"Kenz," Aaron said, stroking his hand down my back.
I jumped at the sudden contact. It took me a minute to recover from Blake's words. "Yeah?" I replied, finally looking up.
"I know you're going to go off on one about Blake again, but please hear me out."
I rolled my eyes. "This is getting old, Aaron."
"Please," he repeated. Sighing, I waved my hand, agreeing to listen. "Okay. Did you know he was kicked out of his old high school?"
"So?"
"For fighting."
"Lots of guys get into fights at some point in high school. I don't think we should condemn him for that."
"Don't you think it's even a little bit strange that he, the delinquent, turns up suddenly and the next morning we wake up to... what we woke up to?"
"No, I think there was some mad man running around in the woods and saw an opportunity. Or maybe he wanted to stay somewhere not knowing anyone was in; perhaps Josh and Courtney startled him."
"I get that you don't want to believe it. I don't either, but what other feasible option is there? We know no one else got in. Will you at least consider it?"
I shook my head. "No."
Aaron sighed in defeat. "Let's go back in." I walked ahead and heard him add, 'you'll wake up soon,' under his breath. I ignored him. He could think whatever he wanted; it wouldn't change what I knew.
Aaron and I joined Kyle and Megan back in our corner out of the way. I could feel everyone's eyes on us, but I refused to look at them, knowing I would just see blame and hate in their gaze. I didn't understand how so many people who had watched us grow up could suddenly believe we were capable of murder. Thankfully, I didn't know too many people here, but the few I did acted as if I could give them the plague and avoided me.
"Just a little longer," Kyle whispered, tightening his arms around Megan.
Blake entered the room again, holding a large glass of amber liquor. He sat on the opposite side, between us and his mum. All day he had barely spoken to anyone, and I noticed his family didn't make much of an effort to talk to him, except for his paternal grandparents. No wonder he felt Josh was the favourite.
"Okay, can you at least promise me to be careful around him?" Aaron said, looking past me to Blake.
My heart gave a little squeeze. He was worried about me. "Aaron, I'll be fine."
"Promise me, Mackenzie."
"I promise."
"And you'll call me if you're ever around him and don't feel safe?"
I frowned. Did he honestly, truly believe it was Blake? "I will," I whispered. How on earth was I going to get them on his - our - side? We were all in this together. He nodded once and walked away, towards Josh's cousin, Greg. I was left speechless for a second time. I felt as if I was being pulled in two directions and had to pick a team. We are all on the same team!
I looked over at Eloise, and my heart broke for her. She stared at a framed picture of Josh that sat on the small end table beside her. I wanted to go over and say something, but what did you say to a woman that had just buried her son?
Blake watched his mum. He looked torn, lost even. She was his mum, but he looked as clueless as I was when it came to speaking to her. Screw this! I wasn't giving up on him that easily, and I wasn't letting him push me away like he seemed to do with everyone else.
I walked across the room, noticing his eyes following me as I sat beside him. "Hey," I said. Despite what Aaron and Kyle said, I believed him. He may be the odd one out, but that didn't mean it was him.
"Hi." He leant down, leaning his elbows on his knees. "She won't even look at me now," he said, paying no attention to our last conversation. I wasn't sure what to say. "Last night when I asked her if she wanted me to do the reading for her, she looked at me like..." He shook his head and sighed. "I don't even know how to explain the look, but I could see in her eyes that she was burying the wrong son."
Not again. "Don't say that."
"It's true. I don't blame her; she spent Josh's whole life with him. I was the one that didn't choose her."
"That doesn't mean she loves you any less."
He turned his head to the side and looked up at me. "The glass is always half-full in Mackenzie's world, isn't it?"
"Does it look half-full?"
"You're trying to make it. That's why you won't accept one of them did it," he said, nodding to the corner where my friends stood. "Josh and Courtney are dead, but if you can prove your friends are innocent... Half-full."
"You're way too cynical. Do you trust anyone?"
"Myself."
"That doesn't count."
He sat up straight and shrugged. "Then no."
"That's really sad."
