‘Johanna? What are you doing here?’ he asked, taking her coat by instinct and hanging it on the hook next to his own, without taking his eyes from her. He then moved around her to the living room door, to see if his mother had noticed Johanna’s arrival. He glanced in at his mother and noticed that she was still reading. ‘I’m pleased to see you, of course, but my mother—’
‘Actually,’ Johanna replied, shaking her head at him while a faint smile played across her lips. A faint mist of water fell from her clothes. ‘It was your mother who invited me here.’
Jack wasn’t sure whether he was more shocked that his mother had asked Johanna here, or that Johanna had accepted the invitation. The two of them had not exactly seen eye to eye before, and the thought of them being civil to one another, let alone friendly, was not something he had expected.
‘Your mother, she sent me a letter,’ she continued. ‘She said that she had come to a realisation that she was never going to change your mind about me, and that since I was working as a nurse, I “couldn’t be all bad”.’
She smiled at him and unwrapped some more of her wet clothes. Her shoulders bunched up as if she was unsure what to do next. Then, noticing him, she put her hands on his shoulders to give him a kiss on his cheek. She stood back quickly, and threw a guilty glance towards the living room. He wasn’t sure if he liked the thought of them conspiring together, then realised that if even if they were, only good would come of it.
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ he said, meaning it more than words could express. Then he smiled, finally letting his happiness show. ‘I guess I don’t need to come and see you then.’
His light mood and easy manner made her smile too, and her shoulders visibly relaxed. ‘Come in,’ he said, leading her to the living room. ‘Come in and make yourself at home.’
He led her by her hand to a chair by the window, letting go before his mother looked up. She was still reading the newspaper, but he knew it was simply a show for their benefit.
‘How’s that?’ he asked. ‘Can I get you anything? A drink perhaps?’
She looked back at him with wide eyes, then swallowed heavily. ‘No, thank you,’ she said. She was imitating his tone and inwardly he cursed himself for being so formal. He needed to relax and put her at ease so that they could just act like this was normal. ‘Well, just say if you change your mind.’
‘Look, Mother,’ he said, raising his voice slightly. ‘Johanna is here.’
There was a couple of seconds of silence as his mother made a show of finishing a paragraph, then she looked up and over the rim of her glasses. ‘Oh yes,’ she said. ‘Hello, dear. Do make yourself at home. We must share what we have in these times, after all.’
There was a faint hint of a smile in her words, more like a smirk. Jack suspected that his mother was pleased to have company, especially that of another woman, despite her previous objections. If they could get along then it was one less thing for him to worry about.
‘Thank you, Mrs Tabell,’ Johanna replied, shifting in the seat. Jack was pleased that Johanna had remembered his mother’s maiden name. He reached for Johanna’s hand, which was resting on the arm of the chair and gently placed the pads of his fingers on the back of it. Then he looked down at his clothes, remembering how wet they were and that he was soaked through. Johanna had seemed to have remained dry.
‘I had better change out of these before I catch a chill. My waterproofs are no good, it seems. Will you be all right here for a few minutes?’ he asked, looking sideways at his mother.
Johanna nodded shallowly. She beamed up at him. ‘Don’t be long,’ she mouthed through the smile.
*
Jack came back downstairs only a few minutes later. He had dressed in fresh, dry clothes and immediately felt better for it. He realised he had left Johanna alone with his mother for the first time, and almost ran down the stairs to make sure that she was all right. He knew how deep his mother’s words could cut if they were unsheathed.
‘That’s better,’ he said, entering the room to silence. Both women continued staring into the fire. A smile played around Johanna’s lips, which suggested to Jack that they had been talking about him. He didn’t dare ask how they had been getting on. Instead he asked if Johanna was warm enough after having come in from the storm. She nodded, thanking him, but the smile dropped from her face.
‘Have you heard about Mr Le Page?’ she asked. ‘It was in all the papers.’
‘I have,’ he replied, sitting down on the only other spare seat in the room. A chair that had been there since he was little and had not worn well. The sharp wooden frame dug into his side. ‘Isn’t it great? They’re letting them go.’
‘They don’t print everything in the newspaper,’ she continued, staring into the flames.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I work in the hospital. There are plenty of rumours going around that place. Apparently they found Henry’s father. Shortly after they had decided to commute the sentences. It’s too horrible to say, really.’
Jack took hold of her hand. His mother didn’t seem to notice, she was on the edge of her seat waiting for Johanna to continue.
‘He was dead. The poor man.’
There was a shocked silence before Johanna continued.
‘When they found him, he had cut his wrists on something.’
‘How on earth did he get a knife in prison?’
‘That’s just it, they have no idea. Of course, the family don’t believe it. But can you imagine what it’s like to get the news that your family is returning, only to find out just before he was due to come home that he had died?’
Jack swallowed. He thought about what Henry had been like as a child growing up, how many times he had been there for Jack over the years. What it must have been like for the rest of the family, to have that moment of hope snatched away from them. The worst thing was that he didn’t think it would be the last time something like that happened to the Islanders before the war was over. And what would the Germans do with them if they won?
