.”
Blade rose and moved toward her. “Lynn...” He put out a hand, but she slapped it away.
“No! Don't touch me! The thing I really need to know... the thing that's tearing me up inside... is how the hell did I end up sleeping with my own sister's murderer?”
“Because I sought you out,” he admitted. “I made it my business to know who you were. All of you. The family who survived the woman I killed. The guilt was killing me, Lynn, eating me alive. I was lost. I laid awake most nights trying to figure out what I could do to somehow make up for my mistake. And then I saw the news that you'd been taken prisoner and the bastard was on the loose and still threatening you. And I saw it as my chance to make amends. If I could save you...”
Damn him! Damn his haunted expression! Damn his guilt!
“To make amends for my sister's murder, you slept with me?”
“I fought it. You know I did. Remember that first night here? I volunteered to guard you with my life. I would give my life for yours.”
“Now there's a line if I ever heard one!” she snapped. “Sorry if I'm not impressed.”
“It's true, Lynn. I would give up my life if it meant saving yours. At first it was to make up for your sister. But now it's so much more. I didn't intend to fall in love with you, but I did.”
“Liar,” she whispered, backing off from him.
“Lynn, please, you have to believe—”
“Nothing you say, Blade. I don't have to believe you, not after you made a fool of me. And I don't have to stay here, either.”
He stood in painful silence and watched her open her closet, pull out her suitcase and gather an armload of clothing from the rack. She threw the garments, hangers and all, into the open suitcase.
“Don't do this, Lynn.”
“Don't do what? Go back to my real life? Or do you mean don't wake up to what you really are?”
“Don't cut me off.”
“I already have.”
She looked at the mound spilling out of her suitcase and knew she would never get the damned thing closed again. And there was more stuff in her closet.
Of course, there were too many things—she was trying to pack her Melinda Parker disguise. She pushed the suitcase away from her in disgust.
“I'll send someone to get my things,” she said. “My things. Evelyn Cross's things.”
She grabbed her purse and tried to get to the door, but he blocked her.
“Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“That could be dangerous.”
“You are dangerous.” With that she ducked through the bathroom and into his quarters. When she realized he was following her, his own clothes from the night before in hand, she said, “All this time you've been lecturing me about how you wanted to protect me, how you wanted me to be safe.” She opened the door to the outside. “With
you, I was in more danger than I ever realized.”
Escaping him, she ran.
“Lynn, wait, at least let me drive you home!”
Halfway to the stairs, she glanced back to see him trying to pull on jeans while juggling boots and a shirt and trying to close the door behind him.
Refusing to answer, she took off as fast as her heels would let her and scrambled between buildings toward the street, away from his Jeep. By the time he got to it and brought it around the block, she would be long gone.
But to where? She needed to catch her emotional breath.
Cass. She could go to Cass.
Lynn practically ran the half mile to the other woman's place, swiping at the tears that continued to defy her, praying all the while that her friend would be home. When she got there and laid on the bell, for a moment she thought it was too late, that Cass had gone out for the day.
Then a sleepy voice called down, “Who's there?” and Lynn could breathe again.
A few minutes later they were sharing strong coffee and heartbreak. Cass was wearing a nightshirt and bunny slippers, her hair was tangled and poked in every direction and her face was devoid of make-up. And looking at her like this, so very different from the charismatic, glamorous woman she saw every night, Lynn realized Cass had been wearing a disguise all along, too.
“Oh, honey, I'm so sorry,” Cass said, hugging Lynn tightly. “I can understand how you're devastated. But Blade—”
“No buts,” Lynn whispered. “Please, no buts.”
Cass nodded. “Whatever you want.”
Lynn white-knuckled her coffee mug. “I want this to be over, once and for all. I want an end to the torment, to not knowing not if, but when that bastard is going to come after me. Cooper, not Blade.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I want you to help me.”
“Anything.”
“Then hypnotize me.” Even as she said the word, Lynn's stomach knotted and her
heart felt like it lurched into her throat. She'd never voluntarily given up such control before. “I need to remember everything, enough to put Cooper behind bars. Then, I'll be safe.”
“You're sure.”
“I've never been this sure of anything.”
Except for Blade, an inner voice taunted her. And look how that turned out.
“All right,” Cass agreed. “Come on this way.”
Cass led her through the dining and living area into a sun room, filled with plants that surrounded a wicker chair and a matching chaise and ottoman.
