by Deb Kastner
Alyssa definitely empathized and wondered if she should reveal those emotions.
No. He already knew she was here to support him. She didn’t think it would be helpful to speak about things they had no control over.
He jerked his chin in a firm nod.
“Let’s do this.”
He and Alyssa exited the truck and searched for the numbers on the apartment doors until they found Sharee’s.
Cash hesitated once again when they reached the landing in front of her apartment and Alyssa tucked her hand beneath his elbow. An old, dusty gray mat with cowboy boots and horseshoes offered a welcome Alyssa did not feel.
“Here goes nothing,” Cash muttered under his breath before clenching his jaw and knocking four times in rapid succession.
Behind the door, Alyssa heard the shuffle of feet. The door didn’t have a peephole, nor was there a window in front, so Sharee wouldn’t have the opportunity to see who was knocking without opening the door.
“It’s about time,” Sharee said as she flung open the door. “I’m starving. What is it with you people that it takes you an hour to deliver one pizza? Did you have to harvest the grain to make the crust?”
“Hello, Sharee,” Cash said, his voice low and gruff with emotion. “I’m afraid your pizza will have to wait. Did you forget we agreed to meet today?”
“Oh. Right. Come in, then.”
Alyssa didn’t know what she’d expected Sharee to look like, but this was not it. It was one o’clock in the afternoon and Sharee was still in pink cotton pajamas, her hair was rumpled and her makeup was smeared. Her pajamas didn’t appear to be of the maternity variety, and Sharee’s round belly pressed against the buttons.
When Sharee stepped away from the door, Cash didn’t hesitate in marching straight into the apartment, looking back only once to make sure Alyssa was following.
Which she was—close enough to reach out and grab the back of his shirt. If he stopped suddenly she would run straight into him. Her nerves were starting to get to her.
Sharee didn’t look like the type of woman with whom a person could hold a rational conversation. Not today, in any case.
“Where would you like to talk?” Cash asked, keeping his voice neutral. If he was feeling the same anxiety, he was no longer showing it.
Sharee gestured toward a blue sofa that had definitely seen better days, its fabric worn at the corners and ripped in some places.
Cash sat first, and then Alyssa sank into the seat next to him.
Not a bad idea, showing Sharee a united front. And if the pregnant woman got any other ideas from Cash’s gesture, well, Alyssa wouldn’t lie about it, but she saw no reason to blurt out the truth—that she and Cash were just friends—good friends. Having a woman at Cash’s side couldn’t hurt their argument for him gaining custody of his child.
Sharee supported the underside of her stomach as she awkwardly settled in an armchair across from them. With a groan, she combed her hair back with her thumb and index finger, then leaned her elbow on the arm of the chair and rested her chin in her hand.
“I have to say, I agreed to see you, Cash, but in all honesty, I’m not sure why you’re here.” Sharee’s ice-blue eyes bored into Cash’s.
Alyssa had assumed Cash would take the lead in this conversation and was a little thrown off that Sharee had spoken first.
Cash cleared his throat and met Sharee’s gaze squarely. “Before we go any further, I need to apologize to you for my actions. I’m sorry for the way I treated you when we first met. Everything that happened that night—” He paused as his voice cracked. “I recognize that I’m responsible for my part in it.”
Sharee scoffed.
“But since that time, I’ve done everything in my power to make up for what I did, to become a better man. And that includes wanting to take full custody of our daughter.”
“Full custody?” Sharee exclaimed. “You’re kidding, right?”
“He’s serious,” Alyssa said.
“Excuse me? Who are you?” Sharee speared Alyssa with her gaze. How had Cash gotten tangled up with a woman like her?
“She’s—” Cash started, and then faltered.
“I’m Alyssa Emerson, a friend of Cash’s,” she finished for him. “We work together.”
Confusion crossed Sharee’s expression, and then what looked to Alyssa like a touch of jealousy. Her eyes settled on Cash’s arm, which was still around Alyssa’s shoulders.
“Where is this, exactly? At the rodeo? I didn’t know Cash was back on tour. I thought he was doing some charity work to shine up his tarnished image.”
“Can’t keep anything a secret,” Cash muttered under his breath. And then, louder, “Yes, that is the plan. I’m working at Alyssa’s store as part of my publicity campaign.”
He made it sound like that was all that it was. Alyssa’s shoulders tightened, and Cash glanced down at her, concern etched in his face. Now was not the time to react to being summarily placed back on the advertising burner. Alyssa had thought they’d gone far past that, that they really were good friends.
Apparently not.
“And then you’re planning to return to the rodeo.” Sharee’s words weren’t a question.
“That’s the plan. I’m putting my past behind me, and I still have a few good years left to succeed at bareback bronc riding. If I win, I can make enough money to seed our daughter’s college fund.”
It was as if a fist squeezed Alyssa’s heart. She’d known from the moment Cash had stepped into her life that he was there to repair his image. The end game was his return to the rodeo circuit.
When had her thoughts—and her heart—changed?
