by Sam Hall
"Well, let me tell you this. I don't need you to look out for my relationship, my emotional safety. I've been with Jack a bloody long time. I know how to manage my man." He twisted in his seat, reaching over and putting a finger under my chin. "What I need is the girl who was running along the perimeter of the paddock. What would she have done then, if she knew what she does now?"
"Dragged you into my house and licked every inch of you."
The words were out of my mouth without even thinking. How did they keep fucking doing that? One word, and out came my id, spilling all my dirty little sex secrets.
His teeth were bright white against the black of his beard.
"That's it, that's what I need. We're gonna get to know each other, Jules, if I have a say about it. And I especially want to know the girl in the paddock."
He leant over further, brushing his lips against mine before looking at me for confirmation.
"Always asking for permission," I said with a smile. There was something sweet and gentlemanly about it.
"Up until the point you say I don't need to. Just make sure you mean it if you say you don't, because I've had a whole lot of time to think about what I want to do to you. Last night only added to the roster."
He didn't let me reply then, pressing his mouth to mine in a hungry kiss. My lips trailed after his when he finally pulled away, something that made him laugh. Then he put the car into gear, his hands sliding high between my legs, drawing my attention to right where I throbbed. I was left with that uncomfortably acute awareness on the drive all the way to the work site.
13
I sobered up when we pulled up in the temporary car park. A lot of cars bristling with tools and equipment had been left on a small rise, the team building a fence up and over it. I didn't see Shaun, but my heart started to pound as soon as Hawk put the parking brake on.
"He's hurting. Just keep that in mind. You don't have to put up with his shit, and I won't let him make you his emotional punching bag. Just...go in not having too many expectations."
"It's not about me," I said, looking down at my hands.
"OK, well, come with me. I'll find Mick, the leading hand. I need to have a word with him, and he should know where Shaun is."
We wove our way through the cars and trucks, Buddy at my heels. I stopped for a second when we came out the other side, the open landscape making me feel curiously vulnerable. That only intensified when I saw the group of workers.
Groups of men in work gear, was there anything more intimidating? Admittedly, when they turned around, none of them called out what they would do to me if they had a chance. But the intensity of that collective stare was enough to make me wonder if they were thinking it.
"Hawk," a guy with wavy auburn hair said with a nod, coming forward. "Jack said you wouldn't be in for a bit. Said he gave you to Julie?"
This earned me a quick side glance, all the time it seemed for his crinkling grey eyes to take me in. His mouth twisted into a slight smile.
"You know Jack, always pulling stunts. The matriarchs are upholding it, though."
"Yeah, Kelly rang through after Jack did. He really sick?" Hawk shrugged. "Well, tell him to get his arse into work tomorrow, or he can find something else to do. Plenty of blokes who petition and hold down a job."
"We had some...developments last night that would have made him useless today. You wouldn't want him on the end of a sledgehammer, Mick."
Micks' eyes slid back to me, an eyebrow raising.
"Not that kind of development," I said.
"That right?” Mick turned to me. “Well, it’s smoko time. Care to have a coffee with me and tell me about it?"
I rocked back on my heels, a nervous laugh bursting from my chest. His stare was gentle, inviting, waiting for me to respond, so I stared right back. He had a kind of big, spare body, and my eyes took in the finely wrought hands and the veins snaking up his well-muscled forearms.
"Um... I'm flattered, really." I glanced up when Hawk took a step towards me. "You seem like a nice bloke, and your approach has been much more appealing than many guys…"
"I'm sensing a but is coming."
"But I'm struggling to deal with the guys I have right now. This has been a lot to adjust to."
"Seems you should be doing more to help her," Mick said, staring into Hawk's eyes.
Hawk's thumb shoved itself into my back pocket, and he drew me into the curve of his side.
"Gimme a chance. Haven't even been there for a day yet."
"Well, if you ever get sick of that dickhead, Jack, you know my offer is still on the table." Mick's eyes were just as warm as they took in Hawk as when they had inspected me. "Especially with such a lovely new addition."
