by Anna Macy
She wasn’t sure which was worse. That assumption that she was odd, or the real truth, that the family she loved was broken beyond repair. Year by year, friends had slowly distanced themselves from the family. Letters stopping coming, invitations got lost, and Georgiana found herself quite a long way from the ballrooms she’d once dreamed of.
Edwin, her oldest brother and the heir to the family ruin saw what was happening all around them. While Teddy ran away to the military and her parents fell into hermit-like habits, she knew Edwin saw. Tonight she had sensed it in his humiliation, saw the shimmer of sweat across his brow, even earlier in the chilled theater.
Every glance at her father in the theater had been like a dagger to her chest, his eagerness, the desperate glint in his eye as he discussed the following years' plans with this client, a Mr. Marcus Dawson. By the time the curtain lifted, Georgiana could see that Mr. Dawson desperately regretted inviting the Connings to join him.
Not that her mother would notice her husband’s uncomfortable business practices.
Having seen much better days, the carriage jolted hard against a stone on the road, dragging Georgiana’s mind back to the present. Mumbling an apology to her mother, she attempted to make herself as small as possible.
Across the way, she noticed Edwin watching her, his face pale in the thin slip of light that shone into the vehicle. Georgiana quietly observed her oldest brother. His long, lean frame tucked into the wall as if the idea of brushing anything other than shoulders with Teddy could prove fatal.
He was always nervous, spending his days combing through the Conning Family Shipwrights company documents and scribbling madly across account pages. When he did take brief breaks from work, he appeared deeply unhappy, almost to the point at which Georgiana worried that he was unwell.
As a child, he had been an ambitious, quick-witted student with a bold mind and enormous heart that were unforgettable. Georgiana had looked up to him in all regards. Now he was just a shadow of that boy and a pale one at that.
By the time intermission finally relieved Mr. Dawson’s ear, Georgiana could no longer stand in the space. She wandered from the room, feigning a need for lemonade and deliberately avoiding the crowds of milling theater-goers, ducking down the opposite end of the corridor.
People would’ve recognized them by now. They’d have questions that she wasn’t prepared to answer. Hiding was far more appealing than addressing the interest and concern of those she had grown up alongside.
Breathing deeply and finally alone, Georgiana attempted to soak up every color, every shimmer of the gilded wall decor, even let her hands slide up and down the furling iron banister. Being there was a stark reminder of what had changed once the Conning family had been regulars here, brushing shoulders with Dukes and Earls as if they had belonged.
She swallowed hard. Tonight's memory would fade, just like her memories of the summer cottage they had once had or the joy that used to fill their entire house every time their father came home from the docks. It was a piece of her childhood she loved and missed dearly.
She shook her head as they pulled up to the familiar, poorly lit brownstone. That was not her life anymore, and it was time to put that behind her. Just like the theater. Just like Robert Wains.
She popped open the door and let herself out. Their butler was one of the remaining staff members who resided at their home full time, but she wouldn’t expect Mr. Collins to come to open it for her in the crisp winter air. Not at this hour.
Turning, she offered a hand to her mother, who took it silently, her skeletal fingers gripping Georgiana’s tightly, almost desperately. Next out came Teddy and his Serena, followed by a stoic Edwin and Bert.
Georgiana pretended not to notice the way her father looked around to see if anyone noticed the ridiculous amount of people who had just shared a carriage ride home. Most of their so-called friends would’ve simply sent two carriages. But there was no room for those types of luxuries now.
One by one, her family filtered up the stairs and into their home, leaving Georgiana standing outside alone. As the carriage pulled away, she let her head fall back to look up into the bright shining stars that were strewn across the night sky.
Staring up at them, she couldn’t help but feel utterly alone. Not just alone, though, but small, cold, insignificant. Georgiana sighed. How was it to feel so lonely in a house filled to the brim with people?
Georgiana dreaded walking in to face them. History had shown her where they would all be. Teddy and Serena would’ve stolen upstairs to argue about something ridiculous before falling into bed together. Edwin would sit in the library sipping brandy, reading through notes from the company.
Their father would make himself a hefty cocktail before falling into his leather chair, lips flapping as he babbled on about nonsensical business ideas. Occasionally he would bark out ideas to Edwin, who would shift around, uncomfortable under their father’s imposing stare.
Georgiana didn’t blame Edwin. Her father had grown aggressive and demeaning in recent years. They all kept their distance from him as much as possible. Only after Bert fell asleep or passed out from too much liquor would Georgiana dare sneak into the library to cover her father with a blanket. While sleeping, he reminded her then of the parent she had adored as a child. On particularly bad days, she would press a kiss into the cold, clammy skin of his forehead.
She couldn’t save the company. Or ease her father’s pain. But she longed for just a glimpse of the appreciation in her father’s eyes as he looked at her.
