“Thank you.” She met his eyes from beneath lowered lashes, and it took every bit of his remaining strength not to kiss her again.
“How have I earned your gratitude, my lady?” He couldn’t help but tease her into a deeper blush. Lord, she was beautiful with her hair mussed and skin glowing.
“In many ways.” An impish smile curled her lips. “For bringing me here to Kingswood Manor and allowing me into your home.”
“And?”
“I didn’t know I could feel this way.” Her voice held a note of fascination. She drew a deep breath and met his eyes with unnerving intensity. “I feel newly aware, every cell of my being alive and sensitive.” The words tumbled out one over another until she paused and her gaze somehow reached his soul. “I…”
Don’t say something foolish, Caroline. Don’t say words you hardly mean.
She hesitated, and the silence brought with it an uncomfortable ill ease. She was no ingénue, inexperienced and prone to dramatics. Intelligence lived in her lovely blue eyes. Only a fool would mistake innocence for ignorance.
He knew not to dally with her feelings or body. Still, at this moment, he felt punched in the heart.
“Indeed.” He stood from the chaise. He needed distance from all that emotion and nodded toward a crystal decanter and glasses on the sideboard across the room. “Would you like something to drink?”
Her brows lowered, as if deliberating a difficult decision. “No. I’ll need to return shortly.”
“Already?” He moved across the room to pour two fingers of brandy. If he wasn’t going to ravish her this evening, he needed fortification. With her poised atop the velvet chaise, a tempting mixture of rosy skin and frothy gown, he had to keep his wits about him.
What was he thinking, bringing her here? Too many answers demanded to be heard.
He wanted her alone.
He didn’t want to come here alone.
More than anything, he wanted to see her in the house he would someday call his home.
And why had she agreed to accompany him? Curiosity? A foolish quest for a taste of wickedness?
The reason didn’t matter. He would return her tonight as if nothing happened, and that would be the end of it. Their lives unchanged. He swallowed the rest of the liquor in his glass knowing he didn’t believe his own lie. Something sliced through him sharp and indelible, perhaps the notion he was making a mistake that he would regret, the idea he was ending something that was meant to continue.
He glanced in her direction. That same awkward silence pervaded the room. Did she already regret what had transpired between them? He may be older, but for all his life experience he didn’t know what to say. Previous interactions with females had required little conversation afterward. He certainly couldn’t tease her about her husband search when he’d just had his hands—
“What are you thinking?” She rose from the chaise and drew nearer. “Your scowl could scare the fire from the grate.”
“This evening is impossible.”
“How so?”
He advanced as he spoke. “I’d like nothing more than to carry you upstairs into my bedchamber, which reflects sadly on my control at the moment. The Devil knows I have little to offer you beyond that.”
She returned a slight smile, which again surprised him. He’d worried he would shock her, and yet she hadn’t batted an eyelash.
“You’re lovely, Caroline. Far too lovely. Yet as black as my soul and the sins I’ve committed, I could never ruin you. One lucky man will someday take you for wife and the mother of his children. That’s how it should be. I was selfish this evening, and for that I’m sorry. Forgive me.”
“No. Please don’t apologize.” Her smile had fallen away while he spoke, and she dropped a hand to her stomach, as if his words upset her. “That very well may be how it should be, but I doubt my future will follow that plan. I—” She stammered and recovered in too short a span for him to interject, though she sounded slightly defeated. “I can’t have children, Jonathan. Circumstances being what they are, my chances at motherhood are narrow indeed.”
He touched her shoulder lightly, unable to understand fully and yet unwilling to pry for details that would cause her pain. Still, he couldn’t ignore her discomfiture. “Are you ill?”
“No.” She turned and his hand fell away. “Recovered from an accident. Well enough. But now I’m less because of it.”
He waited for her to elaborate, his hand curled into a fist at his side.
“I was thrown from my horse and something inside me was damaged, or so the physician told my mother. I only knew the pain and aftermath. The internal injuries left me…” Her whisper trailed off, lost to a rude hiss from the fire. And then she sniffed valiantly and reassembled in the next beat. “Despite your angry declaration earlier, I know you need an heir. Every earl does, doesn’t he?” She turned again to face him, the shimmer of unshed tears in her eyes. “You deserve a house full of sons. And daughters too. I’ve come to terms with my future. I’ll need to find a husband who’ll accept me despite the sadness that likely awaits any attempt at childbearing.” She rushed on now, with hardly a breath in between. “Or, as my mother suggests, I should find an older gentleman who already has the family he desires and needs pleasant companionship in his twilight years.”
“Caroline. You are so much more than a man could hope for in a wife.” Anger overrode the kinder emotion in his voice. Too many fierce objections crowded in at once and he remained wholly unprepared. He drew her close and tucked her head under his chin, her cheek against his heart. “Any fool who dare label you as less will feel the point of my blade.”
She gave a slight nod but said nothing else. The moment wanted for no more words.
Chapter Twenty-Two
They returned to Henley grounds soon after with sparse conversation between them, though they’d formed another unspoken bond. First with their intimacy and then afterward, with candid conversation. It was well into the morning hours when he dismounted, quick to lift Caroline down, but hardly ready to release her.
