‘Jack. You’re such a romantic.’ She touched his cheek with the palm of her hand. ‘I would love to, more than anything, but we’re not married. People would talk, which would only draw more attention to us. The last thing we want.’
Then there was only one solution. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought about it before. It wasn’t just that his mother hadn’t approved. But now she had had a change of heart.
‘Let’s get married!’ he said, kissing her forehead.
She laughed, and it was like a dagger in Jack’s heart. They hadn’t really known each other that long. What was two years really?
‘We can’t. You know that. Not while our countries are at war! No one will marry us – it’s against the law.’
Jack dropped into a chair, and the padding was not much of a relief. His grand plan had come crashing down around him with the simple application of facts. He warred with the horrible thought that Johanna didn’t actually want to marry him after all and was just humouring him, trying to ease the pain. At the same time, he reminded himself of the look in her eyes when she had said they couldn’t marry. It had hurt her as much as it had hurt him. He had to believe that.
She knelt down at the base of the chair and took his head in her hands again. As she pressed her forehead against his, he could feel the warmth of her breath on his face. ‘I would marry you in a heartbeat,’ she said. ‘If they would let us.’
Then she pulled him closer and kissed him. Her lips were warm on his and he closed his eyes, breathing her in, savouring the moment. Jack would find a solution to their living apart. His mother now would understand well enough to let them, but then he would need to convince Johanna. He hoped he could keep her safe from a distance until that opportunity arose.
Chapter 17
March 1941
The Lyric Cinema was in the centre of St Peter Port, just on New Street a little walk up the hill from the police station. While the Germans had taken away or censored most of their films, they had at least permitted them to continue having live performances on the island. In fact, such performances had grown even more popular since the Germans had occupied the island, and not a day went by without Jack hearing of some new theatre company or performer asking for a licence to perform in the island’s few theatres and venues, or advertising their next show. Johanna had shown some interest in going to the theatre, even before the Germans had come, and since then he had been determined to take her to help take her mind off the occupation.
Johanna was wearing a pretty, light blue dress and her auburn hair had been further curled for her by one of the other nurses at the hospital. Not that Jack thought her hair needed it. He himself had dressed up as best he could with the clothes available to him, complete with jumper to keep away the cold. The cinema itself, being used as a theatre for this performance, sat around five hundred people, and tonight every seat in the house was occupied. It smelt of cigarette smoke and sweat in the dim light. They all needed something to take their minds off the occupation and it seemed that the theatre was the perfect thing. With the curfew and the other new rules, there was really very little else to do on the island, and Johanna wasn’t the only one to complain to Jack about it. It was a wonder there hadn’t been more open displays of dissent, but people were scared.
The performance they were attending was being conducted by the Lyric No.1 Company, established by the owner of the cinema. The repertoire consisted of a variety of acts, some better than others, and all drawn from the local population. Some of them had experience of the show halls and would sing their bawdy song right under the eyes of the German censors, while others played the piano.
It was during a performance of ‘Pack up Your Troubles’, that Johanna shifted uncomfortably next to him, and he let go of her hand. He looked at her to see what was wrong and she scowled back, before taking hold of his hand again. ‘Don’t let go,’ she whispered. Her eyes were wide as if she had seen something that terrified her, and her grip on his hand was firm.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, no longer caring if he disrupted the performance for the nearby audience members. A German had returned to his seat, but rather than returning to where he had sat, he was now sitting closer to Johanna. He nodded at Jack in a friendly manner, but Jack felt Johanna shift again beside him.
‘Let’s go. Come on,’ he said. He no longer cared about the performance. He stood, pushing his way along the row of seats. It was awkward in the dim light of the theatre, and he was sure that he stood on more than one toe. In the aisle Jack put his arm around Johanna and led her from the auditorium and through a heavy curtain. Back in the corridor the air was cooler and fresher, and he could feel Johanna taking deep lungfuls of air. He reassured her with a squeeze and after a few seconds she steadied her breathing. Jack found the nearest exit, pushing through a pair of heavy doors that took them out onto the quiet street.
‘That’s better,’ Johanna said, raising her face to feel the cool evening air.
A couple of the performers stood by the stage door smoking, and they eyed Jack and Johanna warily. ‘Everything all right?’ one of them asked, a younger woman wearing a bright blue dress with her blonde hair curled around her face. She was known around the island for her singing voice, but Jack had never spoken to her. The other had been playing the piano earlier on in the performance. He nodded at Jack in recognition, taking a drag on his cigarette.
Johanna’s eyes widened. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Everything is fine. The performance was lovely. Just too many Germ— We just needed some fresh air. It was too hot in there.’
‘You should try being on stage,’ the girl replied, flashing Johanna a smile before throwing her cigarette on the ground and grinding it out with a heel.
‘Oh yes, maybe one day in the future,’ Johanna said, apparently misunderstanding the other woman’s words. The smile only got wider. It was warm and genuine. She held out her hand to shake Johanna’s.
‘Pleasure to meet you,’ she said, swapping from Johanna to Jack. ‘I’m Annie.’
Jack didn’t need to introduce himself.
