by Jody Kaye
With the baby in her arms, Aidy comes over to the bed. She takes the half-folded paper from me, lying O on my chest.
“Kimber hates it when Trig does this.” I wrap my arm over Owen, repeating one of the first things I ever said to Aidy.
She leans against the pillow and her fingertip traces the bumps of my knuckles. It’s only then I notice they’re bruised with tiny scratches.
“Was it tonight?” Her expression is unreadable.
I lick my lips, unsure of how to respond, but I promised Aidy I’d be upfront. “He abused women. You weren’t the first. You weren’t the only one he assaulted.”
“I know. I’ve seen the news.” She rubs Owen’s back as his eyes flutter shut. “I was so caught up in what he did to me, considering he’d done it before or would again took too much energy. I lacked the strength. Part of me wishes I could have stopped it without anyone else getting hurt… Her, my parents, you.”
“Self-preservation isn’t selfish. What was Sloan’s advice: It doesn’t matter what other people think, you heal doing what’s best for you? You don’t owe anyone your story, Sweet Pea. You owe it to yourself to understand not everyone fights the same way.
“No one is one hundred percent in control of their own life. You can work your ass off to make yourself a better person, and someone else will exploit your weakness and use it to tear you down. At the lowest point, you have three choices; be your own hero, ask for help or wallow in the power held over you. In my book, only the last one is defeatist. If you want to come forward now, I’ll stand by your side.”
“And if I don’t?”
“I’ll stand by your side.”
“What if I did, and it comes out that you’d planned all along to hurt Brandon?” She waffles.
“Even then, the decision is up to you.”
Aidy inhales a calming breath. “I know it won’t change the past, but I feel like there’s a way for me to fight the battle, be more of a silent warrior.”
We watch Owen sleep for a few minutes and I get the impression Aidy has known all evening. She’s been quietly supporting me and her intent on making me hold her baby brother was a reminder of all that is good and innocent in this world.
“You want kids, Aidy?” I sit up, cradling him like a newborn, even though Owen’s too big now to do the thing where he curls himself into a ball.
“Someday.” She runs her palm over his soft red hair.
I want to ask her if she wants to have my kids, but it’s a little too presumptuous and even sharing a bed, we’re not there yet.
“When I do, I want them to sleep like this. Certain everyone around them wants nothing but the best for them.”
I get it. I want that too and always have.
I carry him back to his nursery so Aidy can get ready for bed and snag a spare monitor from the charging station on the way back to the third floor. She’s between the sheets and the lights are dimmed when I get back to our room. I take off my pants, lying on my back to work out the knots in my spine. Her leg curls over mine and I slide my hand up over her hip, aware of her nakedness.
Aidy straddles my waist, taking down her messy top knot. Lilac waves fall to her shoulders. I move one that’s caressing her creamy white breast so I can do it instead.
“I want you, Morgan.” She leans forward, kissing me.
“Are you sure about this, Sweet Pea?” I don’t want her to regret this.
Her pebbled nipples graze against my chest. Aidy’s teeth scrape my lip as she pulls away. She pushes up to her knees and pushes down my boxers, freeing my dick. She fists it, stroking me. Although, I’m not sure I could be harder or more ready for the girl who wants to give all of herself to me.
It’s important she’s in charge, makes her own choices, and has the ability to tell me if she’s changed her mind.
“I don’t have any condoms.” I hadn’t wanted Aidy to find them when we were moving her in and have it put any pressure on her.
“We’d have to get special ones anyway. My tests have all come back clean. I’m on the pill.”
I nod and swallow. I’ve seen the pill pack in her cosmetic bag but figured her reasons for being on it weren’t any of my business.
She bites her lip, hesitating as she lines me up. I lift my hand, cupping her cheek.
“Only if you want to, Aidy. It can be tomorrow. A week from now. A year even. I’ll wait.”
Once she decides I’m the one for her, I’m not letting her go. She’s dooming me to forever. Her life can go on without me, but if she ever leaves me, mine won’t. I’ll pine for eternity for the woman who healed her wounds and mine, reminded me of what I could have had. I won’t be able to put myself back together a third time.
My fingers pinch into her thigh, stopping any further movement. About to plunge into her sweet heat, my dick has never hated me more. But I have to tell her the words she needs to hear. And not because I’m an ass who desperately wants Aidy. My feelings are genuine. “I love you.”
She closes her eyes, licking her lower lip, and sinks down. My impatient cock thrusts up twice, filling her before stilling so she can adjust.
Aidy’s lips part. “Oh, God, Morgan.” She pants, planting her hands on my chest.
I’m about to tell her we don’t have to go any further when her hips begin a slow rock. I let her rise and fall, figuring out what feels best, before pulling her closer. We’re chest to chest. With two hands, I hold her hips steady as she grinds her clit against the base of my dick.
Aidy lets out a strangled sound as she comes. Her body quickens, tightening against my cock the way she has around my fingers, and I’m in ecstasy.
“Let go. No one can hear you. Take from me, Aidy.” Take all of me and don’t ever leave.
