by Anna Macy
Throwing her cloak over herself to hide any evidence of her hasty dressing, Georgiana walked to Robert’s desk. Reaching down to the drawer she’d seen him open and close several times before, she pulled out a thick enclosure of paper.
She had had her moment of a happy ending. The memories of tonight would have to sustain her, because what she was about to do would destroy the last of her hopes to stay with Robert. At least she could satisfy her father’s hunger for success for a short time. Give Robert ample time to distance himself, to find himself another bride. One who would never betray him.
That’s what he deserved.
Closing her eyes, Georgiana could barely stand the sight of these documents, the key to the Wains Shipbuilding success. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Georgiana pulled them tight to her body, their perfect edges gently probing against her gut as she flew to the door.
Barely allowing herself to breathe, she hurtled out of the Wains building. Her breath huffed out behind her as she raced across the docks towards the Conning’s building on the Eastern edge of the docks. She knew that’s where her brother would be, and if she was lucky, her father too.
She couldn’t bear to have to repeat herself more than once. Her tears left a freezing burn against her cheeks as they fell.
THIRTEEN
“Robert, don’t be ridiculous. It’s far too late to be calling on anybody,” Catherine stood by the front door, effectively blocking her son from passing.
“Mother, I don’t have time to explain, but I need to go to Georgiana.” Robert’s mouth was dry, his mind racing as he went over the events of the day. She had come to him, with her sweet face and apologetic words. They had made love, and it had been as perfect as Robert dreamt it might be. Then he awakened to a cold, empty room with no sign of the woman who had stolen his heart once more.
Something was wrong. It had to be.
“There is always time for explanations. Trust me.” His mother said, her voice growing soft as she stepped towards him, her slender hand gripping his forearm. “Take a moment Robert, it’s been quite the week.”
Robert looked down, his chest heaving in the effort to collect himself. Obediently, he took a long, steadying breath. Catherine nodded, pleased.
“Now, what is this all about, son?” Catherine guided him to the side, away from the inquisitive eyes of the footman by the doorway. “I thought you said that Georgiana declined your proposal.”
Robert dragged a breath into his weary lungs, his body still humming with nervous energy. “She did, initially. But then today, she showed up at the warehouse.”
He hung his head, the nervousness being replaced with a painful ache he didn’t want to acknowledge. “I thought she had changed her mind. She...” His words died.
Catherine squeezed his arm, her eyes surprisingly compassionate as she observed him. “If you are here, and she is not, then I think for now that is the best course of direction.” She smiled at him sadly. “Love is not always charitable, and it is never easy, Robert. Give her some time to figure out which way her heart is leading her.”
“But Mother,” Robert began, eyes again searching for the door.
“No ‘buts’, if she needs a moment to collect herself, give it to her. Not everyone is like us son. We Wains have a bit of a habit of pursuing our passions with an overabundance of vigor.” Catherine reached up to pat her son's flushed cheeks, smoothing a wayward strand of his blonde hair. “It is only because we love so hard that nothing except for the chance to share that love ever occurs to us.”
Robert stared at his mother, his heart calming under her words.
“It’s from me that you and Marian get your remarkable ability to love. There have been days I have cursed it, and days I have rejoiced in it. Do not forget that there is nothing purer in the world than finding the reflection of your soul in another.”
Robert covered his mother’s hand with his own, his stomach clenching as she shared this vulnerable part of herself with him. For the briefest moment, Robert thought of his father, so long delayed in Asia, and for the dragon of Devonshire who waited for him here in London.
His mother was right. It could wait until tomorrow. Then, he hoped, Georgiana would’ve made up her mind whether she wanted to marry him or not.
***
Georgiana couldn’t eat. Her stomach was in literal knots as she sat by the fire in their small parlor. Her mother was up today, buzzing about the townhouse as if she had suddenly regained a purpose. Watching her, Georgiana wondered what exactly her father had disclosed to her about Georgiana’s delivery of the Wains family ledgers.
Had he told her mother that Georgiana had stolen precious information from the Wains in order to help the company? She guessed no, but the thought stuck in her mind, cueing nausea that had threatened the entire morning.
Leaning her head back, she let her fingers go loose around the novel she had been attempting to read. Her eyelids fluttered closed as she remembered the look her brother and father had given her when she had stumbled into their offices, half-frozen, and crying. She had been clutching the list of Wains accounts that she had taken from Robert’s office.
Her father’s face had nearly burst with joy. He had swiped the package of documents from her, dropping them onto his desk as he selected a large decanter of brandy. He had slammed three glasses down and filled them high—a toast to their victory.
Edwin had been nearly silent, his quick, fox-like face twitching as he took the glass and joined his father in a toast. He had been disappointed in her. She couldn’t decide which reaction from her family was worse.
