Her.
I didn’t believe in love at first sight, but since the moment I saw her on the first day of the cruise, I hadn’t looked at another girl. Hadn’t wanted to fuck another girl. I’d fallen for her the moment we met. Her smile, her laugh, her beautiful jade eyes and smoothed legs had been enough of a distraction and I didn’t want it to end. No woman had ever had that effect on me and thinking about her going home to Jared scared me to death.
She deserved so much better and I would fight to prove it to her. I needed to be true to myself. I couldn’t hide or lie anymore.
I love her.
I love her?
I love her!
I stared into her eyes behind her mask while we danced. The night was coming to an end and I needed to show her. I could only talk so much; I needed to take some sort of action. I needed to show her that I wanted to be more than friends. The way we were dancing would portray that we were in love. I spun her around and around and fell more in love with her as we laughed and never left each other. I knew we were perfect for each other.
The DJ slowed the tempo a bit, changing the song to It Will Rain by Bruno Mars. The opening verse rang true to me. If she didn’t go home and break up with Jared, my life would be dark again. I would go back to hiding my feelings with random women.
“You know this isn’t goodbye, right?” I whispered into her ear.
She leaned back, lifting her head from my shoulder. “I know,” she nodded with a sad smile.
If I didn’t show her tonight, I might never have another chance. Cupping her face with both hands, her mask beneath my fingers, I leaned in and tasted her. My lips pressed into hers, parting a little as she mimicked mine. My body instantly relaxed, my tongue slipping in and licking against hers. I felt her body relax too, her hands around my neck tightened as she deepened the kiss.
The people dancing around us disappeared and I thought of nothing but the way she let a whisper of a moan escape her mouth into mine. I’d never had a kiss as intense as our kiss. It made me forget my own name, made me forget to breath—I couldn’t think of anything but that moment. It was a feeling I’d never known, a feeling that felt better than any other kiss over my thirty-one years. Better than the first kiss I had with my neighbor, Paige, growing up.
The kiss made perfect sense.
My dick started to stiffen in my black tux pants, my head spinning as I leaned forward, ours bodies flush and still swaying to the words of the song. She rubbed her body directly on my cock, moaning again as our tongues swirled around each other and it became hard to breathe. I wasn’t pulling away. If I died from kissing her, I would die happy.
But then everything came crashing down.
I felt Brooke stiffen beneath me and I wanted to go back ten seconds and capture the moment when everything was perfect. To never let go of that feeling and to kiss her for the rest of my life.
But I’d kissed her.
I’d fucking kissed her.
I couldn’t take it anymore and now I was here with her in my arms, pretending that it didn’t happen. Her body was still tense against my body as we danced, but I just wanted her to relax.
I shouldn’t have kissed her.
I was so far off my game it was ridiculous. Easton Crawford didn’t let women regret being with him. I gave them what they wanted and they gave me what I wanted.
Fuck.
I shouldn’t have kissed her, but I just couldn’t wait any longer. Tomorrow she would be back in Boston and I might never get the chance again. I had to know what her lips tasted like and they fucking tasted perfect.
“I … I’m tired. I’m going to call it a night,” Brooke said, leaving my arms and walking out the doors.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—fuck!
I tossed and turned all night, replaying the moment Brooke’s lips met mine. The way they felt, the way they tasted like a mix of cranberry and champagne, the way her body tensed after she felt my cock pressed into her and the way I’d forgotten everything but her for a moment in time.
When we got back to the room, she showered and then went to bed. Everything was awkward. We didn’t say more than a few words to each other and now the sun was starting to rise and I knew that we would arrive back in Los Angeles at any moment.
I reached for my cell. After a few seconds, it turned on and read that it was six fifty. I got up, quietly getting into the shower and replayed the evening over and over in my head. I couldn’t believe that I’d fucked everything up. Everything was perfect between us. The kiss was perfect—almost.
I stepped out, grabbing a towel to dry myself off, and slipped on my boxers and jeans. I looked into the steamy mirror, scolding myself for fucking things up with Brooke and not having time to fix them.
The Captain announced over the loud speaker that rooms would be called shortly when it was time to deboard. I exited the bathroom into an empty room, and my heart dropped as I realized Brooke left without even a goodbye.
Walking to my bed, I picked up my phone to look at the time—seven thirty. I groaned, setting it on the nightstand between the two beds, when I noticed a torn receipt with her writing.
Easton,
This isn’t goodbye. I need time to think and figure out what I need to do with Jared. I know things are awkward right now, but I’ve never cheated on someone before. My head is fucked up. Please forgive me and give me time.
Brooke
“I’m in love!” Avery said, barreling into the room as I finished reading the note for the tenth time.
“What?”
“I’m in love, dude.”
“Good for you.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“Nothing.”
I folded the flimsy paper and stuck it in my pocket. I had no idea that I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to Brooke, but if her note was true, I didn’t fuck up. How much time would she need? She didn’t even leave me her phone number. Did that mean she didn’t want me to contact her? Did she want me to wait for her?
“Why are you in a bad mood? I’m the one leaving the woman I love.”
