It’s like my new therapist says, I have to solve one problem before I focus on the second one. I either try to overcome the trauma I have from my childhood or solve my marriage. Then again, once I fix the former, the latter might just go away.
The last part is a lie I tell myself. After almost a year of separation, my heart still hurts. I hate that I can’t stop loving Pierce, that I miss him, and that I can’t let him go.
Friday is my day off. I spend all day with the kids. It’s around noon when I notice Pierce arriving at his place. That’s unusual for him. He practically lives in his office. If he didn’t have to wake up early to feed the kids, he’d never come home.
“What do you know that I don’t?” I ask Poppy. We’re riding in the indoor arena.
She shakes her head and continues galloping.
“Fine, I’ll stop asking about him. But if he brings another woman, you promised to tell me,” I remind her.
If I didn’t love my mare so much, I’d just take her with me. Separating her from Alistair would be cruel. These kids are a family, and I can’t tear them apart just because I don’t want to deal with Pierce.
This might be the piece that Breen, my life coach, was talking about the other day. I need to find what matters, hold onto it, and leave the rest behind. Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough, and I have to let that relationship go. Maybe I need to let my kids go. After all, Pierce adores them.
Fifteen minutes later, I spot Pierce wearing jeans, boots, and a sweater. He’s walking toward the barn. His pace is fast, his shoulders hunched, and I wonder who upset him.
I redirect Poppy, and we catch up with him because he looks…troubled. Alistair loves Pierce, but he doesn’t like it when he’s angry.
“You can’t ride Alistair if you’re upset,” I remind him.
He looks at me and shakes his head. “I just need to brush him.”
“What happened?”
“Some asshole called me on behalf of my father,” he states. “He’s sick. Probably dying within the next few weeks.”
I want to say, “Your dad is still alive?” But instead, I go for, “I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head again and goes to the stables. We follow right behind. I dismount Poppy, set her next to Alistair, and pull out the bucket with brushes.
“Here, start with Poppy,” I suggest, giving him a brush.
He glances at me. Just for a second, I get a glimpse of sadness, but it’s gone almost immediately.
We spend a few minutes brushing the kids. It’s not until I see him doing it with purpose that I finally ask, “When was the last time you spoke to your dad?”
He focuses on Poppy as he speaks, “When Carter died.”
There’s that name again. My heart beats fast because this is my opportunity to ask more about him. I need closure. I understand that I didn’t do anything wrong. Our relationship failed because we aren’t meant for each other. However, I want to learn a few of those secrets that he hid from me. After all, no matter when we sign the divorce papers, we’re still sharing a family.
I have to learn to forgive him and to get along with him—without sex involved in the equation.
“Do you mind if I ask you who Carter is?”
He leans lightly against the wall and drops his voice. “One of my younger brothers.”
I freeze, confused about how to react to the news. I want to reach across and grab his hand. Ask him more about these brothers. He said plural. One of them died. All this time—almost four years—I thought he was an only child.
“How long ago was that?” I’m impressed by how calm my voice comes out and how zen I’m behaving.
This situation calls for a full-blown, what is the matter with you, Pierce Aldridge. You don’t just get married to a woman and hide your entire life.
There’s a part of me wanting to ask about the hockey player, Mills Aldridge. Every game we go to see him, there’s this energy between them that I can’t decipher. I’m sure they are related, even though he denied it.
Does he know his brother might lose his career, and he has a son?
He looks at me and sighs, “Twelve years. It was messy, just like everything that involves my father and his sons. Carter had cancer, and I barely got to say goodbye. Of all my brothers, he was the coolest.”
I reach for his arm, squeezing it. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“It was so fucking messy, and fuck if it didn’t hurt to see him die.” He gives me a sad smile. “He’s the one who kept us together.”
This is a strange side of Pierce. I’ve never seen him so vulnerable. I wish I knew what to say or how to protect him because anyone could hurt him right now. I also wish he had been like this with me.
“You miss Carter,” I state, not giving him space to deny the obvious and hoping he doesn’t shut down.
He nods. “He was the best of us. We…he’s the best Aldridge. The rest of us are so much like my father.”
I want to help him comb through his emotions because I can’t grasp what he’s feeling. Sad, angry, confused? “So, I assume that you have more than one brother?”
“Yes, six…well, now just five,” he states.
“Have you spoken to any of them about your Dad?”
He shakes his head and laughs hysterically. “I’m not allowed to talk about my father to anyone. Mom never let me talk to my brothers while growing up, except when I visited my father. They were a taboo subject I couldn’t mention or I’d be punished. I never said anything about them.”
I fight my instincts and just nod in sympathy. This would be a great moment to tell him that maybe his mother is the one who kept him away from his brothers. It has nothing to do with his character. Instead, I focus on what’s important.
“Are you going to see your Dad?”
He glares at me. “Why would I want to see him when he left me? He had five known mistresses and a wife. Seven children who knew nothing about each other. He played us and didn’t care about either one of us. I don’t give two fucks about him.”
“Or anyone,” I add, because he is infuriating, and the cold bastard is about to come out—again.