Georgiana had thrown back the entire portion of the brandy in one swig, the sharpness of the liquor burning into her chilled body, reminding her exactly how cold she must’ve become.
She had loved him. She had gone there to be with him one last time. And now she had robbed him of his future.
Shame rolled through her. Briefly Georgiana wondered if that ever went away. If the way she felt today were any forecast, she would pass from old age before she lost the shame she rightfully deserved.
The butler hobbled in, his wrinkled face pale and worried. “A Mr. Wains for you, Miss Conning.”
She needed to stand, but suddenly moving felt like an athletic endeavor far beyond her capabilities. This was the moment she had been dreading. He had come to confront her.
Robert stepped in, and the room immediately seemed to shrink around the two of them. He was devastatingly handsome, as usual, his fine brown suit fit him like a second skin. Not a fiber out of place as he smiled at her tentatively.
“Georgiana,” his voice rushed over her, doing wonderful things to her stomach as she recalled how his voice had sounded when they moved together.
Sniffling hard, Georgiana pushed those memories out of her mind. She had had her chance. This was now her reality.
“Mr. Wains, what can I do for you?” She made sure to keep her voice polite, cold.
Robert’s face registered genuine shock, his head tilting as he glanced around them, obviously waiting for another member of her family to present themselves and explain her cold demeanor.
Seeing none, he stepped towards her, beautiful eyes glowing as they flickered over her. “Why the formality? Is everything alright?”
She could barely breathe past the lump that filled her throat. Staring up at him, she reminded herself that their love was no longer an option. The least that she could do was set him free.
Free to hurt, heal and move to another. A woman who could love him without fear of her family’s meddling, a woman he could trust. Shame filled her again.
Now, before she lost her reserve, she had to push him away. Standing quickly, she twisted her face into a snarl like she had seen Teddy do so many times before.
“Everything is fine. The only misconception is perhaps held by you, who again have shown up here, acting like you have the right to speak to me so frankly.” She moved towards him, the venom filling her mouth with surprising ease
.
“Yesterday was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never forgive you and your family for destroying mine. Your inability to understand that is growing tiresome. There was never anything between us except for a forgettable dalliance.”
Robert’s face went white. His lips were tight as he watched her speak.
“So, Mr. Wains, if you could see yourself to the door, I do not believe it is worth my time to continue to explain any of this to you.”
Robert’s throat worked, and suddenly his cheeks blossomed with red. She had succeeded in angering the kindest, the most understanding man in London. His mouth opened, breath dragging over his teeth as he glared at her.
“You think you can so easily dismiss me? Do you know who I am?” Robert practically shouted, his voice dark with fury.
“You are the past. Please see yourself into it,” Georgiana answered coldly. Under her dress, goosebumps raised. Her own heart slowed to a crawl, as if ashamed to even beat for her lies.
With a feral growl, Robert turned, his boots loud against the floor as he stomped out. Moments later, she heard the door slam shut.
Her knees buckled, and she fell to the floor, her dress surrounding her in a pillow of grey the exact same color as her heart.
***
There was a knock at her door that night. She had been hiding there since Robert had stormed out. There was something soothing and quiet about the soft filtered light that filled her chamber; watching it change from yellow to grey to finally black had been the only real change in her day. She finally understood her mother’s ability to hide all these years.
She didn’t answer. She had sent her maidservant away hours ago, which left the only family that could be disturbing her shame spiral. She had no interest in any of them.
When the door opened anyway, she whirled in her chair, a cobra ready to strike. The tall man in the door surprised her, though. It was Edwin. And in all their years living here, she wasn’t sure if he had ever set foot inside of her quarters.
Seeing him now made her anxious and angry. He had invaded the most personal part of her life and assisted in her ruin of it. How dare he come into her private chambers as well. She indeed had nothing left.
“Are you happy yet? Why aren’t you off celebrating with father?” Georgiana stood, her body shivering as the blankets slid from her form. She had barely managed to keep her fireplace lit, and the room had grown chilly.
Edwin’s face was unreadable as he stepped closer to her. Georgiana watched him swallow hard, his fingers clenched to fists at his sides. “Georgiana, I-,” his feet shifted restlessly, “I am, truly, so sorry for the situation that Father and I put you in.”
Georgiana crumbled, her middle bending as she half fell, half-collapsed back onto the edge of her bed. Tears slid out, unbidden, as she tried to look up at her brother. Words failed her.
“I heard Robert came by today.” Edwin paused, waiting for confirmation. Receiving none, he pushed on. “Did he realize you took the ledgers?”
Anger pulsed through her blood. “No, your dirty little secret is safe. He came to check on me. He was worried about me.” Her words grew faint.
