by C A Jonelle
“Lyndsay, you have to listen to me. I thought you hated me. You ran out. I didn’t know why, and I didn’t know how to talk to you about it.” She turns her face to me again and the fire in her eyes frightens me. She sits up, looks down at me, and takes a long swig from the bottle of vodka.
“Your answer to ‘we had sex, and I didn’t know what to do’ was to go find a different person to sneak off between the sheets and fuck? How can you not see where I’m coming from? Not only did you have a very serious relationship with Kendall, you may be having a baby with her. You may not think you’ll leave me, but you were more than willing to do it once. And saying you had to be faithful to her is bullshit, Zaryk, and you know it. You can’t be faithful and keep thinking about a girl you had a one-night stand with through the whole relationship.”
I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. She’s right; I never wanted Kendall the same way I wanted her. But I never had the balls to actually say it.
“I’m jealous, and I’ll admit it. But I’m far more afraid that my being jealous will push you right back to her and I can’t stand that. I can’t stand not knowing when it’s going to hit me like a brick wall that I was the only one who really wanted this relationship and have you leave me for a ready-made family. Kendall plus baby makes three with you in the picture and where am I? So for the love of god tell me why I’m wrong.”
I stare at her for a beat. “All I can tell you is I love you. If you can’t trust me then I don’t know what to say. I won’t lie to you, Kendall isn’t out of my life and she never will be. If it’s my baby then I’ll always be connected to her. If it’s not, I’m still going to care about her on some level. But not the same way I care about you.”
“Well, that’s just great. I love her, but I love you more.” She slumps down onto the floor beside the bed and tips the vodka to her mouth again. “I’m not the ditzy girl in one of those crummy romance novels who take ‘I love you’ for a pronouncement to be faithful until the day I die. I just don’t know anymore.” She lets her head drop and I’m furious. How many times can I tell her the same thing before it gets through her thick skull?
“Hold up. When did you and Corbin start dating?” I watch her flinch and the realization hits me like a hurricane, destroying what little strength I had left. “You and him hooked up that day didn’t you?” Nothing. “Didn’t you? Wow. And here you are chastising me over Kendall? Shit.” She looks up at me like I just broke her heart. Don’t fall for it Zaryk, stand up to her. I get off the bed and stumble slightly. When I get to my closet I pull out a T-shirt and throw it at her. She looks confused as she holds it to her chest.
“You’re staying with me tonight. You’ve been drinking and I’m not letting you drive anywhere like this. We can talk more tomorrow. I want to know about this Corbin jackass.” She rolls her eyes and I wave my finger at her. “Tsk tsk Miss Wright. Eye rolling will get you into trouble. Now put the shirt on and get ready for bed.”
She stares at me wide-eyed before I turn and not so gracefully exit the room. “Damn wall,” I mutter when I miss the door. I should have left the booze downstairs.
I walk into my en-suite bathroom and get ready for bed. I splash cool water on my face and assess my reflection in the mirror. Boy, I look a mess. My mohawk has gone limp, but my cock has other ideas. I tear off my shirt and pants and slip my sweatpants on. It’s pretty evident my penis hasn’t gotten her out of his head. I think of what I can to wear it down and miraculously it works – baseball, football, my brother’s and parent’s naked. I can almost guess what happened between her and that preppy douche nozzle. I want to hear it from her though. Maybe getting her to talk about it will help her stop worrying about Kendall and me.
I turn off the light and fall back into my room. Good Lord, I didn’t think I’d drunk that much. I freeze in the doorway when I see her standing by the bed in my Three Days Grace T-shirt. My eyes travel from her face, all the way down her long legs. “Damn.”
She smiles shyly and looks at the floor. Don’t give in to her Zaryk. Don’t you dare fuck her. Just let her sort her thoughts out first.
“Hop on up and get some sleep. I’m going up there.” I nod toward my reading net. The smile disappears from her face. “Get those thoughts in your head under control so we can talk tomorrow. If I get into bed with you I’ll be a goner. I’m not about to let you twist my heart again.”
