by Octavia Kore
Eliminate.
Remove him.
Xuvri took a deep breath and shook the thoughts from his mind. He was wasting his time being angry with Trakseer. Ky and Esme were waiting at the exit for him, and the way their faces lit when they caught sight of him helped soothe his mind.
The moment he opened the door, Esme stepped out onto the soil, her face raised toward the sky so that the sunlight spilled over her features. It was as if she’d gone years instead of mere days without setting foot on a planet. There were many Grutex who spent their entire lives on board ships like the Kaia’s, but he didn’t want that for Eina, for any of his offspring, or his mates.
What if Trakseer’s offer was what was best for their family? What if going to the village was the best way to keep them together? Xuvri watched his mates sitting together beneath one of the trees and tried to imagine what it might be like to live this way forever, to watch Eina grow, to see their family expand. They were being given the chance to experience life in a way he would have never thought possible for himself.
Even before Laurie’s death, there had been no dreams of living in lush forests on alien worlds. There had never been talk of a future or more younglings. No family. They’d had an understanding, and none of that had been part of the deal. Xuvri glanced off to the side where he’d built Laurie’s pyre and grimaced. In all of the chaos since returning to the ship, he’d somehow forgotten to collect her ashes.
She’d once spoken about a human practice he found somewhat bizarre. Much like Ky’s people, a body was burned, honoring the deceased’s life, but afterward, instead of merely leaving the ash and other fragments behind, humans placed it into a type of jar or large vial and kept them. Perhaps it seemed strange to him because the Grutex didn’t have rituals for their dead. When their bodies died, they passed onto the next one and began again.
Keeping his females within sight, Xuvri approached the pyre, the ache in his heart returning as he dug in his pockets for something to scrape the ash and fragments of bones into. He finally settled on one of the waterproof pouches he’d found among the dead Tachin’s belongings. When he finished, Xuvri synched the bag and tied it to his hip.
It wasn’t until after they’d all returned to the ship that Xuvri was able to take a moment to decide what he should do with Laurie’s remains. The grinding unit sat near the front of the room, bolted onto one of the longer tables against the wall. The Tachin used the unit during his experiments, and Xuvri couldn’t recall ever seeing it fail to turn whatever was put inside into a fine dust or liquid.
When the machine was finished, Xuvri divided the remains, carefully placing them inside of two vials before sealing them both. Using a length of thin wire, he twisted it around the neck of one vial before slipping it over his head so that it settled against his chest. The least he could do for Laurie after all she’d given to him was to honor her customs and give some small part of the female back to her daughter.
There was still time to do right by her, and perhaps one day, he might even be able to keep his end of their bargain.
The large, round fruit Trakseer gathered earlier in the day hadn’t lasted very long. Ky called them stillasas, and she’d managed to eat an entire one on her own along with half of their already dwindling supply from the day before. Even Esme had watched with wide eyes as their mate gorged herself.
When it came time to sleep, Xuvri peeked into the small bed where Eina lay sleeping, her little tail curled around her leg. Her mouth moved as if she were dreaming of nursing, and the image brought a smile to his scarred face. The soft clearing of a throat from his back drew Xuvri’s attention, and he turned to see both of his mates standing near the foot of the bed.
“So, umm,” Esme began, twisting her hands together as she glanced over her shoulder at Ky. “We sort of thought that… maybe you could stay here tonight if you want to.”
Xuvri looked between his females hesitantly. “You want me to sleep here with you?”
“If you want to, but just sleeping,” Esme hurried to say. “We can try it out and see how it goes.”
His mind, though foggy and jumbled when on his own, was normally quiet and calm around his mates. What would happen when he slept? Would he lose control of himself again? Would he only end up hurting his mates more? Even now, just standing in the same room as them made his body tingle with awareness and the urge to touch, to take what his mind told him was already his.
