His gray eyes were bloodshot and two day's growth of blond beard seemed to sparkle on his chin, but he looked as wildly attractive as ever. She hadn't thought it possible for Lee Kincaid to look more handsome than usual, but he did. Dishevelment suited him. Mary suddenly realized that she was entitled to see him this way every morning. She smiled at the intimate thought and a blush brought more color to her cheeks.
Lee was intrigued by the sly smile touching her lips. "Is something wrong?"
"Oh, no," she murmured, "it's just that…" Mary lowered her gaze to her lap and quickly began to smoothing out the creases in her skirt.
"What?"
"You look so—so—" Mary couldn't begin to put her feelings into words.
Lee rubbed his hand over his chin, gauging the growth of his whiskers. "Tired?" he suggested. "Rough?"
Mary shook her head. Appealing was the word that came to mind. And attractive, and manly. But she couldn't say those things to him. "Different," she finally answered.
"Yes," Lee said, smiling. "I guess the newness has already worn off the marriage. We haven't been married twenty-four hours and you're already seeing me at my worst."
"No," Mary corrected him. "I've seen you look much worse than this."
"When?" Lee asked.
"In Peaceable after David punched you in the eye. And then later at David and Tessa's wedding when your face was swollen and the bruises had turned that ghastly shade of yellowish-green." Mary reached up and self-consciously smoothed back the locks of hair that had escaped the confines of her chignon. "You don't look nearly as bad now as you did then. But I…"
"You look fine," he replied gruffly.
"Are you sure?" Mary glanced around to see if any of the other passengers were paying attention to them, then whispered, "I've never spent the night in the public car before or fallen asleep while traveling alone."
Lee grinned. "Mary, you weren't alone. You were with us." He nodded toward Judah who was dozing in the seat in front of them, then glanced down at the little girl asleep in his arms.
"And it's a good thing you're family," Mary said, "or else my reputation would be ruined." She smiled at him. "Besides, it wouldn't do for anyone to see me looking like this."
"No," Lee agreed, leaning closer to her. "That wouldn't do at all." Her hat had been knocked askew and long straight strands of her shiny black hair had come loose from its neat bun. Her left cheek was puffed from sleep and reddened by the marks of his coat. Her dress was wrinkled, and there was a wet spot the size of a silver dollar on the jacket above her left breast where Maddy had drooled in her sleep, but Lee thought that any man seeing Mary Alexander now, so soft and warm and enticing, in the early morning would be hard-pressed to resist her. Lord knows he was having trouble.
"Other than my husband and family, I mean." Mary stared at Lee's mustache while she nervously tucked another lock of hair back into place. She wondered if he would kiss her good morning. He was her husband, after all, and entitled to a morning kiss.
Husband. The soft spoken word brought a lump to Lee's throat. Family. He couldn't explain the feelings he felt as Mary matter-of-factly included him and Maddy, and even Judah, into her family circle. Lee stared into her big brown eyes. He recognized the look in them—the softness and warmth she reserved for her family and friends. There was none of the hostility and coldness that ordinarily came his way. He wanted to kiss her, and if she didn't stop staring at him with that soft look in her eyes, he was going to do just that. He leaned down to make good on his promise.
The train whistle sounded again and the conductor hurried down the aisle. "Utopia," he announced, "Utopia station."
Lee moved away from Mary as the conductor passed by. He leaned forward in his seat, and reached out to Judah.
"What is it?" she asked.
"We're getting off the train," he told her before touching the elderly man sleeping in the seat in front of him on the shoulder. "Judah, wake up."
Judah awoke instantly, turning in his seat to face Lee. "Oh, hello, young man. Are we there yet?"
Lee nodded. "The train is just pulling into the station."
Judah straightened his clothing and looked around for any belongings. "That's nice. We'll be home before we know it."
Lee gave a heartfelt sigh of relief. Judah's mental faculties appeared to be intact today.
Mary glanced over Lee's shoulder, out the window at the desolate town's main street, then touched him on the sleeve. "But this is Utopia."
"I know," he answered as he gently awakened Maddy and set her on her feet, then stood up beside her.
Madeline grabbed hold of Lee's coattail, twisting the fabric in her fist as she squirmed in the small space between the rows of seats. "Pretty," she said clearly.
