Aidan glanced up at her. “You really think we can trust Ezra and Pilar?”
“Yes. All the kids hate Cleo and Genevieve. They make a good show of going along with the pretense that the Milan Initiative is just a fancy boarding school for talented kids, but they know they’re trapped.”
“The last time I saw Navid in the dreamworld, he asked to speak with me privately,” Aidan said. “I thought he was going to give me the ‘don’t hurt my daughter’ speech. But he said some things that didn’t make much sense at the time—they make more sense now. He told me it was okay to leave her. That it was important for me to go my own way for a time, and I should trust my instincts. That Allie would understand, and we would have our time together. I thought he meant it was okay for me to stay here with you. Like he knew we were about to become Syntrophos.”
“He’s creepy the way he knows so much about everyone and everything.” Naomi shivered. “He’s the one who convinced me I should move to Germany with you last year.”
“He’s not creepy. Navid’s Complement is the most powerful clairvoyant to ever live. I imagine they know a lot about all of us.”
“It’s still creepy. But if he knows so much about you and the things that are happening to us now, then reconsider his words. What would Navid say if he knew your access to the dreamworld through his daughter would ultimately give the Milan Initiative access to the dreamworld and every potential young Syntrophos out there?”
“He would tell me to shut it down,” Aidan said. “No matter what.”
“Then you know that’s what you have to do.”
Aidan walked along the pathway leading to Allie’s tree house. He always entered her dreamscape this way. Now that she understood the way her dreamscape worked, her connection to the dreamworld was even stronger.
He’d known for a while it was his telepathic connection with Allie that allowed him to come here and maintain his awareness in a way other dreamers couldn’t. Without Navid’s guidance, they would have made a mess of things. Even now, Aidan felt the pull to wander, the urge to step outside the safety of Allie’s dreamscape to explore, but Navid had warned them that it was too dangerous to wander this world alone.
He didn’t know how Cleo and Genevieve could expect him to track the young, unsuspecting Immortals who had the potential to become Syntrophos when he was essentially riding Allie’s coattails here, but he had a feeling they’d find a way to make it work.
No matter how much he needed this connection to stay close to Allie, it wasn’t worth the pain it could cause so many others. And eventually, Allie was going to find out what was happening with him, and she’d stick her nose in it until she was in just as deep as he was. He was torn between duty and love. An impossible choice that was tearing him up inside.
“But if I don’t tell her everything, she’s going to think I don’t trust her.” Aidan kicked a stone in his way, wishing he had the right answer that would solve all his problems. Deep down, he just wanted to protect Allie. She was so strong and could handle her own shit, he knew that. But this whole mess was his fault and he didn’t want his mistakes to ever touch her.
Aidan walked along the tree-lined pathway, hands shoved in his pocket, avoiding the inevitable. The cherry blossoms were in perfect bloom and a salty, ocean breeze swept through his hair. Lights twinkled in the branches, and white Chinese lanterns lit the way.
He smiled, taking in the romantic setting. She always prepared this pathway for him. Sometimes, it was the same for a while, and then she would change it to something equally spectacular.
“You like?” Allie asked, appearing on the path ahead of him.
“It’s beautiful.” His gaze heated as he stared at her, drinking her in. She managed to take his breath every time he laid eyes on her. Her beauty was never a question, but she was so much more. As smart and funny as she was, she was also inspiring, spontaneous and full of surprises. “But you always look amazing.”
“I meant the lights, but thank you.”
“You’re wearing a dress.” He smiled, his breath catching in his throat. She wore a lacy pink, swishy kind of dress falling down to her ankles. Her gorgeous red hair cascaded down her back with a spray of cherry blossoms tucked behind her ear. A light dusting of freckles dotted the creamy soft swell of her breasts and her strange pale green eyes flashed like gems in the lamplight.
“I am. Don’t get used to it.” She took his hand as they walked along the lane.
“I like it. But you look just as beautiful in your paint-stained jeans and t-shirts with those badass sai blades at your hips.”
