Isn’t it sad that we’re much better now that we’re not together? I yearn for our relationship for just a moment, but I let the thought go almost immediately. That chapter is over. It has to be because if not, I won’t be able to move on with my life. At this point, we both want different things.
Ironically, I know him a lot better now than I did when we got married.
“I hate her,” I say, and I hate myself more because I start crying.
Furiously I wipe the tears with the back of my hands, but I can’t control myself. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to give up, but today I’m over everything. Maybe it’s the stupid hormone therapy. No, it’s the rage. There’s nothing I can do to fix what they broke.
“Sorry,” Pierce whispers, and it’s then I realize he’s holding me in his arms. “How do I make this better?”
“I could’ve been okay without a kid, but you wanted a family, and I just built these sandcastles in the air,” I sob. “I let them go, you know. Our two kids. It was hard, but I’m okay with that. This…this is highly messed up. I have so much love to give, and there are hundreds of children I could give it to. They couldn’t let me have that, could they? They are so angry with the world that they can’t allow anyone to be happy.”
“I’ll fix it, Ley,” he promises.
What is he going to fix?
“But everything is so broken. Is there even a point?”
“We can rebuild. Create something new,” he whispers in my ear, and I want to believe him so badly, but I can’t trust him.
All the bad things between us are starting to weigh so much that all I want is to be away from him. I want to just get out of his embrace. I’m not strong enough. Not tonight.
He’s the one who makes me forget. So, I beg him, “Make it go away.”
The next morning, I wake up after nine. I don’t think I’ve ever slept so much since we arrived in Baker’s Creek. I gasp when I remember that Mills had to be at the factory early today. I jump in the shower, get dressed, and head downstairs where I find Pierce sitting on the floor playing with Arden and his big trucks.
My heart shrinks because damn it if he wouldn’t be a great father, but it’s even sadder that I get why he doesn’t want to do it. He’ll be Uncle Pierce.
“Pwane,” Arden says.
Pierce lifts him and makes noises with his mouth while he pretends Arden is flying around.
My heart stutters, but unlike last night, the falling, spiraling-down feeling is gone.
“Morning,” he greets me when he finally notices me.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“Did you sleep well?”
I nod a couple of times. “I’m going to have breakfast, but afterward, I can take over so you can go to work,” I state.
He stands up, taking Arden along and says, “Let’s make some breakfast for Ley, okay?”
Arden extends his arms toward me and says, “Li-li.”
I take him with me and ask what he’s done today. So far, they’ve fed the chickens, took their daily walk around town, and played while they waited for me.”
“Where are Daisy and Buster?” I look around.
“Beacon went out for a hike and took them with him,” he announces as he chops peppers.
“You’re getting better at cooking,” I point out while watching him prepare an omelet.
“Anything to outdo the other fu—”
“That mouth,” I scold him. “Put a five in the jar.”
“I was going to say fudges,” he clarifies.
“Uh-huh,” I argue.
He smiles at me and says, “Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?”
“No, because you’re my soon to be ex-husband, and it’s best if we keep compliments away from our conversations,” I remind him.
“We could try again,” he insists.
“What are you planning on doing about…the adoption issue?” I change the conversation.
He sighs. “We have to do more research,” he answers while plating the eggs and toasting some bread. “It is going to take time because if we don’t do this right, they might get away with a hand slap or…nothing. I would ask Nyx to help us, but she’s on my mother’s shit list. Yesterday she had a bad day, and she’s sick. There’s a chance she might get canned because Edward will screw up the case they are handling together, and he’ll blame her. Which is fine, because I have another job for her, but still it would’ve been nice to have her work on this special project for a week or two.”
“That was very ambiguous,” I claim as I take a seat on the table. “Is she going to be okay?”
He nods. “Trust me.” He grimaces and says, “Too soon to ask you to do that, isn’t it?”
I sigh and answer, “I think I can trust this Pierce to do the right thing.”
“You do?”
“Yeah,” I answer, focusing on my breakfast and pushing myself forward. Nothing good comes out of living in the past or trying to change it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Pierce
Things unravel rapidly at Bryant, LLP. Mom loses another client. The IT company that wanted to hire them walks away. Edward fucks up, and Nyx gets fired.
“I should sue you,” Mom says over the phone.
“Instead of ‘I’m grounding you,’ now it’s ‘I’ll sue you,’” I chuckle. “That’s endearing. On what grounds, Mother?”
“You hired her,” she claims. “It’s your fault she lost an important case. The least you could do is help me undo the mess she made.”
If there’s something that impresses me about my mother it’s how she handles herself when she wants something, like my help. Old me would be feeling like shit and responsible for what went down in her company.
I know better, though.
“This was Edward’s case,” I remind her. “You haven’t told me how he lost his license. I hope they reinstate it soon. What would happen if people find out that one of your lawyers—and a partner for that matter—is practicing without a license?”
“He is not,” she scolds me. “Edward is working on a consulting basis until his license gets reinstated.”
