by Kat T. Masen
“Are you done?”
“Yeah,” he confirms with a baneful laugh. “I’m fucking done. Don’t come back to the apartment. Consider yourself gone from my life.”
And that’s what it takes.
A moment of insanity to make Emerson mine that turns into losing everything that’s important to me. Instead of realizing how lucky we are to have each other after Tayla’s brush with death, it broke us.
I’ve lost the two people who willingly took me in as if I were their child.
I’ve lost my best friend—my brother.
But most importantly, I’ve lost the woman I love.
That’s what hurts the most. Despite all we’ve been through, she doesn’t want anything to do with me. She told me I’d won, when in fact, I’ve lost everything.
It isn’t a competition, it’s our lives at stake.
And without her in mine, it’s pointless to move on.
Chapter Twenty-One
“When he feels like home,
that’s how you know he’s the one.”
~ Emerson Chase
“And... cut!”
This was the hardest episode I have filmed. Not only did I have to tell Wesley on camera that things had to end between us, but it will be the last time we’re together in this apartment.
Saying goodbye is never easy, even when it’s what you so desperately need to happen to move on. It’s hard to tell if Wesley’s equally affected, but I gather through his late nights and excessive drinking he isn’t coping well either.
The camera crew and Cliff pack up their equipment, along with the makeup artists, wardrobe, and assistants. We started filming at 6:00 a.m. and finish five hours later.
It’s bittersweet in so many ways, yet finally, it’s time to wrap up this difficult season.
“So, this is it?”
“This is it.” I choke back the tears with my wavering voice barely heard amongst the silence. Even George looks sad, his face is planted on the floor with his paws strategically covering his face.
“I never really expected us to be here, Em. It’s odd, you know? Three years of our lives together and now what?”
“We go on. It’s for the best. We were never meant to be, Wes.” I sigh loudly. “George will miss you.”
He bends down, patting George’s head and squeezing his mouth in the palm of his hand. “It’ll be nice to leave my shoes out without having to worry about them being eaten.”
I smile, gently. “He’ll have to move on to stinky soccer boots or something.”
The small smile that graces his worn-out face disappears.
What happened between us has taken a toll on his well-being, a reason I didn’t pressure or push him out of my life like he deserves.
“So, you’re together?”
I shake my head, sullen and withdrawn. “No, but I love him. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen.”
The answer is enough to ease his tension. Leaning into where I stand, he asks for a goodbye hug. It isn’t the greatest of ideas given the circumstances, but I don’t want to upset him further and find the courage to say goodbye properly to someone who was a huge part of my life.
Inside the arms of the man I once loved, I realize what I need to do. We pull apart and I grab my purse with George’s leash linked in my hand.
I scan the apartment one more time, there’s boxes stacked high and ready to go.
This was never my home, it was a place where we enjoyed our time. Made memories, good and bad.
But now, someone else can make the memories for themselves.
I have to go back to where it all began.
***
The trip to Connecticut is exhausting and long and gave me time to think...
When Tayla almost drowned two weeks ago, the media went nuts over the Emerson Chase love triangle, at least, that’s what the headlines referred to it as.
Nina quit, telling me the stress had finally gotten to her and she needed a break from the industry. I didn’t blame her one bit—her phone was off the hook since it all unfolded.
Every magazine, entertainment program, and radio station wanted the inside scoop.
We couldn’t go anywhere without being followed. Jimmy even recruited an extra few bodyguards to assist him because things wouldn’t die down.
The network told us that re-runs were rating extremely high, and despite their need to control our relationship, they didn’t care that it all broke loose. They got what they wanted in the end.
The hardest part was covering up the sadness that seemed to follow me wherever I went. Deep circles carved beneath my eyes. I’d lost an enormous amount of weight from not eating anything besides the food that Poppy or Scarlett would force down my throat. I had to hand it to them, the two of them tried their best to keep me smiling despite the media hounding them for answers.
What hurt the most was how I so easily destroyed the relationships that meant the most to me because I was too afraid of letting people down.
Tayla was the only family member communicating with me. According to her, Dad had flown to England to make sure the boys were solely focused on training because Logan had moved out and he and Ash weren’t on speaking terms.
Coach intervened, but nothing could curb their stubbornness. I hated their friendship was in jeopardy because of me, but Ash refused to take my calls and so I stopped trying hoping that soon he’d forgive us both. At least Logan for the sake of their careers.
Mom and I hadn’t spoken since she left the apartment with Dad and Tayla. Tayla said she was distraught and locked herself in her office all day and night writing. I knew better than to disturb her creative flow, and settled on talking to her when I got home.
The toughest pain came from how I left things with Logan. I was angry, beyond livid, the night Tayla almost drowned. I couldn’t stand being near him or Wesley. I’d never felt so degraded, like a pawn in their sick and twisted game.
Exchange me for money?
That crap had me seeing red.
How dare they treat me like that?
