by Tina Saxon
Sadness creeps in when I think about the person who killed my mom. I could still draw him. And he’s the father of the only man I’ve ever loved. Life’s a bitch.
I grab my phone off the counter when it rings. Security tells me that Max is here. I send him up but wonder how Lexi will be with Max. It took her a few days to warm up to Damon, but she really likes him now. Max … he’s a different breed of man. He’s huge and might be a little scary to a five-year-old. I chuckle to myself. He’s scary to most adults.
“Lexi, my friend Max is coming up. He’s really nice,” I say, hoping that she won’t freak out.
“Do you think he’ll like my tutu?” she says, still spinning around everywhere. I shake my head, getting dizzy just from watching her. Doesn’t she ever get dizzy? I laugh, thinking Max doesn’t seem like a tutu kind of guy.
When I hear a knock at the door, I say a little plea that this doesn’t go badly. Max gives me a huge hug when he comes in.
“Max, this is Lexi,” I say, turning to find Lexi. She’s stopped spinning and her eyes are bugging out looking him up and down. She grips the side of the couch with her little hands. It’s hard to tell what she’s thinking. “Do you want to come say hi?” I ask softly. She slowly nods her head, her eyes glued to him.
She runs to my side and grabs my hand. Max squats down and holds out his hand.
“Hi, Lexi. It’s nice to meet you.” She stares at his large hand, slowly letting mine go and slipping hers into his. His hand swallows her. “I like your skirt,” he says, smiling at her.
In the next second, I learn how to get a little girl to love you instantly. Tell her you like what she’s wearing. Lexi’s lips curl into a megawatt smile, and she starts bouncing on her toes. “Do you really like it? It’s my favorite color. What’s your favorite color? Are you going to the gym with us?” her questions are rattled off one after another. I’m stunned by the amount of words coming out of her little mouth.
“Hey,” I say, trying to stop the onslaught of questions. “Are you going to let him answer any of those questions?” She looks up at me and giggles then looks to Max, waiting expectantly. My eyebrow shoots up, and I smile at Max. Okay, Max, let’s see if you were really listening.
He smirks at me and then looks back to Lexi. “Yes, I really like it. Blue is my favorite color. I might go to the gym with you. I live …” He continues answering every question she’s asked. When he looks up at me with a smartass look, I clap quietly.
When he stands up, Lexi slides her hand in his again and looks up at him with so much adoration in her eyes, it’s sweet. He looks down at the little hand and smiles wide. Seems Lexi is pretty smitten with Max.
“Lexi, have you been to the gym before?” he asks, looking at her skirt and feeling the material between his fingers.
“Nope, but Addie is going to show me how to fight,” she boasts and kicks out her leg. A laugh escapes my lips. I never told her that. I narrow my eyes at her.
“Hey there, Karate Kid, that is not what I said.” She giggles. “I told you I was going to go work out with Tony and you could go watch and maybe I’d show you a few moves to help protect yourself.”
“My brother took karate. I know how to do it,” she says, doing a karate chop and screaming YAAAA.
Max laughs. “Lexi, you definitely could kick my ass.” Lexi’s eyes go wide. She sports a Cheshire cat grin and walks to her designated bad-word jar. She made the jar the second day she started talking.
Let’s just say it’s filling up rather quickly. She holds it up and tells Max that he owes a dollar for saying a bad word. When he looks at me, I nod my head. He narrows his eyes at Lexi while taking out a dollar. “It’s a good thing I like you, Lexi.” He chuckles and tickles her stomach. She squeals and runs away.
As she runs into my room, I yell at her to go to the bathroom before we leave. “You going to be alright when she leaves tomorrow?” Max asks, putting his hand on my shoulder and squeezing.
“I’ll be okay. I liked having her around. It’ll be weird her not being here,” I shrug. “I hear her aunt is a bitch.” I whisper the last part. “So, I’m definitely not excited to hand Lexi off to her.”
He nods. “What are you here for anyway?” It dawns on me that Max doesn’t live right down the road or even in this state.
“I had business to take care of here, so I thought I’d stop in and say hi. Glad I did. I get to finally see how kickass you are.” He smirks and squeezes my biceps.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. You can sit with Lexi.”