As for the rest of the family, Georgiana only wished they would acknowledge her. They were each so wrapped up in their pities, sorrows that they rarely noticed the youngest family member. No matter than it had been Georgiana who had picked up the slack in the family's home's maintenance and care.
She didn’t mind. It was something she could do to contribute. Edwin would save the company. Teddy would bring honor back to their name. Georgiana would meal plan. Resentment bloomed in her chest as she watched the starry night sky.
Behind her, a sharp shout called her name. She turned to face her father. His slender body illuminated in the doorframe to the Conning family home.
“Get inside. We need to talk,” his voice bellowed out into the night.
Sighing, she slowly ascended the stairs into the warmth. The house was welcoming, even if her family was not. She caught sight of her mother, already climbing the stairs to reassume her station in the upstairs parlor.
A frown pulled at her lips. If she ever were blessed with a daughter, she would stand by her, no matter what.
Sniffling hard, Georgiana moved to the library where she knew her father was waiting. To her surprise, Teddy and Serena sat in the room as well, snuggled close on the worn leather sofa. Edwin haunted one corner, already wearing a look of defeat. He stood with his hands in his pockets as together her siblings all observed their father.
Bert Conning was fulfilling his nightly rituals, pouring himself a large drink with his back to the family. Even from her vantage point, she could see that his hands shook as he raised them to his lips.
“Sit down, child,” he said gruffly. The absence of her name felt demeaning, even more, when every eye turned to her instead.
Georgiana sat, perhaps too quickly, as the chair under her wobbled as she found her footing. Swallowing gently, she laid her hands politely on her lap, fixing her eyes upon her father. All of the Conning children shared their chocolate-colored eyes, tinged with an edge of yellow in them that made them appear metallic, or in her father’s case, almost canine.
She tilted her head, watching as her father prowled towards her. The look on his face was a mixture of anger and resolution, and Georgiana didn’t know what to expect from him. A quick glance told her that Edwin and Teddy’s were subdued, faces blank as they watched this unfold. She couldn’t count on them to help smooth this over. Fine then.
“What were you saying to the Wains boy?” Her father spat the words out. His face was flushed red
, although she wasn’t sure if it was because of the liquor, the weather, or the implications of her speaking to Robert Wains.
Georgiana raised her brows, pretending to be surprised. “Robert Wains?”
“I believe there is only one. So yes, Georgiana, Robert Wains.” His voice was low, menacing. Edwin shifted in the darkened corner, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation. Internally she begged him to intervene, to help her soothe their father’s anger.
“Nothing of consequence. I didn’t realize who they were until after I had addressed him,” Georgiana offered quietly.
“So you pursued him then?”
Georgiana looked past her father’s shoulder at Edwin, incredulous. “I didn’t pursue anybody, Father, and we were only close enough to speak to each other for a moment.”
“When? Which moment?” Bert’s neck shuddered as his anger rose.
Georgiana looked at him, her frustration briefly faded, replaced by a helpless pity for her father. “Papa, please. It was only common pleasantries.”
Bert threw back his head, guffawing at her words. “You see Edwin, I told you, didn’t I? I told you it’d have been a waste to put money towards her debut. If she had been properly out in society like you wanted, we would’ve been ruined tonight, our money completely wasted. And look at her, she doesn’t even know the difference.”
Georgiana gasped, her eyes wide as she stared at her hands on her lap. The pity she had felt fled, leaving only the cold, blank emptiness that plagued her every day. Perhaps they didn’t understand her, but she wanted so badly to be a part of the family. Not in name, as she was now, but in the way that Edwin was, or even the way that Teddy was.
She picked at her clothes. The white gloves she had worn to the theater were dirty; she must’ve brushed up against something getting everyone out of the carriage. How thoughtless of her.
“Georgiana, look at me.” Her father’s voice grew thick with the drink. She raised her head but deliberately looked past him to Edwin. Her brother’s eyes were dark, the hollows beneath the grey and pronounced.
Had Edwin wanted her to debut in society? Like a proper lady? He had never told her that. Her heart ached, not just for her loss of opportunity, but for the quiet sibling who had fought for her, however small it might seem to him.
“Yes, Father.” Georgiana returned her gaze to her father’s wolf-like stare.
“Tonight, you disappointed me. Do not let it happen again.” Bert turned his back on her, going to refill his glass again.
Hot tears filled her eyes. “May I be excused?” Without looking, he waved a hand at her. She had been dismissed.
Carefully, she stood and walked from the room. When her hand met the smooth wood banister, her facade crumbled, and she climbed the stairs to her room with heavy tears running down her cheeks.
If her mother heard her crying as she hurried to her room, it made no difference. Georgiana climbed into bed alone, heartbroken and defeated.
THREE
Georgiana rubbed her temples slowly as she listened to Teddy and his wife rattle off the barrage of benefits of themselves moving into the largest of the brownstone suites. Currently, Edwin lived in that suite, and he was disinclined to let the newlyweds oust him.