Lee looked from Maddy to Mary, then smiled back at the child. "Yes," he agreed, "Mary's pretty."
Mary flushed with pleasure at the unexpected compliment.
"Pretty," Madeline repeated more forcefully. Her brow wrinkled in frustration as she let go of Lee's coat and grasped the front of her pinafore. She wiggled this way and that, and danced from foot to foot. "Pretty. Go pretty."
As he watched her clutching her dress and bouncing from one leg to the other, Lee suddenly remembered exactly what pretty meant in "Maddy-talk." A look of panic appeared on his face as he studied the passengers crowding into the aisle preparing to disembark from the train to stretch their legs and gauged the amount of time he had. "Just a minute, sweetheart," he said, awkwardly patting Maddy on the shoulder as she squirmed in the space beside him. "I'll get you there."
Mary glanced down at Maddy and understanding dawned. She quickly grabbed her purse from the seat and stepped into the aisle. "Give her to me," she said to Lee. "There's bound to be a facility behind the depot." She sounded completely confident that the town would have public outhouses nearby, but after catching a glimpse of Utopia from the train window, Mary doubted the town had that much to offer.
Lee lifted Maddy and gratefully handed her over to Mary. "Judah and I will wait for you in the depot."
"Go pretty." Maddy was more insistent.
"All right, sweetie." Mary gave Lee a quick wave, then hurried down the aisle and stepped off the train onto the platform. Mary flagged down a porter and asked directions to the nearest necessary.
But the wet warmth seeping through Maddy's undergarments and petticoats onto Mary's arm warned her that it was already too late.
Maddy's lips puckered suddenly and the expression on her face crumpled as she realized she had disgraced herself. She turned her face away from Mary and began to cry.
"There, there, sweetheart, it's all right," Mary soothed as she continued on the path toward the facility. She reached the outhouse, opened the door, stepped inside, then leaned down to place Maddy on the ground.
"No!" Maddy balked at being set on her feet. She tightened her hold around Mary's neck, buried her face in Mary's shoulder, wrapped her legs around Mary's waist, and cried harder.
"Maddy, sweetie, I must put you on the ground in order to get you out of your wet underthings."
"No!"
"Don't you want me to take off your wet clothes?"
"No!" Maddy shook her head vigorously, setting her dark curls bouncing against Mary's face.
Balancing Maddy on one hip, Mary reached down and tried to pry Maddy's chubby little legs from around her waist. "Please, Maddy," Mary persuaded, "let me put you down so I can remove your drawers and petticoats." Mary tried to remember if little girls Madeline's age wore drawers or if they were still wearing diapers. Although she had been around her cousin Reese's three-year-old daughter since the day Hope was born, most of Mary's practical experience was with school-age children, not toddlers.
Maddy refused to meet Mary's gaze, but continued to cry. It broke Mary's heart to watch the tears run down her cherubic face.
"Maddy, sweetheart, listen to me," Mary instructed in a gentle voice. "This little accident wasn't your fault. We've had a very long tr
ain ride and your…" Mary faltered for a moment, not knowing how to refer to Lee so that Maddy would understand. "Lee and I should have realized you needed to—" She shrugged her shoulders and tried another tack. "I know you're embarrassed, but there's no need to be. I won't tell anyone."
All at once Maddy seemed to understand that Mary could be trusted with her secret. She stopped crying and scrubbed away the tears with her little fists.
Encouraged by Maddy's response, Mary asked, "Would you like to get down now?"
Maddy nodded.
Mary set Madeline on the ground, then hiked up her own skirts and knelt on the ground beside the little girl. Acting purely on instinct, Mary put her arms around Maddy and held her close. "That's my girl," she praised.
Maddy rewarded her with a smile.
"Okay." Mary reached for the hem of Maddy's royal blue dress and white pinafore. "Let's get you out of these clothes."
Maddy stood quietly cooperating while Mary stripped her of her soiled white muslin petticoat, underdrawers, black leather shoes, and white knitted tights. In a few short minutes she stood barefoot, wearing nothing but her blue dress and white pinafore.
