BRIIING. BRIIIING.
The telephone echoed and caused me to flinch.
“Just let the machine get it,” Luke said.
BRIIING. BRIIING.
“No, no.” I pulled away from him, making my way to the desk. “I should get it.” My hand trembled as I lifted the receiver to my ear. “Hello, 1308 Brook House Inn, Rachel speaking.”
“Hi Rachel, it’s Doctor Stevenson.”
“Oh, hello Doctor. Is everything all right?”
“No, unfortunately. You might want to get down here as soon as possible.”
“Why? What’s wrong?” My heart thumped.
“I’m afraid your dad isn’t doing good. I . . . I don’t know if he’ll make it through the day.” Another punch to the gut, my knees weakened underneath my weight. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I hung up the phone tried to march past Luke. He reached out and stopped me. “I’ve got to go to the hospital.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. I need you to stay here. If you come no one will be here to . . .” I lifted my hand, motioning toward the second floor. “See to the guest.”
“Call me if you need me.”
“I will.” I kissed him. “I promise.”
The bright lights of the hospital halls blinded me as I made my down one hallway after another toward the nurses’ station. I didn’t want to think about how my world was about to fall apart, let alone that it was a world I really didn’t know. I didn’t want to ask my dad about it all, and yet, I knew if I didn’t, I may never know the truth.
“Ah, Rachel. Thank you for coming so quickly.” Doctor Stevenson held out his hand for me to shake.
“How is he?”
Doctor Stevenson gave me a half smile, but there was no amusement or joy behind his eyes. “He’s . . . he’s been asking for you.”
I followed the doctor to the room, moving around him as he opened the door, and as I walked inside, he shut it behind me.
Dad turned his head, smiling under his oxygen mask, and he pulled it aside. “Hey Rach.”
“Hey, Dad.” I made my way over to the bed and sat at his feet, motioning toward the mask. “You should keep it on. It can’t help you if it’s not on your face.”
He shook his head and hooked his finger into one of the ear straps and then the other, removing it completely. “I’m beyond anything the mask will help with.”
“I tried to call you a few times this morning. Then I got sidetracked with drama and . . .” I rubbed my palm up my cheek and across my forehead. “Well, you look good. I mean, you’ve been in bed for a week. I know people who envy you for that. Me included.”
“Are you not sleeping much?” He cocked his head to the side.
“I am. I’m just busy, getting the inn ready as you wanted me to. You know, you kept kicking me out of here so I could get it done, so that’s what I’ve been doing. It’s really coming along. I wish you could see it.”
“I’m sure I will soon. Just maybe not the same way I thought I would.”
I bit my lip. So many thoughts I wanted to say begged for their freedom while so many questions rolled along with them. I wanted answers, but at what cost? The man’s last moments on earth would not be rife with heartbreak and pain. Not if I could help it, even if it cost me knowing what really happened.
“Rach, I need to talk to you about something.”
I sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Okay.”
“I can’t leave this earth without you knowing the truth.” He paused, exhaling a deep breath as he yanked the blanket up closer to his chest. “I hate to do this to you. I hate to drop this in your lap without the proper time to help you through sorting it out and to help you heal. I love you so much and all I ask is that you please forgive me.” His eyes filled with tears then they streamed down his cheeks.
“You aren’t my dad,” I whispered. “Are you?”
He blinked a few times then he closed his eyes, as though embarrassed, and shook his head.
“No, I’m not. How did you find out?”
“Luke found Mom’s box in the attic.”
“I knew you would find it. I’d forgotten about it for so many years, but then your mother died, and you came, and I would think about it and then forget again. I’m so sorry you had to find out that way.”
“You don’t have to apologize.”
He grabbed my hand and his grip was weak. “Yes, I do. I lied to you. Your whole life. And I did it because your mother asked me to.”
I sniffled, trying to hold back tears as I glanced up at the ceiling. “Do you know why she didn’t want me to know?”
“She thought she was protecting you since he died, and you would never be able to know him.”
“But he didn’t die.”
“I know. But she didn’t. She went to her grave thinking he was dead.”
“Wait, you know?”
“Charlie told me.”
“When?”
“He visited here a few days ago. He said he wasn’t sure if he even wanted you to know after all these years. He sees how happy you are and doesn’t want to ruin that.” Dad inhaled a few deep breaths behind the mask. “He’s a good man, Rach. I hope you get to know him, and I hope you let him get to know you. Let him stay, help, and be there for you and play with his grandchildren.” With the last word, Dad arched one eyebrow and gave me a smirk.
“And what grandchildren are you talking about? Do I have a sibling?” I snorted. My mind and body clung to the slight amusement tickling through me.
“How are you and Luke doing?”
I bit my lip, smiling a little bigger. “I love him, but I’m worried it’s too soon.”
“Your mother and I married less than a year after she thought she became a widow. Love is never too soon, not when it’s with the right person. I’ll never say she didn’t love Charlie, she did. But she loved me too and she didn’t let time or people’s judgment get in her way. Time be damned, Rach—especially when it’s for finding love.” He squeezed my hand, or at least tried to. “No one gets another yesterday.”