Her whimpers get louder and her pussy has me in a vice. It takes every ounce of self-control fighting off the urge to chase her orgasm with mine. She lifts so her forehead rests between my pecs. Our bodies have stilled. She plants breathy kisses at my sternum before sitting back up. I watch her hands trail up her body, squeezing her breast before tangling in her hair. Aidy’s head lolls back with a moan. I feel each tremor at my tip and want to explore all the ways to bring her pleasure.
This woman is better suited to a life other than the one I lead and am asking her to compromise for. But I’ll give her the wide sky if only one day she’ll tell me I mean anything to her.
“You ready for more?” I ask.
There’s more?
Logically, I know this. I’ve gotten Morgan off after he’s taken care of me. I know he’s not done. But my brain is so slow on the uptake after an orgasm I felt in my toes. The idea of a second one isn’t part of my reality. It’s a fallacy the way some of my chattier girlfriends had said they got off multiple times and others bitched a guy got their rocks off, leaving them unfulfilled.
In my mind, those events evened out. I’d get one and Morgan would. Slap your hands together, sex and orgasms were done.
I’ve been so fucking naive about what I’d like in bed. It shouldn’t be a surprise when Morgan offers to take care of me again. Yet, I’m dumbfounded.
“Aidy, you wanna be done?”
I blink a few times as Morgan’s knuckle slides down my bare stomach. He has a loose grip on my waist.
“No,” I say as it sinks in he’d let me get my rocks off and leave him hanging.
“What do you want?”
“I want to feel you come inside me.” I blurt out.
His dick twitches and Morgan shifts in me. The new and unusual sensations aren’t foreign. They feel natural and it’s odd. I’m wondering why I was ever intrepid about sex back before. I push those beliefs away, but have second thoughts as to why being with Morgan makes it so easy to forget. Do I make Morgan forget the awful things done to him too?
He sits up, bringing my body along with his, and tilts my chin so we’re looking into each other’s eyes.
“It’s just us. We’re safe. I am. You are. This is our moment.”
There’s pain behind the mask of protection Morgan wears. He stays strong for me. He makes me stronger. I won’t let him regret laying his heart on the line.
“I love you.” I do. I love this man and how considerate he is of me when the world has taught him that few will be as mindful of his needs. I love his inner strength and that he allowed himself to bare his secret to me. I’m grateful to be the one with him, experiencing this right now.
The ugliness of our pasts fades to the background, while we indulge in touching one another. I stay on top, meeting Morgan’s fluid strokes until they become short thrusts and his hands tighten on my hips. The agony on his face is beautiful as he tries to restrain himself. I slink my fingers between the sheets and his skin, grabbing his ass and pulling him deeper.
The action was meant for Morgan, but my body quivers. The way Morgan pushes inside of me builds an insane pleasure as he thickens. I let out a scream of filthy words, pleading for him to keep fucking me when he holds me to him. I feel his release in my core as he empties himself inside of me. The unexpected power of his release allows my inexperience to seep back in.
I curl against Morgan’s warm chest. Dampness seeps from inside of me and I turn my head as tears trail down my cheeks. I’m more confused than worried I’ll get pregnant. Making love didn’t feel the way I thought it would. Sex is supposed to be painful. I should feel a sting, a burn. Not a horror story, but I expected some discomfort. Your first time is awkward, right?
It’s not my first time.
“Tell me I didn’t hurt you, Aidy.”
“It should have been you.” My heart shatters into a thousand pieces and all I can do is cry. The way Morgan touched me was so tender. There is no doubt in my mind he’d never hurt me. Morgan loves me the way I needed to be loved when this finally happened.
“It was me.” It’s said with conviction. “In every way that matters, Aidy, it was me. I don’t deserve this, but I’ll cherish it because this was the way you wanted it to be. The way I wanted it to be for you. And the way it always will be whenever we’re together. I love you. All I want to do is show you I’m a decent man and protect you in any and every way possible. I don’t deserve having you sleep in my bed, but I want it so badly.”
Morgan rolls me onto my side, brushing my hair away from my face. My lip wobbles and I smile through tears at his admission.
“There are times I’ll fail you, Sweet Pea. But let me try to make amends.” His voice is washed with remorse. My hand cups the cuts on his knuckles, cradling his palm to my cheek.
Morgan will do anything to prove he loves me. Repair the damage someone else inflicted. But it’s also apparent feelings about his own worth are woven into his actions.
“I’ll always want to fix any problems we have,” he says in the same quiet manner that he’s used with me for months.
I nod because so much of it he already has. Morgan pulls me close. His soft lips touch my forehead and the monsters in the dark disappear.
We wake to Hailey’s voice in the crackling over the baby monitor.
The sun is up. I go to move out from under the blankets and find my clothes. Morgan drags me back, caressing my bare skin the way he had during those lingering touches before we fell asleep. When Hay says something about finding Owen his bottle and not disturbing the rest of the house, Morgan takes this as an invitation to keep me close to him longer.
He slides his body over mine, nipping my bottom lip and trailing kisses down my chest. I tent one knee and it’s just enough access for his hardness to ease against my core, reminding me of what we’d done in the wee hours of the morning.