"If you don't trust anyone then no one can screw you over. You're going to find that out the hard way," he said and stood up, walking out of the room.
I wrapped my arms around myself. His words hit me hard. Kyle was right; we shouldn't have come here. I walked into the kitchen to get my coat so we could leave. We all needed to be far away from here.
"Which one of you was it?" Josh's uncle, Pete, spat. Pete and my dad were friends, so the way he looked at me with so much hate made feel like shit. "Which one of you bastards killed my nephew?"
I shook my head, pressing my back against the marble counter. Was he going to hit me? His face was red with rage and his eyes were wide. A bubble of saliva had gathered in both corners of his mouth.
"None of us, Pete, I swear," I replied. "We wouldn't."
"You have the audacity to turn up at his funeral!"
"We haven't done anything wrong."
"Tell the truth," he hissed through his teeth. "Tell the police what you did."
"Pete, please--"
"No," he growled, making me flinch back. He looked so angry, so furious that I wasn't sure how far he would go. "There couldn't have been anyone else. If you had any decency at all, you would own up and put an end to our family's misery. Joshua deserves justice."
So does Courtney. "I want that, too. You're looking in the wrong place, Pete. I promise you we didn't do this."
"Your promises mean nothing to me, Mackenzie. My sister might not see what you've done to her son, but I sure can. You will pay--"
"Hey," Kyle snapped. "That's enough." He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against his side protectively. "I'm sorry you lost your nephew, but we lost two friends, and this wasn't our fault."
"You're all liars. You'll rot in hell for this."
"Pete!" I said. It was so unlike him. The once joke-a-minute man that had me in stitches growing up was cold and hateful. "I understand you want someone to blame, I do too, but we didn't hurt him." I wasn't sure if he would ever believe me. I could tell him a million times that it wasn't us, but he was so wrapped up in what the police said and needing someone to blame that he couldn't see clearly.
"Get. Out," he said very slowly. "Don't ever come back here again."
"Come on," Kyle muttered, guiding me out of the door. Aaron and Megan stood in the hallway with wide eyes. "We're going."
I didn't see Blake before we left, a quick glance in the lounge on my way out told me no one in there had heard Pete's outburst. For that, I was grateful. I didn't want any doubt setting in for anyone else.
"What are we going to do?" I asked as we walked to Kyle's car, still holding onto myself.
No one had an answer for me because they all knew until we found out who had done it we were all screwed.
Chapter Eight
"What the hell is he doing here?" Kyle said, frowning at someone in the distance behind the curtain of leafless, skeleton trees at the side of the graveyard. The trees had died years ago but were never removed. I found it morbidly appropriate. Kyle's tear-stained face hardened.
I turned and through glossy eyes saw DI Wright standing just far enough away from the congregation for it to be obvious that he wasn't here to be a part of the funeral. He wore a black suit and tie, so he looked as if he belonged, but his eyes focused solely on us and no
t the hole in the ground that Courtney was about to be lowered into.
A shiver ran through me. Today of all days he had to show. I just wanted Courtney's funeral to run smoothly and be filled with the people she loved and cared about and those who cared about her. Wright hanging around made it all about what happened and not saying goodbye. It was hard enough without having that constant reminder that we were in the frame.
"Can't he give us one day?" Megan said from behind me. He hadn't turned up at Josh's funeral though, so why Courtney's? Did that mean something or was he just bored today?
"He's trying to catch a murderer, Megan." Blake's voice made me jump. He stepped in front of us and looked back at Wright. "Gotta keep an eye on his main suspects."
"What're you doing here?" I asked. Courtney wasn't really anyone to him. I hadn't expected him to come.
"Paying my respects on my brother's behalf," he replied. "I decided to stay with my mum for a while, too. She's a mess." I blinked in shock. He ignored my obvious surprise. He did care. "I'm actually the worse person to be around for her though. I don't do emotional women."
"I'm sorry, Blake," I said.
He shrugged. "It's okay."
"How's your dad?"
