She's afraid. Ava's afraid. Why is she...?
Then she threw all of her weight back, dragging him down on top of her onto the bed, and just then, the door crashed open, the latch broken.
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chapter 19
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When Ava heard the sound of heavy feet on the stairs, when she heard the angry voices of the men who were coming for her, she felt a calm drop down on her, like a light and woven shawl dropping over her head.
They are going to kill me.
It wasn't even a fear; it was a fact. There were too many of them, and there was no real way out of the room. They were going to hang her if she was lucky, do worse things to her before that if she wasn't. Hanging was a common fate for raiders in the Highlands, when the milk and meat that a cow could produce might be the difference between life and death through a harsh winter. It was something that Ava had always known might happen to her, and now that the time had come, she was curiously accepting.
Then, with a shiver of absolute terror, she realized she wouldn't be the only one who died. Nicholas was already turning toward the men approaching, a look of protective rage on his face. He would die defending her, and she couldn't bear that.
Ava knew only that the men were looking for Ava Blair. So that meant that if they were to survive this, she couldn't be Ava Blair, who was as thick as an oak and probably ate good men for breakfast.
She lunged up, and acting on instinct, she wrapped her arms around Nicholas. He swore in surprise, half-turning to her. If he were actually steady on his feet instead of reaching for a sword that would not protect either of them, she never would have been able to move him. Instead, she threw herself backward, and she wrapped herself around him like a limpet as they fell.
Nicholas managed to throw his arm out and to brace himself so that his full weight didn't fall on her. If the situation weren't so dire, the expression of surprise on his face would have made her laugh. Then the door burst off its hinges, and Ava filled her lungs and screamed as loudly as she could.
There was a moment when she thought the drunken fury of the men wouldn't be abated, and they would surge forward to do their bloody work anyway. A kind of savagery walked the land when battle was so close. If she had heard of a drunk pack of soldiers bursting in on an innocent couple and killing them out of a case of mistaken identity, she would have been distressed but not surprised.
Her scream tapered off into panicked sobs, and the men froze in the door.
Ava knew what they saw. There was a pale-limbed woman with her shift kicked up to her hips, and a naked man held between her legs. As fast as she had moved, there was absolutely no time for modesty, and there would be no question as to what the married couple in the top of the inn were doing.
She buried her face in Nicholas's bare chest, figuring that she could hide her face as well as keep Nicholas from bounding off the bed. Even as naked as the day he was born, she had the idea that he might simply lunge at the men with a drawn sword.
He would definitely kill some of them, but they would also almost certainly kill him. I couldn't take that.
She sobbed noisily into Nicholas's chest, and as she did, she held on to him. Nicholas struggled against her limbs for a moment. She had a terrible thought that she would not be able to hold him, and then his hand came down to cup the back of her head in a gesture that was fiercely protective.
Instead of attacking and getting them both killed, Nicholas turned his head toward the men in the door and swore at them, his voice a deep bellow, and as she had noted before, his accent lost in the fury and venom of his rage.
With her face buried in his chest, she couldn't see when the men shuffled and then, amidst sodden mumbled apologies, made their way back down the stairs. It wasn't until their steps had faded to nothing that Ava relaxed enough to release Nicholas, her arms burning with the ache of holding him so very close.
“Oh, blessed Heaven,” she murmured, flopping onto her back.
Nicholas was out of the bed the instant she released him, and for a moment, he looked utterly forlorn with no one to fight. Then he growled and went to the door, closing it and scowling at the latch.
“Broken for good until they can bring a tinker up,” he growled.
He dragged the heavy table by the narrow window over, wedging it against the door. It might not stand up to a spirited assault, but at least they would be warned if someone tried to come in again.
Ava watched him from the bed, and he turned to her, that same rage still on his face.
“Those men were going to—”
“Yes. And you were going to get us both killed. Hopefully, you can take a little humiliation in the name of keeping us both alive.”
Before Nicholas could answer her, there was another tread on the stair, more hesitant and nervous, and Ava waved her hand to make him quiet again.
They were both tensed until they heard the innkeeper's tentative call. Then Ava had to affect a tremulous, near hysterical sob. She was apparently convincing enough that they were not to be charged for their stay or their food, and of course, they would not be disturbed for the rest of the night.
Ava sighed with relief, and she turned to Nicholas, who had his trews on and his drawn sword in his hand. The ferocious look on his face faded when the last steps disappeared down the stairs.
“Put that away,” Ava said with a sigh. “If you can sleep, we should. Even if they're hangdog and embarrassed, I want to be off early enough so we don't run into that lot again on our way out tomorrow.”
Nicholas hesitated, and then nodded. Neither of them stripped to the skin, but they came back to the bed together, hesitating for a moment before curling down under the covers together.
Ava was close to drifting off when Nicholas spoke.
“I don't care about the humiliation.”
“Hm?”
“When the men burst in. If it kept you safe... that's all that I care about.”