Then Logan said he loved me. A pity ‘I love you’ to smooth the mounting tension in the room that day. The words meant nothing to me because I didn’t feel that they came straight from the heart. They came from this ugly, jealous place that wanted to prove a point to Wesley.
It wasn’t until the morning after, when everyone had long gone, that the guilt of my actions sunk in. My heart had splintered into a thousand tiny pieces, followed by long, drawn-out sobs. In my entire life I’d never felt so alone. Battling to keep breathing and finding a purpose to wake up every morning.
I was stupid.
Caught up in the game just as much as Logan.
I knew how important soccer was to him, yet I teased him for my own benefit because I felt insecure and needed some sort of validation. But all of it—the greed, the selfishness, and the games we played—almost cost him everything he’d worked so hard for.
And all because of me.
I’d let him down.
Once I realized it was my fault as much as it was his, I fell into a deeper funk. I wanted to reach out to him but knew it would be another selfish act. He needed to concentrate, and I proved to be a distraction of the worst kind.
The only thing I could do was move out of the apartment and say goodbye to Wesley Rich.
My baseball cap is down low, covering my eyes and gaunt face. It doesn’t stop the paparazzi recognizing me, flashes going crazy until airport security need to restrain them. I walk past the noise and to the doors where Dad’s waiting outside in his car.
Dad helps me with my bags, raising his eyebrow without a single word as he places George’s carrier on the back seat. He mumbles something about the dog making a mess, but doesn’t direct his words at me while he slides into the driver’s seat and speeds off.
The drive to Green Meadows seems longer than usual, despite the small amount of traffic heading out of town for the weekend. I know Dad’s not impressed about my a
ffair with Logan, and as much as it’s painful to talk about it, I need to apologize to him.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I whisper, staring out the window, restraining my tears from falling.
There’s only music between us. The sounds of U2. It’s so depressing, yet the perfect song to capture my mood.
“I’m disappointed in you, Emerson. I didn’t raise a daughter to behave like this. What were you thinking?” He keeps his eyes steady on the road.
“I wasn’t... I can’t explain it.”
He lets out a sigh, shoulders slumping. “When Ash came home and told us he got married I was furious. He had his whole life ahead of him. He worked himself to the bone to achieve his dreams. I didn’t want some woman taking that away from him. Someone he’d known for five minutes. Marriage is a wonderful thing when it’s done at the right time. It wasn’t the right time for your brother and it isn’t the right time for you.”
“Why didn’t you say something? Convince us not to get married if you saw the signs?” I wonder out loud.
It’s funny how when you break up with someone, everyone voices their opinion on how wrong you were for each other yet, prior to that, no one breathed a single word.
“I did,” he tells me. “I wasn’t going to let either of you ruin your lives. But neither of you listened. What would I know? Just an old man out to ruin your life.”
“Dad,” I say softly. “You’re not an old man. You’re just my daddy.”
The sentiment makes him smile, placing his hand on top of mine. “Despite our earlier arguments, I’m proud of you, Emmy. You took the best of the situation and built it to bigger things. You’re an astute businesswoman, and if Forbes magazine named you the next best thing, you know you’re going places.”
“I was going places… this separating our assets is trickier than I thought.”
“So, you’ll get a good lawyer, pay your dues, then build yourself back up.”
Wesley and I had been tied financially in every way. The lawyers recommended we split everything fifty-fifty from our cash, investments, properties, and businesses. I’d hired a woman suggested to me—a shark in Hollywood who will fight to make sure everything’s divided equally and fairly.
“Thanks, Dad, for the confidence. I need to take it one day at a time.”
“You’re a smart woman. You never needed to be on that show to prove that to me. Sometimes I wish your brother would have fed off your brain cells.”
I laugh. Dad often put Ash down, but deep inside he’s so proud of him.
“Ash has his own way of thinking.”
“Yeah.” Dad grunts. “Know a good divorce lawyer?”
“Excuse me?” I stumble out my words. “Him and Alessandra?”
Dad nods, clearly not pleased with the outcome. “When you commit, Emmy, you commit for life. Remember that.”
I’m shocked but also not surprised. Alessandra and I rarely spoke since my stay in London. She was often busy with work, and to be honest, Ash didn’t seem invested in their relationship. I love my brother but he has no idea how relationships work let alone marriage. Not that I’m one to talk, obviously I have no idea either.
“So, um… how is Logan?”
“Busy. Training. You know they won their semi-finals? Tough game but they did it. A lot of mistakes, so they need to work their asses off to win premiership this year.”
I know they won. I’ve been following the game and watched it live. It’s my only way of seeing Logan, and every time the camera zoomed in on him, my heart retreated into hiding with a box of tissues and tub of ice cream playing Endless Love on repeat.
A masochistic cycle I can’t break.
I stare out the window, quiet and ignoring the pang that continually reminds me how much I miss him. There’s such an adverse reaction to us being together. Wesley’s followers didn’t hold back their opinions—slut, whore—you name it, I was called it. Logan’s hoard of passionate women did the same.