Usually, Avery’s talk about love and shit wouldn’t piss me off. I would tell him that he couldn’t fall in love with someone so fast and laugh at him. But I was in love with Brooke, and I’d fallen for her in the same amount of time as Avery had fallen for Nicole—actually longer if you considered the ten minutes we stood side by side during the safety speech.
“I kissed Brooke and she didn’t say goodbye. Sue me, all right?”
“She didn’t say goodbye?” he asked.
“No,” I sighed.
“Wow, you fucked up.”
“I know.” Even though Brooke told me in the note that I didn’t fuck up, I felt like I had. I felt like I would never see her again. The girl who stole my heart had left me with just a note. “Let’s talk about you. I don’t want to talk about this shit.”
“Dude, Nicole is—fuck man, she is fucking … I can’t even comprehend how fucking amazing she is. And not just in bed. I’ve never had this connection with anyone before.”
I knew exactly what he meant. Brooke and I shared something on an emotional level. A level that scared the shit out of me, but a level I wanted to dive head first into.
“Daddy!”
Bill and my peanut had picked Avery and me up at the docks once we’d disembarked the ship. I had no idea how long they’d waited for us, but it took over an hour for them to call our room number. We didn’t see the girls leaving the ship, didn’t see them in customs, and didn’t see them waiting for any of the airport buses.
“Hey, Peanut, I’ve missed you so much!” I dropped my bags, picked Cheyenne up in my arms and twirling her around as I hugged the shit out of her.
After a few spins, I kissed her cheek and set her down. She hugged Avery before we climbed in the backseat of Bill’s car. Avery got shotgun after putting our bags in the trunk.
“Hey,” I greeted Bill.
“Have fun?”
“It w
as awesome!” Avery answered.
“I got you something, Peanut,” I said, reaching into my pocket.
Cheyenne’s eyes lit up bright. “You did?”
“Of course.” I handed her a bag that was folded small enough to fit in my pocket.
I’d had no idea what to get Cheyenne. I knew magnets were lame for a ten-year-old, she’d quickly grow out of T-shirts, and I figured my girl would be grossed out by a worm in a sucker. Then I’d looked at jewelry.
At first the look on her face was, “You gave me a necklace of a sea lion? You could have at least given me one of a dolphin, Dad!” But as I told her the story about Cassandra and how we’d had the chance to swim with her, she instantly loved it. She hugged me tight, thanking me, and I didn’t let her go until we arrived at our hotel.
Our flight to JFK wasn’t until the morning, so we were staying in the hotel for the night. After Bill had dropped us off, we took Cheyenne to the indoor pool, played Marco Polo for an hour or so, and then ate room service.
Cheyenne told us all about her week: how she went to Disneyland and California Adventure, visited Dana’s grave, and took in a pre-season game of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
Avery called Nicole, talking to her until she boarded her plane. I didn’t bring up Brooke and apparently she didn’t bring me up either because Avery only talked about himself and occasionally made kissing noises into the phone.
Fucking pussy-whipped bastard!
As I listened to Avery snore and Cheyenne texting on her phone instead of watching the Pay-per-view movie we ordered, I couldn’t stop thinking about Brooke and how she’d schooled me about becoming a better father. Before the sun set, I decided I needed to go to Dana’s grave and talk to her myself. I needed to talk to her about introducing Cheyenne to Brooke. I felt as though I needed her approval. “Hey, can you watch Cheyenne for like an hour?” I asked Avery, shaking him a little to wake him up.
“Of course. What’s up?” He yawned.
“I need to run an errand.”
He looked at me, eyebrows raised. “Okay …? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to clear my head.”
I called a taxi to come and take me to the cemetery. I knew Brooke was genuine and wouldn’t do anything to hurt Cheyenne, but I needed to talk to Dana. I had the cab stop at a grocery store first so I could run in to get some flowers. Once I arrived at the cemetery, I walked slowly to her grave, trying to think of what I was going to say.
Taking a deep breath, I placed the white roses on Dana’s tombstone, got down on my knees and began to tell her about the last seven days, starting from the beginning when I met Brooke. The way Brooke had tried to set me up with other women and how I’d never left her side. How I didn’t have eyes for anyone else. How her smile had turned me into a lovesick fool and how I’d fallen in love with her.
“So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I know you’re probably laughing at me, right? Anyway …” I cleared my throat. “Every day I regret the way I acted the last time I saw you. Everything was my fault. If I had been a better man—a better friend, we would have never been at the courthouse and you would have never left mad. You wouldn’t have died that day. And I’m sorry.
“It’s taken me a long time to realize how much of an asshole I was. I blamed you for years—blamed your nagging ways and how you tricked me into staying with you instead of living my dream. When you died, I was so lost … I didn’t know how to be a single father—didn’t want to be a single father.
“I always thought that you would be here to help me raise our baby girl, but you’re not, and I’m sorry. I’m truly fucking sorry. I’m sorry for being a jackass and I’m sorry that you died unhappy. I never imagined Cheyenne growing up without you and not seeing how much of a good person you truly were. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye to her. I’m sorry that she didn’t get to say goodbye to you.
