by Jeremy Bates
When he and Rad returned early from their honeymoon, dozens of journalists and reporters were camped out on her front lawn and in the park across the street. Marty drove past them, lost the mob who scrambled to follow, and spent the next several days with Rad cooped up anonymously in a hotel room.
Public interest in the story grew exponentially, making the hullaballoo surrounding the Netflix hoax seem like a footnote in comparison. Marty made the decision to jump into the fray, screw the NDA, and screw the backlash and ridicule he knew he would attract without any hard proof to support his claims. This time the truth was on his side, and he was ready for the fight.
He organized a tell-all interview with the BBC, sat down with their biggest anchor in what would become the network’s most-watched broadcast ever, and recounted everything that had happened, from the night Jacky showed up at the Oannes to tell him about the merfolk skull that had been discovered in the belly of the great white, to killing the merfolk that had been in the process of devouring his dear friend on the beach of Demon Island.
And the most amazing thing happened: public opinion swayed in his favor. People believed him. The swelling of support from around the globe, as well as anger that the Sri Lankan government was participating in a Roswellian-like cover-up, forced the country’s Ministry of Defense to release a statement that they had in their possession the bodies of two mammals from an indeterminate species. Furthermore, they would donate one body to Oxford University, which had agreed to assemble a team of world-class scientists to study the specimen.
Three weeks later the scientists published their findings, stating unanimously and unequivocally that the specimen was both authentic and a mammal previously unknown to the fossil record. They exhaustively defined its anatomical and genetic features—especially those it shared with primates—and designated it the holotype for a new species they named Siren Sirena.
The world went nuts.
Mermaids and mermen existed.
A race by individuals and corporations to capture a live one commenced.
Sadly, to this day, not a single merfolk had been discovered, dead or alive.
Little was ever learned about the fate of the merfolk body under lock and key in Sri Lanka, but the holotype at Oxford University was transferred to the National History Museum in London, where it was put on display under the appropriate conditions to ensure it would be preserved for posterity.
As for Marty, there were those, of course, who remained outraged that he’d killed what they believed had been “defenseless” and “innocent” merfolk. Yet most people sympathized with his plight—the creatures had been trying to eat him, after all, and the one he’d killed point-blank had been halfway through eating his assistant—and they held no antipathy to his actions. Instead, he was largely celebrated, and his aquatic-ape theory became mainstream science. He was quickly flooded with offers for book deals and television appearances, and he was even approached by executives at Netflix to star in a new merfolk documentary. He turned all of the overtures down, opting to lead a quiet life in the English countryside with Rad, who had just become pregnant with Sara. After a restless year, however, he decided he was not a homebody. With Rad fully recovered from her fall (with the exception of an almost imperceptible limp), he returned to teaching at the University of Cambridge. His lectures remained the most popular on campus year after year until he retired five years ago. Now he spent his days painting, gardening, and raising his two boys—and he was more content than he had ever been at any other point in his life.
All right, old man, he thought. Enough reminiscing. Better get back out there before Rad comes looking for you and gives you an earful.
When he returned to the table, a tall woman in a black dress was seated in the previously empty chair. She was speaking to Rad, her shoulder-length blonde hair masking her profile.
Marty’s pulse quickened, and he said, “Elsa…?”
The woman looked at him and smiled. “Marty!” She stood and they embraced warmly.
Stepping apart, he said, “My God! It’s wonderful to see you. I didn’t think you would come.”
“Do you blame me? Look what happened the last time I accepted an invitation from you.”
Marty chuckled. “Your decision to accept then was just as last minute, if I remember correctly.” He studied her strong, attractive features, realizing that he had all but forgotten what she looked like until this moment. “You look fantastic. Like you haven’t aged a day.”
“Please, Marty. I’m nearly seventy. But thank you for the kind words.”
They both sat, and Rad said, “Elsa and I were just talking about where she’s been all these years. You’ll never guess, Marty.”
“Mirissa?” he said.
“I returned to Hartford shortly after the Sri Lankan police relinquished my passport.”
He was surprised. “You’ve been there all this time?”
“And you’ll never believe what she’s been doing, Marty,” said Rad.
“Cataloguing whale shit?”
They all laughed.
“She’s been cave diving,” said Rad.
“You’re kidding me!” he said. “After everything that happened…?”
Elsa shrugged. “It’s what I was meant to do, I suppose. And I’m remarried now. My husband, Bart, is also a diver. It’s what makes us happy.”
“Congratulations on finding love again. And you should have brought the lucky gentleman because…this award I’m receiving tonight, it really should be for the both of us. You were right there with me the entire time—”
“Nonsense, Marty. I was a tag-along on that trip. That’s all I ever was. No—let me finish. I was a tag-along, and I simply happened to be with you when you made a discovery that your whole life had been building toward. And since then—well, I’ve kept tabs on you. You’ve single-handedly legitimized the scientific discipline of sirentology. So please don’t utter anything so foolish again, or I might just get up and leave.”
“A toast,” Rad said, raising her champagne flute.
Elsa and Marty raised their glasses also.
“To?” Elsa said.
“To old friends,” Marty said, and they all clinked to that.
Rad added, “And perhaps another cave dive, for old time’s sake?”
Marty shook his head. “No bloody way.”
The lights in the auditorium dimmed. They turned their attention to the stage. A young British comedian, who had likely been in diapers when Marty and Elsa had been trapped beneath Demon Island, strut out onto the stage. He had spiky red hair and skintight white clothing that clung to his beanpole figure.
Microphone in hand, he said, “Welcome, ladies and gents, to the 118th Academy Awards— Wait, no, what? Where am I? Don’t tell me I’m having that dream again of MCing the World Mammal Conference. Blimey O’Reilly, I am! Just look at this crowd. There’ve never been so many nerds sitting together since Bill Gates’ funeral. Where’s Dr. Murdoch? Oi, there you are. Welcome to the preview of your own funeral, mate.” Slightly uncomfortable laughter from the audience. “No, no, let’s not get dark. We’re here to celebrate your life and achievements. So let me start off with an oldy but a goody. Why did the merfolk cross the road?” A pause. “Because The Merdoc was stalking it with an assault rifle.” More laughter, this time relaxed and genial. “I ain’t kidding. Scientists are supposed to be nerdy, like all of you folks, and here you have a bloke that makes Rambo seem like a boy scout. No joke. Rambo took on a bunch of hick cops in the woods. Dr. Murdoch took on an underwater hive of bloodthirsty mermaids. Stabs one in the neck, shreds another with enough lead to make a…I don’t fuckin’ know. Shoots a third between the eyes. I’m surprised he didn’t choke one with his bare hands.”
Rad leaned close to Marty and whispered, “Oh, I wish.”
He grinned and said, “I do have practice…”
“All right, enough with the jokes,” the comedian said. “I’ve got somewhere else I’ve gotta be, and it’s probably past most
of your bedtimes. So without further ado, put your hands together for one of the most influential scientists of our time—The Merdoc, The Merminator, the one and only, Dr. Martin Murdoch!”
Marty stood to raucous applause and uplifting music playing over the loudspeakers. He kissed Rad on the lips, kissed Elsa on the cheek, high-fived his children, then ascended the steps to the stage to address his peers.