Sinfully Yours

by Margot Radcliffe

  As he headed into a seventy-story office complex in the heart of Dubai with his entourage of employees who could barely contain their excitement, all he wanted to do was be back in his penthouse making cookies with Laura. It was the most embarrassing thing to admit because this land purchase was of paramount importance. With luck, they could break ground before the end of the year and by next year he’d have done it, grown his business to a degree that even he hadn’t thought possible. It was mostly everything he’d ever dreamed about having all very much within his grasp.

  Unfortunately, as he toured the site and signed the final papers, the satisfaction he expected to feel never came. He celebrated with his staff, bought everyone the meal of their lives and opened up a tab at the bar for them. After a few drinks, though, he returned to a neighboring hotel, leaving them to their celebrating. The hotel wasn’t as nice as his own, but what was, really, and it was over three thousand dollars a night so he couldn’t complain. He drank another whiskey on the rocks as he flipped aimlessly through the television channels.

  It’d been nearly a month since his fight with Laura and he’d been through every emotion since that night. Anger first, certainly, had held on for the longest time, but now that the heat of it had passed, he was just left with sadness and regret. And the knowledge that she was right, he hadn’t forgiven her. It was why he hadn’t gone after her then or now even though the pain and emptiness in his chest grew daily the longer he was without her. He was listless, depressed and just plain at a loss for what to do next.

  There hadn’t been a situation in his life up to now that he hadn’t been prepared for. From the moment he’d known he was in charge of his own destiny, he’d planned, schemed, worked, maneuvered until he got exactly what he wanted. But every time he tried to pick up the phone to call or text her, he remembered how awful it had been when she’d left. He didn’t know if he could let that pain go; it, along with the general abandonment by his mom and the calamity of horrors that made up the rest of his childhood, had been the driving force in his life. He’d been working so hard for so long just trying to outrun the past, to show anyone and everyone that he, Will Walker, was something, that he didn’t know who he was without that anger.

  He threw back another whiskey and tried going to bed, but as with most nights, the only thing he saw when he shut his eyes was the memory of Laura’s tear-streaked face as she’d left him in his bedroom. Drawing in a ragged breath, he brought out his phone, his fingers hovering over the small keyboard nearly typing out some inane greeting, like, how’s it going? But everything seemed wrong and he wasn’t ready. In his heart, he’d forgiven her a million times over, but the sadness and fear remained.

  Shoving his phone back on the nightstand, he got out of bed. There was no way he was going to fall asleep so he pulled out the travel office he always brought along on trips. It was basically an extra large suitcase, but one that expanded when he opened it and had his laptop inside. He took the stack of mail from one of the folders and flipped through the opened envelopes, noting the dates his assistant had written on the outside. Mail wasn’t a huge thing these days so it wasn’t as if he had a lot to sort through, mostly contracts he needed to sign. But the next piece he opened had another envelope inside.

  Puzzling over why he’d be receiving mail from his old high school, his hands got a little clammy as he opened the second envelope up. The paper was faded to a dull yellow and the glue had given up, leaving the flap rigid, undone and open.

  Hands shaking because he knew, before he even registered his name written across the front in curvy girly handwriting he would have recognized anywhere, what was inside.

  The torn notebook paper was still well-preserved along with the ink rippling hastily across the page as if she’d been in a hurry, which of course, he knew she had been because the day scrawled across the top was December 22, the day she left.

  Hands shaking, he read the words on the page, barely believing it was happening. He scanned the pages, drinking in every word she’d written, wondering and yet understanding why she’d never actually given him this letter. The three lined sheets were filled with love and affection, the secrets of her soul poured out on the pages as if he should have always known it. How could he not have known it, except that she’d left him without a word? But reading this now, he knew why she had. This was a declaration that couldn’t have gone unanswered.

  And she’d had to go.

  He’d been prepared to support her, but once she’d left he had one semester to get himself into college and really the rest was history as he built his empire. If he’d had a sixteen-year-old girlfriend to care for and had to immediately go to work full-time until she finished school, his life would look completely different now. He doubted highly that he would have had the freedom to build his dream.

  Leaning back in the black office chair, he let his head fall back and as he stared at the ceiling, the letter still gripped in his hand as his mind raced, images of his life and Laura assaulting him at all angles. He imagined her writing this letter thinking he might find it. The fear she might have felt to have him read her deepest secrets and how it felt for her not to leave it for him. For the first time in years, he let the tears fall. Let everything go, for once, because they’d just been kids. They hadn’t known a goddamn thing about anything except maybe how to stay safe and take care of themselves on their own because no one else was going to.

  That’s exactly what Laura had done. She’d taken care of herself and him. And the truth was that he loved her more for it. Loved her for being strong enough to leave so they both might have a better life, because the truth was that he never would have left her on his own. He’d needed her too much.

