I pull away, shaking my head. “Bass, I can’t.”
“Why, Ivy? Why can’t you?”
Tears are streaming down my face. I wipe them with the collar of my shirt.
“Tell me!” he yells.
“Because I love you too much. That’s why.”
He lets out a deep breath, reaching out for me. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We can do this together.”
I step out of his reach. “It won’t be okay,” I say. “You know what happened to Eli and me. I’m not capable of having a relationship when I have a special-needs child. And as hard as it will be to lose another child. It will be even harder to lose you both.”
“But you’ve already lost me. We’re not together.”
“It’s for the best, Bass. We haven’t been together for almost six months. Surely you’re getting over me by now. You’re moving on. I saw it myself at the coffee shop. It doesn’t hurt that much anymore, does it? But if we were together and lost this baby, and then lost each other, I … I wouldn’t be able to take it. We wouldn’t be able to take it.”
He laughs sadly. “So all of this is to protect me? That’s bullshit, Ivy. And you think it doesn’t hurt that much anymore? Tell me what you did on the twelfth—on the anniversary of Dahlia’s death. Did you go out and party because it didn’t hurt that much anymore?”
“Of course not.”
“I don’t care if we were together for two weeks or two years, and it doesn’t matter if we’ve been apart for six months or six days, it still fucking hurts. And if you don’t think it does, then you’re not the woman I thought you were.”
“You’re right,” I say through my tears. “I’m not.”
I’m screaming at myself on the inside. He’s here and he wants you! But so many things race through my mind. Jonah’s stillbirth. Eli moving out when Dahlia wasn’t even a year old. Eli refusing to be with us when Dahlia died.
The doorbell rings and I pick up the money on the counter.
“I’d like you to leave,” I say.
He stares at me blankly. “So that’s it?”
I nod. “I’m sorry.”
“Then I guess this is goodbye, Ivy Greene.”
I open the door and pay for my dinner, watching Bass walk down the hallway as I trade my heart for a bowl of Kung Pau chicken.
Chapter Thirty-five
Sebastian
“I asked everyone to step out because I wanted a minute alone with you,” Aspen says, adjusting her veil. “I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for not giving up on our friendship and walking away back when I didn’t share your feelings. You are like a second brother to me, Bass, and I love you more than you know.”
I pull her into a hug, careful not to wrinkle anything she’s wearing. “I love you, too, Penny.”
“I know this must be hard for you,” she says.
I nod. “Yeah, but not for the reason you might think.”
She flashes me an arduous stare. “Bass, you’re my best friend. I know you better than anyone. I know you got over me a long time ago. This is hard for you because you want the woman in the veil to be Ivy.”
My eyes snap up to hers. “You think I wanted to marry her?”
“Want,” she says. “There’s nothing past tense about it.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t really matter what I wanted. Or want. She’s made her choice.”
“But you told me she was wearing your shirt.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” I say.
She cocks her head to the side, raising her brows at me. “Do you really believe that?”
I’ve asked myself that same question for two weeks. And I can’t get the image of Ivy wearing my shirt out of my head. She looked beautiful. The shirt was still far too big for her with the exception of her middle. Her baby bump stressed the fabric, showing every curve of her growing belly. It made me want to reach out and touch her. Touch the baby—the baby that isn’t even mine.
I sit down on the couch and toss back a swig of brown liquor, remembering another wedding when I was in a similar room in the back of a church, drinking a similar drink, thinking similar things. Thinking that I did want it to be someone else wearing a veil. Back then I wanted it to be Aspen. But now, as I stare at my best friend who’s about to marry the love of her life, I know I’ll never get to marry mine.
“She said she loves me too much to be with me. Can you believe that? She said she was protecting me by pushing me away. Who does that?”
Aspen smiles sympathetically before she sits down next to me and takes my hand. “You bet I can believe it. Have you forgotten who I’m marrying today?” she says. “Listen, Bass. We tend to hurt those we love the most when we are hurting. Maybe you just need to give it time. Who knows, maybe she’ll come around after the baby arrives. If the baby is healthy, she might change her mind.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Don’t you get it? I want to be there for her now, not after she has a healthy baby. I don’t care if the baby is healthy or not—I mean, of course I care, but I want her and the baby regardless. And I don’t give a rat’s ass that the baby isn’t mine. It’s a part of her and I want every part of her.”
She squeezes my hand. “I know how hard it is to be in love with someone knowing they love you but can’t be with you. I also know that until she realizes what she’s giving up by pushing you away, there’s nothing you can do.”
“What if she never realizes it?”
“She’s a woman, Bass. Trust me, she will.”
I close my eyes and sigh. “Shit, Penny. I’m sorry. This day should be all about you and here I am being a huge downer.”
“I’ll always be here for you,” she says. “I don’t care if it’s my wedding day or if I’m back in Kansas City or Timbuktu. If you need me, I’m here.”
“Same goes for me,” I tell her. Then I get off the couch and help her up. “Come on, let’s go get you married.”
“Eeeeeek!” she screams. “I’m marrying Sawyer Mills today.”
“That you are,” I say, offering her a genuine smile. “Thank you for letting me be your best man.”