Mick plucked up my fingers and brushed his lips across them before I even had a chance to react, his wicked smile making it plain he'd planned for exactly that.
"Um... while you're being all helpful and stuff, I need to see Shaun."
I watched his expression change, from open and friendly to a little sad.
"He didn't pull up well this morning. We've got him sorting nails right now. Should be at home, really."
"I'm sorry, this is probably interrupting your work day. Maybe I should catch him after work?"
Mick considered the idea for a second and then shook his head.
"He's not much use to us. More here to get his mind off things, I think. He's down the bottom of the rise, in the big green supplies van.”
"I know where that'll be," Hawk said.
"Yeah, well, I've got to get these idiots working before they all blow on the spot. You know where to find me if you change your mind."
His words were deliberately ambiguous, but Hawk just shook his head and steered me away.
"That happen to you a lot?" I asked.
"Mick? Or guys in general?"
"Both, I guess."
"Some. More now that you're here. Word is out you don't mind a bit of guy on guy, so some blokes are creating alliances, hoping that'll be enough to catch your eye, but Mick..." He glanced back over his shoulder. "He likes me, doesn't like Jack, and has made it plain he's ready to swoop in if Jack fucks up. I'm not sure if he's flirting with you to get to me, or vice versa."
We walked the rest of the way down the rise in a comfortable silence, the feel of his hand in my pocket a constant reminder of his presence. He didn't withdraw it until we reached the truck in question.
"Do you want me to stay or go?"
He stared at me, eyes squinting in the sun's glare. I wanted him to stay, or insist we go home and dive into the dramas there, if that's what it took to avoid this. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what was to come.
"I need to do this, and he wouldn't appreciate an audience, I'm sure. Just...hang around in the vicinity, maybe?"
I was grasping at straws, I knew it, but he nodded, lighting a cigarette and going to chat with some guys working nearby. Buddy stayed with me, a little furry shadow as I walked round to the other side.
They weren't pulling any punches. Shaun looked like shit.
His beautiful blond hair was lank and stringy, scraped back into a messy knot, and his forehead was studded with dots of perspiration. His eyes looked swollen, his skin pasty, but he methodically counted nail after nail, putting them in one box or another. I think he sensed me before I came over, as his hand stilled. He smiled for a moment when Buddy bounded over, giving him a brief pat on his head.
"Wasn't sure if I'd see you again," he said as I drew closer. "Was kinda hoping I wouldn't."
"I'm sorry, Shaun, for last night, for everything."
"And that's it, huh? What's it been, a month and a bit? Just, sorry, Shaun, but no thanks."
"I had no idea that was going to happen until it did. My Tirian—"
"Yeah, yeah, I know how the beasts work. Got one of my own, haven't I? Mine liked yours just fine." He tossed the nails he was holding into a random box. "What're you doing here, Julie? Trying to placate your conscience?
You made it clear it's not gonna happen anymore, job done."
"You're right, we did have a month together. You helped me find my feet here, helped keep the petitioners from my door when I went through the first change. It's not so much about my conscience, and more that I feel an obligation. I don't know what you need. Maybe you want to yell at me, get something off your chest—"
His laughter when it came was caustic, a weird expression on him. He'd always been an easy guy to have around, he just fit in with whatever was going on. He'd been all sexy and smouldery when I first met him, then a straightforward nice guy who read romance novels on the DL when that didn't work. I frowned slightly. When I summarised him like that, he just sounded like a composite of the other guys. Who was Shaun, really? I was about to find out.
When he climbed out of the back of the van, that atavistic fear a big guy can strike in the heart of a woman reared its ugly head.
You're stronger than him, I told myself, holding my ground through will alone. He approached me slowly, cocking his head and eyes raking down my body, his expression making it evident that he didn't like what he saw.
"So I need to 'work through my issues' now I'm denied entrance to the golden pussy, do I?"