I fumble up the stairs to my net. She’s still standing. I motion for her to go to bed and she obeys. Once she’s under the covers I grab the remote and turn the lights out. I lie down and thankfully pass out.
~ Sixteen ~
Lyndsay
I narrow my eyes against the bright light coming in through the windows. My arms and legs stretch out across Zaryk’s soft bed. My vision darts to the net in the far corner of the room. Zaryk is stretched out on his back, one arm on his chest and the other behind his head.
A naughty smile spreads on my face as I slip out of bed. I tiptoe quietly to the stairs and look up at him again. His steady, soft breathing tells me he’s sound asleep. I rub the palms of my now sweaty hands on his too big T-shirt and quietly ascend the steps. He stirs and I freeze, his face turned slightly in my direction. The innocence showing on his peaceful, sleeping face makes time stand still for a moment. He’s so beautiful; inside and out.
When I reach the top I stand at the edge and watch him. His face is so perfect. I want to be with him more than anything, but I don’t know how to shake this jealous feeling I have inside of me. How do I trust him? What if I let him in and he breaks my heart just like Corbin did? I don’t think my heart would ever mend if he broke it.
My eyes wander down his broad chest, six pack abs, to that V and then … my eyes widen when I notice how hard he is. What I wouldn’t give to feel him touching me with his strong hands and slipping inside me. I lick my lips and kneel down carefully. Slowly, crawl across the net, trying not to wake him.
I stop beside him. Watching him intently, I lift my hand and stroke the side of his handsome face with my fingertips. His lips slightly part and a tiny breath leaves his lips. His eyes are still closed. I lightly tread my fingers down his neck, his chest, and over his belly. His breathing is picking up a little and I’m more turned on than ever.
I reach the top of his sweatpants and ease my hand inside. My fingers wrap around him, making his breath catch. I begin moving my hand up and down and his hips slightly thrust. His breathing gets heavier and his eyes flutter open.
“What are you doing?”
“I couldn’t resist the urge to touch you, Zaryk.” I’m still gliding my hand up and down his thick shaft.
He swallows hard and closes his eyes. His hips have stopped moving, and he reaches down, grabbing my hand, forcing me to stop. I’m not sure he realizes how strong his grip is. His eyes open and I’m taken by surprise of the desire raging inside them.
He pulls my hand out and I drop it on my lap. Straightening up, he rubs his face and groans. “Dammit, Lyndsay, now I’m going to be walking around with blue balls and a fucking headache.” He presses a palm to his forehead.
I’m beyond embarrassed and I just want to disappear. Tears begin to sting my eyes and his head whips in my direction.
“No, no, no. Don’t you dare cry, dammit.” He shifts and wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. “Before anything can happen with us you have to be able to trust me. I can’t deal with this back and forth thing we have going on.” He takes my chin and forces me to look into his eyes. “Once you realize I’m not going to hurt you I’ll fuck you senseless. Until then I can’t give in and let you stomp on my heart again.”
My heart beats hard against my chest as I watch him move off the net and go down the stairs. I want to curl up into a ball and die. I wait until he’s out of sight before I climb down and grab my things and get dressed.
******
Zaryk
“Z, you’re not gonna like knowing who’s here to see you,” Zayne yells toward the kitchen.
I slam the cupboard door shut. Still in my sweatpants, I shuffle to the door and my heart skips a beat when I see Kendall standing there. Fuck, fuck, fuck, more frustration to add to my day.
“What do you want?”
“I need money, Zaryk; for the baby.”
“You look awful.” Her hair is a mess and her skin is pale as hell. She almost looks sick.
Her brow furrows. “Gee, thanks.”
“Get in here.” I step aside as she pushes her way in. My eyes move to the staircase and I see Lyndsay slowly coming down. She's wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a red baby tee, and her red Converse. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail. God, help me, beauty like hers should be illegal.
She glances at Kendall and her face falls in that way I can’t stand. I have to get this shit straightened out so I really can’t worry about how she feels right now. Kendall is about to drive me bat shit crazy.