“I show her pictures, but they’re not enough. She looks so much like you. She has your smile, your eyes, your attitude … She needs a mother, Dana. I can’t let my mother be her only mother figure. She needs a mother and a grandmother. Fuck, she needs a better father. I’m going to change that.”
I paused taking a moment to wipe a few tears from my face. “I want you to know that I’ve met a girl. She’s amazing. She makes me laugh and I haven’t truly laughed in a long time. She called me out on my shit about how I’m raising Cheyenne and about never letting a girl get close to me. But you know what I think? I think you sent her to me. It just took a long time for you to find her for me—or maybe you knew all along. Maybe you’re the one who made me move to New York where it’s closer to Boston. Maybe you’re the one who made Avery and me go on the cruise.
“I miss you, Dana. I never told you, but I hated seeing you cry when you were mad at me. How you cried when you found out that I cheated on you … I hated the shit I put you through—the shit I said to you. I’m surprised you never cut my dick off while I was sleeping.” I paused again, laughing a little at the image of her actually cutting my cock off.
“You never deserved any of it. You deserved someone better. Someone who wouldn’t have put you through hell. I hope up in heaven you’ve found that person, someone who has shown you what a woman deserves.
“Anyway, I need to wrap this up. The taxi driver is waiting for me and so are Cheyenne and Avery back at the hotel. I just wanted you to know that I plan on introducing Cheyenne to Brooke. I plan on her being in my life forever, so if you don’t want her to be in my life, you need to take her from me. And I deserve that. But Brooke deserves to be happy too and I will make her happy. I promise. I know that I don’t always live up to my promises, but in this case, I will.
“You were my first love and I’m positive that Brooke is my last love. She needs to dump the loser boyfriend she has, and when she does, I’m going to show her that men can change. I’m going to take every fight we had, every fuck up I did when we were together, and never do or say any of that again. I’m going to love the shit out of her and I know Cheyenne will too. Brooke’s special.”
I woke up to the sound of running water. I hadn’t slept well, tossing and turning as I’d thought about how much of an idiot I was.
I didn’t know how to react toward Eason after I’d turned our kiss into the most awkward moment of my life. I’d been imagining his lips on mine all week, and then when they were on mine, I’d enjoyed the feel of them … until I’d remembered Jared at home. I knew I was going to break up with Jared, but I believed in karma. I couldn’t cheat on him and feel good about being with Easton.
I needed time.
Easton was in the shower as I’d gathered my luggage. My right arm and shoulder were in the worst pain I’d ever felt. I’d gotten a massage the day before, hoping that would make it better, but it had only made it worse. It felt like the muscles were inflamed as if they were angry with me. Well, I was fucking angry at them!
When will the pain go away?
With my hand on the doorknob, I’d turned, looking for a piece of paper to write Easton a note. That was the coward’s way out, but when my heart was telling me to do something that my head wasn’t, I tended to freak out.
I wanted Easton, but I needed to do it right.
I was struggling with falling out of love with Jared and falling in love with Easton. I was scared. Jared had been a part of my life for a long time, like a comfort blanket, but the more I got to know Easton, the more I fell in love with him and out of love with Jared. I’d never experienced that before.
I didn’t love two men at once.
I loved one.
And he wasn’t my boyfriend.
I’d found a discarded receipt and wrote Easton a note on the blank side. It wasn’t goodbye, and I didn’t want him thinking it was. I was just an idiot and a coward, and I needed time.
I left the room, left Easton in the shower, and left without saying goodbye.
Maneuvering through the herd of people trying to get back to the
ir appropriate rooms and instead of the rooms where they’d fucked each other’s brains out, I walked slowly like it was the walk of shame. I knew I was early getting to Nicole’s room, but I had seen an opportunity and taken it.
“Nic, it’s me,” I said, knocking loudly on the door. There was no answer. Knocking again, “Nicole, open the door, please.”
After a few seconds of silence on the other side of the door, I heard the deadbolt turn and then the door opened. “Really, B, it’s like eight o’clock. I thought we decided on nine?” Nicole asked, yawning.
“I kissed Easton last night, and I’m freaking the fuck out!”
“Oh shit! Okay, give me five to say goodbye to A and then we’ll talk.”
Nicole closed the door in my face and I groaned, turning around to rest my body against the door. My life was so fucked up at that moment, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Breaking someone’s heart was never a good thing. I didn’t want to hurt Jared, but I needed more. He wasn’t the one for me, and I’d already spent over four years of my time hoping he was the one. Sometimes situations happen to make you open your eyes and realize that you’re not in the right relationship. Easton gave me the attention that I was hoping Jared would give me. Was Easton right when he told me that the grass was greener on the other side? Or was he just caught up in the moment and wanting to get in my panties?
The door swung open behind me. “What up, B.B.?” Avery asked with a nod.
“Ready to go home and sleep in my own bed,” I answered honestly.
“It was nice meeting you. I’ll see you soon,” he said, kissing my cheek.
“It was nice meeting you, too.” I smiled.
Nicole kissed Avery goodbye. She looked sad, but we knew all along this day would come. I suspected she would start spending her weekends in New York.
“Are you ready to start being my best friend again?” I asked, pushing past her.
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