“Don’t make this about us,” he orders.
“I’m stating the obvious, Pierce,” I clarify. “Your father is dying. This is your only chance to find closure. It’s not about him, but you. Have you ever thought about how much his abandonment affected you?”
His eyes are on fire. “So, what? You think that if I fix my shit with him, I might come back to you?”
“I wouldn’t take you back even if you’re the last man alive,” I argue, and I hate that my voice is loud.
There’s a wildfire burning in those forest green eyes. The desire to just take what he thinks still belongs to him. He wants to feel something more than the pain inside him.
He wants me.
I walk away because I’m not going to allow him to use me as his scapegoat.
Running away from him is futile.
He catches up with me on a whim. He presses me against the barn wall. His hand slides onto the back of my head. He angles it before kissing me hard. His hot breath fills my mouth as he sucks all the energy inside me. He’s giving me his anger and taking all my calm with him.
I have to stop him.
Leave.
I can’t.
I stay because I can’t deny him what he needs, to feel something real. He has to know that he’s not alone.
We both know that despite everything, I still love him.
We strip each other fast. There’s no foreplay. He guides his heavy shaft inside me. He pushes himself slowly, sinking into my tightness. A moan escapes my lips when he’s all the way inside me. My fingers move into his hair.
He rocks himself with slow forceful strokes. Our mouths move in unison. I love this kind of kiss, when he’s so deep inside me that I want to scream, but he muffles my moans with his mouth as I reach my climax.
When it’s over, he rests
his head on my shoulder, and all I can think is that this wasn’t angry sex. I’m confused about what happened, but we have to stop before I fall in love with whoever this broken man is.
Chapter Fourteen
Pierce
I lived in a state of denial for many years. I pretended not to have a father. I never mentioned the existence of my brothers. When I met Leyla, I forgot that there are some things the Aldridge family can never have, like love and a family.
It’s a curse.
The first time I heard of it was from my mother. She swore my father was incapable of loving anyone. The second time was from my grandmother—Dad’s mom. All marriages end in divorce. True love never lasts forever. She made it sound like a stupid myth, but there’s proof.
My grandfather left her in Baker’s Creek when Dad was only a child. My father…he didn’t give a shit about any of us. I’m not going to be part of the next generation who abandons kids.
Except you are divorcing. That’s not that different from what happened to the older generations, is it?
When I met Leyla, I wasn’t thinking. My entire life became her. I forgot my place in the Bryant family for a while. It took almost losing three important clients to remember my goals and my mission. My grandfather and my mother had plans for me. If I dedicated myself to the firm, I’d be the one leading it when they retire.
Is it killing me to let Leyla go?
That’s debatable.
My heart stopped working when I decided to get a divorce. Technically I’ve been dead since I said the words out loud and pulled the plug on our relationship. Logic dictates that I release her from whatever it is that we have together. She wants a life I can never give her. It’s not in my nature. If there is something she deserves, it’s happiness.
Does it kill me to think that she’ll find a guy who will give her what I can’t?
I’m already dead, so who cares?
She’s making everything more difficult for us.
Just sign the fucking papers, and let’s be done with it!
As if I don’t have plenty of shit to deal with, my father’s lawyer leaves a stupid message, “Your father is dying. Come see him as soon as possible.”
My sensible wife wants me to find closure and try to fix myself. That’s her solution to everything. It surprises me that she never suggested couples counseling for us. I shouldn’t be angry that she gave up on us too soon.
Now, she wants me to fix my shit with the dead man walking. It’s not easy. She'd understand if she knew more about the situation. But then, I’d have to explain to her more than I did on Friday for her to understand that it’s pointless. Even with that, I’m pretty sure she would try to persuade me to fly to New York.
I check the time; it’s past eleven. This is when she usually arrives to visit the kids on Sundays, but she’s not here yet. Is she avoiding me?
Yes, you horny asshole. You couldn’t keep your fucking dick in your pants. But I needed her so much. She’s the only person who makes me feel something more than anger, sadness, and fear.
I can’t help myself when she’s around. Not having sex is like saying we should stop breathing. That might be the solution, to stop breathing the same air as her. To move far away from her so I stop needing her so much.
When my phone rings, I answer right away. It could be Leyla stranded, or worse, calling me because she was in an accident. I’m surprised when the people who are on the screen are my brothers, Hayes and Henry.
“Yes?” I answer, trying to read if this is an emergency or some kind of brotherly call.
Are they close enough that they spend weekends together?
“Always in a good mood, just like Henry,” Hayes complains as he rolls his eyes.
“What do you need, Hayes?” I ask, watching the gate and hoping that Leyla comes through. I am praying that she’s okay.
“William died yesterday,” Henry states.
I scrub my face with my free hand and sigh. Hayes doesn’t wait for me to say anything. He tells me that we need to be in Baker’s Creek.
“I’m too busy to deal with any family affairs,” I say, stopping him from going any further.
My life is work. If I don’t go to celebrate my anniversary, mother’s birthday, or any other festivity, why should I have time for a guy who never cared for me?