  He shut his briefcase and took the letter back with him into his bedroom, then read it several more times as he contemplated just what to do next. He didn’t come to any conclusions, but after a while he fell asleep, and for the first time since she’d left, he slept through the night.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  LAURA WAS NOT looking forward to the meeting at WW Hotel today. It was the first time she’d been there in a month and a half. She still hadn’t heard a peep from Will since she’d sent the letter. Not a text with a stupid thumbs-up, not a phone call, not a confirmation email—nothing. But she was fine; if he needed more time before they could communicate as acquaintances and colleagues again, then that was all right. She’d deal with it. More or less. Yes, it felt like she was dying inside, a slow but steady inexorable slide into death, but she was fine.

  She’d dressed in a favorite gray suit, which felt like armor against whatever happened today. Will probably wouldn’t be at the meeting, but she’d be in what was basically his house and it wasn’t going to be easy. Every moment she didn’t take the elevator up to his penthouse would be the hardest battle of her life.

  Stepping out onto her sidewalk, she noticed the black town car waiting at the curb and the driver get out when he saw her.

  “Ms. Edwards,” he said, wearing a black uniform with the WW Hotels gray logo on the pocket. “Mr. Walker has requested that I drive you to your meeting.”

  She nodded, then ducked her head into the car, nerves jangling up and down her skin. Did this mean he was going to be at the meeting? He hadn’t been in the meetings she’d taken with his director of operations so she had no reason to believe he needed to be there today. But God, how her heart was beating crazily inside her chest. How in the hell was she supposed to get through an entire hour with him with nearly everything unsaid between them and mountains of things to say.

  Breathing deeply, she looked through her drawings and folders full of ideas in preparation, but after about fifteen minutes she realized they were heading into the tunnel and not to the hotel.

  “Um, sir,” she called, knocking lightly on the glass between the front and back of the car. “This isn’t the way to the hotel.”

  “My information is that th
e meeting has moved off-site, miss.”

  Then he shut the glass.

  Mildly alarmed, she texted Jeannie, her main WW Hotels contact who confirmed that the meeting had been moved off-site, which was the reason for the car.

  Satisfied that she wasn’t being taken to be murdered and subsequently dumped into the Hudson River, she leaned back again into the plush leather seat of Will’s car. But as more time went on, an hour to be precise, and they still hadn’t arrived at the destination, she became increasingly confused. Traveling into the depths of New Jersey, she watched helplessly as they passed wooded suburban enclaves, bustling downtowns and eventually country roads before getting back to a city she could never forget.

  She hadn’t been back here since she’d left the first time and things hadn’t changed too much. The downtown area where they’d lived was still a hodgepodge of industrial plants and smaller office-based businesses and local restaurants with neon signs. New buildings had popped up and as they headed into the not-as-nice area that had been her home, she understood what was happening.

  But as she got closer to where their dilapidated old brick apartment building had been, the car kept going. Past the corner gas station that had served as their grocery store, past their old high school that looked basically the same with the addition of some sad-looking bushes in the front and new basketball nets, and eventually into a small, quaint neighborhood that she would have given anything to live in back then.

  The car stopped in front of a three-story brick house with big white columns in a cul-de-sac at the end of a street lined with centuries-old maple trees whose limbs were so long they created a loose canopy over the newly paved street. She went to open the car door, but it swung wide before her hand reached the handle, the driver standing at the ready to help her out into the porte cochère.

  “Thank you,” she told him, noticing that there were no other cars in the driveway, but that the big white double front doors were open.

  “I’ll be here when you’re finished, miss,” he assured her, settling back into the car.

  Laura walked slowly up the shoveled walkway, bordered by black pebbles barely visible under the tufts of snow, up the wide staircase that led to a spacious wraparound porch. Her heart was racing as she pushed the cracked front door the rest of the way open to reveal a roomy foyer with shiny white marble floors and a glittering crystal chandelier. No one was around, but as she walked toward the back of the house, a figure appeared at the top of a towering red-carpeted stairway, the railing curling up to the second floor.

  Will stopped on the landing, his eyes finding her at the bottom of the stairs. He looked the same, dressed in a black sweater and jeans. Slowly, he descended the steps until they were a few feet apart.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d come,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  She tried to get her pulse under control, breathe through the nerves, but seeing him again was so lovely that she was barely holding herself back from throwing herself into his arms and begging for forgiveness.

  “Well, I didn’t have much of a choice unless I wanted to jump out of a moving vehicle.”

  He raised a dark eyebrow. “It’s not the Mafia, Laura—if you’d told the driver to take you home he would have.”

  She gave him a half shrug. “If you say so,” she said, cracking as much of a smile as she could, which under the circumstances wasn’t much. Though she was super happy to just lay eyes on him even though he looked tired, probably the same as she did. Although, she’d caked on the concealer this morning so she probably just looked like an unnaturally alert raccoon.

  “What is this place?” she asked.

  “It’s a house,” he said, stating the obvious. “I missed you a lot, Laura.”

  The words stilled every cell and muscle in her body.

