“He is going to be fine.”
“Of course he will be.”
“They are considering bringing him out of the coma since the swelling has reduced so much. Allow him to wake on his own.”
“That’s good news.”
“It is,” I agreed. “Why are you here, Richard?”
He sighed. “I don’t know if you know this, Dee, but I spoke with Maddox when all that shit was going down. We got pretty tight. I’ve been very concerned about what happened after I heard the news, so Katy told me to come and see for myself. I was driving her crazy with worrying.”
I joined him at the end of the bed and patted his hand. “That is incredibly kind. Maddox told me about what you did. I know you talked some sense into him.”
“I think he would have come to the same conclusion on his own. I helped get him there a little faster is all.” He lowered his voice. “They got her?”
“Yes. They grabbed her before she boarded a flight later that morning. She had been here for a while watching Maddox. Planning this. She thought no one would find out. Her plan had been to hit him, drive away, and no one be the wiser.”
“I think she needs to stick to acting, because she’s a shit criminal, as well as a shit human.”
His words made me smile.
“The only place she’ll be acting is in a prisoner drama club. She’s facing charges of attempted murder. They have an eyewitness, her signature on the rental car paperwork, and the dent she put in the car when she hit Maddox. Plus, she was so out of it, she sang like a bird, then claimed coercion. She is crazy.” I curled my hands in anger. “I hope she rots in prison.”
“I think she sealed the deal.”
I nodded in agreement.
“How are you holding up?”
“I’m fine.”
He chuckled and gave me a fast, one-armed hug. “I learned early on in my relationship with Katy that ‘I’m fine’ means the complete opposite.”
“I’m holding up then.”
“Better, but I still think you’re sugarcoating it. Are you sleeping?”
“Not much.”
“Not eating either, I would say.”
“I’m doing the best I can.”
He sighed. “Okay, I get it. You want me to mind my own business. I’ll let you push me away for now. Why don’t you go for a walk and get some fresh air? It’s a nice day, and you need the break. I’ll sit with him.”
I glanced out the window. The sun was out for a change, and I hadn’t been outside during the day since this happened.
“He’ll be fine, Dee. I’ll show him pictures of my wife and kids until he’s so bored he wakes up and tells me to shut my mouth.”
Again, he made me smile.
“Okay. A short one.”
“Nope. I don’t want to see you here for a couple of hours. Take a walk, get some food. It will do you good.” He pointed to Maddox. “He’s going to need you more than ever when he wakes up. So you need to look after yourself.” He sat down beside Maddox. “Now go.”
I grabbed my purse and sweater, looking over my shoulder. Richard was leaning close to Maddox, talking.
“Dude, you landed in garbage and still managed to hit your head? I am going to hold that over your snooty ass when you come around. You in a pile of garbage—something I never thought I’d see.”
I had to shake my head. Aiden and Bentley had been doing the same thing. Teasing him relentlessly. I knew it was how they kept their spirits up and the complexity of their relationship intact. They laughed, teased, and kept it light.
It was how they dealt because they couldn’t handle it otherwise.
It showed me how much Richard VanRyan cared.
I slipped away, knowing Maddox was in good hands.
After picking at a sandwich, I wandered outside and sat on a bench in the sun, enjoying the fresh air. I let the sounds fade away, concentrating on my breathing.
In, out, in, out. Slow and deep—the same way I did when I sat by Maddox.
“Dee?”
I glanced up, startled at the sound of my name, blank for a moment until recognition set in.
“Lori!”
I stood and hugged my old therapist. She stepped back, holding my arms.
“How are you?”
Before I could respond, she frowned. “Why are you at the hospital? Are you okay? Is Cami?”
My chin quivered, but I hastened to assure her we were both fine.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “This isn’t where you used to work.”
“I do a couple of days a week here, plus my office hours, now.”
“Oh.”
She studied me. “Are you sure you’re okay, Dee?”
Something in her voice broke me, and I covered my face with my hands, trying to hide my tears.
“Okay,” she soothed. “Come with me.”
“No, really, I’m fine.”
She tugged my hand. “What did I always tell you during our sessions, Dee? No bullshit. Let’s go.”
I didn’t argue.
Once we were in her office, we sat down in familiar fashion. She was in a straight-backed chair, with tall arms, where she preferred to balance her notebook. I sat in a large, deep armchair that surrounded me, the plushness putting me at ease so our timed session flowed.
But today, there was no notebook and no clock—simply two women talking.
“Tell me,” she urged.
That was all it took. I broke and told her everything. How Emmy met Bentley, Cami married Aiden, my feelings of loss. Maddox. My confusion. My guilt. The fear that I did love him but couldn’t risk the same behavior as my mother and lose myself. I talked for over forty minutes, and not once did she interrupt me or say anything. She handed me tissues and otherwise listened. When I finally stopped talking, she bent forward, crossed her legs, and leaned on her elbows, staring at me.
“Holy shit.”
For some reason, I started to laugh at her declaration.
She shook her head. “How has your head not exploded, Dee?”
I wiped my eyes and shrugged my shoulders.