It was only just recently that Alyssa had started seriously considering another outcome—one of Cash staying in Serendipity with his daughter, making the town his home and the store his permanent employment. As far as Alyssa was concerned, there wasn’t a better place on Earth to raise a family.
They hadn’t discussed it yet, but the rodeo circuit was no place for a newborn baby. Had Cash even considered what he would do with his daughter when he was out on the circuit? Was that what Sharee had been thinking about when she’d decided on adoption?
Maybe the woman wasn’t as far out there as Alyssa had first assumed. Still, Cash seemed determined to raise his own child, even if he hadn’t offered all the specifics.
Alyssa looked from one to the other of them. They appeared to be in some sort of mental standoff, their gazes locked and yet not a single word spoken between them.
“Then I’m doing you a favor,” Sharee said at last. “Think about it, Cash. You can’t take a baby with you on the rodeo circuit. It would only get in your way.”
“My daughter is not an inconvenience,” Cash whispered, his voice cracking with strain. “And I’m not willing to walk away from my responsibility to her.”
“That’s why I’m giving you an out. You don’t have a responsibility to her. She will be going to a good home and you can get on with your life, live it up like you used to. No worries.”
“That will never happen,” he assured her. His voice was so quiet and so controlled that Alyssa shivered. “I’m not the man I used to be. I’m going to be a father to our daughter.”
His arm tightened around Alyssa’s shoulders.
“And I’m keeping my baby,” Cash said.
Chapter Nine
Cash had never been so frustrated in his whole life, and his mind and body were screaming for a drink.
He’d known this confrontation would be difficult, but he’d had no idea Sharee would be so completely unmoved. No matter how rationally he tried to discuss the subject, Sharee just brushed him off.
Not only him, but their baby.
Unbelievable.
She was right about one thing. It would be next to impossible for him to take his daughte
r on the rodeo circuit. His baby needed the stability of a home and a father who would always be there for her. He couldn’t provide that for her if he was gone all the time, and he wasn’t going to let her be raised by a nanny.
But he couldn’t stand the thought of him not being in his daughter’s life, of someone else raising his child. If there were changes to be made to make custody possible, they were his to make.
As hard as it might be for him personally, he would sacrifice his career for his daughter in a heartbeat. He didn’t know what that would look like in reality. The only thing he’d ever known was rodeo.
He now realized he should have thought the matter through before his meeting with Sharee. He should have been able to tell her exactly how he planned on raising their daughter, to show Sharee how much he’d changed.
He wanted to prove he could be a stable and loving father to their baby, because all that Sharee had ever known of him was a pompous, bigheaded cowboy who thought of no one but himself. A partyer and a playboy.
He was ashamed just to think about it.
He took his arm off from around Alyssa’s shoulder and clenched his fists between his knees, desperately combating his emotions. Seeing Sharee’s baby bump and knowing his daughter was about to be born choked him up, even without facing down the fear that he might never get to see his baby grow up.
“I understand you want to give your and Cash’s daughter up in a closed adoption.” Alyssa took over the conversation, speaking in a hushed but rational tone.
“That’s right. I want to put all this behind me.” Sharee gestured to her stomach.
“I know you do,” Alyssa said softly. “And that’s all well and good. But we’ve come here today to offer you another solution.”
“Cash and I have already discussed this on the phone,” Sharee snapped.
No. No, they had not.
Sharee had done all the talking the other day. Cash had been too devastated by what he’d been told to hold anywhere close to a real conversation. And he certainly hadn’t agreed with her conclusions.
“Yes. And you want a closed adoption, so the child will have no way to connect with you when they are old enough to do so.”
Sharee smiled for the first time that day. “Exactly. I’m glad you understand.”
Cash didn’t get it. Not at all. How could Sharee not want to be part of her baby’s life?
“That’s just the thing,” Alyssa said, her voice calm. She brushed her palms across the fabric of her jeans. “I don’t understand. And I’m not sure you’ve thought this all the way through, either.”
“Oh, believe me, I have.”
Cash wanted to say something but his mouth wouldn’t form words. He felt as if he was ready to jump out of his skin.
“I believe you,” Alyssa said gently. “We understand why at present, a baby would feel like a burden to you. But there is another option—a better one—than choosing a closed adoption.”
“I’m not doing an open adoption, so you can just forget that,” Sharee snapped.
It was hard enough for Cash to imagine his daughter growing up without a mother. But at least she would have a father who loved her and would show her how much he loved her every day of her life.
“I’m going to assert my rights as the biological father of our daughter,” he blurted out roughly, wishing he had half the self-control Alyssa was displaying.
“Why would you do that?” Sharee looked and sounded legitimately stunned. “You’re in the same position as I am. You can’t possibly want to raise a kid right now.”
“But I do” Cash said. “God blessed us with a baby, and I’m not letting my daughter go to another home, even if it’s a good one. She has a home. With me.”