His mother sunk back into her chair, closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Jack had a thought to change the mood and rushed upstairs. ‘Just a minute,’ he said to a confused Johanna. He returned a moment later with small parcel wrapped in brown paper, and knelt down next to the chair Johanna was sitting in.
‘I know you don’t celebrate Christmas,’ he said. ‘I was going to come round later and give this to you then. But as you’re here now.’
He passed her the brown paper parcel and her eyes widened.
‘A gift.’
He couldn’t help but smile at the look on her face.
‘You shouldn’t have.’ She started carefully unwrapping each side of the paper, taking her time, and Jack laughed.
‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Rip it open, enjoy the moment.’
‘I am enjoying the moment.’
She laughed too as she continued unfolding the paper. Even his mother chuckled softly from her chair. A minute later the brown paper was neatly folded on her lap and she held a wooden shape in her hands.
‘It’s a …’ she breathed. ‘A horse. It’s wonderful.’
‘Frederic showed me how to whittle it when I was helping him on the farm. I know it’s not much, but it’s yours.’
‘It’s beautiful.’ She couldn’t take her eyes off it, and Jack thought he saw her wipe away a tear. ‘I’ll cherish it.’ She pulled it to her heart and closed her eyes.
‘There’s something else,’ he said. ‘They’ve relaxed the curfew so that people can go to midnight mass tonight. I think we should go.’
He wanted to tell her that he had removed her name from the record of suspected Jews on the island. He had had a number of opportunities, but he didn’t want to drag her any further into his deceit. If it was discovered what he had done, then she could claim ignorance.
‘I didn’t think you were religious?’ She frowned.
‘I think it would be a good idea, for the time being
at least, if you were to go along with it. Come to midnight mass with me and then the Germans will see you there.’
She nodded. ‘A Jew wouldn’t go to midnight mass.’
‘It’s for your safety. I’m sure God would understand.’
‘It feels like a betrayal though. A betrayal of my beliefs and my parents’ beliefs.’
‘If it’s what you need to do to survive then I’m sure they would understand.’
‘Okay, I’ll go. As long as I’m with you.’ She looked across at him and smiled.
*
There were a number of Germans in the church, in their neatly pressed grey uniforms sitting up straight in the pews. Thankfully there were none there that Jack knew, otherwise he may have had to make conversation. Johanna pulled at him, moving them as far from the Germans as possible, but she kept silent.
As the mass started, neither Jack nor Johanna knew what they were supposed to do. Jack’s mother hadn’t taken him to church since he was little and his grandfather had stopped attending. They did their best to follow along. As the church was crowded, allowing the Islanders to be out after dark for the first time in months, the pair of them were not alone. When it was done, Jack stood to leave, but was interrupted by a faint noise from the back of the church. At first he had taken it for chanting, but when the rest of the congregation stopped to pay attention, he realised that the German soldiers at the back were singing together. With closed eyes they sung the calming tones of ‘Silent Night’ in their native tongue. Jack sat down again, taken aback by the sweeping noise as more Germans joined in.
‘It’s beautiful,’ Johanna said, although it was barely a whisper. ‘How can beings of such evil create such beauty?’
Jack closed his eyes and listened to the sound of music. It reverberated in the church, filling the stone chamber with pleasing noise. It had a calm sorrow to it that Jack would never have expected.
‘It reminds me of home,’ she breathed.
He wondered again what had happened at home to force Johanna to leave, to abandon her language and faith. Despite everything he felt himself wanting to join in with their song.
*
There was a knock at the door. Two gentle knocks and then a pause. It was Christmas Day and every member of the family was already crammed into their small front room for Christmas dinner. Even Jack’s grandparents had joined them. The aroma of roasted meat still filled the house. Usually his grandparents spent all their time on their own in their part of the house. Occasionally he or his mother would pop in to make sure that they were all right, or take them something like a cup of tea or some food, but they never left their home. As far as Jack knew, they had no idea at all what was going on in the outside world, except for what they read in the newspaper.
That morning, he had helped his grandmother through, by holding her arm and gently directing her even though she kept reminding him that she knew exactly where she was going. His grandad came behind, grumbling the whole time that he didn’t care for Christmas anymore, that he was too old for it.
Now, as usual, Jack was the one to open the door. He had expected to see another soldier, but instead he was greeted with the beaming face of one of the men he knew from the Civil Transport Department.
‘Afternoon,’ he said. ‘Here’s your wireless set. At least I think it’s yours; it says Tabell.’
‘What?’ Jack blinked in surprise. ‘Yes, right. Thank you. That’s my grandfather’s surname.’
Jack took the set back inside, closing the door behind him with his heel. The hinges squealed as it slammed and he winced, knowing that his grandfather would have something to say about that. But, they were shocked into silence just as he had been, so he carefully placed the wireless back where it had stood before, noticing the line of dust around its feet as he plugged it in.
‘I should go,’ Johanna said, pursing her lips. ‘This is a moment for family.’