“Fix that quickly because, at this pace, you’ll be running out of lawyers, Mom,” I answer. “If you don’t mind, I have work to do.”
I text Beacon after hanging up.
Pierce: Mom fired Nyx. We don’t have anyone inside Bryant, LLP to help us.
Beacon: It’s okay. They can get it done without her.
Pierce: When are they going to start this?
Beacon: They are on it. You have to be patient. This is a process that might take months.
Pierce: I trust you.
Beacon: Wow, it’s like we’re bonding. You’re scaring me, dude.
Pierce: That’s what brothers are for, isn’t it? To help each other.
Beacon: What do you need?
Pierce: I need to stay in your studio for a few days.
Beacon: No.
Pierce: Please, it’s important.
Beacon: No, you are supposed to sleep in the house every night. Remember?
Pierce: I’ll explain to you later tonight, okay?
Beacon: Nothing you say will convince me.
I don’t bother answering the texts because what’s the point of falling into a loop. Later, I’ll ask Hayes to help me change his mind. For now, I need to figure out a way to sue my mom for the wrongful termination of Nyx. I’m stepping into the game too early, but maybe if I inject a little fear, Mom might change her mind on how to continue treating me.
The rest of the week can’t get any weirder.
Nyx gets fired. She finds out she is pregnant.
She lost her mind while she was traveling with Edward and slept with him. I’m not judging her. We’ve all done stupid things in our lives. Before Leyla, I barely knew the women I bedded.
She decides to keep it. Good, because if she wasn’t going to, I was about to ask if we could adopt the baby. Leyla would’ve received him or her w
ith open arms. I prepare the documents to have Edward rescind his parental rights, with the condition that I can be Uncle Pierce to the kid. Knowing my cousin, he’ll probably sign immediately. Then again, he might not do it just to fuck with her. I’m ready to fight him either way.
In the meantime, I’m explaining to my brothers and Blaire why it’d be a good idea to have Nyx in New York for the next few months. Henry already knew about it, but since the hire is through Aldridge Enterprises, we have to have an official vote.
I invite Nyx to visit us in Baker’s Creek. When she enters my office, I say, “Let’s open a law firm. We can be partners.”
She arches an eyebrow and smiles. “Well, hello to you too.”
She’s a beautiful woman, but today she looks tired. We’ve always been honest with each other, so I tell her what I would say if she were my younger sister, “You look like crap, sweetheart. I heard that pregnancy gets better with time.”
“Charming as usual. No wonder your wife is divorcing you,” she taunts me, taking a seat and placing her purse next to her. “Tell me all about this firm you want to open.”
I stand up and close the door.
“We can establish a firm that can handle cases all around the country. Once we’re strong enough, we can try to go international,” I explain. “I open it here, but we have a couple of branches in strategic places, like Colorado. We hire lawyers who can work remotely and represent us in their areas. That saves us a lot in traveling expenses.”
“It’s a great idea. I’m in, unless your mother fucks me more than she already has.”
“Well, let’s work on that, too,” I say and grab my laptop.
Nyx is a good person. I am helping her because what my mother did is fucked up. However, I have my own motives to push for this lawsuit. I’ll get her enough money that she’ll be able to pay for her child’s college tuition.
The week goes by fast. By Wednesday, Mom calls me.
“For Chrissake, Pierce Griffin, what do you think you are doing?” she says when I answer the call.
“Excuse me?” I ask. “Hello, Mother. I hope you’re well.”
“Skip the pleasantries and explain yourself,” she snaps. “I just received a bunch of documents with nonsense. What do you have to say for yourself?”
I snort, “I realize you graduated from law school last century, but I’m sure you know what I sent you. Also, that is well documented, and just a tip because you’re my mother, you should have your attorney present or send me a response. This call is… Why are you calling me again?”
“This is unacceptable,” she reprimands me. “This is certainly a joke. You’re choosing the help over me. Your mother. What is next, going back to that dangerous woman? You should be glad she didn’t kill you while you two lived together.”
My teeth grind with anger and disbelief at what I’m hearing. Rage burns through my blood. The need for revenge is eating at me. My hand squeezes the phone tight while I take deep breaths. Beacon is right. I have to be patient. Even if it takes years, I won’t do anything until I have all the evidence I need to make everyone in that firm pay for what they did to Leyla.
The rest is on me because I should’ve put her first. Fuck, is she ever going to forgive me for not knowing how to treat someone as important as she is?
She’s my entire life.
“Have your lawyer go through the documents,” I say, composing my voice and acting professional.
“Just a reminder that you can’t be in court,” she says, and her voice has a tone of happiness within her.
“You forget that I don’t need to be in court to win,” I remind her and then add, “Do you know that Edward took advantage of her? This makes your firm look bad.”
“She’s a woman,” she fights back. “Not some underage teenager who didn’t know the consequences of trying to get ahead in the game by using her body.”
“I hope you don’t use that kind of defense in court,” I advise her. “Also, let me remind you that he’s her boss.”
She huffs. “It doesn’t matter. You won’t win this.”
