Soon, his residency starts, and he buries himself in his work. He can only take a few days off for our honeymoon, so we decide to keep it simple. We plan to rent a small log cabin in the woods up north for some alone time and really get away from the stress of our everyday life.
Since I have ten months before marriage, I plan a surprise for him for a wedding gift. At my therapy session, I tell my physical therapist my plan.
“Lily, you know you haven’t walked that kind of distance for almost ten years now. Your muscles are significantly weaker.”
“I’m walking down the aisle. Are you going to help me reach that goal?”
Trina sighs and then smiles. “If anybody can do it, I know it will be you. You already walk very well in the pool with a little bit of help. We have to bring that to the land now. That means extra hard work, though. Instead of one-hour sessions on weekends, sometimes we may need to increase them to two hours.”
“I’ll do whatever I have to do.”
Chapter Twenty-three
The next ten months are busy with wedding preparations, work, and my extended therapy sessions. Before long, I am dressed in my wedding dress, sitting in my power wheelchair at the end of the aisle.
Chance is waiting for me patiently, smiling as he sets his eyes on me for the first time in my wedding dress. My dad stands by my side and gives me a gentle squeeze on my shoulder. Right when the music starts, my therapist brings the walker to me and nods at me with pride and encouragement.
Taking a deep breath, I pull myself to standing position with some guidance from Dad and Trina. I position myself in the posterior rolling walker, which drags behind me while my arms are supported in the platforms to stabilize myself. Until I’m positioned just right, I don’t dare look at Chance.
When I’m finally ready to take the first step, my eyes find Chance. He stands there in shock, staring intently with a magnitude of emotions flashing through his eyes. Finding the strength, I take the first shaky step. I’ve been practicing this distance already with this walker, so I know I can do it. My apprehension, though, has me suddenly questioning if I can actually walk the full distance. I really don’t feel like falling in my wedding dress while walking down this aisle at my own wedding.
Once again, I take a deep breath and conjure up all the courage from inside me. I’ve worked hard all this time for this moment. For Chance. I won’t quit now. I take another shaky step, but this time, it’s a bit steadier. I focus on Chance, who is waiting for me at the end, encouraging me. I draw the strength from him and keep moving my legs forward. I know that Layna is here. I can feel her supporting me, cheering me on. Each step counts. Each step brings me closer to him. To my future with him. And, with each step, I feel stronger. Although my steps are slow and short, they keep moving me forward as I continue to pull my walker behind me.
Everybody is silent. I think they all may be holding their breaths. Dad continues to walk next to me, holding the crook of my arm. His steady grip gives me the reassurance to keep going. I notice the tears flowing down Chance’s cheeks when I finally take my place next to him. I want to reach up and wipe them away, but my arms are strapped onto the platforms of the walker. I maintain my eye contact with him and give him a shy smile.
As soon as my dad kisses my cheek and releases me, Chance grabs my face and kisses me right there in front of everybody. The vows are not even exchanged. As a matter of fact, the minister hasn’t even begun speaking. Far off in the distance, I hear somebody clapping and soon, all of the wedding guests are applauding and whistling. This snaps us back to reality, and Chance finally releases me. He wipes his tears away, and we both smile.
The minister clears his throat and says, “Are we ready now?”
“I’ve been ready,” Chance says, never releasing his hold of me with his eyes.
Because I can’t repeat the vows, I simply say, “Ya,” every time the minister asks me if I agree.
Chance unstraps my left hand and holds me steady while slipping the ring on my finger. Since it would be impossible to put his ring on him myself, he guides my hand while I hold his ring. While still assisting me, we both are able to put the wedding band on him.
Finally, I hear the words I’ve been waiting for: “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
At the reception, my dad and I dance to Unforgettable by Nat King Cole. I stay in my wheelchair while he holds my arms and dances around me. At the end of the song, he pulls me out of the wheelchair and into his arms. “I love you, baby girl. Be happy, Lily.”