Xuvri’s body thrummed with the urge to lay Esme down, to spread her out on the bed she shared with Ky and bury his face between her thighs until she cried out. A glimpse at his hybrid mate told him she was feeling the same pull. The heat in her gaze as she watched him did nothing to help douse the fire course through his veins, but the moment he thought back on the terror he’d caused Esme that first night…
Xuvri frowned. He didn’t want to ever see her look at him that way again.
Ky stepped forward, offering her hand as she smiled up at him. “We will go slow. If you find you cannot wait, my invitation is still there.”
She’d offered herself up to him that night, and the goddess knew he’d wanted to accept, wanted to take her until he’d exhausted his body as well as his mind, but taking one without the other felt wrong somehow. Xuvri watched Ky climb into the middle of the bed, her slender body moving with a grace he rarely saw in his own people. She patted the empty space to the left of her, a smile playing on her lips as her eyes tracked his movement.
It’s only sleep. We are working our way to something more, he told himself as he moved to the other side of the bed to lay down where Ky had indicated.
After a quick check on Eina, Esme slid into the open spot to their right. “Goodnight,” she whispered before leaning down to press her lips to Ky’s in a kiss that made his chest rumble with a long, low growl.
He’d seen humans kiss before, and knew it was something they did a lot when mating, but Xuvri had never experienced it for himself. Not in this life, or any of his others for that matter. Even though he and Laurie had mated, she’d never once initiated something so intimate.
“That growl makes it sound like you’re almost jealous.” Esme chuckled as she pulled back to grin at him. “Bring your lips over here and I’ll give you one too.”
Xuvri didn’t need to be told more than once. With a speed that made both females laugh, he sat forward, dropping his head down so Esme could reach him easier. One of her hands slid up his chest, skimming over his wriggling xines before cupping his jaw.
Esme’s warm breath fanned against him a moment before her lips landed on his. His blood turned to lava, scorching him, consuming everything within him. He was vaguely aware of his hands moving, one reaching up to cradle Esme’s face, while the other tangled itself in Ky’s hair.
This was a kiss? How could something so small feel so monumental? He would ask for this every day from both of them. Xuvri would pay any price, do anything he had to if it meant he could feel this again. When Esme pulled back, he felt the wet brush of her tongue against his lower lip and shivered.
Goddess, help me.
“Goodnight, Xuvri,” she whispered, squirming out of his grasp before curling up next to a drowsy, grinning Ky.
He wanted to pull her back up, to cradle her and Ky against him as he took turns tasting them both, but this was about building trust. With an exhausted sigh, Xuvri bedded down, turning his body so that his front was to Ky’s back. He pressed his face to Ky’s shoulder, feeling her shiver against him. “Goodnight.”
Chapter 16
Esme
Something or someone was choking her, squeezing Esme’s throat so tight that she couldn’t draw a breath. A voice echoed in her mind, swirling like smoke in the darkness, saying strange words she didn’t know the meaning of. When she was suddenly, almost violently released, Esme stumbled backward, gasping as she stared in horror at the insect-like hand suspended before her.
Esme needed to escape. She needed to find her mates and get Eina away from whatever
the hell this hand belonged to.
Eina… Where the hell was her baby?
High pitched cackling filled the air, like a thousand crickets all chirping at once, as a massive black shadow fell across her. Cradled within the same hands that had tried to kill her only moments before was her little girl. Eina’s terrified cry pierced Esme’s heart. She lurched forward, her hand reaching for her daughter, but someone caught her wrist, yanking her back against a hard, unyielding body. Mauve arms wrapped around her chest, constricting as she struggled. This wasn’t Xuvri; this wasn’t her mate.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Let me go!” Esme screamed. “I’m not going to let you take her from me. I won’t let you!”
The sound of his laughter haunted her, even now turning her blood to ice. “You were not fit to be a mother then, and you are not fit to be one now. You’re still nothing but a failure.”
Esme woke with a gasp, her eyes flying open as she struggled against the hand that gripped her arm. Eina’s cries filled the room, her daughter’s fear and anxiety magnifying her own.
“Esme,” someone hissed. “It was only a dream.”