“Man of honor,” she corrects me, laughing. She knows I hate that term. “There is nobody else in the world I’d want up there standing next to me.”
There’s a knock on the door and then Denver pokes his head through. “It’s almost time. Are you ready?”
Aspen nods, so Denver comes in the room followed by Murphy and Rylee, who are her bridesmaids. I give her a final hug and head out to the sanctuary. The one concession she made was to let me stand at the altar along with Sawyer and his attendants rather than walk down the aisle with the girls.
As I wait up front for the ceremony to start, I look around the massive room. There are more sports stars in here than I can count. There are TV personalities. Celebrities. Politicians, even.
And photographers. There are lots of photographers. Aspen and Sawyer agreed to sell their wedding photos to a popular magazine and donate all the proceeds to shelters for battered women.
I look over at Sawyer, standing proudly next to his three groomsmen. He doesn’t look the least bit nervous. Maybe it’s because he’s used to being in front of large crowds. Maybe it’s because he’s getting everything he ever wanted.
Brady and Caden stand next to him, rounded out by Danny.
Danny and his mother flew up from Arizona to be at the wedding. Aspen said that just as she wouldn’t get married without Denver here, Sawyer wouldn’t do it without Danny. They have a special relationship, those two. Danny is all smiles. He enjoys being the center of attention. Lucy, his mom, stands at the ready to help out should Danny have any issues during the ceremony.
The organist starts playing and all eyes turn to the sanctuary doors. When they open, three children walk through. Caden’s nieces are the flower girls and Brady’s son is the ring bearer. Everyone laughs when little Beth runs up to her uncle at the altar. Her father, Kyle Stone, rushes up to gra
b her so the procession can continue.
Rylee and Murphy come down the aisle looking gorgeous in their sequined silver dresses. And then Aspen appears in the doorway on Denver’s arm. I’ve only ever seen one woman more beautiful than her. And that woman wasn’t wearing a wedding dress. She was wearing a FDNY T-shirt.
Aspen was right. I wish I were standing five feet to my left and that it was Ivy coming down that aisle. I’ve never wanted something so badly in my life. Not Juilliard. Not FDNY. Not anything.
I glance at Sawyer, looking austere in his black tux and silver cummerbund. At no time since I’ve known him have I seen him look happier than he does at this moment. Lord, how I envy him.
When Denver and Aspen reach the altar, Denver kisses her.
“Mom and Dad would be so proud,” he says.
They lock eyes and share a moment of sadness. I know they both wish their parents were here. That it was their father walking her down the aisle, and that it was their mother sitting in the first pew.
Denver hands her off to Sawyer and then I watch my best friend marry the only man she’s ever truly loved. The man who pushed her away. The guy who went through all kinds of hell and came out stronger. And as they say their vows to each other, I wonder what my vows would be if I were ever to be standing at an altar with Ivy.
And I realize I could write an entire goddamn book of vows. After only weeks with her, I could recite a thousand reasons why she is the woman for me. Some of those reasons, I texted to her after seeing her at her apartment a few weeks ago. But like Aspen said, none of that matters if Ivy doesn’t believe those reasons.
The sanctuary erupts in cheers as they are pronounced husband and wife. Sawyer kisses Aspen and then he picks her up and spins her around. He doesn’t put her back down. He carries her back up the aisle, six-foot train and all.
Brady looks at me awkwardly. I guess we didn’t really talk about the fact that we’re supposed to walk up the aisle together. He jokingly holds out his elbow to me.
I shrug. “Oh, what the hell,” I say, before threading my arm through his. “If nothing else, it will make for some great pictures.”
Caden bellows out a laugh and takes Murphy’s hand behind us. And then Rylee walks Danny up the aisle.
Aspen puts a hand to her mouth to cover her giggles when she sees Brady and me skipping through the main doors. I pull her into a hug. “Congratulations!”
She smiles brightly. “Sometimes dreams do come true, Bass.”
“I hope you’re right, Mrs. Mills. I hope you’re right.”
A woman comes bursting through the doors at the front of the church. The security team holds the jogger back as she belts out, “Someone call nine-one-one. I don’t have a phone.”
I run over to her. “What happened?”
She points outside. “Car accident. Looks like two or three cars got mangled up. I saw it happen. One tried to stop, but the street is icy and—”
“Call it in,” I tell security. “We may need multiple ambulances. And please try to keep everyone in the church.” I beckon to the guys as I head out the door. “Denver, follow me. Brady and Caden, I may need your help too.”
The four of us run to the corner and see one car T-boned by a telephone pole and another two cars smashed together on an embankment of snow. One of the cars is on its side. I rush to it first, seeing a man in the driver’s seat.
“Sir, are you hurt?” I ask, not seeing any blood.
“I think I’m okay,” he says. “I’m just stuck.”
“Can you move your hands and feet?”
“Yes.”
I see fuel dripping out onto the snow. “Brady!” I shout behind me. “See if you can help this guy out of his car.”
I hear someone scream and go to the car covered in snow to investigate.
“My son!” a woman yells. “He’s in the back.”