“You’re not the only one who has to work.” Henry glares at me. “I get it, Pierce. You don’t give a fuck about him—me neither. However, we have to see this through at least and close that chapter.”
Please don’t tell me this guy is now the subscriber of yoga, some granola therapist, and meditation. I can only have one of those in my life.
“So what if you miss a weekend at the slopes?” Hayes argues, studying the screen. “Where are you? Aspen?”
“My life isn’t any of your business,” I reply vaguely.
He doesn’t need to know that I live in the foothills, and we get a decent amount of snow that doesn’t melt until June.
“Baker’s Creek is a place I would rather avoid. I don’t want to attend his funeral. Who cares about his last wishes? He never cared about any of my wishes. Nothing he leaves me is worth the trouble.”
There’s some commotion on the other side, and I wonder what’s happening until I hear a third voice, “Great, fucker one and two are here. We’re having a fucking family reunion. Where are the rest?”
“Who is that?” I ask, hating that I’m not there, and I can’t see shit.
Someone moves the monitor, and the ugly face of Mills appears. “Oh, the jock. I heard your career is over. You should be the one taking on Aldridge Enterprises and Dad’s assets. Aw, you can be just like Daddy.”
“It’s not fucking over, fucker number three. I'll be back next season,” he snarls.
I sit back and relax because if there’s something I like to do, it’s to ruffle his feathers. “Original, you know. We do all have actual names. Fucker has nothing to do with them. But what can I expect from you, a stupid jock?”
“Can you two stop the nonsense? You’re grown men,” Henry orders.
Once we stop, the conversation concentrates on what they want us to do, and it circles back to how many times our father failed us.
“So, I have to act like a loving son and follow his wishes?” I ask, my words drip with sarcasm. “Or what’s the plan?”
Honestly, I don’t want this family reunion. Baker’s Creek is a place filled with bittersweet memories.
“We go in, pretend to give a shit during the funeral, sit down while the lawyer reads Dad’s will and decide how to get rid of his money—unless one of you needs it,” Hayes answers.
“The jock might need it since he’s too stupid to do anything other than punch assholes for a living,” I joke.
“Stop!” Hayes commands, and I almost smile because this reminds me of the times we were together. Henry and Hayes pretended to be in charge. I’d boss the other three around and bug the fuck out of Mills because it’s fun. We’re almost the same age. I’m older by just a few months. If it wasn’t because he’s blonde, we could’ve passed as twins while growing up.
“We’re not teenagers anymore. Even then, it was shitty the way you treated each other,” he lectures us. “Can you get through this without fighting or punching each other?”
“I can if the bloodsucking lawyer keeps his trap shut,” Mills claims, but I’m sure he’ll provoke me soon. It’s what we do. “My issue is Arden.”
“Arden?” Hayes asks, confused.
“My son, he’s with the hockey wives right now. They help me watch him during the games, but I don’t have anyone who can help me if I go to Baker’s Creek.”
“You have a son?” We all ask at once.
“Yeah, well, shit happens. Condoms break, and I have a fourteen-month-old kid who shouldn’t be at a funeral.”
The kid is practically a baby. If I hadn’t done something very, very stupid when Carter died, I might be able to say something like, “My baby is the sam
e age.” But I did, and it was for the best.
Look at Mills. He has to deal with a baby, and there’s no mother. Things with Leyla were never going to last.
“We’ll find someone to watch him for a couple of hours,” Henry offers, and that narrowed gaze tells me that he’s going to fuck someone over while he’s at it. “Actually, I have just the person for the job.”
“I’m not leaving my son with a stranger.”
“Sophia isn’t a stranger. She’s my assistant. I’ve known her for a couple of years. She has nieces and nephews. I’m sure she’s capable.”
“How about you?” Henry looks at the screen. “Any children or family we should know about?”
“A wife,” I mumble, clearing my throat. Is it even worth it to mention Leyla? We’re not together anymore. If only… “Ex, if she wasn’t stubborn and would sign the fucking divorce papers.”
“Sorry, man,” Mills says. His words are genuine, and his gaze is kind of sad. I’m sure he knows who I’m talking about. They kind of know each other from all the games we’ve gone to see. “That’s tough. Mom went through a few divorces, and it was never easy.”
“How is your mom?” Hayes asks, and I hope my mother doesn’t come up in the conversation because our relationship is complicated.
“Happy with husband number five. They live in Calgary. I see her often,” Mills offers and then looks at me. “Do you have any kids, Pierce?”
“Are Beacon and Vance going to be at this party?” I change the subject. What’s the point of discussing my failed marriage? “Because I don’t see them here.”
“It seems like everyone ignored Dad’s lawyer,” Hayes says. I’m pretty sure he’s annoyed at our lack of interest.
He’s pretty nerdy and a rule follower. I, on the other hand, know the rules and find loopholes.
I laugh when Henry states, “Except the nerd. The good son.”
Defying Our Forever (The Baker’s Creek Billionaire Brothers Book 3) Page 9