Edwin sighed, almost wistful as he said, “He’s a good man.”
“He is, and I don’t deserve him. That’s why I let him go,” Georgiana muttered. She felt the bed give as Edwin came to sit beside her.
“Georgiana, look at me.” She refused, staring at her fingers as they rested against her gown. Salty tears slipped down her face. “Please.”
Sniffling in a way that she knew was pathetic, she raised her eyes to her brother.
“You are the most deserving person I know. You are honorable, loving, selfless, and when you needed our support, we failed you. Tragically.” Edwin coughed the thick emotion in his voice, drawing her attention. “For years, you have kept this family going. First, while I ran away at school, and then when everyone else stopped functioning. I’ve never even told you to thank you.”
Automatically her mouth opened to rebuke his gratitude. He shook his head.
“You are a good woman. The best, I know. I am profoundly sorry for the way I have treated you these past years. If you allow me, I’d like to be a part of your life again. A real part.” Edwin gulped loudly. Georgiana stared at him, shocked by her older brother's confession and pledge.
“I’d like that very much,” she whispered into the darkened room. His face, usually so profound, so nervous, split into a wide grin. She couldn’t help but return the smile with one of her own, albeit a little shaky.
***
It wasn’t very often that Robert went out deliberately seeking liquor. At first, he had thought to flee the Conning townhouse and go straight down to the Port and drown his sorrow in work. But that wouldn’t work. He knew that it would still smell like her, and anytime he looked at that blasted furniture, he would remember what it had felt like to hold her.
It looked like he would have to burn the entire sofa if he ever had the possibility of accomplishing anything in that office again. White-hot fury curled in his body, his fists swung about his frame as he strode down the row of neatly kept townhouses, the terraces and windows closed against the winter air. He could barely feel the biting cold as he made his way down the block.
The Blue Fiver, an elite social club, was his ultimate destination. He knew that he could find a strong drink, and there was no chance of running into Georgiana in the all-male establishment.
He blew past the entry and quickly found himself a quiet spot in the front room, devoid of distractions. A few business associates glanced at him over their newspapers or cocktails, but no one attempted to talk to him.
Good. Robert wasn’t in the mood for an idle chat; he was there to drink. The first pour went down easy, the second followed in quick succession. By the time he had ordered his third, he was firmly rooted in the sullen mood he had wished to drink away.
Georgiana. With her angelic smile and bright laughter. He loved the way she looked when she argued with him. He loved the way she wove her way into his life as if she had always meant to be there.
He took a sip of his brandy. He loved everything about her.
A sort of numbness finally settled over him, lessening the pain in his chest enough that he could glance around the room, vaguely interested in who might be here. This had been amongst his father’s favorite meeting spaces. The elder Robert always claimed that rubbing shoulders with the rich and powerful were more important than being rich and powerful yourself.
He had briefly become acquainted with one of the owners, the current operator, Montgomery Bohart. A fascinating man in his own right, Montgomery operated the most upscale club in the city, yet his upbringing was the exact opposite of his patrons. He was born out of wedlock from what rumor said and rose from poverty's depths to claim his spot among the elite upper class.
Mr. Bohart had recently come to Robert’s former fiancée’s aid when her stepfather forced her into an arranged marriage. The whole thing made Robert’s intoxicated mind swirl, and he hoped that he would have no reason to run into the mountain of a man. The less he could relive of his twice ruined love life, the better.
Staring into the now empty crystal sniffer, Robert wearily considered his next move. Another? Never. He had to be at the docks at dawn. But then, he was already headed for a headache. Why stop now?
When he raised a hand, a uniformed staffer immediately came to his arm. “Mr. Wains?”
As Robert opened his mouth, he was distracted by the room’s hum of conversation suddenly grew quiet, all eyes are drawn to a commotion at the front entryway.
Another staffer swept into the room, his hurried steps doing nothing to calm the attention of the entire room. Every eye followed as he walked straight up to Robert.
“Mr. Wains, would you please come with me?” Slightly intoxicated, Robert’s eyes had a hard time focusing on the young man’s expression, but the boy looked nervous.
Robert lurched to his feet, the staffer b
acking away, hands raised as if afraid Robert might topple right over onto him. Robert snorted; he had been gifted both his stature and his ability to hold his liquor from his father. He wasn’t about to just collapse on this unsuspecting servant.
“Have I been asked to leave?” Robert let his voice carry, narrowing his eyes at the servant again. The young man gave a quick shake of the head.
“Well, then, by all means, lead the way.” Robert bowed, gesturing at the younger man. Quick as a flash, he was gone, leading Robert back through the club’s first floor, which was decidedly more full than it had been when he had arrived hours ago.