“We’ll be your biggest fans.” I roll my eyes.
We watch as Lexi comes out of the room, still wearing her tutu but has added knee-high boots to her ensemble. “I’m ready to go,” she says, grabbing Max’s hand again.
“Well, I know who your biggest fan is,” I say, smiling.
“Don’t be jealous, Addison,” he says, swinging Lexi’s hand and walking her out the door. I laugh at his overzealous walk.
“I don’t think my brother knew how to do that,” Lexi says as we leave the gym an hour later. She’s catching a ride on top of Max’s shoulders, her tutu covering the top of his forehead. Her and that tutu. She held everyone’s attention the entire time she was there. Tony showed her some self-defense moves and watching her do them in the tutu was the highlight of everyone’s day.
I laugh to myself thinking about when Tony had her in a tight hold and she was supposed to grab his wrist. Instead, she started belting out the song blaring from the gym speakers. Tony was so caught off guard, he let her go while he was laughing. She was so proud of herself that she got loose, she danced and sang for everyone.
Then Tony and I sparred. Tony ended up calling it quits because of my cheering section. He told me I wasn’t playing fair having her around. She was a little distracting. I think we were laughing more than we were working out.
“Hey, Lulu, what’s for lunch?” Max asks. I glance over at him, tilting my head. Lulu?
He shrugs. “She told me Syd calls her Lulu. I like it,” he states matter-of-factly. Well, okay.
“I want pasghetti,” Lexi says, clapping her hands.
“You want what?” Max replies.
“Pa-sghetti,” Lexi says slowly, leaning down over Max’s shoulders.
“Do you mean spaghetti?” he asks, confused. We’ve already had this exact conversation, so I know that is what she wants, but it’s still hilarious when she says it.
“That’s what I said,” she huffs adorably, sitting straight back up. “Pasghetti.”
“Okay then, let’s get you some pasghetti.”
“Yay.” She claps again. “There is this yummy place that has the best pasghetti. It even has the name Bella in it. I wish my name was Bella,” she says, resting her head on top of Max’s head.
“What? Then I couldn’t call you Lulu,” Max says, flipping her off his shoulders. She squeals on the way down.
“But Bella means beautiful. I want my name to mean beautiful.”
Max scoffs. “Do you know what your name means?” She shakes her head. “It means protector,” he says, grabbing her hand.
She looks down. “Well, I don’t want that name. I couldn’t protect my family.” My heart breaks for her. Max squats down and pulls her in close to him.
“Lulu, you’re five,” he says softly, pulling her chin up to meet his eyes. “There was nothing that you could have done except for what you did. But don’t forget that your name is a strong name for a strong little girl.”
Tears swim around my eyes as she jumps into Max’s arms, and he embraces her. “I want to be strong like you, Max.”
“Oh, Lulu, you’re the strongest girl I know.”
She releases Max’s hold and smiles wide. “I need pasghetti to make me stronger.” She pats her tummy.
I blink back my tears, smiling down at her, when she looks at me. I wonder if she’s talking about Marco’s restaurant. I don’t know any other restaurant with Bella in it.
“Are you
talking about Bella Mistero?”
“Yes,” she says, jumping up and down.
I haven’t seen Marco since the park incident. And I really don’t want to now. Considering Max is going to be joining us, I think it’s probably not a good idea to eat there. “How about we order from them and take it home?” We can easily pass by the restaurant walking home from the gym. She nods quickly. I call in our order so it’ll be ready once we get there.
Please don’t let Marco be there.
“How about you go in and get the food, and we’ll wait on the bench. It’s such a beautiful day.” I look at Max and smile innocently. He watches me for a beat and then nods, going into the restaurant by himself. A few minutes later Max walks out with our food. Lexi is jumping up and down singing “On top of Pasghetti…”
I glance at the restaurant door opening and Marco walks out, flashing a crooked smile, strutting my way. Damnit! I lean over to Max and tell him to take Lexi and that I’ll be right behind them. He takes Lexi’s hand, but his eyes dart over to Marco. He looks back at me, and I slightly nod that it’s okay. Lexi’s too busy singing her song and skipping that she doesn’t see Marco.
