by Kat T. Masen
All those words—meant nothing.
Everything we did—nothing.
“Anyway, just wanted to see how you are.”
“You okay, Emmy?”
“I will be.”
***
I tossed and turned, lost in a sea of nightmares all involving Logan. When the sun came up, I went for a long run along the beach, attempting to clear my head. George came with me, chugging along and not impressed at all with an early morning run.
I’m never one to meditate but sit on the beach with my eyes closed searching for my Zen. I establish right there and then that I have no Zen.
Zen could only be achieved with a bottle of tequila.
Since it’s just after 7:00 a.m. I figure it might be too early for that and opt for a fruit smoothie. It certainly doesn’t have the same effect.
Tayla turns up just after midday, dressed in denim cut-offs and an oversized black tee. Already bored, she begs me to go out so she can explore LA. “Let’s go out, Emmy. Shopping, drinks...”
I smile at her eagerness to grow up. “Shopping yes, drinking no. You’re only sixteen.”
“Sixteen these days is like twenty-one. Besides, I’ve drunk before.”
Not long later we’re driving to The Grove with the top down and allowing our skin to soak in the sun. I’m happy to spend time with Tayla, chatting away and talking about all the things girls love to discuss. A nice distraction from my fucked-up love life. Despite it being only us girls, Jimmy said he’ll be close by in case something happens.
“I don’t want to know why you’ve drunk, or how it’s possible, but no drinking on my watch. I need to return you to Mom and Dad in one piece.”
“Argh,” she drags beneath her shades. “You’re just like Mom. What about tonight? Can we at least do something fun?”
“Sure. What do you have in mind?”
“A party?”
I laugh. “Most parties involve alcohol which means no one underage. Leave it with me, I’ll see if Scarlett knows of anything going on tonight.”
“Wow! Do you think she’ll be there?”
I shrug, driving in the parking lot where I pull the car into the first spot I see available.
We spend the afternoon shopping like crazy. I enjoy spoiling my sister. Granted Mom will give me an earful for the clothes I allow her to purchase. Paparazzi follow, but they aren’t too invasive and allow us to do our own thing.
Inside Barneys New York, a few shoppers stop me to take photographs and sign autographs, something I haven’t done in a while since fans are more eager for pictures than my signature.
When my feet become sore and tired, I suggest we stop at Groundwork Coffee for a much-needed caffeine pick me up. I order myself a double-shot espresso and something less strong for Tayla.
“So, I spoke to Ash yesterday.” She grins, blowing on the foam that steams from the top of her cup. “Logan’s been a bit down in the dumps.”
“Maybe he has his period.”
Tayla laughs, almost spilling her drink all over her cell that sits on the table in front of her. “What happened in London? You don’t need to sugar coat it for me. I’m a big girl.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I thought what happened at home was a one-time thing? You only have to stalk the two of you online to see something’s going between you guys.”
The bitter taste of espresso goes down my throat the wrong way causing a coughing fit. When I finally come for air—despite the whole restaurant on edge waiting to see if I’m okay—I bow my head wanting to keep this conversation confidential. “I don’t believe that.”
“Here.” She shows me a ton of photographs, many of Logan and I together in London that I didn’t realize had been taken. Most sites make no reference to us being any more than family friends, aside from one. A small blogger from London who’s documented our every move and suggested we’re having an affair.
“We need to get out of here,” I say panic-stricken, the anxiety creeping in as heat rises beneath my skin.
“Are you okay?” Tayla asks, worried.
“I will be.” My throat closes in, and with force I pull her along, my other arm full of shopping bags until we’ve reached the car and are sitting inside just the two of us.
“What the hell happened back there?”
“I... I don’t know,” I cry openly. “It’s so messed up. I don’t know what to do. Whichever way I look at it, I’m hurting someone.”
“But you knew this,” Tayla reminds me softly. “Your life is not ordinary. Whatever you do is seen by everyone. Can I ask you something?”