Nicholas's arm came around her waist, drawing her closer. It felt good, so good, and Ava couldn't help sighing. She could feel a dim flicker of that desire that they had shared the night before wake up, but she was so tired, tired to her bones.
The desire that brought her to Nicholas and him to her was as strong as an iron chain, but for the moment, she decided not to worry about it. It was what it was, and she needed to sleep.
Ava made a soft sound so that Nicholas would know that she had heard him, and then she drifted off into a deep sleep.
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chapter 20
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Nicholas was happy, and that was how he knew he was dreaming. In the dream, there was no failure, no lost home, no family he had allowed to slip through his fingers like sand. He was warm, and full, and he was following Ava through a forest lit up with green fireflies.
She had him by the hand, and he was enchanted to see that the glowing insects had come to hover around her head like a gleaming crown.
She should have a crown. I would follow her to the end of the world if she were my queen.
Her pace quickened until they were almost running, and finally, Nicholas had to pull his hand from hers.
"Ava! Stop, please. What's happening, where are we going?"
"We're not running to; we're running from," she said.
Ava turned, and he felt something almost like a physical pain in his chest as he saw that her eyes were filled with tears. He wanted to kill anyone who had made her look so very grieved, but he could tell that this was something that had struck her from within, some old wound that never healed.
"Ava..."
"What?"
Nicholas opened his eyes, and when he saw Ava lying next to him, her head pillowed on his arm, he felt a deep sense of rightness and relief. She wasn't crying; that was in his dream. She was here, she was whole, and he couldn't resist leaning in to kiss her.
It wa
s different from the kisses they had shared before. There was passion in it. There always would be, he suspected, but he thought that there was something else to it as well. He needed to kiss her like an oak tree needed sunlight. He wanted to see if she was all right, he wanted to be close with her, to confirm for himself that their luck last night hadn't been a dream.
The kiss was perfect and warm, and for the moment, he could ignore the heat that it sparked in him. This close, he could read her body like tracing his fingers along the marks in a standing stone. The tension that shivered through her told him that he was certainly not alone in his arousal and need. Whatever else Nicholas had thought about the single night that they shared together, he knew she had taken pleasure from it as well. She needed him even as he needed her, and at the bottom of all of it, they both knew that they couldn't tumble down those depths.
Ava pulled away first.
"No," she said, her voice ragged, but her eyes clear.
Nicholas nodded, pulling back, and then frowned at the light that was streaming into the room.
"It's a while past dawn, isn't it? You should have wakened me."
She made a face.
"I overslept, too. I guess they killed the rooster to help feed that lot last night. I woke up to the men moving below, and if it's all the same to you, I would rather just wait them out and see them gone. The innkeeper was so regretful about everything that I figure he won't kick us out anytime soon. Do you mind?"
"Staying in a proper bed while we wait out the vicious men who wanted to kill you? No, I don't mind, unless there's a way I can kill at least a few of them on the way out."
Ava laughed, and Nicholas marveled at the fact that there was nothing bitter or ragged in her voice. The fright of the night that had come before seemed to be entirely gone now. Without thinking, Nicholas reached forward to brush a strand of hair out of her face, and to his surprise, she allowed him to do so.
"You really are very beautiful, you know," he said softly. "No one who looks at you would think you were some mountain hag."
She blew an irritated puff of air between her lips, making the strand of hair fly up before settling again.
"Why do you persist on saying such a thing as if it matters at all? Do you think good looks are going to help me get a pair of prize bulls down a deep ravine?"
"I know it won't—"
"Those men," she snorted. "If they find themselves beaten by a woman in any way, then surely, she must be a monster."
Nicholas made a face, because there was more truth in her words than not. Before he could add anything to that, however, Ava tilted her head to look at him curiously.
"So, why do you keep telling me that I'm beautiful, as if it matters? I know that I am not."
"And I know that you are. And I do not know why you will not see it."
"And what should I do with this beauty if I do have it? Name me one thing it will help me do."
"You are not some dried-up hag who needs to stay in the wild because she has no family or home," Nicholas said. "Even with your hair so short, I am sure that you could walk into any village and make a few conquests. You could have a husband and children."
Ava laughed, and Nicholas mused for a moment over the sudden and unbelievably strong feeling of rage that came over him at the idea of Ava going into a village and finding some kind man who would give her a home and children.
"Aye, and pity the good man who gets stuck with me. No, truly. I think a decent man, like a few of the ones I have known, like you, are few and far between. More likely, I would find a man who might not beat me, but he would surely believe that he was my master and that his will should be the truth regardless of what the truth actually is. Can you imagine what I would do to a man like that?"
"You would kill him," Nicholas said with a wince.
She nodded.
"Or I might not. If I had decided that there was only that one path for me, I might bow my head and accept him. And perhaps that would last long enough for him to get me with child, and then, when I finally did work up the nerve to kill him or to leave, there would be one more little motherless child on the mountain."