“C’mon. Let’s go upstairs so we can talk in private,” I say as I start toward the steps. Kendall follows.
I squeeze Lyndsay’s hand as we pass by. Satisfaction fills me when I hear her sharp intake of breath. The effect I have on her makes my heart pound and my blood boil with absolute need for her warm, soft flesh pressed against mine.
Once in my bedroom, I turn to Kendall. “I told you I’m not giving you anything until I know who this baby belongs to. You can’t just say it’s mine and expect me to fork over a ton of cash.”
“But I know she’s yours. There’s no way she can be Seth’s. He can’t …” Looking away for a moment she sighs and then brings her eyes back to mine. “He can’t have children,” she says as she places her hand on her belly.
My heart melts a little. “She?”
“Yes, Zaryk. She.” Her body jolts slightly.
“Are you okay?” With genuine concern, I move toward her.
She holds her hand up. “Yes, I’m fine. She’s a kicker.”
My heart begins to warm up even more. I don’t know why knowing the baby is a girl makes me feel so cozy inside, but it’s almost overwhelming.
“How do you know she’s mine?” I ask.
“I told you, Seth can’t have children.” It sounds like the truth, but I’m still skeptical. “Look,” she continues, “I’m not lying to you Zaryk. Sure, what I did to you was the lowest thing I could have done but I know this baby is yours. Please believe me.”
I pull a checkbook out of the desk drawer. I may not be absolutely certain this baby is mine, but I’d regret not helping and making sure she has everything she needs. I scribble a large amount on the check.
“Here.” I hand it to her. “Will this cover everything? I’m assuming you haven’t bought a crib or anything.”
She takes it and her eyes stare wide when she sees the amount. A sly smile spreads on her lips. “Thanks!” she says and turns toward the door.
“Geez, Kendall. That’s it?” I can’t mask the confusion in my voice.
The sneer on her lips as she turns to face me freaks me out. She stalks toward me and I want to tell her to leave. From there everything seems like it’s in slow motion. I see her foot slip on the T-shirt Lyndsay wore last night, and she falls toward me. As I catch her, my hands fall to her stomach. Confusion swarms me and I shove her away.
“Kendall, what is that?” I point to her belly. She looks like a deer in headlights. “Goddammit, answer me!” My hands go to her back and I rip at the Velcro strap. A round object falls from her shirt and my world comes crashing down. The little girl I had just been picturing, and for the first time accepting, is ripped from me in an instant.
“Thanks for the check,” she says, smiling coldly, holding it up like a prize.
“How could you? I gave you everything and cheating on me wasn’t enough?” I can’t stop looking at the fake bump that just fell from her shirt. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I say through clenched teeth.
She stops and turns to face me again. There’s a straight up evil in her brown eyes. “I came to get what I deserve.”
“What you deserve?”
“I think I deserve a chunk of that change you’ve made from this tour, don’t you?” She waves the check in front of me.
“What? I don’t …”
“When you guys got famous you started to completely ignore me. You were more interested in that damn guitar than you were me.” She nods toward my beloved guitar and I immediately tense up.
“Kendall, you became a fucking bitch after I proposed to you. You appreciated nothing. I had to get away every once in a while!”
“What did you just call me?”
“You heard me. You’re an even bigger bitch for making me think you were pregnant.” I lurch forward and snatch the check from her hand.
Something snaps in her eyes. “Give me the money, Zaryk.”
I shake my head and her eyes wander straight to my guitar. She drops her purse and snatches it from the case. My eyes widen and my heart thuds hard against my chest as she strums a few chords. I hate it when people touch my guitar. A malicious grin covers her face again, and she holds the guitar up in the air, threatening me with it.
“Whoa! Hey! What are you doing?” I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. My body freezes and I swear my eyes are bugging straight out of their sockets.
Before I can grab it, she slams it down, violently, on the hardwood floor.
“Oh god, no!” I yell and lunge forward.
She holds it up again and I freeze. Pieces of it are scattered across the floor. My heart is thudding loud in my ears and I feel like I might throw up.