“You say all the best words,” Allie said, looping her arm through his.
“So what’s the occasion?” Aidan gestured at her dress and their surroundings. “You’ve made the dreamworld match your dress. Everything’s pink. You hate pink.”
“I don’t know. I just like the cherry blossoms. It’s the one pink thing I don’t hate.”
“Are we celebrating something? I don’t think I’ve missed any important anniversaries, have I?” He knew he hadn’t. Every milestone he’d experienced with Allie was carved into his memory from the day she ran right into him to the day she finally told him she loved him.
“I’ve missed you.” She shrugged. “We’ve both been so busy lately; we don’t get much time here anymore. You’re coming home so soon but I want us to catch up before then.” She tugged on his hand with one of her smiles that made him speechless.
“The time difference and cramming for final performances has made it harder. I’m sorry, baby. I miss you, too.” Aidan pulled her back in, slipping his arm around her waist. Seeing her in the dreamworld was better than nothing, but it still wasn’t the same as sharing a life with her, which was all he really wanted. But it didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon.
“It won’t be once you’re home next week. I’m so excited I can hardly focus on school.” She pulled him along the pathway, excitement dancing in her eyes.
“We have a swing now,” Aidan said, as they approached her tree house.
“Let’s sit. I’ve planned for a beautiful sunset.” Allie shoved him into the swing, climbing on top of him to press her lips to his. “Do you know how much I love you, Aidan McBrien?” she murmured, running her fingers through his hair.
He couldn’t help it: he kissed her back, letting his hands fall to her waist and pulling her closer. He wanted to stay in this moment with her forever—anything to avoid what he was about to do to them. But he didn’t have that luxury, and he couldn’t let this go on. He needed to do what he came here to do, and get it done before he lost the will to do it. He already felt like crying and that would ruin his lies. Lies that burned like acid in his throat.
“Lex, you have no idea how much I love you. You’re on my mind the moment I wake up and you’re the last thought I have before sleep takes me.” He took her hands in his, pressing her palms against his chest. “But about next week—”
“Aidan? You’re really doing this?” She let her hands fall to her lap, her shoulders slumped, and her eyes widened in surprise.
Of course, she’d seen this coming. She was clairvoyant. “You saw this?”
“Yes, but I never thought you’d actually do it.” She shoved him back against the swing. “Why, Aidan? There were no signs you were even considering it.” Tears of anger caught her in her lashes, each one like a hot knife ripping through his chest.
“How long have you known?” He could barely get the question out.
“Since you left, but it’s never made any sense. Let’s talk about this.”
“Why did you let me go, Allie?” His throat tightened and he could barely speak. If she’d said something—anything about what she’d seen for them—he’d have never left. No matter how much Aidan had needed the escape then, he would have stayed, found a way to deal with her relationship with Darius, and the pain of knowing she was his Complement when she didn’t. That pain was nothing compared to this. He’d take a thous
and years of her not knowing over leaving her this way.
“I didn’t want to hold you back from your dream, Aidan. You deserve this time—as much time as you want to take. I would never stand in your way. I … I thought my gift was wrong. You’ve been blocking me so much lately. I just thought you were busy cramming for exams like I was.”
She wasn’t going to let him go without an explanation, and he couldn’t tell her about the Initiative. She’d come in guns blazing to get him out of the mess he’d made of his life. And then Allie would be caught up in the snare with him—not knowing she would be handing his enemy the biggest weapon they could use against him—both his Syntrophos and his Complement. The Initiative would manipulate Aidan for the rest of his life.
He was going to have to convince Allie he wanted to leave her, and it shattered something inside him to even consider it.
“You always said we would overwhelm each other,” he began, but his mind whirled with every possible way he could get out of doing this. He came up with nothing. “You were right.” The words tasted like ash in his mouth. It was the worst thing he could possibly say to her.
“You son of a bitch, don’t you dare do this.” She moved off his lap, settling in the swing beside him.