I’ve stepped away from all my social media accounts because despite my tough exterior, at times, I’m a crumbling mess inside.
We drive up the driveway while I hold back my tears when the house is in full view.
There’s no usual welcome from Mom. No knock me down until I’m almost on the ground, full of excitement and smiles. Nothing but an empty greeting which is exactly what I deserve.
We walk inside to find the house strangely quiet.
Dad places my bags down and opens the carrier. “What do you want me to do with George?”
Dad has taken to George, bending down and squashing his face with a baby voice. This man seriously needs grandchildren or something else to keep him busy besides our fucked-up love lives.
“Whatever you want, but best not to show him your closet. He has a fetish for male shoes.”
Dad pats his thigh, calling George to follow him outside. George seems relieved—a long flight with another puppy on board was way too stressful for him. The bitch had the audacity to tease him the entire flight with her Louis Vuitton carrier and Gucci collar.
Sucking in the air with a pile of guilt nesting in my stomach, I walk to Mom’s office to find the door shut. I knock gently, with no response, then open the door with caution. She doesn’t look up to see me, her concentration focused on the screen. Although it’s daylight, her blinds are drawn with a small lamp directed on her desk.
“Mom,” I whisper, like a lost little girl.
She doesn’t say a word, eyes still glued to the screen.
“Please say something.” The tears fall one by one, the salty liquid against my dry lips. “I can lose everything I have but I can’t lose you.”
She bows her head with a sigh, placing her glasses on the desk. “You’ll never lose me, kid.”
“I have lost you,” I sob. “I got caught up in it all... the whole—”
“Romance.”
“Romance...” I repeat quietly. “I’m not sure it was all romance, though.”
“Bad romance. The best kind.” She finally smiles, motioning for me to sit on her lap like I’d always done as a kid.
I position myself on her lap and rest my head on top of hers, hugging her real tight. Her familiar scent is home, comforting me at this very moment. It’s exactly what I need and with that feeling, I allow myself to cry in her embrace.
“As a romance writer what’s your take on this?” I ask as the tears subside enough to talk. “Tell me what your characters would do right now?”
She thinks for a moment, resting her head against my chest. “Well, they always need that time apart to re-evaluate what’s important and what they’re willing to give up.”
“Go on…”
“Then they meet. Somewhere unexpected, but of meaning. A place close to their hearts. It makes the moment even more romantic.”
“Like at Tiffany’s?” I joke softly, smiling through my dried-up tears.
“Or, like the field on Benson’s Corner.”
It takes a moment for the penny to drop.
Benson’s Corner is the biggest field in Green Meadows. Ash and Logan would play there every day, sometimes twice a day, for as long as I could remember. I remembered telling Dad one day to build me a cubby house in the big oak tree because we practically lived there.
“That’s Ash and Logan’s field.”
She nods.
“What are you trying to say, Mom?”
“I’m trying to tell you that I’m sure you’ll find an equally devastated man on that field kicking the ball around aimlessly.”
I shuffle on her lap, anxious yet eager. “Logan’s here?”
Mom’s face remains placid, nodding again to assure me she’s not lying.
“How… um... is he?”
“A mess,” she states truthfully. “You did a number on him, kid.”
I’m about to defend myself until Mom stops me. “I meant…” she points to my heart, “… in here.”
“Mom, I don’t know how to fix us. We’ve kinda always been a broke
n unit. It’s just so hard.”
“The two of you never saw eye to eye. You were constantly fighting for Ash’s attention. Both headstrong and extremely competitive.”
“And that’s what got me into this mess to begin with. I signed up for the show because they were doing great things. I wanted to be better, and look at the mess I created for myself.”
“And look at where it brought you... here.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I hurt you and lied, and just wasn’t thinking about anyone else but that moment.”
“I get it, kid. You had that moment. We’ve all had it...” She pauses, then drives her mouse around the screen. “I want to show you something.”
I scoot off her lap to allow her to navigate on the screen without too much trouble. She clicks out of the word document she’s in, then opens another. There’s a title on the screen that says, Bad Romance.
“What’s this?” I ask, unsure of what she’s trying to show me.
“My next book. You see, for a while now, I had this story in my head but it wasn’t right. Something wasn’t flowing. Then, I started to witness something. Something I’d never witnessed before. A bad romance. One I knew would end up with broken hearts.”
I still don’t quite get what she’s saying especially with my exhausted mind barely functioning.
“I knew long before it broke that you and Logan were in this bad romance. I watched, I observed, and it became my story.” She smiles, touching my hand. “Don’t worry, names and places have been changed. But I wrote this, for you. I wanted you to look back at this one day and remember a time in your life when love consumed you. When nothing else mattered besides this one man.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll read it?”
“Of course, I’ll read it, but how did you know?”
“How?” She raises her brow with a grin. “Because you’re my children. I know everything. Remember when you were seventeen and told me you went to the shop to buy Mrs. Cambridge a going-away present because it was her last day working in the library? I knew you went to the drugstore and bought rubbers for Ashley.”