“Thank you for tonight.” The moon bathed her face in pearly shadows that emphasized her beauty, the crystalline sparkle in her eyes as reflective as diamond dust. “Thank you for listening.”
“And you in turn.” He thought better than to tug her into his embrace, aware any guest unable to find sleep might choose to gaze at the stars and discover them instead.
So he stared at her only a moment longer before he stepped back into the darkness to watch her scuttle safely inside.
The return ride to Kingswood was fast and direct. He reentered the house, took the stairs to the upper level, and stalled outside his father’s bedchamber. How many years had passed since he walked these halls, since he stood in the same room as his father?
Too many. Yet still not enough. He’d visited Kingswood to hear the solicitor read the impossible conditions of the inheritance but Lindsey hadn’t stepped beyond the drawing room, at first not wishing to exhume painful memories, and then afterward too consumed with volatile emotion for clear thought.
Tonight he was no better. Except it wasn’t Barlow who disturbed his peace, but Caroline in the most opposite manner. He already missed her smile, her light scent still in his lungs, her tempting kiss branded on his lips.
He’d held back. Refused himself. Not a habit in his usual nature. But he had a heart, no matter he ignored it more often than not. Because to take all she might offer in the heat of the moment would ruin her beyond anyone’s repair. Only the Devil would demand Lindsey need produce an heir as soon as possible and then put the tempting lady in his path.
This conclusion ceased his pacing and with a long hard stare at his father’s bedchamber door, Lindsey strode away.
* * * *
Caroline fairly floated down the stairs the following morning. Her mother’s gay chatter beside her went
unheard as one thought monopolized Caroline’s mind. Jonathan Cromford, Earl of Lindsey. She’d fallen asleep reliving his blissful touch and her body’s reaction. Never had she imagined the simmering passion he’d elicited. She couldn’t wait to see him and inspect his face for any evidence he was as shaken as she. Would he behave any differently for the secrets they’d shared? Would she? It wasn’t only their intimacy that caused her heart to thud a heavy beat. She’d confessed her deepest fear and he’d reacted with a fierce statement of possessive protection. That one condition could not be overlooked. Meandering through these thoughts, she crossed the threshold to the breakfast room with her mother at her side.
“Caroline.” Lady Teresa met them and together they moved to the sideboard.
It was the last morning of the gathering and while footmen milled about at the ready to assist guests, a casual ease claimed the room. Conversation and laughter intermingled with the sound of utensils on china.
“How quickly the days have passed,” Lady Derby began. “Thank you again for your kind invitation, Lady Henley.”
“It was my pleasure. Making your acquaintance and becoming fast friends with your daughter has been the highlight of this year’s gathering for me.”
Teresa glanced her way and Caroline returned the smile. She had many reasons to feel gratitude. Darting her eyes to the dining table, she noted the guests who’d already begun breakfast.
“Still husband hunting, I see,” Teresa teased. “You won’t find many gentlemen about at this hour. Most of the men played cards into the wee hours after the masquerade concluded. It’s an unwritten tradition every lord has one last chance to best the other as our annual gathering comes to an end. The hour grew late. Lord Henley didn’t return to our bedchamber until after three.”
“I see.” Lady Derby’s tone expressed concern for those who rabble-roused at such late hours, but Caroline knew Lindsey was not included in the group.
“Indeed,” Teresa continued. “And too, others have already left for London. Prolonged fresh air and pastoral nature is seemingly unfavorable for their health.”
They shared a light laugh, after which Caroline made her plate and overtly searched for Lindsey in the pockets of guests around the room. Could he still be abed? He wouldn’t have left already. Most especially without saying goodbye.
“Caroline hasn’t had the advantage of mixing in London society to great extent, as we’ve only recently returned to England,” her mother supplied. “Your invitation proved ideal. I often remind her, when a lady comports herself in the most respectful and congenial manner, the best gentlemen will take notice. Now, who was the handsome lord who assisted me when I misplaced my fan the other day?” Her mother turned toward her in wait of an answer, and Teresa did the same.
“I’m certain Lady Henley would prefer to speak of more interesting topics than my quest for a husband, Mother.” Caroline restrained her tone, but a touch of amusement leaked through. They settled at the table with their food and she lent her attention to arranging her napkin.
“Ladies, good morning.” Lord Mills approached in greeting. “Is this seat taken?” He indicated the empty chair across from Caroline.
“No, please join us.”
“Indeed I will.” Mills shared a glance to both Lady Henley and Mother. “I wondered if Lady Derby and her daughter desired an escort for the return trip to London. I’m prepared to leave at whatever hour suits your plans. Though the weather appears fair, one can never be sure of the roadways.”
“How thoughtful.” Lady Henley’s tone sounded curious.
“You’re very kind and generous to offer your time,” Lady Derby quickly continued. “My daughter and I have you to thank for introducing us to this lovely gathering. We would be honored to accept your escort.”
And like that, without a word or acknowledgement from Caroline, the plans were set.