I kiss my dad on the cheek before he places me back in my wheelchair. Next, Chance dances with my mother to What a Wonderful World for the mother-son dance. Chance has become very close to my parents through the years and considers them his own mother and father. After the song finishes, he escorts my mom back to her chair and kisses her hand.
Chance wanted to surprise me for our first dance as husband and wife. He picked the song himself, keeping it a secret from me.
He approaches me and bows dramatically in front of me. “May I have this dance, Mrs. Ryker?”
I smile and give him my arms so he can stand me up. He carries me to the middle of the dance floor and sets me down as the music starts. Heal by Tom O’Dell begins to play and instantly, I see Chance’s eyes fill with emotions. I know Chance keeps a lot bottled up inside him. He has talked about his past with me only once, and I’m sure he’s never repeated that story to anybody else. I put my head on his chest and cling to him.
He holds me tight while swaying to the music, and my body instantly melts against his. I lose myself in the lyrics, in this magical moment. I can feel his every emotion. In that instant, everything disappears. Nothing matters. There are no worries. All of the pain from the past vanishes. All of the worry about the future fades. It’s just about this moment in time. It’s about Chance and me.
And we heal together.
As soon as we can, we sneak away. Before leaving, I have my mom help me to the bathroom. Usually, if I use the bathroom around nine, I’m good until the morning. She also helps me change out of my wedding dress and into a simple white dress. I know Chance will have to help me with the bathroom situation during our stay there, but it’s just something I’ll have to get over.
“Baby, you’re radiating with beauty. I’m so happy for you,” Mom says, her eyes tearing up. “All this time, I’ve always seen you as my baby, and now, I have to see you as a grown woman.” Mom kisses my forehead. “Are you ready for this? You know I love Chance to death. He’s your perfect match, but honey, if you’re not ready to be intimate with him, you need to tell him that, okay?”
Oh, great! Leave it to Mom to have the “sex talk” right before I leave for my honeymoon. I roll my eyes and say, “Okay, Ma.” We both giggle, and she helps situate me back into my wheelchair.
Chance and I plan on driving straight to the cabin to start our four days of honeymoon. I assume we’ll be borrowing my parents’ minivan, but Chance surprises me with a brand new minivan with a lift waiting for us.
When I look at him questioningly, he replies, “Well, I can’t keep borrowing your parents’ van all the time. We needed one for ourselves, anyway. So, I wanted to surprise you.”
I smile and give him a kiss when he lifts me up to the passenger seat. He holds me in his arms a little longer and says, “You make a beautiful bride, Mrs. Ryker. You take my breath away.” He lowers his mouth to my lips, teasing me with his tender kisses.
During the two-hour drive, my anticipation builds. Suddenly, I’m nervous about being alone with him. Sure, we’ve been living together and sharing the same bed, but Chance has always backed off before anything further than passionate kisses can occur. I can sense that he’s just as nervous as me because the closer we get to our destination, the quieter he becomes.
Finally, when we reach the cabin, it’s almost midnight. He picks me up and holds me out in the open country air. We both lose ourselves as we stare at the sky full of stars. They twinkle down on u
s, smiling with happiness.
After kissing me outside while he cradles me in his arms, he eventually brings me inside to the sofa. As I inspect the beautiful log cabin, Chance heads back out to bring our belongings, including my communication device and my manual wheelchair. We’ve purposefully decided to bring the manual wheelchair because it will be easier to maneuver.
He helps me into my wheelchair and attaches the communication device on it. “I know it’s late, but I want to talk with you for a while, Lily.”
I smile, nodding. He’s buying us some time and hoping to ease up some of the nervous energy radiating between us.
“How long have you been practicing walking?” he suddenly asks.
“I started working on it soon after we were engaged. I wanted to surprise you,” I answer, proud of my accomplishment.
“Surprise? I was shocked! I thought you hadn’t been able to walk like that for over ten years now.”