“This really is the best-case scenario all around,” Alyssa added. “We understand—er, Cash does, I mean—what an inconvenience this baby would be to you now. And he expects nothing from you. If you don’t want him to tell her about you, he won’t. Not ever.”
“But if you ever did want me to tell her a little bit about you, anything I tell our daughter about her mother will be positive. That, I can promise you.”
“I don’t want her to know anything about me,” Sharee insisted.
“The decision will always be yours,” Cash assured her. “I won’t ever break my promise to you to keep your identity a secret.”
“I’d rather not have to make this a huge battle between us,” Cash said, keeping his voice low and even. “I have the right to the custody of my daughter whether you respect that fact or not. I don’t want to have to do it, but I will block any attempt at adoption and will be ready to do a paternity test the moment our baby is born. Either way, it’s going to happen. Fighting me over it is a waste of your time, and mine.”
“I’m going to have to think about this,” Sharee said, rubbing a hand absently over her belly. “I want you to realize I really am thinking of our baby, here,” Sharee said, the acerbic tone leaving her voice. “I believed, and still believe, that she should go to a good home, with two parents who really want a baby and who will love her and take care of her.”
“I will love her and take care of her.”
“I don’t know, Cash. I’m just not seeing it. You’ll be a single father. And more to the point, how can an egotistical drunk who gets in a fight with his best friend over a girl suddenly turn into a man responsible enough to be a father to a newborn? That’s not something that can happen overnight.”
Her words sent Cash reeling. She had just touched on his biggest fear—that he wasn’t good enough.
And to top it off, she’d gutted him with his guilt over Aaron’s death. A secret Alyssa didn’t yet know about.
“He’ll have help,” Alyssa told Sharee. “We live in a small town where friends and neighbors are like family. And, of course, he’ll have the full support of our local church.”
Alyssa smiled reassuringly and reached for his hand.
“And he has me, for what that’s worth.”
A burst of emotion surged through him like a bolt of electricity. Alyssa had no idea what her support was worth to him. He had no words to express his feelings to her, what she meant to him.
“I think you should leave now. I’ll get back to you,” Sharee said.
“What does that mean?” Cash asked.
“You’ve really thrown a wrench into my plans. I don’t know which way is up or down right now. You say you’ve got the right to obtain full custody, but is that really true, given your recent history? What would a judge say about all this? I just don’t know yet. You have to give me some time to figure this out.”
“Not too much time,” he warned, his heart beating frantically. “I can and will fight for my paternity.”
“Yes, but if I’m not mistaken, I could go to court and present evidence demonstrating that you shouldn’t have custody, and it would be better for our daughter to be adopted.”
Could she really prove him unworthy of custody? And the more frightening question—would she? She was one of the very few who knew what had really happened that night with Aaron.
Sharee knew his secret. If word got out...
No. He couldn’t change the past, and he wouldn’t give up the fight for his daughter. She was his future.
He’d given Sharee good reasons not to fight him on this. He could only hope she’d see the wisdom in his words, and that she would feel it was too much of a hassle to take legal action against him.
He prayed this wouldn’t turn out to be an all-out battle, because it was one he might lose.
* * *
Alyssa was proud of Cash for the way he’d handled himself with Sharee. There was a time in the not so distant past where he wouldn’t have had the self-control to not lose his temper or make harsh demands.
Things had not gone quite as on-script as she had hoped for, but it seemed
to her that Sharee now realized Cash was serious about wanting custody of his daughter and it was only a matter of time before she gave in.
It still galled Alyssa that Sharee thought of an innocent infant as an inconvenience. But it was that fact that might work the most in Cash’s favor. Sharee had threatened to take him to court, but why would she go to that much effort when Cash was stepping up to virtually take away her troubles?
Alyssa expected Cash to look at least a little bit relieved by the progress they’d made today, though of course everything had been left up in the air. But instead of appearing less stressed than earlier in the day, he was staring out the passenger window with a grim expression on his face.
“She’s going to capitulate, you know.”
He merely grunted in response.
She tried again.
“Today was a win. You have to see that.”
He didn’t even give her a verbal response this time.
“We should go out and celebrate, maybe catch dinner at Cup O’ Jo’s.”
That got his attention, anyway. He turned toward her, his gaze incredulous.
“You think we ought to be happy about the way things went down today?”
“Of course I do. It won’t take her long to realize you taking custody is the best option for your baby, if she doesn’t recognize that already. At the very least, I believe she’ll relent because it’s too much of an inconvenience and an expense to fight you. But maybe she’ll come to realize that it’s the best thing for everyone, even for her.”
Cash scoffed. “I highly doubt that.”
“I think her threat of taking you to court is all hot air. It would be too much of a hassle for her, not to mention that you can prove you’re a competent father. So even if it went that far, you’ll still get custody of your daughter.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“Well, at any rate,” she said, “I’m starving, and I need to eat. Are you going to join me or not?”
He paused before answering, his gaze becoming distant again.
“I guess so.” She’d never heard him sound quite so apathetic, even during the first days she’d worked with him at the store.