A soft rattle moved over her, and she could have wept with relief as her eyes focused on his scarred face. “Xuvri?”
“I’m here,” he said, brushing her hair away from her sweat-drenched face. “You were screaming and thrashing around. I couldn’t wake you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes falling on the baby lying against his chest, one hand tangled in her father’s xines and the other wrapped around the wire necklace he wore. Eina rooted around at the crook of his neck, her little mouth searching for something she definitely wasn’t going to find on Xuvri. “Did I wake her up?”
Xuvri shook his head. “She was up already, but I wanted to give you more time to rest. I think she may be hungry now.”
“Looks like it,” Esme said, forcing a smile as she adjusted herself and reached for the baby. Her breasts were swollen and tender, and she groaned when the black suit receded at her quiet command, leaving them unsupported. Eina wasted little time, latching as soon as Esme brought her close. The sound of the infant’s happy gulping gave Esme some reassurance that they were on the right track and that they’d both overcome one of their biggest hurdles.
“Did you hang out with your daddy?” Esme asked, touching Eina’s cheek.
“Do you want to tell me about the dream you had?” Xuvri asked, shifting on the mattress near Esme’s feet.
She worried her bottom lip between her teeth and looked up at Xuvri before shaking her head. “Not right now.”
“If I ever find him, I am going to tear him apart, Esme. You will tell me his name someday and I will make him regret every single thing he did that put this fear into you.”
Esme looked up at Xuvri, and the fierceness in his eyes sent a dark shiver down her spine. She knew he would. She knew all she had to do was give him the scientist’s name and Xuvri would hunt him down. Xuvri would make good on his promise, but Esme couldn’t speak that name—wouldn’t speak it.
“I don’t want to think about him or anything that happened on that ship. I just want to focus on Eina, on all of us. I want to work on healing myself now.”
A creeping cold moved through Esme’s breast as Eina’s pull became less frantic. She’d heard the term ‘letdown’ before, but hadn’t ever thought to question her nursing friends about it. A blush stained her cheeks when milk began to leak from her other breast, spilling onto her arm and belly. Xuvri was quick to grab one of the shredded shirts, helping her clean herself before tucking it beneath her engorged breast.
Would it always be this way, or would her body eventually regulate? Just one more thing she hadn’t thought to pay attention to when she was on Earth. “Hey, Ky?” Esme nudged the sleeping female at her side, hoping she might have an answer. “Ky?” she called again, shaking her mate’s arm, but Ky didn’t rouse.
Xuvri leaned across Esme’s legs to gently rock their female’s body, but still she remained asleep. “Maybe this is the sleep she spoke about?” He frowned as he jostled her once more. “She’s still warm and breathing fine.”
Esme remembered Ky explaining it to her, but she’d thought there would be some sort of warning beforehand. She hadn’t expected to wake up one day and find someone she cared about in what was essentially a coma.
“Do you want me to leave?”
Esme glanced up at Xuvri, frowning at his question. Did she want him to leave now that Ky wasn’t capable of protecting her? A part of her wanted to say yes, to tell him she wasn’t prepared to fight him off if he ever went back into whatever darkness had taken him over that first day. Yet another louder and stronger part of Esme balked at the idea of him going. This was where he belonged, where their baby was. They were a family, no matter how unconventional, and she couldn’t stand the thought of watching him go.
“No. I don’t want you to go.” They sat in silence for some time with only Eina’s suckling and Ky’s slow, steady breaths filling the room. “Do we have to stay in this room?” Esme asked as she latched Eina to the other breast, readjusting her hold on the infant. It didn’t matter that Esme knew Ky was only sleeping; there was something terrifying about how lifeless she looked.
“This isn’t a prison. If you wish to go somewhere else, then we can.” Xuvri pulled the blanket higher up onto Ky’s chest.
The way he gently tucked their mate in was so at odds with his appearance that it almost made Esme laugh. Humans knew very little about the Grutex, but what they did know wasn’t great. The aliens were massive, brutish, and destructive. They abducted humans and experimented on them, murdered them.