She leaned back and huffed out a huge breath of air. “Okay, I only have a little while left before I have to go, so I’m going to put this in a nutshell for you.”
“All right.”
“First, you never should have stopped therapy.”
“But I was off the antidepressants and doing so well!”
“You were on the road, Dee, but the journey wasn’t complete. I told you then you weren’t ready, but you didn’t listen.” She narrowed her eyes. “You never told anyone you were in therapy. You hid it as if it were something shameful. Without support, we can never truly heal.”
I gnawed at my thumb, her words soaking into my befuddled brain. She was right. I had been ashamed I needed therapy. To admit it meant I was like my mother.
“Still abusing your thumb, I see.” She tapped my hand. “And no, you are not like your mother, and I’m going to tell you why.”
I pulled my thumb out of my mouth, feeling guilty. I hadn’t even realized I had muttered my thoughts out loud.
“Dee, you were barely in your twenties when you went through the ordeal with Todd. It forced you to grow up fast, but emotionally, you weren’t ready for that sort of relationship. For a normal, well-adjusted adult, it was a train wreck. For someone with no experience, of course it devastated you. You learned from it, but unfortunately the lessons you held on to from it were the wrong ones.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You have avoided love, intimacy for all these years. Used sex as a release without becoming involved. You cut yourself off because of the fear you would become like your mother.” She shook her head and held my gaze. “You are nothing like her, Dee. Your mother was ill. The trauma you went through caused a reaction. Simply put—depression. A condition many people suffer from to varying degrees. Some have a bout or two, and that is it. Some suffer from it constantly, the darkness always
present in their lives. You have lived in fear of it all this time.” She pumped her leg in agitation. “I should have refused to let you stop coming to see me.”
A glimmer of a smile touched my lips. “I don’t think you can do that.”
“No, but I wish I had pushed it more. You need therapy.” She paused and gave me a pointed look. “And you need to stop being a chickenshit and admit your feelings for this man.”
My eyes widened at her bluntness.
She shrugged. “I’m not your therapist right now. I’m just a friend listening.” She leaned forward. “Do you know how precious a gift of love is? You told me how Maddox didn’t believe in it either, yet he was brave enough to admit he felt it. Reached out to you. Said the words.”
“I know.”
“Tell me right now, without thinking, do you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Then when he wakes, tell him.”
“What if he’s changed his mind?” I asked, voicing the fear inside.
“From what you’ve told me, I don’t think that will happen. But if it does, then you’ll know you tried. The world won’t end, Dee. You’ll get out of bed the next day, a little sad and a little weary, but you’ll carry on.” She smiled and reached for my hand. “You will not fall apart again.”
“What if I become my mother with him? Losing myself and becoming only what I think he needs? Putting him above everything else?”
“I don’t think he would allow that to happen. He loves you the way you are Dee, not what he wants you to be. And you aren’t built that way either. You are far stronger than your mother, and you need to see that.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because you’re not the same girl you were all those years ago. You’ve grown and changed. You’re a woman. A responsible, caring, slightly off-kilter woman who loves a man and needs to stop denying it.”
“Off-kilter?”
She raised her eyebrows.
I laughed. “Okay, off-kilter works.”
“I’m glad to see you smile.”
I sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much my entire life. It’s not normal for me.”
She tilted her head. “Maybe it’s time you did cry, Dee. You don’t have to be strong all the time anymore. Sometimes crying is your body’s way of ridding itself of the stress inside. It is saying ‘enough.’”
Again, she made sense.
She glanced at her watch. “Life is meant to be lived, Dee. We have one shot at it. Laugh, cry, love. Don’t hide in the shadows—take a page from Cami’s book. Grab it and live.”
All the air left my lungs as I thought about her words.
She stood, reaching in her purse. She handed me a card. “Please call me. Come see me and let me help you work through it all in your head.”
I stood and hugged her. “I will. I promise.”
“Good. Now I have to go. I’m meeting my husband and daughter.”
“You’re married! Oh, how wonderful, Lori. I didn’t know.”
“It is.” She winked. “I highly recommend it.” She tapped the card. “Call me.”
I followed her down the hall, stopping in the cafeteria to get coffee. I got one for Richard, then hurried back to the room, realizing I had been gone for almost two hours.
I rushed through the door. Richard glanced up. “Oh, here she is. I’ll stop talking now. I’m sure you prefer her voice to mine.”
He stood with a smile. “Everything’s fine, Dee.” He studied my face, gratefully accepting the coffee I handed him. “You look like you’ve been crying. Are you okay?”
I looked at Maddox, lying still in the bed, waiting to wake so he could begin to live again. I was ready to join him.
“Yes,” I assured him. “Yes, I’ll be fine.”
As soon as Maddox woke up, I would be perfect.
Dee
The next day, they stopped the medication that kept Maddox in a coma. Dr. Sampson was very careful as he explained to us that there was a good chance Maddox would still be unconscious for a while and not to panic. The tests showed brain activity, but it was up to Maddox when he woke. Dr. Sampson told us what we saw on TV was not factual.
“He won’t awaken in an instant and be fully functioning. It takes time, and his body is still recovering.”