“That's good, Mom. Keep underestimating me.”
Needless to say, by the end of the week, she settles. Nyx not only has a new job, but she also has a good cushion in her bank account for a rainy day. On Saturday, she leaves for New York where she’ll work at least until November.
I’m glad things got worked out in time for my procedure. On Sunday, I’m tempted to tell Leyla what I’m about to do. On one hand, there’s our new no lies policy. On the other, I don’t want to give her hope, or worse, what if she says, “I don’t care”?
We are over.
It can’t be over yet. There has to be a way back to us.
Beacon agreed to let me stay in his studio. Well, in his lair. The asshole has an underground house to get away from us. That kid is an evil genius. Lately, I’m wondering if he’s the real Beacon or if he cloned himself. Maybe the real Beac is living it large on some tropical island.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Pierce
Monday morning, I go to Sophia’s house. We have a conference call and a meeting. I’m great at faking it, but I feel my anxiety increasing as the minutes pass. There are so many things at play, and what if something goes wrong. I should’ve said something to Leyla before I left, but what if she doesn’t care.
We have to sit down soon and talk. She’ll probably say that’s not necessary because we’re over. We’re not. I can feel it, her love. It’s still alive, and there’s hope for us. This isn’t just about spending time feeding the kids, long walks at night, and sex before we go to bed. It’s about us finding each other, and this time, not letting us go.
Once the meeting is over, I head to Hayes’s practice.
When I arrive, he’s by the door checking the clock. “You’re pushing it too close. Did you eat or drink anything after midnight?”
“I told you I couldn’t cancel this, or Sophia would be suspicious about my absence,” I remind him. “And no, I’ve been starving myself, so let’s get this over with now.”
He grunts. “This is why your marriage is failing. Not the lack of children—or your stupid decisions when you were young. Stop lying to Leyla.”
“This is the last time,” I say and run a hand through my hair because fuck, I sound like an addict about to buy another gram of cocaine.
He shakes his head.
“You know it’s not just that,” I remind him.
We’ve talked about my marriage when we’re by the fire pit during the evenings. They know how royally I’ve fucked up. He can’t just say this was my mistake, and if I keep doing it, I’ll never get her back.
You are wrong, Hayes. This is twenty-four months of doing one stupid thing after another. I failed her and myself. There’s no doubt that I’m an idiot, but even idiots deserve a second chance. Today won’t fix my marriage either. This is just one of the million things I’m doing to repair all the damage I did to our relationship.
Having a vasectomy didn’t fuck my marriage. All the truths I hid from her, that’s what messed up everything. It was pure fear. I was programmed to please people and tell them whatever they want to hear—or to avoid saying what they don’t want to hear. She wanted a baby, and if I ignored it, maybe she’d change her mind.
Fuck, how simple would it have been to tell her, “By the way, I was once young and stupid. I don’t believe in having children because I come from two shitty families.” Even better, I could’ve said, “I’m damaged, and I don’t know how to put myself together.”
“Are you even sure you want to do this?” Hayes asks, taking me back into the now.
“Yes, I do.” My voice comes loud enough for everyone to turn to look at me.
“Follow me,” he instructs.
We go to the second story where the doctor explains the procedure one more time before I undress and put on the gown. When I’m on the table, counting down from ten to one, my only thought is Leyla. Hayes is right, I shoul
d’ve said something this morning. I need to be more open with her.
Beacon’s studio has a house underground. It took me some time to convince him to let me stay in one of his guest bedrooms. Once the procedure is done, Henry picks me up and takes me to the house. There are two entrances to Beacon’s place, and one of them is through the garage.
I wonder how many times we thought he was in his studio and he was somewhere else…and where the fuck has he gone without us noticing? That’s something I can’t worry about right now. I have four, almost five days to recover before I go back to the main house.
I sleep for the rest of the day. On Tuesday, I feel a lot better. Even when I want to go home, I can’t. The doctor said I should stay off my feet at least until Friday and put lots of ice on my crotch. This better work, but just in case, I do some research online, not only about adoption and fostering, but how accurate the statistics of a vasectomy reversal are.
There’s also the option of saying goodbye to Leyla. We’re both residents of the state of Oregon. If and when she signs the papers, we have to handle everything from here. The timelines and procedures are different from one state to another. It sounds a little fucked up that I just got some hope, and I’m searching for the right way to end us.
Around six, Beacon comes to the house with my food.
“Red is asking for you,” he says, handing me one of the takeout bags he’s carrying.
“You’re sticking to the story, aren’t you?”
He grunts and nods.
“Thank you.”
“I don’t get it. She’d be taking care of you. Why not tell her what you did?”
Because if I give her hope and this doesn’t work, it’ll break her heart. Because I’m not sure if she wants to be with me anymore. I don’t blame her for writing me off. I fucked up too many times. I need to know that she’s going to want to be with me even if I can’t give her children.
Defying Our Forever (The Baker’s Creek Billionaire Brothers Book 3) Page 20