"Better than Mum, but a mess too. They had the I-can't-believe-you-made-me-miss-my-son's-funeral-how-fucking-selfish-are-you-Eloise argument about three seconds after he arrived. Two seconds later than I thought, so that's progress."
There was nothing I could say to that. Sorry again maybe? I was with him on that one. Eloise should have waited for Josh's dad, no matter what she felt for him.
"Look, after this we're all going to the basketball court, you want to come?" From the look on Aaron's face and the daggers he was shooting at me, he didn't want Blake there, but this wasn't about Aaron.
Blake frowned. "I thought the wake was at the social club?"
I nodded. "It is, but we decided to do something else. We hung out at the court a lot." I raised my eyebrow. "And drank there a lot. It seemed more... fitting."
Blake pulled his lip between his teeth and cocked his head to the side. Finally, after thinking it through, he replied, "Okay. Thanks."
I smiled, glad he'd accepted. He had no one around here, besides his mum, but she wasn't in any state to support him properly right now. His parents were both grieving so they couldn't give him what he needed. As much of a mysterious loner Blake was, he needed someone.
My attention returned to Courtney when her mum started reading her a bedtime story, the way she did when Courtney was a child. I blinked hard. My eyes filled with tears. It was her last and final goodnight. The story being read was Little Red Riding Hood, which I remembered Courtney telling me was her favourite childhood book.
I took in a deep shaky breath and my hands trembled. With every word spoken, I could feel her pain of losing her child, her only child. "This isn't fair," I whispered and started crying. Why was this happening to us? Why did we lose two more friends? I felt as if I had swallowed a football, the lump in my throat was so large. This shouldn't be happening.
My legs were weak. I could barely hold myself up. Courtney was my best friend, and now I would never see her again. My heart broke as her coffin disappeared out of sight into the ground. No, no, no, no. My lungs tightened. I couldn't breathe.
Blake's arm snaked around my waist. He held me close to his side.
"We'll be alright," Aaron said, glaring at Blake. "I promise."
I turned my body, burying my head in Blake's hard chest. He said nothing to comfort me and I expected that was because he didn't know what to say. It didn't matter; I just needed to be held through the crushing grief of losing such a beautiful friend.
I couldn't watch another person I loved - someone so young with so much to give - be placed into the ground. It was hard enough with Tilly and Gigi; I never imagined I'd lose another friend so soon. Grandparents and parents you kind of knew you would lose when you were still sort-of young, but friends weren't supposed to go anywhere until you were well into your eighties.
"Can we leave now, please?" I asked as Courtney's family scattered dirt on her coffin. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep it together, and I couldn't fall apart, not while everything was so complicated and messy. When their murderer had been found, I would allow myself to grieve, until then I was determined to remain strong. They deserved justice. They needed people to fight for them, not to fall apart.
"Yeah," Kyle replied, nodding towards the yellow stone path that lead to the cars. "Let's go to the court and give Courtney the send-off she would actually want."
"Vodka and beer," Blake said, raising his eyebrow. "Classy."
Megan narrowed her eyes. "Do you want one or not?" He nodded in reply, and Megan handed him a beer. Blake was right; it wasn't classy, and it was very stereotypical teens drinking at the park, but we had a laugh messing around and playing silly games. Everything was easier back then. Uncomplicated.
We sat in a circle on the grass beside the barely used basketball court, leaving one space for Courtney unintentionally. I didn't let myself think about this being our goodbye to her. I wasn't really ready to do that yet. There couldn't be a proper goodbye until I knew the person that killed her was behind bars.
"Should we say something?" I asked. "I feel like we should."
Aaron nodded and took a swig of his beer. "Why don't we all say something about them both? I'll start. Courtney was one of the most beautiful girls I've ever known, but she wasn't cocky with it. She was modest and that added to her beauty. Josh," Aaron said and laughed. "Well Josh was punching well above his weight, and he knew it. He loved her; though as much as some of you doubt it, he did."