We waited for two full days before we saw any change in him. It was subtle. His fingers would twitch. A few times, his eyes flickered open, only to stare blankly and fall shut again. His body would spasm, and on occasion, a guttural sound escaped his mouth. They assured us it was all normal, the pain medication still in effect, and they were positive signs.
I found them frightening, yet with each one, I prayed he was coming back to us. I was never alone now. Someone was always with me. Richard had only stayed for a couple of days, but he was there constantly. After he left, Aiden or Bentley was there, neither one wanting to leave in case he woke. They took turns, leaving briefly to catch up on things at the office, and returning. They dozed in one of the big chairs, always alert. Cami and Emmy sat with me, making sure I ate and showered. The bathroom was the farthest they could get me away from Maddox.
It was late one night while Aiden dozed and I sat with Cami that I told her everything. The affair, the fallout, the deep depression I had sunk into, and the therapy I had sought. I also told her the truth about what happened between Maddox and me. Her eyes filled with tears when I stopped talking.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the affair and what you were going through?”
“You were young, Cami. I was trying to look after you. I could barely understand it myself, never mind talk about it with you.”
“And Maddox?”
I looked toward the bed. The light in the corner cast a shadow over Maddox’s handsome face. He was still, his chest rising and falling with his breathing. Without the noises of the machines, I could hear his steady rhythm and took comfort in it.
The words still frightened me, but I said them. “I love him.”
She grasped my hand. “I know.”
“I need him to wake up so I can tell him.”
She shifted closer. “He will.” She hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry you went through all that alone. And I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t talk to me.” She wiped her eyes. “I struggle at times with all the changes too.”
“You do?”
“A couple of weeks ago, I told Aiden how much I missed you. I missed seeing you every day and being able to walk down the hall and talk to you. He wanted to go and buy a big house and have you come live with us. He said he couldn’t stand for me to be unhappy.”
I peered over her shoulder at Aiden. He was awake, watching us silently. It didn’t upset me that he had heard our conversation, especially since I knew Cami would tell him anyway. “That is sweet, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think it’s normal we both have to adjust.” I threw a wink his way. “You don’t need an old woman in your space. You’re newlyweds. I’m fine on my own.”
Aiden met my eyes and patted his chest. I knew what he was saying, and I loved him for it. He was there and always would be.
Cami sighed. “Maybe you won’t be on your own soon.”
“First, Maddox needs to awaken and forgive me. Then we’ll see what the future holds.”
I glanced at the clock and stood. “Aiden should take you home. You have school tomorrow and it’s late.”
“Always worried about me.”
I dropped a kiss on her head. “That is never going to change.”
She smiled at me. “Good.”
It happened when I least expected it. Bentley was at the end of Maddox’s bed, texting on his phone. I was rubbing some cream into Maddox’s skin, while Aiden worked his other arm in a slow, steady circle.
“He’s slid down a little, Aiden. Can you lift him a bit while I adjust his pillows?”
“Yep.” He bent down, carefully sliding his arms under Maddox. I shifted and plumped the pillows, and Aiden settled him ba
ck on the bed.
Maddox’s eyes were open and staring.
Aiden froze, still holding him. “Mad Dog?”
My breath caught. Bentley looked up, his phone forgotten. He leaned on the bed, his voice anxious. “Mad? Buddy?”
Maddox blinked, his gaze flying around the room. His hand clenched, and I slid my fingers between his, squeezing it.
“Maddox?” I whispered, the sound of my voice causing him to turn his head in my direction. I lifted his hand to my chest, cradling it close.
He blinked again, swallowed, looked at Aiden, and spoke. His voice was low, raspy, and it sounded painful.
“What the hell are you doing in my room, Aiden? And why are you holding me?”
Aiden’s face broke into a wide grin. “Giving you your biggest fantasy, Mad Dog.”
Bentley made an odd noise in the back of his throat. Maddox’s gaze flew to him. “Bent?”
“I’m here, Maddox.”
Maddox’s heart monitor began to climb, his breathing increasing. I leaned over, cupping his face. “It’s okay, Maddox. Calm down. Everything is fine.”
“I-I don’t understand…” He began to panic. “Where am I?” He frowned. “Why are you here?” He directed his question at me.
My heart ached at his words. Aiden pressed the button for the nurse. I stroked his head, trying not to react. “Everything is okay,” I soothed. “I promise.”
His heart rate monitor continued to rise. Beads of sweat covered his brow.
The door opened, and Dr. Sampson strode in, followed by a nurse. “Clear the room.” His voice left no space to argue.
Bentley tugged me away. The doctor took my place, leaning over Maddox. “Welcome back, Mr. Riley.”
The last thing I saw was Maddox’s eyes staring at me as the door shut.
In the hall, I looked at Bentley. He squeezed my shoulder. “He’s awake. He knew us. This is all good.”
“He wasn’t happy to see me.”
He shook his head. “He was confused. I would be if I woke up and saw Aiden standing over me, in a strange place.”
“Hey,” Aiden interjected.
Bentley ignored him.
Vested Interest Box Set: Books 1-3 Page 68