Jack’s mother’s head tilted in Johanna’s direction. ‘You have family here,’ she said. ‘If you’ll have us.’
Johanna smiled for a moment and a tear ran down her cheek. Jack leant over and switched the big dial of the set. There was a click and then white noise blared through the speaker. It was strangely reassuring, a reminder that there was something out there. With a practised hand he tuned the dial until the calm tones of the BBC broadcast filled the room.
Those registered tones, that calm speech of the BBC presenter, was like hearing the long-lost voice of a family member and picking up as if they had never left. It warmed Jack’s heart to feel part of Britain again, only separated by the Channel. He hadn’t realised until that moment just how isolated he had felt. Hearing German spoken officially and living through the changes they had brought to the island, had affected them in ways he was only just beginning to understand.
‘Almost in time for the king’s speech.’ His mother’s voice dragged him from his reverie. It was best to concentrate on the matters at hand, on Johanna and his mother. They both sat there smiling at the sound of the wireless set. His mother had her eyes closed, concentrating on the words filling her ears.
Johanna reached out a hand and laid it on top of his. ‘It’s wonderful,’ she said.
It truly was, and the most wonderful thing was that she was here. He would not have imagined even the day before that his mother would have allowed Johanna into the house, let alone to stay for Christmas. The Christmas spirit had helped his mother to change her mind about Johanna and it was the best present he could ever have expected.
It would soon be a new year, and the war couldn’t last forever. Jack at long last felt some hope for the future, and no matter what happened he would always have Johanna.
1941
Chapter 15
January 1941
The new year didn’t bring as much hope as it was traditionally supposed to. The island was grey and miserable, and the storms that had battered it still came and went as they pleased, bringing further misery to compound the Islanders’ already sour moods. The gloom of the season only seemed to make things feel darker, especially after a barren and almost joyless Christmas. The lack of any sign of the war ending and the constant presence of the German armed forces only seemed to make things worse. Jack tried to find something to cling on to that would brighten his mood in such a dark winter, but he failed. The only thing that managed to brighten his mood was that Johanna and his mother were now on speaking terms. He wanted to see Johanna, but that would have to wait – he had a day of work to get through first. Despite living so close to each other and being stuck on the island, they never got to see each other as much as he wanted.
‘It’s like living in another country, now,’ David said as they sat at their desks in the police station. ‘These Germans are everywhere, speaking their language, with their own shops and their own theatres. We may as well not even call it Guernsey anymore. What do the Germans call it anyway? Something strange I expect.’
David was, as usual when they were not on a beat, sitting with his feet on a desk and waxing lyrical about the way the world used to be. Jack smiled, he never had the heart to tell the man that his view of the world was slightly skewed and naive. William paced over to them, took a sideways look at David’s feet on the table and spoke to Jack.
‘We’ve just received new orders from the Germans,’ he said. ‘Here.’
He handed over the sheet, and Jack quickly scanned it, a list written in the official German way, everything ordered and bureaucratic. They had provided a list of groups that were now banned from meeting on the island, mainly those who wore uniforms.
‘The Salvation Army?’ Jack asked, louder than he had meant to.
The sergeant made a movement somewhere between a nod and a shrug, before leaving Jack and David to their discussion.
‘What have the Sallies got to do with any of this?’ Jack asked. ‘They’re harmless.’
‘Must be the uniform.’ David’s legs fell back to earth. ‘For some reason they love and hate uniforms
at the same time. The strange contrary nature of the German Reich. I wonder if they ever really know their own minds, or they just do what they’re told.’
He laughed, but the humour didn’t reach his eyes. There were many things the Germans had banned since taking over the island. Some of them the police had managed avoid enforcing, but this would be difficult as wearing a uniform was obvious to anyone who saw it. If anyone was stupid enough to don their Salvation Army uniform, then the police would be forced to arrest them. He hoped that he was nowhere near when anything like that happened.
‘I wonder how long it will be before they ban us.’ David laughed again, still forcing it. Jack knew that behind the humour there was an even greater sense of worry. Jack felt it too.
‘They need us,’ he said. ‘For now, at least. Who knows what happens when the war is over? Will they incorporate us fully into the Reich?’
David’s laughter stopped abruptly. ‘You really think that?’ His tone was hard, as if he felt betrayed. ‘You think this is going to turn out in their favour and we’ll be brushed aside for their own people?’
‘I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest; there’s too much other stuff going on.’ He was getting good at telling half-truths and wasn’t proud of it. He was more concerned about what might happen to Johanna than what might happen to the police force. ‘But if you think about it, if the war ends with things as they are, then we won’t really be swept aside for their own, we will be their own. We’ll be a part of Germany, German people.’
David didn’t have an answer to that. His eyes narrowed as he looked away in thought. Jack knew that his friend hadn’t really considered that until now. It was a good nine hundred years since the islands had last been conquered. What was to say that they wouldn’t spend the next nine hundred years under German rule? It was a sobering thought.
The German Nurse Page 14