The corner of Morgan’s mouth twitches when I writhe underneath him. A cocky look for sure, but he’s not so sure of my answer that he doesn’t ask permission before we make love again.
I almost feel guilty for leaving Hailey with the baby. Then my toes curl and I realize the next time Morgan and I will be alone together, Hailey will be back at the mill and we’ll be solely responsible.
I start giggling.
“Love your laugh, but not the reaction I was going for, Sweet Pea.” Morgan’s scruff brushes my neck.
“I was just thinking Hay is making up for not telling me who she was.”
“Should I be making up for that?” he pushes inside of me.
“Ohh, I think you are.” I dig my nails into his ass.
Morgan groans, “We fit so damn perfect.”
I want to make fun of him for the cheesy line, but all I can do is agree. Waking up like this is perfect.
Morgan eventually lets go of me long enough that I can use the bathroom and make myself presentable.
Jasper and Hailey are in the living room, dressed, and ready to go. Luckily, so is Owen, since Hay knows where all of his stuff is.
Famished, we take off for a retro diner and stuff our faces with amazing greasy-spoon specialties. O flirts with the waitresses. After the third one stops by to refill our coffee, intending to tell us how adorable he is, I stop explaining he’s my brother. It doesn’t matter anyway, and Owen still squeals “Aiy” when he wants my attention. He has a mom and I’m certain over the next few years, Morgan and I will be as active raising him as we are now. I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but it’s good practice for when we’re ready.
Morgan gives me a wipe to clean Owen’s chin as he asks Jasper if they want to join us for a road trip to the beach.
“You’re kidding, right?” Jasper wraps his arm around Hay as she mock-shivers. “On January first?”
“Why the hell not?”
“Cuz it’s cold!”
“The sun’s out.”
“Hard pass.” Hailey pounds the proverbial gavel, rendering a decision, while tickling O’s cheek. “I’m bushed anyhow.”
We let the subject drop before saying our goodbyes in the parking lot and buckling Owen into his car seat in the back of my car.
“I’m hoping his big breakfast keeps him satisfied on the drive,” I say.
“Most of it wound up on the floor, but he’ll probably conk out on the way there. You should too.”
“What about you?”
“I’m fine, Sweet Pea. I need the drive and to be there with you today. I’ll snag a soda when I fill up at the gas station and nap when we get home.” He interlaces our fingers, pressing a kiss to the back of my hand.
I’m not surprised when we get there that we have the beach to ourselves. We stay farther away from the water and I scatter sand toys for Owen to play with next to our blanket.
He sees Morgan take his shoes off and makes me take his off too. Morgan buries and reburies O’s toes, and Owen giggles so hard each time he pulls them out of the sand that he nearly topples over. Morgan shoots a broad grin, looking between my brother and I.
“What?” I ask when I can breathe.
“Nothing I’m ready to tell you yet.” He winks. “All you have to remember is I’ve got everything I need right here.”
I brush sand out of my brother’s red hair. “Can I ask you a question, Morgan? Did you mean it when you said last night that that if I changed my mind, and wanted to contact the police about Brandon, you’d stand by me?”
“Why, Sweet Pea? Is that what you want to do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
I have to admit there’s a small part of me that’s wanted Brandon to get his due outside of a courtroom. I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t thought of the worst scenarios while enduring my grief. In my anger, I’d wanted to be the type of person who could plow him down with a car and not have a single regret. But I’m not and won’t ever be.
What Morgan did last tonight—or maybe still is planning to do—compromises the principles of the Morgan had who plead guilty. He’s changed. Reformed. Although, I’m certain it’s not the definition of the term or what the law intended when they placed him in a penitentiary. Despite this, I think I’ve fallen for a better man than the one he’d have become had he never endured these past few years.
Fears this man wants to set at ease. We understand one another on a deeper level, keeping our secrets from the most important people in our lives so they don’t have to endure our pain.
“Then what made you think of it now?”
“You mentioned I had three choices. I might be greedy and take all of them.”
“How so?”
“The way I figure, the first day we came to the beach, I’d decided not to wallow. I’ve acknowledged and found help with Sloan and going to group. And you want to be my hero, which I understand, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be heroic myself.”
“You don’t think you have been all this time? What we’ve been through isn’t easy.”
“I know.” I huff and smile, looking out over the water as the waves break. Like a boat on the ocean, there’s something else out there. Something I’m not seeing yet. A way for me to make a difference while protecting our privacy.
“I love you,” I whisper, hoping to prove to myself this ordeal has somehow created a better version of me too.
I’m lingering in bed later than usual for a weekend morning. My eyes are closed and I’m listening to cars drive down the street. Morgan’s left the windows open so we get some fresh spring air. The neighborhood is louder than normal yet, it’s still tranquil.
I wiggle my toes under the covers, thinking about calling in sick and taking a road trip to the beach. I have a shift this afternoon at the Baked Beans village location in downtown Brighton, where I began working a few evenings a week after the spring semester started last year. It kept me busy while Morgan stayed on at Sweet Caroline’s and I didn’t feel as dependent on anyone for cash. He’s not taking shifts anymore unless Kimber is short-handed. Cece graduated and, true to his word, Morgan kept his job at the club for as long as she needed him.