But at this point, Georgiana will move them herself if they’d stop bringing it up. Hell, she’d move Edwin out as well. Anything to end this debate.
It had been days since the theater incident, and she had been desperate to escape the stagnant air of the family’s home. Desperate enough to ask Teddy and Serena to join her on a short walk to the local shops. She knew that Teddy would get whatever he asked for, and it had worked. Their parents had barely moved when they announced they were leaving.
The fresh air helped clear her mind, which was, of late, dreadfully needed.
Edwin was avoiding her. Not that they had been close in the years since he had moved home, but since her father had accidentally exposed Edwin’s claim to support her debut, he had been a ghost. She had a long list of questions to ask him. The first of which was to find out why he never told her it was an option.
Georgiana sighed, breathing in the aromatic scents of the shop they had ducked into for a cup of tea. Her mind longed for the engagement of conversation or even a part in this family rooming debate. But Teddy and Serena were far too involved in each other to notice anything else.
She cast a wary look at the pair of them. When Serena, the daughter of a prominent American General, had first arrived in London, it had been explicitly clear that Teddy had elaborated on the Conning family's financial status.
Serena had enjoyed the brownstone and it’s historically charming features but immediately began requesting rather expensive benefits. After only a few days, their father had gotten involved in helping divert these purchases.
While Teddy did have gainful employment for the military, it was minimal compared to Serena’s expensive tastes. Her spending vanished practically overnight. Georgiana wasn’t sure whether it was Bert or Teddy who’d gotten through to her.
But still, the American woman was a dreamer, her mind continually working on how she and Teddy might have the chance to advance. She spoke about grand parties, stunning homes, and elaborate clothes as if they were things they could afford any day now. Georgiana could only bear to hear so much before she left the room.
What made it the worst was how much Teddy enjoyed these fantasy worlds. Perhaps while they talked, it was easy to forget that it was no longer their life. That for that small fraction of time, he could pretend.
Georgiana took a sip of her tea, savoring the small comfort as it warmed her from the inside out. Sometimes Georgiana wondered if her youngest brother had more of a heart than others expected. The way he watched his young wife, it was with open adoration. Sure, they quarreled, but his eyes always flew to her. Every moment they were apart, he was drawn to her.
How unfair, Georgiana thought guiltily. When Teddy returned from his assignment overseas last year, with Serena on his arm, it had not only been Marian’s heart he shattered.
Realizing her brother had stolen and subsequently stomped on the heart of a beloved member of London’s society had been the final nail in her reputation’s coffin. Even if her father had managed to put forward the funds to present her to society, it would be useless to avoid the glares and questioning looks that she would get.
Especially when she knew that everywhere she went, Teddy would be there, pleased as punch, showing off the flashy, sour-faced bride he had brought home in Marian’s place.
Glancing out the little shop's front window, Georgiana caught sight of something that made her heart stop completely. It was Robert Wains. Beside him walked a woman who could only be his sister. Together they were walking quickly down the street, their blonde hair flashing in the midday sun.
Marian was lovely as ever, her face laughing as she looked up at her brother. Robert was something else altogether. That night, in front of the theater, he had been attractive, all broad shoulders and square jaw. Now, seeing him like this, casually strolling down the street, a cheek splitting smile gracing his face, it made Georgiana’s belly flip over.
She pressed a hand to her gut, willing herself to calm down. The sight of a man, any man, should not be allowed to do this to a woman. She scolded herself harshly. This man may very well be the one destined to end her family’s business. Georgiana had no business staring at him like she was. But at the same, time she couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of him.
It was hard to picture him as the relentless business tycoon that he was. His face seemed made for those smiles, the kind that crinkled your eyes and urged you to let your head fall back in joy. Watching him closely, she couldn't remember the last time she laughed like that.
She stared a moment longer before realization hit her like a runaway horse. They were coming straight to this shop. Horrified, she looked over at Teddy and Serena, still indulging themselves in the fantasy of their fictional future together. They were not going
to be done any time soon; their tea sat cooling in front of their joined hands.
Her eyes flew back to Marian, her sweet face drawing closer. If there was one thing she understood about heartache, it was that a surprise appearance by the source of your pain would be devastating.
“Teddy, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Georgiana rose quickly, bumping her knee against the table leg as she hurriedly put on her wrap and gloves. Her brother flicked her hand in her direction but didn’t take his eyes off his wife.
Hurrying out the door, Georgiana steeled herself against any potential ramifications and moved to stand directly in Robert and Marian’s path. It was Marian’s eyes who found her first, the soft cornflower irises curiously scanning her form before darting up to her brother.
Georgiana looked at Robert. He had seen her now, and for a moment, there was only confusion across his face, then realization clouded his expression. It was now, or perhaps never.