I stick my head through the broken driver’s window and see a child in a car seat. He’s crying but doesn’t look injured. The mother, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. Her head is bleeding, and it looks like one if not both of her legs are broken. She needs to stay still.
“Ma’am, your son looks okay. Please stop trying to turn your head. You have a head injury.”
I look behind me to see Denver staring at the pile-up. He’s stoic. Frozen.
Then Caden calls to me from across the street. “Bass, you need to get over here,” he says.
“Denver, I need you to keep this woman’s head stable. She could have a neck injury.”
“I, uh …”
“Denver, get over here. Now!”
Sawyer comes up behind me. “I’ll do it. Tell me what you need.”
“Keep her head steady. Don’t let her turn around to look in the back seat. Don’t move her and don’t let her try to get out. We need to get a collar on her. Just put your hands on either side of her head and pin her head to the headrest.”
“Got it,” he says.
I look at Denver on my way across the street. He’s staring at the two cars surrounded by snow on the embankment. “Snap out of it, man. This is going to be your job in a few months. Get over your shit or get the fuck out of the street.”
“Damn it,” I think he says under his breath. Then he follows me to the car wrapped around the pole. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just help me.”
I hear sirens in the background, so I know help is on the way.
A dazed man with a piece of glass sticking out of his chest walks toward me.
“Sir, I need you to sit down.”
I lead him to the sidewalk and sit him on a bench. Then I take off my tux jacket and wrap it around the glass.
“Denver, hold the glass in place with my jacket. Do not let it move, and whatever you do, don’t pull it out. I have to go check on the other victim.”
Denver doesn’t do what I ask. He just stands and stares back at the snow-covered cars.
“Do it now, Andrews, or people could die!”
He finally puts his hands where mine are, taking the jacket covering the glass from me.
I run over to Caden and see him using his own tux jacket to stop the bleeding coming from the passenger’s head.
“She’s bleeding badly,” he says. “I don’t think the airbag deployed when they hit the pole.”
An ambulance and an engine pull up behind me.
I quickly give the paramedics my assessment of who I think they should see first, and then I help them until the second and third ambulances show up.
After the victims are all transported, the guys and I walk back and stand on the frozen front steps of the church where Sawyer’s security detail is holding back the large crowd of wedding guests.
“Do you think they’ll be okay?” Aspen asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “I think they got lucky.” I turn to the guys. “Thanks for your help.”
Denver shakes his head, clearly disgusted with himself. “A lot of fucking help I was.”
“You helped someone,” I say. “That man would have bled out if you hadn’t been there. No way could I have helped all the victims myself.”
“I froze,” he says.
“You did. But then you helped.”
“I can’t fucking do this,” he says, getting up and walking away.
I start to follow him, but Aspen puts her arm on me. “Don’t,” she says. “Give him a minute. Our parents died in the snow, trapped in a car.”
“Right,” I say, watching him walk away with his head hung low.
I look down at my shirt to see it smeared with blood. Then I look at Caden to see the cuffs of his shirt stained red. “Well, shit,” I say to Sawyer. “There go the wedding pictures.”
“Are you kidding?” he says. “The pictures will be epic. It’ll be a great story to tell the grandkids.”
I laugh. “That it will.”
The four of us look at each other. “Let’s go get a drink at the reception,” Caden says. “I think we’ve earned it.”<
br />
~ ~ ~
Since neither Aspen nor Sawyer have much in the way of family, they decided not to do the traditional family table at their reception. Everyone has been invited to sit wherever they want. Since I only know the wedding party, I sit at a table with Caden and Murphy.
Denver joins us, carrying a large plate of food. I laugh, knowing how many calories he’ll be burning at the fire academy, which he starts in a just few days. I guess he’s carb-loading now.
“You’re not drinking?” I ask, nodding to his glass of ice water.
“No,” he says, looking frustrated. “Other than the sip of champagne at the toast earlier, I haven’t had a drink since Christmas eve. I was detoxing for training.” He puts his plate down and rubs his forehead. “But now I’m thinking I might as well tie one on. Maybe Aspen was right all along. I shouldn’t be a firefighter.”
“Listen, Denver. I’m not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you that what happened today didn’t concern me. You have to be able to react. You can’t freeze up like that. You can’t avoid horrible situations. Running into horrible situations is what we do. Being a firefighter isn’t just a job—it’s a way of life. You have to want it, man. If this is just some job you thought you’d try on for size, keep looking. But if you really want to help people—if you think you can overcome your shit, then don’t let anyone, including Aspen, hold you back.”
He nods, taking in my words. “I’ve thought a lot about this since I applied,” he says. “I couldn’t do anything to save my parents. But maybe I could save someone else’s parents.”
I put a hand on his shoulder. “I like the way you think. And yes, you could, and you will. But you have to be one hundred percent committed.”
He nods again in silence.
I try to lighten the mood. “Just don’t give up on day three of training when every muscle in your body will hurt like you’ve been run over by a Mack truck.”
“Sure,” he says noncommittally.
“Anything you need, I’m here for you.”
He lifts his glass of water to me. “Thanks, bro. I guess I have a lot to think about.”
Igniting Ivy (The Men on Fire Series) Page 24