“Make yourself comfortable,” Cass murmured as she adjusted the blinds so that the area was thrown into shadow.
Then she left the room for a moment, and Lynn slipped onto the chaise lounge and gripped
the wicker arms hard. She tried to prepare herself for the experience. She had to do this... had to...
“Relax already.”
Cass was back. She pulled the chair closer, so that she could look Lynn directly in the eye. Then she lifted what she'd left the room for—a crystal on a chain.
“Look into the facets and concentrate on the flickering light inside. Take deep, slow breaths.”
“This is supposed to hypnotize me?”
“Relax. Let go of everything. Concentrate on my voice and the crystal.”
She was trying. “And then what?”
“Relax your body. Feel how your toes are tingling... your feet... let the tingle spread along your calves... your thighs and leave behind a trail of warmth...”
Focusing on the crystal and Cass's voice, Lynn felt the tingle turn to warmth.
“... now your fingers... your forearms... deep, slow breaths... and the warmth is spreading faster now, coming together in the middle... spreading up your neck... your face... your mind...”
The light in the crystal shifted slightly.
“Are you relaxed?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Then I'm going to take you back a week to last Friday night,” Cass said, her voice gentle. “But I'm going to be with you this time, so you'll be safe. You trust me, don't you?”
“Yes.”
“And you feel warm and safe inside.”
“Safe,” Lynn whispered in agreement.
“Don't take your eyes off the crystal. We're safe inside the crystal. No one can hurt us there. Take my hand...”
Lynn clasped hands with Cass and suddenly they were leaving the lobby of her building.
“Tell me what you see.”
“Darkness.”
Her eyes were bound and her head went light, and she heard that voice, that wretched taunting voice that wanted her to think that she was going to die.
“You think you're so smart, bitch... have you in my power. I can do anything... not a thing you can do to stop me.”
Hearing his whisper clearly in her mind, Lynn said, “He's there behind me.”
Cass's voice came through a fog, “He can't hurt you. Remember that. He'll tell you who he is, Lynn, if you listen hard enough.”
“After what you made me lose... play with you and let you go... could be anywhere at any time... looking over your shoulder forever...”
“Until we meet again,” Lynn whispered.
“Are you still connected?” Cass asked.
“Uh-huh. Can't see him, though.”
“Concentrate.”
Lynn delved deeper into her mind and listened more intently.
“You've needed a man for a long time, Evelyn... shows you what it means to be accountable.”
Blade...
“She was the center of my universe until you got between us.”
“He hates me,” she murmured, “I can feel it.”
She felt him squeeze her breast.
Cooper, not Blade.
It made her feel sick inside.
“You know what that does for me? Nothing. You're not her!”
He squeezed again, harder and she jerked once and it was gone. The voice in her head. The memories. Gone.
“Come back, you bastard.”
“Lynn?”
“He's gone.”
“Then I'm going to bring you back. The warmth is receding and your body is beginning to awaken. Sensation is filling you again... spreading to your limbs... fingers... toes. I'm going to remove the crystal... and you'll be awake and remember everything.”
Lynn blinked and the entrancing sparkle was gone. She was looking into Cass's kind expression. Cass gave her a minute, then asked her to repeat everything she remembered so the memory would now stay with her.
“That's it,” Lynn said when she finished. “We know it's Timothy Cooper, but as far as being able to testify to that...” She shook her head. “No big new revelation.”
“That you recognize. Maybe you just need to think about what he said more and it'll come to you.” Still holding her hand, Cass gave her an encouraging squeeze.
“I hope you're right, because I'm going back to my life, Cass. Today. No more Melinda Parker. No more Club Undercover.”
“No more Blade?”
Her throat closed. “No more.”
“Are you sure? You're conflicted, I know, but Blade would take a bullet for you.”
“What? Did he go around telling everyone that he would gladly give up his life for mine?”
Could it be true?
“He didn't tell me anything.”
“Then how did you know...”
Staring into Cass's wide gray eyes, Lynn was suddenly spooked. The other woman had seen something about Blade and her. And Lynn knew she wouldn't explain. Cass's
predictions were always cryptic, like the thing with Stella.
If she believed, of course.
The thought of Blade dying for her was too horrific to contemplate, made her stomach knot and her throat close. Another person she loved dead, and because of her.