“Believe me, I worked my butt off to do that walk down the aisle. It wasn’t easy.”
Chance takes my hands and kisses them. “When you set your mind to something, Mrs. Lily Ryker, you apparently can do anything. I’m flattered that you worked so hard for me. You know what this means, right?” Chance throws me a mischievous grin. “We’re adding the walking as part of our sessions now. As a matter of fact, I brought that walker with us in the minivan.”
I can’t help but laugh. Why am I not surprised? But, truth be told, I plan on continuing to work hard on keeping the walking skill. I know if I slack off even a little, I’ll lose it completely again.
Suddenly serious, Chance says, “Lily, are you nervous about tonight?”
I look down and shrug my shoulders.
“I figured you’d be nervous, but I’m nervous, too. I mean, if you’re not ready for it, I totally understand. There’s no pressure just because it’s our wedding night. I’m a very patient guy. I’ll wait for you.”
I frown. Has he lost his mind? Just because I’m a little nervous doesn’t mean I don’t want to do it. I mean, I’ve waited a long time for this! Besides, I’m well prepared for this moment. I’ve been on birth control pills for the past few months, and I’ve made sure that I’m nicely groomed…everywhere. No, he’s not getting out of this.
“We’re doing the deed tonight, Chance,” I reply with my device. “And, I’m looking forward to it.”
Chance laughs, his eyes dancing. “Well, okay, then! I’m here to please! But first, do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No, I’m good. I need help with brushing my teeth, that’s all.”
“Lily, you know you’re going to have to get used to me helping you with personal things, right? We’ve gone through way too much together for you to be shy about it.” Chance squeezes my hand.
“I know, but not tonight. Not on our wedding night.”
Chance smiles. “Okay, fair enough.”
After helping me brush my teeth, he brings me to the bedroom. I gasp when I see the huge king size bed with a canopy, surrounded by sheer white drapes around the pillars. The mattress is covered with rose petals. I have never seen a more beautiful sight.
When I turn to him questioningly, he shrugs his shoulders and says, “Just wanted to show you that I can be romantic at times.”
“I love you,” I say, using my own voice.
“I love you, my dear wife.” He helps me to lie down on the bed. Soon, he turns off the lights and lies next to me. The moonlight trickles into the room, shimmering and dancing.
Chance turns toward me and pulls me into his embrace. Playing with my hair, he says, “Mm, you smell really good.” He pauses. “Lily, I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I stiffen up. Here we go again. I’m already nervous enough, and he’s not helping the situation. Somebody is going to have to take charge of this situation. I manage to slip my hands under his shirt. Bringing my lips to his mouth, I kiss him deeply, letting him feel my passion, my longing.
It works because soon we’re both breathing heavily. Chance catches his breath and says, “I love you, Lily. More than you’ll ever know. I want to do this right. I’ll try to be as gentle as I possibly can, but the first time for a girl is painful. And, probably not even pleasurable. But, I’ll do everything in my power to make it a pleasant experience for you.”
True to his word, Chance is gentle and loving. He makes me feel sensations I’ve never felt before. There are times when I’m holding him for dear life, squirming under his touch, and screaming in pain and pleasure. He brings out a part of me I never realized existed.
But most of all, he makes me feel beautiful.
Chapter Twenty-four
“I’m sorry, Lily. I hurt you.” I hear Chance whispering in my ear the next morning.
Opening my eyes to the sun shining through the window, the memories from last night come flooding back. Suddenly shy, I hide my face in his chest.
“Look at me, Lily. Are you okay?”
I nod. Of course, it hurt, but I also enjoyed it. I touch his face and kiss him to reassure him that I’m doing just fine.
“Okay, you probably need to use the bathroom. I found your nightie this morning. Here, let me help you put it on.”
Suddenly horrified that I’m still stark naked, a look of panic flashes in my eyes.
Chance chuckles. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every inch of your body by now, dearest Lily. Still, watching your face blush like that is endearing.”