“Kendall, please, put the guitar down,” I plead.
She smashes it on the floor again and more pieces shatter. It slams against the floor again and again and again. I’m going to pass out. The room is spinning around me. I watch, helpless, as my beloved guitar - my most prized possession - is destroyed. My body feels numb, but a sheer hatred for Kendall is building up quickly. Finally, the neck snaps and she tosses it on the floor, along with anything that’s left of me.
Reaching down, she picks up her purse, and leaves without a word. I stare at the broken mess around me. My knees wobble and I fall to the floor, picking up a piece in front of me. I close my fingers tight around it as rage boils through me. The sound of footsteps stops at my door.
“Holy shit,” Kreed whispers.
I just sit there.
“Jesus, Z,” Zayden whispers as he gets on his knees beside me. Zayne sits down on the other side.
Tears are burning my eyes as I open my fingers to look at the piece of guitar in my hand. Zoey’s name is engraved in gold script across it. Nothing can replace what I’ve just lost … nothing. That guitar meant more to me than my own fucking life. It’s the last piece of Zoey I had left.
I feel the pain building inside me and the urge to destroy everything around me is rising. The heat of oncoming tears stings my eyes and I stand, my legs teetering slightly, forcing me to grab the edge of my bed to keep from falling. My thoughts are a swirling mass of pain and pure hate.
“Z.” Zayne helps me straighten my body.
I flash a glance in his direction, making him step back. He must’ve seen how I felt - all the frost emitting from me. If I was a snake, all the venom I’d possess couldn’t kill the ice cold bitch that destroyed every fucking part of me.
“I gotta get out of here.” I push past everyone and stop when my eyes meet Lyndsay’s. “Do you think I’ll go back to her now?” She doesn’t say a word, but I can see the disquiet in her eyes. As I storm out of my room I punch the door, leaving a hole – just like the one that inhabits my heart. My knuckles will ache later, but I don’t give a flying fuck.
“Z! Wait! I’ll come with you!” Zayden yells as he runs down the hall after me.
~ Seventeen ~
Lyndsay
“That damn bitch is going to pay for this,” Amberlynn seethes as she bends down to pick up pieces of Zaryk’s guitar.
I pick up the check lying on the
floor. My eyes widen at the amount. “She almost took fifty grand from him.”
Deklan shakes his head. “He’s such a fucking sap sometimes. I can’t believe she faked her pregnancy to get money out of him. Something’s not right with her. She must have needed it for something.”
“She’s probably doing drugs with Seth,” Jessica says. “He’s been in jail once for snorting coke. His mommy and daddy bailed him out of that and went broke in the process. I bet he’s using again and now Kendall is too.”
We all pile the pieces of Zaryk’s guitar in the middle of the floor. Once we’re finished we sit around and just stare at it - a pile of what was once a beautiful musical instrument is now nothing.
“This guitar meant everything to him,” Zayne says. “Just like Zoey. He’s been such a mess since she died. God, I miss her.”
I pick up the piece with Zoey’s name on it. It’s scripted in gold and sparkles when it hits the light at just the right angle. I stuff it in my front pocket and Amberlynn cocks her head at me. “What’re you doing?” she asks.
“I have an idea for this.” Amberlynn shrugs.
Deklan gets up and leaves the room. He comes back in with a box and we put the pieces of the guitar into it. Kreed sets it on Zaryk’s desk. “He may want to keep it, just because.”
******
I drive to the local guitar shop in town. Maybe they can do something with the piece I have in my pocket. The jingle of a bell sounds when I walk through the door.
“Hello there! What can I help you with?” The girl behind the counter is all smiles. Her long blonde hair hangs down her back and her dark eye makeup is stunning. I place the piece on the counter and her eyes light up. “I know this piece! The lead guitarist of Twisted Epiphany plays a guitar with a piece just like this.”
“This is from that very guitar. Is Joe around?”
“Yeah.” She eyes me speculatively before disappearing to the back of the shop.
“Lyndsay, how’re you?” Joe asks as he approaches the counter.