“He doesn't really die, does he?” Lynn whispered.
“That would be up to you.”
Up to her?
Lynn tried not to freak out at the thought. She didn't want to be responsible for another person's death. Especially not Blade's. How could she ever live with that knowledge? She might never want to see him again, but she certainly didn't wish him harm, didn't want him to die.
No more than Blade had wanted to be responsible for Lorraine's death, her inner voice acknowledged.
“Tell me more.”
Cass shook her head. “It doesn't work that way. It's not as if I see these things like a movie with structure. It's more like the coming attractions. Flashes of insight to get your attention. I'm sorry.”
A new worry plagued Lynn all the way home. Fearing she might forget something, she went over and over what she'd remembered under hypnosis. Cass had told her to think about what he'd said and something might come to her.
She was the center of my universe until you got between us.
Why did she remember that one line more than the others?
Why couldn't she come up with the proof necessary to have Cooper arrested? Then she wouldn't have to worry about Blade.
Even as she thought it, her inner voice called her a liar. She would always worry, always care about Blade. No matter what he'd done, no matter that he'd kept the details of her sister's death from her until she'd found the clipping, no matter that he'd made a fool of her, she loved him.
If only he had told her the truth up front!
But if he had, would she have listened and understood his pain? Or would she have rejected him and his offer of help outright?
Though distracted by what ifs, Lynn had enough sense to take a good look at her surroundings and make sure she had an all-clear before getting out of the taxi and rushing into the foyer of her high rise.
“Miss Cross, good to you see you,” Tony said. Then a puzzled look crossed the security guard's features. “Did you do something different...”
He indicated her hair, and Lynn smiled. “I'm experimenting,” she told him. “Tony, I heard about that break-in the night I left. I know this may sound silly, but would you mind seeing me up to my apartment, making sure everything is okay?”
“No problem. And it's not silly.” He came around the desk and walked with her toward the elevators. “Say, that guy you left with the other night? He was here looking for you.”
Blade had been there? Her chest tightened. His possible presence shouldn't affect her so, not when she could no longer trust him.
“When?”
“Nearly an hour ago. When I told him you weren't here, he decided to wait. He left five, maybe ten minutes ago. The way he was pacing... well, he was making me nervous, so I was glad to see him go. I thought you oughta know.”
What if Blade had been there for other than personal reasons?
What if he'd
been trying to warn her about some new danger?
Blade would take a bullet for you, Cass had told her.
What else had Cass seen? What might have happened in her coming attractions?
He doesn't really die, does he?
That would be up to you...
Why was she dwelling on something so intangible? Why couldn't she get those thoughts out of her head? Blade was out of it now.
Even though she wasn't alone, Lynn could feel her pulse race faster as the elevator brought her closer to her floor, and she had a hard time breathing when they stood before her front door. Once inside, Tony checked every nook and cranny, every closet. He even looked under her bed. Nothing. Her apprehension was for naught.
When he was ready to leave, she said, “Thank you so much,” and tried to give him a fifty.
Tony put his hands behind his back. “I wouldn't think of taking your money, Miss Cross, not after what you went through last week. Helping you out was my pleasure.”
She thanked the security guard again and double-locked the door behind him.
Being home and taking back her life didn't feel as good as she thought it would. She looked out at the river and Navy Pier and the park before it, but for once its beauty didn't awe her with the old intensity. A real neighborhood with big trees seemed equally appealing. As for the apartment, it suddenly seemed big and cold and she wished for something cozier with lots of plants instead of sculptures.
Damn Blade! A few days with him had changed how she saw things. He made her want what she couldn't have and that included a life with him.
Trying to distract herself, she checked to see if anyone had called. One message. Thinking that maybe this was Blade, when she retrieved it, she was amazed to hear her sister Dani's voice instead.
“Darn, I was hoping you were going to be home. Mom told me about the attack and that you weren't staying at your place. I'm so sorry, Lynn. It must have been horrible for you. I hope you get this message, because Mom also said Nathan wheedled information about my being in London out of her. You've got to talk to her about that. She can't give him my number or address. He can't ever find me.”
Lynn was caught by the way her sister's voice rose, as if in panic.
“I never told you everything that happened, Lynn. I-I'm afraid of Nathan. Don't trust anything he tells you. He... he hurt me. That's why I left him. I-I should have told you. Call me, okay?”
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