There was a thread of something sharp and sad in her voice then, something that made Nicholas feel a deep and sympathetic ache in his chest, but she shook her head.
"Better by far for me and my family that I do what I do. What I don't understand is why you do what you do."
Nicholas sat up, letting the blankets pool around his waist. He looked at her curiously.
"What do I do?"
"You're here and not trying to get your lands back in England."
He shrugged.
"The fight will keep. Sometime, I will go back to England. My family had some friends there, perhaps they can help me. I have been living on my own terms for a long time. I will not die before I get it back. Possibly I will get more, given the fact that I was a hostage in France. Longshanks considers that above and beyond the call of duty."
"But you cannot think that that is normal. Even most Highland lairds would be baying after their rights rather than... well, wending their way through the mountains to find one little girl who might be years in her grave."
Nicholas couldn't help flinching at that, even if it was probably the truth. if he were going to be honest with himself, it was even likely the truth. It didn't mean he wanted to hear it.
"It's not exactly like that," he said.
Ava leaned in closer.
"What is it like, then? What hold does your family have over you that would drive you to such lengths?"
"It is not a hold, it's..."
He hesitated. There were plenty of knights who pursued the courtly arts, even in this age of warfare and battle. Some of the knights he knew could recite poetry or compose it, something that had always left him at least a little in awe. He was nothing like that. He was a warrior, and words had never been his strongest suit. Now, though, he wanted to try to explain it to Ava, who, for a miracle, was waiting to hear what he had to say.
Impulsively, Nicholas reached down to hold her hand. The touch was light, but there was an intimacy to it that he had not expected at all. For a moment, he thought that Ava would shake him off, but after a moment, the tension drained away and her hand relaxed in his. They might have been an ordinary crofter couple, stealing a few moments before needing to be up and after the endless round of chores that would keep them fed and warm through the long Highland winter
"It's like... all my life, I have been whole. I never needed to think about my... wholeness because what else was there in all the world? I was as I was, and nothing changed. Then I was taken prisoner in France, and everything changed. When I was chained up, I realized that there was, after all, an emptiness inside me. I was far away from where I came from, and I missed my family. So much. Sometimes, I wondered why I had come to that place, that dungeon with the shouts of madmen and men in pain all around me. I realized that everything I had done, whether I knew it or not, was for my family."
"I would think that might make me hate them rather than want to return to them."
Nicholas laughed a little.
"Perhaps my feelings at times were a little mixed. But by and large, what got me through that time was the thought that sometime, perhaps sooner, perhaps later, perhaps after I had died, I would be made whole again."
"And that helped you?"
"It did. There were nights in that prison where I thought it might be better if I died, but then I thought that might make the emptiness in them, my sister, my little niece, worse. And I couldn't bear that. So, I fought and waited and survived, and I came home."
"And found them gone."
Nicholas knew that she didn't think he would ever find the last remnant of his family. The odds were against him in every way that mattered. That he had gotten even this far was a miracle.
“I did. But now you know why I am still looking. Not because of guilt or fear.”
“But because of hope,” Ava said softly.
There was something in her eyes for a moment, something that moved fast and was gone before he could even properly see it. Her mouth smiled, but he wondered if there was something sad in her gaze. He hesitated, but when the thought occurred, he had to speak it.
“Ava... when you think of your family...”
Her face closed like a door, and she sat up, shaking her head.
“I was hollow, and they filled me with poison,” she said, and she turned away.
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chapter 21
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Once they were out of the empty inn, after collecting the innkeeper's apologies and a generous portion of supplies she thought would see them to the coast, Ava felt as if she could breathe again. Reluctantly, she was wearing skirts and a white cloth to hide her short hair. It wasn't a huge sacrifice because her own clothes were filthy rags, but it was strange to be roaming the world in a gown instead of her trews and tunic.
“You can still fight and kick if you need to,” Nicholas said.
She gave him a sharp look.
“Then you can wear this lot.”
He had the grace to be quiet after that, even if there was a small gleam of humor in the corner of his eye.
After the downpour the night before, the sky was beautifully, almost painfully clear, and they were riding double on Cobie. He recovered from his fright the day before and was good spirits.
By contrast, however, Ava found her thoughts turning strangely dark. Last night had left a strange mark on her, something she couldn't quite shake off. She almost never found herself so helpless, but more than that, she had come to realize that she had been far more panicked about harm coming to Nicholas than she was to herself.
That's not like me at all. If I were someone who thought more about others than I thought about myself, I'd be dead a thousand times over.
She had been called monstrous and selfish for over half her life. Ava supposed that once upon a time, it had bothered her. It stopped bothering her when she decided that if it allowed her to live as she wished to do, to defend herself from those who would harm her, she would be all right with it.
The Highlander’s Promise (The Highlands Warring Scottish Romance) (A Medieval Historical Romance Book) Page 10