* * *
By the time the two cars pulled into the driveway, an unspoken consensus had already been reached between Mother and Father. They left their cars and ran to the door.
They flung it open, looking for the kids. The baby sitter immediately sprang from the couch in alarm. “Is there something wrong?” she asked.
“Where are the kids?” asked Mother.
“In their room,” said the baby sitter.
Without another word, Mother and Father rushed over to the room that belonged to their children. Just as they suspected, Sally and Jimmy were sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring at the 8-ball and Ouija board.
“There you are,” said Father.
“Kids, step away from the 8-ball and Ouija board,” said Mother.
Jimmy held up the 8-ball. “I see you have met your fates,” he said as he read from it. “We have decided that rather than competing with our powers, we will combine them!”
Sally read from the Ouija board. “We will dominate your family with our mystical abilities. Now, do you fear our power?”
Mother and Father exchanged looks. For several seconds, there was silence between them.
And then, they burst out laughing.
“You call that divination?” said Father through tears.
“I had a stuffed elephant that was scarier than you two,” said Mother between guffaws.
The babysitter finally caught up and poked her head frantically through the room. “What's happening?” she said, startled.
“Oh, nothing,” said Father. “We just got a couple magic artifacts for our kids for this Christmas, and they've turned out to be hardly more terrifying than my first pet will-o'-the-wisp.”
Jimmy, who was still holding the 8-ball, said, “Wait... you knew we were magic?”
“Of course we knew you were magic,” said Mother. “Why do you think we bought you?”
“For a little while we were worried that we'd left you alone with the kids,” said Father. “But I knew my worries were misplaced.”
Sally, reading from her Ouija board, said, “You are not terrified of our powers?”
“Powers?” said Mother. “You need to learn a thing or two about scare tactics, friend. When you say, 'beware of a tainted offer from someone close to you,' it better be a little more serious one of your co-workers hitting on you. Although, two hundred years ago, I'd have melted Tom's flesh off his face. But these days I don't draw so much attention to myself.”
“And Tragic loss?” said Father. “You think losing your job is a tragic loss? What time period are you from? I was there during the great depression, and, I was having fun.”
“Erm,” said Jimmy as he held 8-ball.
“Well, look here,” said Sally through the Ouija board.
“All right,” said Father. “You've had your fun. Let go of our kids, or we'll show you some real magic.”
“Yeah,” said Mother. “You know, we used to use Ouija boards as firewood back in my day. Those castles were cold, and electricity hadn't been invented yet.”
Sally and Jimmy looked up, and for the first time seemed to realize where they were. “What's going on?” asked Jimmy.
“Oh nothing,” said Mother. “We thought we bought you some important learning tools. Instead they turned out to be hardly more than toys.”
“So now what happens?” asked Sally as she stood up. “Do we burn them, or what?”
“Hardly,” said Father. “Come on, let's get in the car so we can show you what wizards really do.”
“What're we doin'?” asked Jimmy.
“Same thing your father and I did when we were kids,” said Mother. “We're going dragon hunting.”
“Yeah!” said the kids together.
The Devil Still Has My Lawnmower & Other Tales of the Weird Page 4