I nod quietly, grabbing the tissue she hands to me.
“How serious are things with Logan?”
Letting out a long-winded sigh, I tell her about my feelings while not holding anything back. “I think I love him. I mean, I’ve always loved him as family but not like this.”
“Do you think he loves you?”
“I can’t answer that.” I fall into a silence, closing my eyes and remembering his words in London. “He’s really complicated, and to be honest, I just don’t know.”
“It’s hard for me to even think of Logan in any way besides a brother figure. Him and Ash are douches, you know. This side of him that you see, I can’t even imagine it.”
I can’t hide my smile. “When we’re alone there’s this spark. Like we’re battling but it’s a good battle. Does that make sense?”
Tayla frowns, pulling her hair out of the bun that sits on top of her head, only to place it in a bun again. “Ah, not really. Like a sex battle?”
“Sometimes.” I chuckle softly.
“La, la, la, la,” she sings, pressing against her ears. “Are you done with the sex talk?”
I roll my eyes at her, blowing my nose at the same time. “There was no sex talk.”
“Listen…” she shuffles to her side, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tight, “… we’ve got a ton of new dresses and shoes. Let’s go out tonight and pretend Logan and Wesley don’t exist. Just a girls’ night out with dancing and no drinks, at least for me. You can get wasted if you want.” She laughs.
“You know what?” I smile through my tears. “It sounds like the perfect plan.”
***
After talking with Scarlett, she hooks us up with a party, but it’s all the way in Orange County. We arrive late to find the party’s in full swing and hosted by a popular DJ who frequents celebrity hot spots.
The house is a mansion. All white with glass windows everywhere you look. It sits on the beach, surrounded by a massive garden with an Olympic-sized pool.
I’ve never seen Tayla so excited with her cell in hand Snapchatting the whole night. She tried to explain to me how it works, but I was only half-listening, eager to unwind and get my hands on the blue cocktails the waiters are handing out. With a cocktail in hand, I quickly remind her to stick by me and no drinking whatsoever. It’s somewhere into my second cocktail that a familiar voice calls my name.
Farrah.
“Oh my God... look who it is. Without Wesley, of course.”
She kisses my cheek—a kiss of death.
She reeks of perfume and plastic, dressed in a skimpy strapless red dress that makes her tits look like watermelons. Her body’s drowning in jewels with well over a million dollars draped around her neck.
“Wesley’s in Cabo.”
“I think he may have mentioned it.” Her normally confident manner is slightly off. Her fingers nervously fidgeting with her necklace. “So, you’re here... alone? No man to keep you warm?”
“My sister, Tayla,” I briefly introduce them and notice Tayla already has on her resting bitch face. I know she doesn’t like Farrah, after all not that many people do.
“Right. Nice to meet you. You’ll have to excuse me, I have people to mingle with.”
I’m glad she leaves us alone, walking away to another crowd desperate for her presence—making her the center of attention.
We hang out near the front lawn where the marquee’s set up and beats blast through the massive speakers. Losing ourselves to the music, we dance for a long time, letting loose and feeling free. My purse is hung across my body and begins to vibrate against my hip. I pull out my cell while trying to sway my body, to see missed calls from Logan.
Ignore.
Ignore.
Ignore.
There’s a group of guys and girls beside us who look about Tayla’s age. One guy, in particular, takes to Tayla and begins dancing with her. To prove I’m not at all like Mom, I let her move away and dance with him while I continue to dance with a very handsome older man who happens to be near me. He’s kinda sexy and reminds me of McDreamy from Gray’s Anatomy—a silver fox with ripped muscles and a cocky grin.
My purse continues to vibrate.
Ignore.
Ignore.
Ignore.
He appears harmless, a flirtatious smile and what’s even better is he’s keeping his hands to himself.
I’ve only had a few cocktails and won’t take him to bed. Screw the fucking tabloids! I’ll dance with this man and that’s that.