* * * *
Lindsey paced a hard line at the foot of his bed, his mind muddled. He hadn’t returned to the Henley party and he wondered what Caroline would make of his absence after the intimacy they’d shared. Struggling to rationalize his desire to see her again, he couldn’t stop thinking about her kiss, her body strained against his, the lovely and sensual sound of her breathy gasps as he’d brought her to completion, and the insistent litany that she should be his and his alone.
Still he rebelled.
It was a game.
It wasn’t a game.
Then he’d label it a distraction. A much needed one from the unholy conditions forced upon him by his father. Who wouldn’t prefer to think about a beautiful tempting woman when the reality each day saw his coffers lighter with no easy solution in sight? Not to mention he’d acquired few clues for the maddening hunt of the Decima. Powell knew something and enjoyed leveraging that fact in an act of revenge against him. Lindsey was left waiting for his bastard half brother to make another move. Meanwhile, Mills’ promise to locate the Morta depended on Lindsey stepping away from Caroline. The tangled mess made him furious. He was unaccustomed to having so little control. His father be damned.
He heaved a long exhale meant to expel his frustration, his thoughts quick to return to the one pleasantry he’d allowed himself. Caroline. Despite his every excuse, the image of her gentle smile and echo of her laughter demanded attention.
What did they share beyond a few scorching kisses? Kisses that made him feel as though he’d die without another.
Still, he didn’t believe himself capable of love. At least not the love she deserved. His mother had hardly made an effort, too locked in her own despair to nurture in him tender feelings. His father saw him as an instrument to manipulate, no more than a necessary nuisance to preserve the Lindsey heritage.
Heritage be damned. He had no use for messy entanglements and deep emotional relationships that tied him in knots. Sex served as release, not attachment. He’d rather leave the lady than run the risk she’d tire of his company. Call it selfish, indulgent, but it was all he was willing to offer, and he wouldn’t allow himself to behave otherwise. Vulnerability was a flaw he’d not possess.
He’d do well to purge Caroline from his brain.
It didn’t signify whatever he’d experienced with Caroline was unlike anything he’d encountered before. That solitary realization terrified him more than any disinheritance or impending destitution. While he couldn’t label it a courtship, whatever it was, it was dangerous. Caroline owned part of his heart.
Likely more than a part.
This was madness. He couldn’t bear the thought of her wedding another when he already considered her his. A wave of self-loathing rolled over him. He couldn’t afford any distractions, and Caroline was so much more than that. She caused him to forget his solitary purpose. He wouldn’t become a forlorn soul crippled by emotion like his mother. Nor play the enamored swain, lovesick over a beautiful maiden. No, his energy was best spent chasing after Powell and finding the paintings needed to secure his wealth. It was pragmatic and practical, the exact opposite of tender emotion, not at all the decision of a coward.
At least, that’s what he told himself.
* * * *
London no longer possessed allure. Its original promise of lively entertainment produced nothing but despair now. Caroline hadn’t heard from Lindsey in over a week, and if she remained alone in her bedchambers any longer, reviewing the time she’d shared with him at the Henley party, she’d surely go insane.
What had she done? She’d given her feelings, her body, to a renowned rakehell. She’d allowed him to touch her intimately with not so much as the slightest hesitation, swept away by his handsome good looks and captivating charm. Believing their time together, the flirtation and innuendo, meant something special to him. Something more than all the others.
She should be appalled at her actions, and she would be if all emotion wasn’t consumed by the unadulterated humiliation co
mpressed beside intense anger and abject hurt, her bruised heart unable to withstand the lethal combination. She was every bit the naive ingénue to have been lured into thinking their relationship was lasting. She clenched her eyes closed. How could she allow this to happen? Hadn’t she come to London to find a suitable husband? One who would love her unconditionally? As it remained, she’d added wantonness to her list of offenses.
She’d begun with her intentions set. Her future mapped. But that was before she’d found her way into Lord Albertson’s study, soon after discovered by the Earl of Lindsey. What a fool she’d become. His very actions that evening spoke of his unredeemable character. Still, she’d allowed her perspective to become skewed, her carefully constructed plan upended, her life now divided into two succinct parts, before and after the earl.
Worse yet, she missed him. Literally ached for him. While her mind told her to rebel, her heart yearned for the sound of his voice, the breath-catching moment when he’d slant his glance in her direction and gift her with a disarming half-grin.
With few confidantes and even fewer friends, she dashed a note to her cousin Louisa out of distraught desperation. This was not a topic for Beatrice at tea, and she’d never become especially close with Dinah, who seemed to have the world perfectly sorted. But Louisa, yes, Louisa would understand.
Her cousin arrived promptly, and with little more than a meaningful flick of the eyes toward the terrace doors they escaped conversation with Caroline’s mother, who had joined them in the drawing room as soon as her cousin was announced.
“What is it?” Louisa led them away from the house at a brisk pace. “You look wretched. Tell me the whole of it. Did something happen at the Henley affair?”
Caroline edited her retelling, but she harbored no doubt her tone expressed more than her words.
“I warned you away from the earl. I wish you had listened.” Louisa’s eyes filled with tears, and Caroline immediately knew there was more to her cousin’s reaction than distress and empathy. There was, perhaps, painful regret as well.
London's Most Elusive Earl Page 21