‘Say,’ Annie said. ‘If you don’t like that audience, I may know something better suited. We’re having a get-together at the hotel later, after the performance is over. There will be a few people, a little singing, and fewer Germ— Much less hot in there.’ She winked at Johanna, who somehow went an even brighter shade of pink. Jack knew the hotel well; it was near the beach that the French refugees had landed on.
‘You’d both be very welcome. Just pop by and ask for Annie.’
‘I’d love to,’ Johanna replied, before Jack had a chance to think about it. He smiled knowing that he was beaten. He wasn’t going to take this opportunity away from Johanna, even if the thought of a party filled him with dread. It wasn’t that he didn’t welcome the company, but it was another way to put Johanna and himself in harm’s way. If the Germans found out about it, they may look into Johanna’s background.
‘Great,’ Annie replied, clapping her hands together. ‘We’d better get back to the company. But we’ll see you later?’
With that Annie and the silent pianist were gone.
*
Jack and Johanna stood in the hotel reception and listened to the sound of music coming from the lounge. He had never been invited to a party before, at least nothing like this. The senior officers often had parties and social gatherings, and they were usually reserved for the island’s upper classes. Those who owned the hotels or businesses, who always seemed intent on spending their money on gatherings rather than paying their employees. Parties were not the social currency of a lowly police constable such as Jack. No, their place was the pub with friends, and that was usually good enough for him. Except, Johanna would never come to the pub with him and here she was on his arm.
Likewise, he had never had any reason to make use of a hotel before, nor the money to afford one. He could imagine gentlemen sitting in the lounge, sipping drinks and smoking cigars. Only now the gentlemen had eit
her evacuated the island, or found more private locations in which to conduct their drinking. The hotel’s business must be struggling under the Germans, but then they all were. It wasn’t just food that was becoming scarce.
He had hoped that the theatre would cheer Johanna up, but it had only upset her more. Perhaps the party would be better. They were running a risk with the curfew, and Jack was anxious about Johanna. But she had been adamant that she wanted to go. She did not have many friends on the island.
The sound of the party drifted out to them, and Johanna pulled him towards it. There was piano and singing coming from the back lounge. As he opened the door, everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at him. It was like a scene from a nightmare, and he could feel the sweat break out on his brow. There was silence. He knew some of the people in the room and in turn they knew he was a policeman. They must have thought that he had come to stop the party. Either that, or it was because he wasn’t born on the island.
There were a few awkward moments and Jack stood there with Johanna next to him, not knowing what to do. He wanted to turn and walk away, but that would be admitting defeat.
‘Johanna! Jack!’ Annie rushed towards them from behind a group of partiers. She took them by the arm and led them into the room. ‘These are a couple of friends that I invited along. Say hello, everyone.’
The room suddenly burst with noise again as they welcomed the newcomers and someone even said, ‘Hello, everyone.’ There was a round of shaking hands and Jack’s fears were put at ease as everyone smiled at him and the pair of them were invited to have a drink.
‘Now where were we?’ Annie said as she sat down at the piano. ‘Oh yes of course!’
She started playing the keyboard and everyone joined in a rendition of ‘We’re gonna hang out your washing on the Siegfried line!’
Jack didn’t consider himself a singer, but Annie and the others belted out the words with such enjoyment that it was hard not to at least mumble along. Even Johanna was singing by the time they returned to the chorus, and she didn’t know the words. She reached for his hand and their fingers clasped. The room was filled with people of around their own age, including other couples, and it felt good to be amongst them, no longer hiding. Some of them put their fingers above their mouths like a moustache and marched across the room in an exaggerated goose step.
Everyone laughed. It felt good to laugh, to be surrounded by friends.
Jack heard the sound of a door opening and he spun to face the room. Once again the music stopped and everyone stared at a newcomer. The German stood on the edge of the room in the same way Jack had before, uncertain of the partygoers. The song they had been singing would no doubt have upset the man, and Jack could see the disappointment in his eyes. The room had gone silent. Everyone was waiting to see what would happen, to see if the soldier would report them. Jack could hear his own heartbeat. He knew this had been a bad idea, but he had so much wanted to be a part of something, to bring Johanna and himself closer, to have some fun in the monotony of the occupied island. He should have known better. He and Johanna had tried to stay away from the attention of the Germans, but now they had been caught in the firing line.
He looked over to Johanna at the other side of the piano. She was almost shaking where she stood and he tried to get her attention, to reassure her. After a second or two of staring at the German she inclined her head slightly towards Jack. He could see the look in her eyes and his heartbeat increased further. He could feel her edging away from the gathering, so he tried to shake his head without the soldier noticing.
The German still hadn’t said anything, but a smile broke out on his face, washing away the disappointment Jack thought he had seen there before. ‘Good, good,’ he said in heavily accented English, closer to the German word ‘gut’. He crossed the room towards the piano and everyone tensed. ‘Please. Explain to me how to play it.’
He sat down at the piano next to Annie and tested a few of the keys. Apparently satisfied he played a few notes of a tune Jack recognised, but he couldn’t remember where he had heard it before. As soon as it lodged in his memory the German stopped playing. The smile was still wide on his face as he gestured for Annie to show him the song.