So fucking what.
The DJ mixes some awesome tunes, a remix of Lady Gaga’s Telephone. I sway my body to the rhythm of the music until harmless man places his hands on my hips. I ignore his touch and use my vibrating purse as an excuse to ask him to move his hand away.
I place my finger on my ear, trying to listen to the call. “Hello?”
“Emerson…” My name is said in a cold and heartless tone, but the noise makes it difficult to hear anything else. “Walk. Away. Now.”
“Huh?” I pull the cell away from my ear and see the caller ID—Logan.
Jesus, even from England he has the worst timing. What the hell is his problem? Doesn’t he understand I don’t want anything to do with him after the Louisa love-of-his-life-over-breakfast incident?
The whole purpose of going out tonight is to have fun with Tayla who’s conveniently disappeared. I tell handsome man I need to go find my sister, walking away from him and out of the marquee until I’m on the lawn where it meets the sand. I can see her with the group of friends she’s made, waving back as they all sit in a circle near the shoreline. A few of them chase each other on the sand, laughing and carefree like typical teenagers.
I continue to watch them, inhaling the salty air and remembering the last time I felt like this. The night back at home, the night I found out about Wesley. The night my entire world flipped upside down and changed forever.
“When I tell you to pick up your fucking phone, do it.”
My body remains rooted, frozen by the voice who spoke only moments ago. I close my eyes, blaming the cocktails for my imagination running wild.
“Open your eyes and look at me.”
I open my eyes instantly, keeping silent as my chest begins to tighten, and in reverse my stomach weakens by the possibility that this is real. In a deadly slow pace, I turn around and see Logan standing right beside me. How is this even possible? He was in England yesterday.
My tongue is twisted, unable to speak coherently as he continues to stand beside me. His eyes glare at my chest, stunned to see me dressed in a short, white dress with a plunging-low neckline. My breasts remain secured by a ton of Hollywood tape, careful not to parade the twins in public. My self-confidence is amiss, but I don’t let it show or allow it to steer us from the situation.
“What are you doing here?”
“Nice,” he says like a stranger, callous and much like the old Logan I used to know. “I flew all the way here and not even a ‘nice to see you’?”
I don’t have any words for him, not after what Ash had just told me and his obsessive behavior of late.
My head moves swiftly. “Is there a reason you’re here? Don’t you have a new girlfriend back home who needs attention?” I cross my arms, folding them beneath my breasts then realize that a nip slip is imminent. Slowly, I move my arms down so they’re by my side. “And how did you even know I was here?”
“It doesn’t matter.” He keeps his voice firm, and his stare cold. “I don’t like other men touching you.”
“What other men?”
“The man on the dancefloor,” he grits.
“Oh, please,” I retort, insulted he thinks I would have taken it further because that’s what he’s insinuating. “It was nothing but harmless dancing.”
“Nothing…” he bellows with his lips tight, “… is harmless when it comes to you.”
I’m not sure what to say. The man you love is standing beside you as jealous as hell and all you can think about is how good he looks in the pair of jeans and the white tee he’s wearing. His face is unshaven but so handsome and rugged, only making it harder for me to concentrate.
“You make it sound like I’m trouble. And I take offense to that,” I tell him, getting on my high horse and switching the blame. “God, Logan. You fucking make all these promises in London then I find out your almost-fiancée wants you back. The so-called love of your life.” I air-quote with resentment.
“Are you still sleeping with Rich?”
“What?” I say in shock. “How many fucking times do I have to tell you… no? Jesus, why can’t you just believe me? I’ve never, ever given you a reason not to trust me. Unlike you and Linda what’s-her-face.”
“Louisa.”
“Yeah,” I reply, hurt. “Thanks for reminding me.”
“Reliable sources say you’re pregnant.”
Reliable sources are never reliable.
Logan should know that.