“Hey, isn’t that what mom always used to say?”
“Yeah, and she said it for a reason. Because it’s true.”
“What am I going to do without you? And without Mom? I can’t believe I’m losing you both.”
“You’re going to go on living your life as happy as you can.”
“Will you say hi to her for me?”
“Of course, I will. I have to say, I’m looking forward to seeing her again so I can laugh at her dumb jokes that used to drive me crazy.”
“And can you tell her I miss her and I’m sorry for what happened . . .” I looked up at the ceiling, blinking to keep my tears at bay. “I was so short with her the day I last spoke to her. In a hurry to get home to my jerk of an ex-husband, I shouldn’t have said what I did. I guess it’s the one thing I can say I didn’t do with you. At least our last words weren’t in frustration.”
“She forgave you the second she put down the phone. I know because she told me. She loved you so much. We both do.” He coughed and wiped tears from his cheeks. His breathing labored.
“You should put this back on.” I helped him put the mask back on over his head and looped the straps over the tops of his ears. His eyes stared at me, and while I still saw him inside of them, they had grown distant.
I grabbed his hand. “Can you also tell her about the inn? Tell her I wish she was here, and tell her thank you for giving me such a blessing of a life with the place? I really didn’t know if I wanted it, but now I do. Can you tell her all that for me?”
I wanted him to answer so badly, and yet, he didn’t. He simply nodded and blinked while another tear ran down his face. He didn’t say a word but held out his arms for a hug.
The minutes alone with him turned into an hour, and I lay in bed next to him watching his chest as he breathed. His inhales and exhales became slower and softer until finally they stopped and the mo
nitor above him flat lined.
The rest of the afternoon was like a blur. Paperwork, phone calls, questions from the hospital staff, and although I’d lived through all of it, I couldn’t remember any of what happened as I pulled the car back into the parking lot of the inn. I wished it was a dream I could wake from, and yet, I knew it wasn’t. In one day, I’d lost a father and gained one all at the same time. I couldn’t help but feel there was something to that, but at the same time I hated the thought of it. I didn’t want a replacement. I didn’t want one to go so the other could come, and it felt as though even thinking it was an evil I didn’t want to touch.
I flipped the key, turning the car off, and as the engine died, I pressed my forehead into the steering wheel. I had cried so much already today, the thought of anymore tears brought nothing but exhaustion. I couldn’t shed another one. Not out of sadness and not out of anger. Numb, the only thing I wanted to do was to curl up in a corner with a blanket and a pillow, allowing my body to dwell in the softness and warmth instead of letting the demons in my mind suffocate me while the weight of all I’d lost sat on my chest.
Just thinking about how I would never see him again set my skin on fire. I wanted to rip every inch of flesh from the bone while my heart raced. Akin to a panic attack, I went from wanting to run down the street screaming at the top of my lungs, to wanting to drop to my knees, burying my face in my hands while denying what just happened.
I didn’t want to think about all the wrong choices I’d made. I didn’t want to think about all the mistakes I’d made and the lost moments with both of my parents. Ones I could never get back. I should have come home more. I should have called more. I should have made more of an effort in helping them, being with them.
I failed him.
I failed Mom.
I failed them both.
I glanced around the parking lot as I climbed out of my car. My feet felt heavy as I trudged up the pathway to the front door, and as I grabbed the knob, it swung open, and Luke rushed out, wrapping his arms around me.
“I’m so sorry, Rachel.”
I exhaled a deep breath, melting into his chest. “At least he’s not in pain anymore.”
Luke stroked my hair. “What can I do for you? Anything?”
“I . . . I don’t even know.”
“Are you hungry?”
I shook my head.
“Can I get you a stiff drink?”
I laughed then shook my head.
He stroked my head again, leaning away from me so we could see each other’s faces. “How about I take you to the cabin? I can make you some soup, and you can hide away in a blanket on the couch or in the bed for as long as you want. I’ll get you any book you want or if you want to watch TV or a movie, you can do that.”
“I don’t want to read or watch TV.”
“You don’t have to. I just thought maybe you could get your mind off it for a moment. Catch your breath.” He moved to my side, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as he led me into the foyer and then into my office. “Let’s get a change of clothes packed for you. Just in case.”
I nodded, glancing up the ceiling. “Where’s Charlie?”
Someone cleared his throat behind me, and a man’s voice spoke. “Right behind you.”
I spun around, coming face to face with Charlie Wilson, the same man from my mother’s letters.
“I’m really sorry about your dad,” he said. “I really enjoyed talking to him. He was a great man.”
“He enjoyed talking to you, too. And he said the same about you. I didn’t know you went to visit him.”
“I figured he would have told you.”
“I already knew before he did.”
“How?”
Instead of answering him, I made my way over to my desk, grabbing the stack of letters before I took them to him, holding them in my outstretched hand. His eyes widened.
“Luke found these in the attic along, with a bunch of my mom’s journals.”
“I’d really like to talk to you about it, about those. If you’ll let me.”