‘Please,’ he said again, perhaps struggling with the language. ‘I would like to learn your song.’
Annie played the piano again, this time it was less fluent than before. She played slowly, hitting the odd wrong note as she showed the German the tune. When she sang her voice cracked is if she were on the verge of tears, but the soldier encouraged her with a smile. When she was done, he clapped and looked to the rest of the group to join in. ‘Perhaps now I will show you a German song, yes?’ he said, placing his slender fingers on the keyboard.
Jack felt a tugging at his sleeve. ‘We have to go. Now,’ Johanna whispered in his ear. He didn’t ask why. He placed the glass he had been holding on a table, before carefully following Johanna from the room.
*
He wasn’t sure what he had expected from the party, but it hadn’t been that. These sorts of things were organised deliberately to avoid the prying eyes of the Germans. But Jack was in that strange position, a type of purgatory between being one of the Islanders and, as a policeman, essentially working for the German civil authorities. His fellow Islanders had already decided that he was a lackey for the Germans. He should have known better, but then it was always difficult to see yourself how others saw you. It would take time to convince them that he was on their side, that he was still a good person. If the party was anything to go by, he couldn’t force it, he would just have to take his time. Now that the Germans knew of the party, he didn’t think they would risk going again, but that was up to Johanna.
He held her hand tight as they walked down the street, keeping to the side and out of the way. If they were spotted by any German patrols, he could talk his way out of it, say that he was escorting Johanna to the hospital because she had been taken ill or something else. He practised the lie in his head over and over again, as they walked beside each other in silence. Johanna hadn’t said anything, but he knew what she was thinking. They had come close to danger, closer than they had expected. They would have to be more careful in future, to keep a greater distance between themselves and the Germans. He looked at her as she trudged along beside him, still wearing the dress she had put on especially for their night at the theatre. Her eyes were downcast, not because she was concentrating on her steps, but because her thoughts and worries played on her mind. He stopped for a second, jerking her back a step as their arms extended.
‘What?’ she asked, turning to face him. Her wide eyes looked up to his, bright even in the evening darkness. He could fall into them forever, but he wanted to take away the pain he saw there, give her reason to smile again.
‘Everything will be all right. I promise you.’ He pulled her to him, putting his arms around her back.
‘Oh, Jack. You’re sweet, but how can you possibly know that? So much has changed in the past few months. The other Islanders are already accepting the occupiers as their friends. Things will only get worse.’
‘I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise. Whatever happens, I will protect you. Even if it means sacrificing myself for you.’
‘I don’t want you to do that.’ Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, bulging before spilling down her cheeks.
‘I don’t care,’ he said, placing a hand behind her head and pulling her closer still. She didn’t resist as he kissed her and it felt good to finally take charge of the situation. He had wanted to feel the warmth of her lips all evening. He never wanted it to end. They were safe there in that single grain of time, lost together in the moment.
There was the roar of an engine as a car came around the corner, and Jack stilled. He could only make out the car by the reflection of the moon. It took an age to reach them as the pitch of the engine rose. The dimmed headlamps bounced around as the surface of the road took the vehicle ove
r bumps and it progressed up the hill. Jack practised his story internally as he readied himself to tell the soldiers what they were doing out after curfew. He fingered his police identification in his pocket as the car finally reached where they stood by the road, but rather than slowing down it sped up past them, forcing them to fall back into the gutter.
Jack lay there on the ground, muddied and bruised, laughing at their luck at not being seen, while Johanna cursed. She had landed on top of him, so had at least missed the mud. His laughter subsided as they helped each other up. They wouldn’t be as lucky next time.
Chapter 18
16 March 1941
A few days later, Jack had only managed to see Johanna once since the evening of the party. She was still disappointed at how it had ended, a rare moment to spend time with friends. Jack had suggested they try again, but since then she had been busy with work. He had invited her to the cinema, but she had flat-out refused. Jack had decided he would see what it was like for himself, which is why he found himself approaching the Gaumont Theatre, on St Julian’s Avenue. He had a rare night shift off while Johanna was busy working, so it made sense to use the time. At first she had told him not to go, but when he had explained that he just wanted to see it with his own eyes, she had relented.
The Gaumont, a typical whitewashed building, was now decked out in all the signs of the German occupation. Red flags hung down above the main entrance with the German Hooked Cross in pride of place, and a large golden eagle was stationed over the entrance. The signage had been changed from English to German, including the name of the film currently being shown. Jud Süß. Süss the Jew.
The occupying Germans had made sure that the cinema was a spectacle, to remind the Islanders that Guernsey was part of the Führer’s Reich. Jack doubted they would continue to get access to films from the mainland. Every film that was played had to be certified by the German culture representative, to make sure that there was nothing anti-German in the films. Some of Jack’s favourites had been excluded for what seemed like officious reasons. They had even at one point banned the Islanders from booing the films, but had changed their minds when they had stopped attending the cinemas. Now they were permitted to clap and applaud.
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