I’m not sure why he continues to believe the lies floating around.
“Does it look like I’m pregnant to my ex-fiancé?”
He bows his head, chin down with his voice low yet full of rage. “Why didn’t you pick up my calls? Or answer any of my texts?”
I begin to walk away where the guests can’t see us, annoyed at having to defend myself once again to a man who knows the real me. “Because it doesn’t warrant a response. We’ve been over this and yet, you refuse to trust me.”
“You don’t leave me many options,” he shouts back, startling me. “I fucking have to live with watching the two of you. Do you even know what that’s like?”
“Probably the same as being told that Louisa dropped by your apartment.” I laugh out of spite. “And knowing you, you would have lapped that up. Taken her to your room and shown her a good ol’ time.”
“I can’t do this.” He shakes his head while running his hands nervously through his hair. “I can’t even think straight anymore. You’re on the front of a magazine… happily engaged Emerson Chase... how the hell do you want me to deal with that?”
“I don’t know, okay? Everything’s against us. We are oh, so very wrong for each other. We’re like fire and gasoline. A deadly combination.”
“We should stop this, all of this.”
“We should,” I say quietly, swallowing the lump in my throat and keeping my head low, so he doesn’t see the pain that tears through me when he said those words.
Outside the property there’s a gap between the house and the neighbor’s yard. There appears to be no one home next door as the lights are off and there’s nothing but darkness. In between the houses we stand in the dark with a full moon above us. Although he’s standing an arm’s length away, his scent is smothering all my senses and allowing my body to drown in his presence.
The music is loud and plays around us. I make the decision to tell him we’re over, that I need to sort everything out before anything else. The next few weeks will be stressful enough and I don’t need a complicated love triangle to be confusing the situation.
I begin to open my mouth when the cold hits my back and Logan has slammed me up against the concrete wall. I draw his lips to mine, kissing him deeply and losing myself in his touch. He makes me come alive with a simple kiss that ignites all of me despite the wrong that follows us around. The heat of his hands wrap around m
y ass, lifting me up, as his strong kisses ravage my neckline soothe me.
“Logan,” I pant, straightening my back, trying to gather some clarity. “We shouldn’t do it here.”
“I can’t wait,” he responds between kisses with the sound of his belt hitting the ground as he pulls me into him, sliding my panties to the side. “Arms against the wall.” He lifts and places them flat, demanding they stay there. “Why do you keep torturing me?” The desperation in his voice echoes in my ears, accelerating the beating of my heart until there’s nothing to say but the honest truth. “Because you torture me with your obsessive need to control what I do.”
He bows his head, running his tongue down the middle of my chest. His jaw is prominent. A slight moan escapes between his perfect lips. “I’m not going to ask you…” his tone changes to more rough and demanding, “… I’m going to be the only man in your life. No more bullshit. No more questions. It’s just us now. You, me, and no one else.”
The weight of his words kick-starts my emotions, and with him buried inside me penetrating that persistent ache, the intensity of what we’re both feeling drives me into a blissful orgasm, my body screaming in delight as I ride it out through his deep thrusts.
The rise and fall of my chest consumes me, my eyesight blinded by the stars that shine brightly during my explosive finish. He rests his body against mine, keeping himself inside as he kisses my breasts.
I push him off with care, adjusting my dress and panties while he pulls his jeans up and buckles his belt. When our breathing stabilizes, he holds my face with his hands and kisses my mouth softly.
“I thought I’d find you here.” The sound of Wesley’s voice breaks our moment.
It’s finally come to this—no more lies, no more secrets.
Instinctively, I position myself between Logan and Wesley. Even behind me, I can hear the growl escaping Logan’s throat.
“What are you doing here?” I ask nervously, watching Wesley move closer. He’s a complete mess. Shirt half unbuttoned and hair in a shamble. In one hand, he holds a bottle of bourbon and brings it to his mouth, drinking straight from the bottle.