"No, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."
"That's right, I don't. Don't have to watch you fawn over those fucking blokes, like they've got anything I don't. Don't have to watch you panting like a dog in heat, taking it in every hole. Taking it up the arse yet, sweetheart? No? Well I'm sure Brandon's got that on his little to do list. I took a fucking beating for you, got turned into mincemeat by blokes I'd have considered brothers the night before, and for what? It wasn't even that my performance was sub-par, or that you didn't think I was attractive. You just forgot me, nothing more than a little footnote on your glorious path to finding your mates. Just toddle off, Shaunie. Be a good little boy until some other cunt deigns to pay me attention."
"Shaun."
His head whipped around at Hawk's growl.
"Got you panting after her as well, does she? And how long is it before Jack's drinking himself into a stupor beside me? He fucking loves you, has always loved you."
"And I'll always love him. Splitting up isn't on the table."
"You wait, you fucking wait. You have no idea what you're tangling with. They're sweet smelling assassins, sucking you in and then ripping the ground out from beneath you. Jack can be a dickhead, but you know he’s loyal to you. Not like these fucking bitches." Buddy started to bark at him, jumping into the gap between us. "Fuck off, you mongrel piece of shit!"
I watched in horror as he kicked out at my dog. Buddy leapt out of the way, taking position in front of me, teeth bared.
"Shaun, pack your shit and fuck off home." Mick strode over, voice flat as a tack. He held up a hand when the man tried to argue. "You're fucking useless here today, you know it. You've got a three-day RDO. Try to pull yourself together in a way that doesn't shame your family. If the matriarchs in your family heard you just now—"
"They'd do fucking what?" he snapped. His eyes jerked down to where Mick pulled out a mobile phone. "You're going to narc to Mummy on me?"
"You need someone to take care of you, because you clearly aren't going to."
"I just need you, all of you, to wake the fuck up. There's more of us than them. We don't have to put up with this shit. The humans have the right idea, keep them in their damn place. We could run things like the black—"
"Don't say it," Hawk snarled. "Do not fucking say it. You're hurt, most of this can be passed off as bruised feelings. But you go there, and you're risking exclusion."
"Like I fucking care. I'd rather go through the gate, try my luck."
Mick turned to me. "I'm sorry you went through that, but you should go. He's not in his right mind. Probably still drunk, if the stink on him is anything to go by. You tried, but he's not ready to accept what you're giving." I just stood there, completely stunned. “Take her and go. If the matriarchs arrive and find her here, they’re gonna have his nuts.”
Hawk nodded and wrapped an arm around me, almost sheltering me with his body as he walked me back to the car. Buddy seemed to sense my mood, his curling tail going limp as he trailed after us.
I was proud of myself. I didn't cry until we were in the car.
14
It was hard to know what I felt as the doors closed. I bent over, struggling to breathe for a moment, little flashes of Shaun's anger playing over and over in my brain and striking out at me long after I'd walked away. Buddy seemed to sense there was a problem, insistently pushing his muzzle under my hand. I stroked his fur absently as Hawk's arm went around my shoulders.
"Jules, don't take it to heart. He was completely out of line and is likely to face a reprimand from the matriarchs. He has a right to be angry, but not like that."
"That's just it," I said, with a voice full of ashes. "There's nothing he said that isn't true, and he's facing the possibility of being kicked out of his home. Because why? Because I didn't handle... anything well."
"How do you feel about the way things went with Shaun? Before the break up?" he said, trying a different tack.
"It was OK, fine. It was all the heat beating down on me. I was just grateful to have someone, some people to work that out with. Shaun was there. God, I sound like a bitch."
He chuckled at that, then rubbed my arm. "That's the norm here. We all understand that heat fever means nothing. Instincts pounding down on you to mate with whoever you can find. Shaun knew that going in, more than you did."
"You're trying to let me off the hook." I glanced up at him. "What if I do the same to you? Have sex with you, then say 'No, thanks'."