  When she didn’t respond immediately, he continued, “And not just the past month. I’ve been missing you since you left the first time. I don’t know that I ever really recovered from it because I loved you so much then. You were the only person who ever stayed and then you were gone.”

  Christ, she was going to cry again and there was just nothing she could do about it. Goodbye, concealer, after all.

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you that night you were leaving. I was so caught up in my own feelings, I didn’t want to hear yours. And you were right, I hadn’t forgiven you yet. I mean, not all the way, not really.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, feeling it deep in her gut. She’d forgiven herself, but it was still difficult to hear him talk about it.

  His hands came out of his pockets and started to reach for her, but he pulled them back. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “You did the right thing and I would have told you at the time to go. I just missed you, Laura, that’s it. It’s life and it’s nobody’s fault.”

  Tears fell down her face and she took several deep breaths. “Thank you for that,” she managed, rummaging in her purse and eventually dragging out a tissue to wipe her face off. Not that it did any good since she’d basically turned into a vessel for tears.

  “I should have said it a long time ago,” he told her. “But I’m kind of asshole, which is something that I’m working on, but that you should know.”

  Her eyes slid closed as she laughed. “I’m aware of the condition.”

  A corner of his mouth lifted. “That’s good.”

  “Are you ever going to tell me what this place is?” she asked again, wanting to get to the bottom of why she was here and what all of this was about.

  “Soon,” he said. “First, I want to say that I got your letter and I felt the same. Then and now, Laura. I was in love with the girl I knew and now I’m in love with the woman I’ve met. I don’t know how I ever found you again but whatever good I did to bring you back into my life, I’m taking seriously.”

  “I love you too,” she said, wishing he’d touch her, but then she realized she didn’t have to wait, pulled him into her arms and pressed her wet lips onto his.

  They ended the kiss on her sigh, her heart shocked, but no longer racing. Instead, a sense of calm was drifting over her like those precious lucid moments right before sleep where everything in the world drifted away. He gave her a last kiss, dropping another whisper of one on her cheek before setting his forehead to hers. “I love you so much, Laura. I don’t know how to be anyone’s family but I know I want you to be mine if you’ll have me.”

  He was literally wrecking her, the sobs racking her body as she squeezed him against her. She was never letting this man go again.

  “You’ve always been my family, Will,” she said, pulling back to meet his eyes, wiping a bit of wetness off his cheek.

  Taking a small step back, she showed him her hand. “I have this,” she told him, taking his ring off her thumb. “I’ve been wearing it because I missed you, but you should probably have it back.”

  Laura held his hand in hers, pushing the ring onto his pinky finger since it no longer fit on his ring finger.

  He stared at it, spellbound. “You had this the whole time?” he asked, still staring at it on his finger.

  “Yeah, I took it. I’m sorry.”

  He met her eyes, his dark ones glittering. “I thought I’d lost it.”

  “I thought you’d know I took it. I wanted to have something of yours. And now,” she said, pulling him back into her arms, his strong, warm body feeling perfect against hers, “it means you’re mine and we’re together and we’re family. For keeps.”

  He kissed her then, hard, desperate, the years of being alone giving way to the warmth of living life with someone by his side. She understood because she felt the same way.

  “Now,” she told him, gripping the front of his sweater and giving him a playful shake, “are you going to tell me what we’re doing here?”

  He blew out a loaded breath and looked up the stai
rs before meeting her eyes once again.

  “I used to pass this house all the time when we lived in town. It was my favorite one in the whole city and when I knew we needed to get you out I always thought that this was the kind of house I’d want us to have. When I got that job at the gas station and life was a living hell, I kept thinking about us living in this house instead.”

  She opened her mouth to say something, but he continued. “So I bought it.”

  At her probably horrified expression, he laughed. “No, we are not going to live here,” he assured. “I’m not that masochistic. I still don’t want anything to do with this town—trust me.”

  He brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes, then pushed it behind her ear, his eyes searching hers. “But I wanted to make something good out of our shitty childhoods. So I bought this house and I’m going to turn it into a group home, but a nice one. Not some industrial, dirty, ill-staffed one like we had, but a real one. I talked to your folks and they’ve agreed to oversee it and make sure the children here have the happiest possible experience.”

  “That’s really lovely of you, Will, and it’ll be nice for my parents to be closer to me and my siblings.”

  “No more Christmases apart,” he said brushing his thumb over her cheek, every touch so clearly cherishing her that she was pretty certain she was going to melt into a puddle of blubbering emotions at his feet.

  “I think it’s a perfect idea.” She sniffed, looking at all the open space for kids to run around both outside and inside. She would have loved to be in a place that was actually a home with people who were well paid and happy instead of overworked staff members who barely cared enough to throw a hot dog on a tray for dinner. That was the worst part about it all, knowing that no one cared enough to do even the slightest extra. Because wasn’t that what being loved meant, that you could make mistakes and ask for more and have it be okay?