“Hi, Marco.”
“Hi, beautiful,” he says with a cheerful smile. I blow out a huge breath. I guess we’re back to normal. He looks over my shoulder to Max and Lexi walking away. “Why didn’t you come in and eat?”
“I have company,” I say, tilting my head in their direction. “We’re doing a picnic and my little friend wanted spaghetti.” He nods and looks their way again. His gaze remains on them for a few moments before he looks back at me. “Well, I guess I should get going before my food gets cold.”
“Beautiful, you definitely don’t want it to get cold.” I force a smile and say a quick goodbye before rushing off. I walk fast to catch up, glancing back at Marco as we round the corner. He’s standing there watching us disappear behind the building. I exhale loudly. I’m going to need to stop taking this route.
Max doesn’t say anything and doesn’t let go of Lexi until we get into my apartment. He instructs her to go to the bathroom and wash her hands before we eat. His parental demeanor surprises me. The more I learn about Max and what an amazing man he is, I wonder why he hasn’t settled down. I can tell he adores Lexi as he watches her leave the room. Of course, when his gaze lands on me, he’s not in an adoring mood anymore.
“Who is he?” he presses. He doesn’t waste any time.
I sigh. “A friend. His name is Marco. That’s it. Nothing else,” I exclaim. And really not even a friend anymore.
“He didn’t look at you like he wants to be friends, beautiful,” he says sarcastically.
“I can’t help if someone likes me, Max.” I wonder if Aiden told him about Marco. His name doesn’t seem to trigger any memories, so I’m not going to tell him how we met. And how he named the restaurant after me. Or our little conversation a couple weeks ago. Max is already overprotective of me, I don’t want him to have to worry about something that I can deal with myself.
Later that night, Lexi and I are cuddled up on the couch in warm, soft blankets, watching a Disney movie. I watch her more than the movie. She’s so animated. Her hand reaches into the popcorn bowl, missing it the first time. She doesn’t look down to try again. She just feels around until she hits the popcorn, grabbing a handful and popping it into her mouth.
I’m going to miss her. Miss this. Those caramel-colored eyes looking at me when I wake up and when I put her to sleep at night. They’ve sucked me into a world I didn’t even know I wanted. Motherhood. I can’t even figure out my relationship status so being a mom hasn’t even crossed my mind.
She scoots closer to me and by the look on her face, wide eyes and shoulders scrunched up, we must be at a scary part. I glance at the movie and I’m spot-on. I chuckle to myself and snuggle her closer. Yep, I’m definitely going to miss her.
When I tuck Lexi into bed, I remind her about her aunt coming tomorrow. Her little lip sticks out as she stares at me. Oh, I know, sweet girl, this really sucks. I play with her hair a little and we sing our song, “This Little Light of Mine,” until I’m the only one singing. I lie beside her, listening to her little breaths. Her eyelids flutter and her lips curl up in a smile. I exhale slowly, hoping the dream she’s having shines bright enough to keep the darkness away.
“Have we packed everything?” I ask Lexi, boxing up the last of her clothes. Silence. I turn to find her sitting on my bed, arms and legs crossed, her bottom lip sticking out. I know the feeling. If I weren’t an adult, I’d be doing the same thing. I jump on the bed and wrap my arms around her.
“I’m going to miss you,” she pouts.
“I am going to miss you, too,” I reply, pulling her back so she’s looking at me. “But you can call me anytime. Do you remember my number?”
She nods and repeats it. I tell her I put it in her bag just in case she forgets it, which I’m sure she will. We talk about how much fun she’ll have in Los Angeles. I try to say things that will get her excited about her aunt, talking about mine and what a gift it was to have her in my life. Unfortunately, my aunt wasn’t a bitch. I really hope she’s not as bad as Damon makes her out to be.
“You’re going to what?!” I say, gritting my teeth. So much for my high hopes that Damon was wrong. I hate the woman.