Mary rolled and re-rolled Maddy's wet underclothing into a tight bundle, but no amount of rolling or folding could reduce the size of bundle enough so that she could fit it in with her things. She thought for a moment, wondering how she could conceal Maddy's undergarments, then finally decided there was only one thing she could do. She unbuttoned the jacket of her traveling suit and wrapped the bundle in that. When she finished the chore, Mary turned her attention back to Maddy who waited patiently. "All right, angel, we'll slip your shoes back on," she said, picking up one of Madeline's tiny black leather shoes. "I'll tend to my needs, and then we'll meet Lee and Mr. Crane back at the depot. Okay?"
"No!" Maddy shook her head, vehemently opposed to Mary's suggestion.
Mary sighed, at a loss as to the workings of the two-and-a-half-year-old mind. Being a mother to a toddler was much harder than she ever imagined—and a lot like playing a game of drawing room charades. Mary's admiration for her own mother and her cousin, Faith, grew by leaps and bounds. Still, she had her work cut out for her and Mary wasn't about to give up. "What is it, Maddy? What's wrong? Don't you want to go back to the train?"
"No!" Maddy stared defiantly at Mary, shouted the single word, stuck out her bottom lip, then immediately fastened her gaze on her shoes.
"Maddy?" Mary reached out to touch her but Madeline jerked away.
Stuck in an outhouse with a recalcitrant child, and unable to delay any longer, Mary quickly tended to her own personal needs. And as she began to set her skirts to rights, lowering them to cover her petticoats and silk stockings, Mary found she had gained Maddy's complete attention.
Mary studied the expression on the little girl's face. "So, that's it," she said at last. "You're embarrassed for anyone to see you without your petticoats and tights, aren't you?"
Maddy nodded slowly.
"We've got a problem, don't we?"
Maddy nodded once again.
A solution to the problem suddenly took form in Mary's brain. It was daring and a bit scandalous. And Mary would die of embarrassment if anyone ever discovered the lengths she'd gone to appease a child, but it seemed the only appropriate thing to do. Mary smiled down at Madeline. "Would you feel better about leaving this outhouse if I took off my drawers and petticoats, too?"
"Uh huh."
Mary took a deep breath. "All right. Here it goes." She raised her skirts and hurriedly shed her drawers, quilted underpetticoat, bustle petticoat, and stockings. Maddy looked on in delight as Mary added her neatly rolled-up undergarments to Maddy's bundle of clothing tucked inside her suit jacket, then stood balancing first on one leg and then the other, as she struggled to get her shoes back on.
Maddy giggled suddenly—a deep-throated, husky giggle that sounded disconcerting coming from such a small angelic-looking child.
Mary couldn't help but giggle as well. "I know it looks funny. But remember, young lady, that I'm doing this for you. This will be our little secret, okay?"
"Kay."
"Mary, are you in there?" The unexpected knock on the outhouse door and the sound of Lee's voice startled her and Mary jumped—tripping over the hem of her skirt, made longer by her lack of undergarments, nearly toppling over in the process.
Maddy laughed out loud.
Hearing the childish laughter, Lee asked, "What's taking so long? What are you two doing in there?"
"Nothing," Mary answered quickly. Too quickly.
"Then hurry it up," Lee ordered. Fatigue made him irritable and more abrupt with Mary than he meant to be.
"Uh… we'll be out in just a minute," she replied. "I'm… uh… putting on my shoes."
"Your shoes?" Lee asked. "What are you doing with your shoes off?"
Mary thought quickly. "I… uh… meant Maddy's shoes. She had something in them." Mary said a quick prayer, hoping the Lord would understand the need to protect the little girl's sensitive feelings. Mary fastened her remaining shoe, then gathered up the bundle of clothing.
"Hey," Lee called from outside the door. "Can you speed it up a bit? I left Judah at the depot and I'd rather not leave him alone very long."
"Do you want to walk?" Mary asked Madeline. "Or would you rather have me carry you?"
"Hold me," Maddy answered, lifting her arms up to Mary.
Mary handed the bundle to Maddy. "Can you manage this?"
Maddy nodded, but as she took hold of the clothing, it slipped from her grasp. The ties came loose and an armful of white undergarments fell to the floor. Madeline frowned at the pile of white fabric, then puckered her lips.