“I’m sorry, Allie.” He turned to find their romantic setting gone. Lights vanished, blossoms faded, and Allie sat beside him in her jeans and t-shirt, like always. She was still lovely. Still the only girl he would ever love, but he had to protect her the only way he could. He had to leave her, block her from his mind in every possible way. He had the motivation to do it now—he just needed to rip the Band Aid off and make it quick.
“You’re sorry?” She shook her head, too bewildered to let it sink in. “I thought there would be clues you were pulling away from us. I thought I would have time to change your mind. Where is all this coming from, Aidan?”
“I want you to have your own life, Allie. We’re young. We both need time to figure out who we are without each other.” It was the one thing he knew he could say to convince her. It was the reason she’d resisted loving him for so long. She’d never thought he’d understood that before but he always had. She fought falling in love with him because so much of her life she’d spent alone and lonely. He knew what that was like, too. Allie’s greatest fear was going back to that life. She feared loving him meant she would lose him, and she’d never wanted to risk their friendship. But Aidan always knew what they had was worth the risk. It still was. He would be free of the Initiative. Someday. And then they would have the rest of their lives together.
“So that’s just it, then? You’re shutting me out without a single explanation?” Her tears trailed down her cheeks, but she wiped them away, letting her anger take precedence.
“I’ve already decided to stay in Germany to finish school. I think it will be easier this way. Easier for both of us if we make it a clean cut.” Aidan wanted to take the words back. To scream from the mountaintops that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But his life was no longer his own.
“Fine, stay. I understand you want to be there. You’ve always had my full support. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Have you met someone else?”
“God no, Allie. It’s not like that at all, baby.” He would not let her believe that. He would do this, but he couldn’t let her think there would ever be anyone else. Aidan tried to pull her back into his arms, not ready to let her go just yet.
“No. You don’t get to hold me and try to make this easier on yourself.” She shoved him away. “I resisted this relationship for so long, Aidan. And I finally let us have this. Trusted you with my heart, and now you’re leaving? Screw you, Aidan McBrien!” She shoved him again, beating her fists against his chest. Hard.
“Allie, please. Listen to me, baby.” He slipped onto his knees in front of her, holding her hands in his. “I need you to trust me, Alexis Ann.” His voice broke on a sob as he kissed her perfect hands, and pressed his forehead against her knees, his eyes swimming with tears of his own. “This is for the best. I’m going to leave in a minute, and I’m not going to come back.” He didn’t know how he’d have the strength to actually do it. “And you’re not going to hear my thoughts anymore.”
“No.” She shook her head stubbornly, swiping at the tears falling freely now. “Don’t do this, Aidan,” she whispered. “Don’t you dare leave me alone.”
“But you’re not alone, Lex. You have Sasha and all our friends. You have Liam and Darius.”
“Is that what this is about? My bond with Darius? I’ve told you a million times—”
“It’s not him, Allie. We need time apart. And you and Darius need so much more time together.”
“No.” She shook her head again. “We’re fine, Aidan.” She clutched his hands like she’d never let go. “This is ridiculous.”
Aidan stood, his knees shaking as he pulled her up with him. “I love you, Alexis Ann. That will never change.” He drew her against his chest, leaning down to kiss her beautiful lips, searing the memory of this kiss into his mind forever. Allie’s hands slid up his chest and around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. He slipped his arms around her, holding her tight as he kissed her, trying to convey the depth of his feelings for her through their kiss. Trying to say everything he couldn’t say with words.
“No, Aidan. No,” she cried as he stepped away. “Please stay with me. Don’t do this.” She sobbed, taking a step toward him.
He couldn’t find his voice, and he was seconds away from taking it all back. Aidan couldn’t stand to hear the pain in her voice. Allie was the strongest person he knew. She would be fine without him, but he would not be fine without her.
“You bastard!” she screamed. “Don’t do this to us.”
Staring at the ground like a coward, Aidan turned and walked away.