“It’s a great school for girls. She’ll love it there,” Sophia says with a snobby smile. Her uppity voice grates on me. When Lexi’s Aunt Sophia came into my apartment, the first thing that came out of her mouth was how nice my apartment was and how she was surprised I could afford it. I’m standing there introducing her to her niece and that’s what she’s thinking about? My apartment?
“So you’re sending her to a boarding school?” I say, trying to wrap my head around what she’s telling me. My hands fist at my side. I can’t believe I’m sending Lexi away with this woman. At least her assistant is a sweet, older lady and has taken the initiative to pay attention to Lexi because her own flesh and blood can’t be bothered. Right now they are downstairs putting all Lexi’s stuff into the limo, and I’m trying my hardest not to yell some sense into the aunt. If it wasn’t for Lexi’s doctor being here and the social worker, I think I would have.
Dr. Terry must notice my angst because she pulls me into my room. “I know this is hard, Addison,” she says, grabbing my fisted hand. Hard? It’s more like cruel and painful. I don’t want to let her go with that uppity bitch. I plop on the bed, crossing my arms and sigh heavily. Yep, I’m done being an adult. I’m going to pout for a second. When Lexi runs into my room, I straighten and smile.
“Addie, the limo is so huge,” she says, throwing her hands out wide. She hops up and down in excitement. “And it has purple lights inside. Ms. Jackie let me play with all the lights and music. It’s like a dance party in the back of the car.”
My smile remains plastered on my face, watching her animated expressions. I’m seriously going to have Lexi withdrawals when she leaves. There’s nothing like seeing the excitement through a five-year-old’s eyes.
“That sounds so cool,” I say, picking her up. We walk into the living room where a police officer is talking to Sophia and her bodyguard about the officer that will follow them everywhere as a precaution while they are still in town. Given it’s been two weeks and nothing has happened, we’re hoping that Lexi is safe and will be safer when she leaves New York City. That’s the only reason that makes me okay about this whole thing. Not like I have a choice.
We hug and tears are shed as we say our goodbyes. “I’ll miss you, sweet girl. Keep singing and dancing, okay?”
She nods and sniffles as big tears run down her face. I gently swipe them away with my thumb. “Don’t cry. We’ll see each other again. So, it’s not goodbye, it’s I’ll see you later.” Dr. Terry looks at me. I know what she’s thinking. Don’t lie to her. I smile at her. I’m not lying. I will definitely see her again.
Watching her drive away in the limo, my chest hurts. She made such
an impact on me in such little time, I’m surprised how much this hurts. I look at Dr. Terry with my arms crossed. “So, why exactly did y’all think this was a good idea to put her with me? Because this sucks.”
Her eyes soften as she wraps her arm around my shoulders. “She brought so much goodness into your life for two weeks, and she leaves you with great memories. Nobody could have bonded with her at the level you did. You understand what she’s going through, even though you were a little older when it happened to you.” I listen to her words and let them soak in. She’s right. And it’s a bond that I’ll never forget.
I run my hand across my unshaven jaw. I’m so fucking tired. Of course, I came home to an empty fridge a couple hours ago, so here I am at the store, waiting in line behind the lady arguing about expired coupons. I close my eyes, shake my head, and sigh. This day can’t get any longer.
Ever since I was instructed to come home a week early to help with a case, my nerves have been on overdrive. The last few months have been a true test of my sanity. My heart belongs to someone who might not want it. My thoughts have tormented me daily, from thinking about her beautiful body to her words. Her words about how the blood running through my veins has destroyed her life. I’ve tried so hard to move on, but I can’t. Now I’m home and I have no clue what’s next for us. If there still is an “us.” I have no control when it comes to Addison, and I hate it.
I take in a deep breath, shaking my thoughts from my head, bringing me back to the present. I look at the lady still arguing and now asking for a manager. Looking around to see if there’s a shorter line, but not finding one, I drop my head onto my arms that rest on the cart.
Don’t pull out your gun and shoot her, I say to myself. I just want to go home and sleep.
My head bolts up at the sound of screams and then gunfire. Panic fills the air with more screams and people rushing to the exit doors. I pull my gun out and instruct everyone to get out. The cashier looks at me with a deer in the headlight look. “Go, now!” I growl. He nods and dashes out with everyone else.