"There's a special kind of vulnerability in putting yourself out there. Sometimes, I think that's what Jack and I have been avoiding. When we first participated in a mating fight, we were all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Young, dumb, and full of cum." He winked at me. "We could not envisage a scenario where two such fine looking fellows would be turned down. We loved each other, were in the first flush of it right then, so we couldn't see how everyone else wouldn't love us in the same way."
He rubbed at his beard, staring through the windscreen for a moment.
"Crystal, it was. She'd gone through several heat cycles and was ready to settle down. Perfect for us, we thought. We wanted to stay together, and she had no real contenders at the time. We were desperate to be a part of a real pack, wanting to consolidate our love by adding a third. She'd have our babies, and we'd pamper her for the privilege."
He shook his head with a rueful smile.
"She shot us down, hard. She was cruel with it. We didn't realise how some of the girls felt about me and Jack being together. She sure cleared that up, but one thing stuck with me. She said it wasn't about her or our offer. She was just a womb to add to the mix. We didn't actually want anyone in between us, we just wanted her to fulfil a role we couldn't."
He reached over and thumbed away the tears on my cheeks, then cupped my chin.
"Jack's never wanted to try again. We've endured innuendo and outright insults because of it, but he's stayed firm. To put all you are on the line and hope someone sees worth in you? That's bloody ball breakingly scary. Shaun's not seeing it right now, because all he can think about is that you rejected him. You've seen what he had to give and said no. That's not the way he usually acts. His ego's smarting, and he's lashing out, trying to make you the problem, and I guess for him, you are. But the opinion of one angry bloke doesn't make you a bad person. Jules, a lot of people here like you."
"Men, because women are so thin on the ground, they're willing to put up with anything to get laid."
He cocked an eyebrow at that.
"Guys get laid plenty, if that's what they want. Fuck, you should see the single guys on the night of a piss up. Pretty sure that's when Mick decided to set his cap for me, seeing me doing Jack on one of the tables. For some of them, it's just a hole to sink yourself into. For so
me, they get into the whole thing. No, that's not it. Finn's a good bloke, isn't he?" I nodded. "And Brandon and Aaron? Slade's a bit of an arse, but he's got a good heart underneath it all. Ophelia looks like she's gonna back you against her own daughter, though that's not too unexpected. You seemed friendly with Nerida and Dex and that crew."
He pulled me onto his lap, so I straddled those jeans clad thighs, then tipped my chin up, making me stare into those warm brown eyes. "How many people have said they actually don't like you?" he said.
"None, I guess. I know what you're doing. I get it, really, but this process is way more brutal than I thought it would be. It all sounded like a fantasy come true, hot guys throwing themselves at me willy nilly, but that's only true if you're a hard-hearted bitch. If you give a shit at all about not hurting people, it's a minefield."
"I'm gonna tell you something that might not help, but we know. You turn up here, new blood—which is always exciting—with this body," his hand slid up my side, "and to be really blunt, these tits, which look just fucking luscious." My breath came in a quick gasp as his thumbs brushed along the sides. "That'd be enough to make the single male population a pest of themselves. But the real problem, Jules, and it's gonna be a cross to bear." He leaned in, and I watched him approach until his mouth was only inches from mine. "You smell so damn receptive. The local girls are much more reticent, probably bored with all the boys they grew up with, but you? You breeze into the mess, and all of us are groaning, smelling your desire on you and your attempts to fight it. I could smell your want when we got into the car, I could smell it when Mick was flirting with you, and I can smell it now. That's what Shaun's probably the angriest about. That he was in a position any of us would love to be in, and he's lost it."
I should have moved back to my seat, put on my seat belt, and drove home. I should have had a long, hot shower to wash off whatever stink was on me that was pushing the guys’ buttons. I should have given myself some time to process all of this, spend some actual moments reflecting on what had just happened. Instead, Hawk moved closer, nostrils flaring, and said, "Unless you say otherwise, I'm gonna kiss you now."