“I know you would.” I dropped my gaze to the floor. “But I’m not ready to. I’ve had quite the day.” I snorted, thinking back on everything that had happened in the last twelve hours, even though it seemed longer. “And I need to be alone for a bit if you don’t mind.”
“Take as long as you need.”
“I’m going to take her to my house,” Luke said to him. “But I’ll be back in a bit to help you with dinner.”
Charlie held up his hands. “Don’t worry yourself about me. Betty down at the café asked me to swing by for dinner one of these nights I didn’t have anything to do. She’s a nice lady. Her daughter, Shelly, is a bit . . . odd, but Betty’s nice. I think I’ll head over there for a bite.”
“Oh, um,” I glanced around.
“What are you looking for?” Luke asked.
“My keys.”
“I think they are in your pocket.”
I felt the bulge on the side of my shorts. “Yes, pocket.” I yanked them out and twisted the key to the inn off the ring, handing it to Charlie. “Will you lock the door when you leave since no one will be here? Then you can let yourself in and lock up again when you go to bed.”
“Not a problem. Don’t worry about the place. I’ll take good care of it.”
With my eyes down, I nodded and slowly walked toward the front door. Luke followed behind me, stopping when I spun around, facing him.
“The journals,” I said.
“What about them?”
“I’m not ready to read them, but I’d like to have with me just in case.”
“Of course.” He handed me his own truck keys. “I’ll meet you in the truck.”
“We’ve got to stop getting together this way.” Bridget clutched the back of my arm, and as I faced her, she wrapped her arms around me. “Seriously. Two funerals in a few months is just not how I thought we would spend our time together. Especially when they both have been so unexpected.”
“I know.”
“Course, I haven’t had much time to spare the last few weeks, either. With the business and the never-ending feeling that I’m either going to throw up or I could fall asleep standing up, there are times I don’t even know what day it is.”
I glanced at Drake who came up behind his wife, sliding his arm around her waist. “Hey Rachel. I’m sorry to hear about James.”
“Thanks.”
Drake leaned in and kissed Bridget on her forehead. “I’m going to go find Luke.”
As he skirted around us, Bridget exhaled a deep sigh.
“I know I’m probably not supposed to say this to you, but you look tired,” I said.
“I feel tired. So tired. Like I didn’t think I could ever feel so tired. I’ve had to cut back on hours at the restaurant and I haven’t done much outside of the house. I’m really sorry I haven’t been around.”
I laid my hand on her shoulder. “Don’t even apologize. I understand why, and I don’t mind at all.”
“We did go to the doctor and everything looks good. Hopefully I can get some energy back by my second trimester.”
“I can’t believe you are growing a tiny human being.”
“I know.” She lifted her shoulders up to her ears, a smile beamed across her face. “I can’t wait to meet him or her.”
“When do you find out if it’s a boy or girl?”
She waved her hand. “Oh, not for several more months.”
“Well, let me know as soon as you find out. I can’t wait to get started on planning the baby shower.”
A hand touched my back and I spun to find Pastor Dawson behind me. “May I have a moment?” he asked.
“Oh, sure.” I went to excuse myself from Bridget, but she patted me on the arm. “I’ve got to catch up with Nancy to make sure she has enough food.”
“You spoil me, Bridget,” I said, shaking my head as she shifted around me.
She spun, facing me. “And I always
will.”
I followed Pastor Dawson over to one of the tables and sat down next to him.
“I know this might sound like a stupid question,” he said. “But I figure I’ll ask it anyway. How are you doing?”
“I suppose I’m all right.”
“You know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while now.”
“About what?”
He laid his hand on my shoulder. “I wanted to apologize to you.”
“Apologize? Why?”
“Because I knew the truth. I’ve always prided myself on being a good man of God and a good pastor to my congregation. But to you, I wasn’t. I knew your mother when she was this young widow who showed up at an inn with nothing but a baby on her hip. I watched as James fell in love with her and then as she fell in love with him, and I even married them.”
“I didn’t know that.” I glanced down at my hands, clearing my throat. “But you don’t have to apologize. I never asked you any questions about them, therefore you never lied.”
“But I never told you either and that is still a lie.”
“I can’t deny I’m angry with both of my parents. But what good does it do me? They are both gone, and to be honest, if they were here, I still don’t think I could bring myself to hate them. Maybe it’s because I miss them so much. I would take them here with me, lies and all, than to face my life without them.” I ducked my chin, playing with my fingers. “My regret isn’t that they lied to me. But it’s that I left here without so much as a backward glance. I hardly called them and, as you know, never visited. I wasted so much time—time I can’t get back. It’s hard to be angry when you feel guilty.”
“They knew you loved them. It was just in your own way and not theirs.”
“I still feel guilty.”
“Try not to let it in and try not to beat yourself up.”
“I will if you will.” I gave him a wink and he smiled.
“So, you and Luke?” He pointed his chin toward his son who was dumping ice into a bowl while Drake watched and waited with a gallon jug of punch in each hand. “He seems happy again. I didn’t know if I’d ever see him like that after all that’s happened.”
Another Yesterday Page 29