Mary hurried to forestall the flood of tears. "Maddy, it's all right. See? Besides, I have an idea." She bent to retrieve the clothes, bundled Maddy's into a tight ball, then quickly stuffed hers inside her jacket. "I'll carry you and Lee can carry these." That said, Mary opened the door to the outhouse. "Here, take this while I get Maddy." Leaving him with no choice, she shoved her jacket-wrapped bundle in Lee's direction, then turned to lift Maddy into her arms.
"What is it?" Lee made a grab for the bundle, caught hold of a jacket sleeve, and watched in astonishment as the hem of a woman's petticoat slipped from beneath the jacket and a pair of women's white muslin and lace-trimmed drawers fluttered to the ground. Curious now, Lee opened Mary's jacket and peeked inside. The unmistakable odor of urine assaulted his nostrils as he untied the white bundle and found Maddy's wet underthings along with an assortment of other feminine undergarments—all dry and, except for the quilted underpetticoat, practically sheer, and much too large to be Maddy's.
Lee sucked in a breath at the thought of Mary wearing nothing beneath her prim skirt. Smiling at the image, he took Maddy's doll out of his coat pocket, then whisked Mary's lacy drawers off the ground, and hurriedly stuffed them into the coat pocket before she exited the privy.
He barely managed to tuck the other bundle of clothes back into place when Mary stepped through the outhouse doorway. She carried Maddy on her hip and Lee noticed that the chubby little legs locked around Mary's waist were bare. Mary followed his gaze and the expression on her face warned Lee not to comment. Lee didn't say a word. He simply let his gaze roam downward over Mary's skirt which, he noted with a great deal of satisfaction, now hung past her shoes—several inches longer than it had been when she left the train wearing her bustle and petticoats. He grinned as a gust of wind flattened the green serge against her body. Nice legs, he thought. Nice long legs.
Lee would have continued his contemplation of Mary's legs, but Maddy took one look at him and the doll he still held in his hand, reached out her arms, and yelled, "Mama!"
"No," Mary corrected gently. "Papa. Not Mama." She looked up at Lee. "Is it all right if she calls you Papa? She's so young, she won't remember her real papa. As far as she's concerned, you'll be her father."
"Papa is fine with me," Lee replied. His chest swelled wit
h pride and his heart seemed to skip a beat at the thought of Maddy calling him papa.
"It won't be a completely accurate term," Mary continued.
"It will be accurate all right," Lee explained. "I plan to adopt her and raise her as my own."
Mary's eyes lit up and the smile she gave him could have warmed the coldest winter night. "Oh, Lee, that's wonderful!" She stepped closer to him.
"Hey, don't look at me like that," Lee warned.
"Like what?"
"Like I'm some kind of knight in shining armor." He didn't know why he suddenly felt the need to warn her away from him. Maybe it was lack of sleep, or his uncharacteristic lapse in willpower. Or maybe he just felt too damned deceitful to take advantage of her moment of weakness. "I'm only adopting her to fulfill the terms of the will."
"Oh." A deep disappointment settled in the pit of Mary's stomach. The warm rosy glow disappeared and all at once, she began to feel the cold seeping into her bones. She shivered involuntarily as the cool wind cut through her thin blouse and the fabric of her skirt.
"Mama!" Maddy shouted again.
"Papa," Mary corrected automatically.
"No," Lee interrupted, intent on further disillusioning Mary. "It's Mama."
"I don't understand." Mary's expression of puzzlement echoed her words.
"She means her doll," Lee explained, handing the doll over to the little girl. "Mama equals doll in 'Maddy-talk.'"
Remembering Maddy's dramatic entrance into the church, Mary narrowed her gaze at Lee, only half-watching as Maddy hugged the porcelain-faced toy to her chest. "Her doll?"
"That's right." He shrugged noncommittally.
"And how long have you known that?" Mary demanded.
Lee met her gaze. "Oh, I figured it out on the train from Denver to Cheyenne." He turned to head up the path.
But Mary stopped him by grabbing hold of his coat sleeve. "So you knew! At my wedding, you knew what she meant all the time!"
"Yeah, Mary," Lee admitted. "I knew."
"And you didn't say anything. You let Pelham think…" She let her words trail off when she realized she was too angry to form coherent sentences.
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