Chapter Seventeen
Allie
Kelleys Island, December
“Allie, wake up!” As Darius shook her a desperate scream ripped from Allie’s throat. She searched for Aidan’s thoughts but he was gone. Her mind was an empty, lonely place without him. “No,” she sobbed, unable to find the words to tell her Syntrophos what was wrong.
“Don’t. You have to ease her out of the dream,” Liam said, moving to the other side of the bed. “Shaking her like that’s a good way to get punched.”
“Did you hear her all the way across the street at your place?” Darius asked, as Allie shrieked Aidan’s name. Her heart shattered in a million pieces but in that moment, she wanted to hate him. Hate him for making her love him. It would be so much easier than this soul crushing anguish he’d left her with.
“Yeah. She never screams like that. Something’s wrong, she hasn’t had a bad night like this in a long time,” Liam said. “Not since we moved here.”
“Not a dream,” she gasped, wide awake now. “He’s gone.” Her eyes searched for Darius, not seeing him. “He left.”
“Shhh, Allie. It’s just a bad dream.” Liam climbed into the bed next to her, holding her tight.
“This is more than a bad dream, Liam,” Darius said, gathering Allie’s hands in his. “I … can’t breathe … it hurts so bad.” He looked to his uncle for help. “She’s devastated. Allie, what did you see?” Darius asked, he eyes wide with fright.
“Little one, you need to talk to us,” Liam said, singing softly to calm her.
“Aidan left.” She managed to get the words out, but they still didn’t make any sense. He loved her. He wouldn’t do this to her.
“He left months ago, Allie,” Darius said.
“He left me.” She slammed her fists against her head, unable to stand the silence there. Her heart raced, like it was trying to run away from this pain. This pain so intense she knew it would change her forever. “He … cut me out. He’s gone.” She beat her fist against her head again until Liam pulled her hands away. The emptiness echoing in her mind was so foreign she couldn’t comprehend it. Aidan had spent so much time in her thought
s. Without him there, her mind was a cold, dark place she didn’t recognize anymore. She couldn’t bear the loneliness of her solitary thoughts.
“That asshat broke up with you? In the dreamworld?” Darius growled. “Why?”
“I don’t know. He just … he wanted out.” She sifted through their conversation and couldn’t pull out a single logical reason for his rash decision.
“I’ll kill him.” Liam pulled her tight against his chest. “I’ll make him rue the day he ever hurt you.”
Allie shook her head, trying to stall the tears that kept flowing. Anger. She needed to cling to her anger now. Anger was better than whatever hell this helpless feeling was. Over a boy. I am not going to fall apart over a boy. I am not that girl. But it was too late for that. She already lay scattered in a million pieces, like a broken doll.
“He’s always been an idiot, Allie,” Darius said, his voice cold. “He’ll come to his senses.” He stared at her with narrowed eyes that said he would tear his brother limb from limb for hurting her like this.
“No.” Allie bit her lip, sitting up against the headboard. She took a deep breath, wincing at the pain, like a knife in her chest where her heart used to be. “If he doesn’t want to be with me, then it’s over. I’m not doing this twice.” Even if he came crawling back to her in a month or a year, she could not go through this again.
“What do you need?” Liam asked, clearly at a loss.
Allie gulped back her tears. Wiping her face with her sleeve. “I need coffee and breakfast. And then I need to get to school. I have a project due today, so I can’t miss critique.” She shrugged out of Liam’s arms and got out of bed. Nausea threatened to send her running for the toilet, but she took a deep breath and refused to waste another thought on Aidan.
She didn’t want waste another thought on him ever again.
Allie charged down the tunnel to the underground, far ahead of Darius. She couldn’t wait for Liam and Quinn to finish transforming the barn behind their cottage into a gym. Then she could avoid Kelleys Island as much as possible. Too many memories of Aidan haunted this place. It made it hard to stay angry.
Emerge- The Betrayal Page 17