I roll my eyes as he helps me into the Victoria’s Secret lingerie. Kathy had insisted on buying me the sexy lingerie, teasing me that I’ll need it for my honeymoon.
Once Chance brings me to the bathroom, he helps me sit on the adapted toilet we have attached to the regular toilet.
After securing me properly on it, Chance says, “Okay, I’ll give you some privacy. Just holler when you’re ready.”
As much as I hate the situation I’m in right now, he’s right. I just have to get over my hesitations. It is what it is, and it’s not like I’ll be able to do some of these things by myself miraculously. Chance is now my husband, and he has vowed to stand by my side through all that life has in store for us.
When I’m done, Chance helps to clean me up. He’s a natural and not once makes me feel awkward. “Now, that wasn’t so bad, was it? Besides, who knows? You may have to wipe my ass in the future.”
Leave it to him to make light of our situations. I laugh. And, I laugh some more. Soon, Chance laughs with me. For some reason, we laugh hysterically with Chance sitting on the floor and me still sitting on the toilet. The whole scenario is hilarious. I suppose in awkward situations like this, laughing is so much easier than crying.
“Come on, let’s take a bath. I’m ready for the Jacuzzi, how about you?” Chance winks.
I smile at his silliness.
After filling the tub with the water, he brings me to the edge of the tub. While stabilizing me, he pulls the clothes off both of us.
“I know how well your muscles relax in the water. I think you’ll enjoy this experience, Mrs. Ryker.”
Soon, we’re both submerged in the water. He’s sitting behind me and my back is leaning against his chest. Closing my eyes, I allow the hot water to do its magic.
Chance kisses my neck, playing with his tongue. As he soaps me down, his fingers linger on my breasts. My breath catches as Chance continues his exploration.
When my muscles tighten up because of the sensations he’s creating, he whispers, “Shh, my Lily. Just close your eyes and relax. Enjoy the feeling. Give yourself to the sensation.”
I slow my breathing down and sink against him, allowing my muscles to relax. Nothing can stop the soft moans from escaping me, especially when his hands continue their in-depth exploration. I feel myself rising until I have no control left. When my body finally releases, I scream Chance’s name.
Chance holds me tightly until I come back down to Earth. Wow, just wow. What the hell!
I’ve always heard of orgasms, but I’v
e never experienced them. I’ve just assumed because of my crazy muscles having a mind of their own, I probably couldn’t even have such a sensation. Boy, am I glad I’ve been wrong on that.
Soon, Chance has me lying next to him. He turns me toward him and stretches my leg over his. “It’ll be less painful in the water,” he whispers.
This time it doesn’t hurt as bad as last night. This time, I allow the pure pleasure to consume me. Nothing is more exhilarating than watching Chance fall apart while making love to me.
The honeymoon passes too quickly. Outside of both of us enjoying the country air, exploring nature, doing my exercises, and Chance cooking us homemade meals, we learn each other’s body in depth. By the end, I’m even brave enough to do my own exploring to find out what pleases Chance.
By the time we arrive back home, I lose all of my reservations around him. There are no awkward moments between us. If I need help with anything, I ask him. If I don’t, he respects me to do it on my own.
Life gets busy fast. I continue to work hard, and Chance buries himself in his residency. Through it all, we still manage to make time for one another and catch up on our day.
Eventually, Chance wants us to move out of the apartment and buy our own home. He says he still has a lot of money left from his parents, and he thinks we should use it for a new home. We buy land and build a completely accessible “smart” house. With my assistive technology background, we try to think of everything we need or may need in the future. We even build an elevator that can take us between the two floors.
My life has changed dramatically, but one thing doesn’t change. Every weekend, Chance takes me to visit Layna. There, I tell her my deepest thoughts and fears.
Chance continues to show no signs of ALS. He obsessively throws himself into his research. He still believes that stem cells may be the answer to help many illnesses.
My Perfect Imperfections Page 16