Yet here was a warrior, a scarred male with a violent, bloody past he never shied away from, taking care of their female in her most vulnerable state. Were there others like him in their ranks? Were there more males like Xuvri and Nuzal, or were they anomalies among the Grutex?
“Wait, is there something we can put beneath her? Ky said she was going to bleed while she slept, and if it’s anything like a human period then we might need something a little more heavy duty than a sheet.”
Xuvri nodded, but his mouth dropped down into a frown. “Will you need something for yourself as well? For the periods?”
“No, I don’t have my uterus anymore,” Esme reminded him. “No uterus, no periods, so I won’t bleed anymore.”
“Right. I’ll be back.”
She watched Xuvri step out into the hall before scooting off of the bed with Eina. By the time her male came back into the room, Esme had changed the baby’s covering and swaddled her in one of the shirts from the closet Ky hadn’t cut up, the ones that had apparently belonged to Xuvri. Esme took the folded cloth he held out, her brows furrowing as she examined it. “Won’t she just bleed through this?”
“It’s made to hold fluid,” he said, showing her the smooth underside before moving around the bed to pull the blanket away from Ky. His xines writhed around as if he were nervous. “We’ll need to remove these,” he added, gesturing to the black pants Ky wore.
“I’ll get them.” Esme worked quickly, loosening the waist so that they could slip the material over her hips and down her legs before tucking the receiving blanket-sized cloth beneath her. They moved her tail to the side and wrapped the fabric between her legs, laying it across her lower belly so that it looked like one of Eina’s diapers.
“Jeez, where was this when Ky and I were looking for diaper material?”
“It was with Laurie’s things,” her mate answered softly. Guilt and sadness filled Esme, making her stomach twist as she stared down at their female. “She didn’t have very many things, but this was something she requested early on in her stay. Laurie was particular about what she did have, and it felt wrong to disturb them.”
Esme brushed Ky’s hair back as Xuvri pulled the blanket up. She hadn’t thought about periods, or her lack of them, since becoming pregnant on the Kaia’s ship. Now, after everyth
ing she had suffered, Esme was almost glad to realize she would never deal with the reminder of that day. She would never be forced to endure the heavy bleeding or the crippling pain she’d so often experienced back on Earth. No, Esme didn’t want to remember. She wanted to forget, wanted to get away for a little while.
“Could we go back outside? It was nice to be out in the sun yesterday.” When Xuvri hesitated, Esme reached forward, caressing his xines. “I know it’s probably not the safest place to be, but maybe we can ask Trakseer to join us?”
Esme could see the struggle within him. He didn’t care much for Trakseer. Whether that stemmed from the fact that he didn’t know him well enough or that he just wasn’t fond of another male near them in general, Esme couldn’t say. Her hand dropped away from his xines as he huffed.
“I suppose we could ask him.” Xuvri grumbled, his lip curling up as if saying the words left a sour taste in his mouth.
While Eina finished nursing, Xuvri retrieved the sling from the corner of the crib, laying it across Esme’s legs as she lifted the sleepy infant and began patting her back. Breastfeeding and trying to figure all of this out while her life was being turned upside-down was harder than she’d ever imagined it would be, but at the same time, seeing herself succeed, knowing that all of their hard work was paying off, was so rewarding.
“Thank you, Esme.”
She glanced up with a curious grin. “For what?”
“For willing to be what Eina needed. There were many times Laurie attempted to explain to me the basics of parenting, but this is something very new to me and I am thankful to have you and Ky.”
“This is new to me too.” Esme laughed.
“Do you have parents back on Earth?” Xuvri asked, trailing a knuckle over the thin wings on the baby’s back.
“I do, but we don’t really speak.” Esme shrugged. “They never really agreed with anything I did, and eventually they just stopped speaking to me altogether.” God, she hoped she did better by Eina and any future children they had. The thought of cutting her daughter out of her life was unbearable.