He meant me. I had never doubted he loved her, in his own way. But it wasn't enough, it wasn't real and pure. He didn't put her first. It wasn't true, unselfish love. He wouldn't have done what was best for her if it meant he lost out on something. He wanted to change her. If you really loved someone you accepted the bad parts, too.
"I'll go now," Megan said, taking a shaky breath. "In the first year of high school, Courtney and I didn't get along. I felt that she was trying to drive a wedge between me, Mackenzie, Tilly and Gigi. It was only when my first boyfriend dumped me that I realised I was wrong about her. Mackenzie was on holiday, Tilly and Gigi were busy, and Courtney came round with chocolate and a DVD. She was a good friend, and I'll miss her so much." She smiled sadly and took a deep breath. "Josh. Well, Josh said some stupid, terrible things that I'm sure he regretted, but he wasn't an evil person. I wish I had the chance to tell him I forgive him." Megan looked to me. My turn.
I put my plastic cup of neat vodka down on the floor and frowned. "I'm not sure where to start. There are so many things I want to say. Courtney and I were pretty much inseparable all through high school, and I remember how excited we were that we had the same classes every year. She was always there and never judged me, or anyone for that matter. I couldn't have asked for a better friend, and I can't believe she doesn't get to grow up with us." Tears filled my eyes and the lump in my throat I swallowed felt like a football.
"We were supposed to rent a flat together. Remember, Megan? We were going to get a posh place in a nice part of the city."
Megan nodded. "Preferably one that overlooked a football club so we could watch them run around in shorts."
I laughed and wiped my eyes. That was Courtney's idea. "Yeah."
"What about Josh?" Blake said. "Aren't you going to say something about him?"
I nodded. "Of course, Blake. Josh and I had our differences, but I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. We were friends before." I frowned. Well, years ago, sort of. "I wish I got the chance to properly sort out our differences so things could go back to the way they were." Four years ago we hung around with the same group and although we weren't good friends we did speak. And then I couldn't tolerate him. And then he couldn't tolerate me.
Blake nodded once and opened his mouth to say something when Wright sat down besid
e him, completing the circle. Where the fuck did he come from? He just appeared! "Didn't fancy the wake then?" he asked.
"Not their one," Kyle replied. "Can we help you with anything?"
"You could tell me which one of you murdered your friends." He looked around, pinning each of us still with his icy gaze. "No? Worth a try, hey!" He threaded his fingers between each other. "I've just had the test results back."
"And?" Aaron said, glaring at him.
Wright was too arrogant. He had something about him, an aura, which oozed confidence and made it seem as if he owned everything and everyone. I got the impression that he knew a lot more than he told us, and he waited until he felt it was the right time to share the information. He probably had the test results back days ago.
"Rohypnol."
My mouth hit the floor. "The date rape drug?"
Wright's lip curled at the side. "The very one, Mackenzie. You know it well?"
"Everyone's heard of it," I replied. It was often in the news. It was the reason I got the never-leave-your-drink-alone lecture from my parents whenever I went out. We were always hearing stories about women that woke up having been drugged and raped the previous night and had little recollection of how it all happened.
My blood ran cold. Someone had done that to us.
"Someone spiked us with Rohypnol!" Blake said. His voice was much louder than usual, showing his anger and disbelief. "Who?"
Wright shrugged. "Again, I was hoping one of you would be able to help me out with that, but I won't be holding my breath."
"Wait?" I said. "Did we all test positive?"
"Yes."
"Even Josh and Courtney?" Aaron asked.
"Yes," Wright replied. "Strange, wouldn't you say?"
My heart spiked with the glimmer of hope. "But that proves someone else did it then!" We were all in the clear. We were all drugged and the murderer used that as his, or her, or their chance.
"Nothing has changed, Mackenzie. All this proves is that this murder was well thought out. Premeditated. Whichever one of you has blood on your hands; you have done a very good job of covering your tracks. I'm impressed, drugging yourself too - after the murders, of course - and hiding among your friends is incredibly clever. I must say this though, as clever as you are, I will find out which one of you is responsible." He pushed himself up and walked away. "Be seeing you real soon."
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