“If you find it, will you leave and go back home where you belong? Do you promise me that, Mollie?”
Why was it so important to her that I promised her?
“I promise,” I said. “Do you not want me here?”
She shook her head and patted my hand gently. “Och, no! Of course I want you here, Mollie, but you see, you don’t belong here, do ya?”
I only stared at her in awe. How she knew I didn’t belong here was beyond me.
“But you don’t belong anywhere now do you? Now that one is twisty. You are truly lost, aren’t you?”
Nine
I didn’t belong back at home. I had felt it a million times and more. And Ainsley was right, I didn’t belong anywhere. My sense of self did not feel whole. Maybe it was because of my relationship with Diane, or maybe it was just me. Perhaps it was because my dad left me to live with someone else and start fresh. Shoot, maybe I didn’t get along with my mom because I was a bad person who did horrible, mean things. I could possibly have some issues myself that needed help. You’d think after intense therapy I would have hashed all that out, though, right?
Soon after Ainsley said those words the tears stopped and she sat up in her bed.
“I think I know what you need,” she said. I sat on the edge of the chair intently listening. Whatever she said I would do. I was literally stuck here with my mission incomplete and the fate of my very life hanging in the balance. I wouldn’t find Sir Malcolm, until I found myself. There was no doubt that I had failed already. Who knew where he was? I wasn’t going to try to find out. I had to get back to my time and figure out some things about me first. I had been diving into these books for so long that I had forgotten me. Forgotten what was important.
The duty of being a Librarian was ingrained in me at such a young age, that that was all I thought I needed. But take away your freedom, and all that is familiar and that doesn’t seem so important anymore. Sure, my duty to serve as Librarian was still something I wanted, but if I didn’t know who I really was as a person, then I needed to fix that. I would always have the gift that would never change.
“You need someone to watch over you, first and foremost. Then, when you’ve someone you trust, you take yourself into the stables and find a fine horse. Ride two days south, until you reach the first village. Ask them about what you’ve lost. If they don’t know, then stop looking.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. That’s it?
“But… but how could I give up after only one town? I’d be stuck here,” I exclaimed.
She shrugged. “Mollie, if they haven’t this item in that village, then it is gone for good. That is the nearest town for trade. You won’t find another any closer. If it hasn’t been traded there, then you’ll never find it again. It left you for a reason.”
“What reason could my bracelet have for up and walking away? Or for someone stealing it? Being stuck here forever isn’t an option.”
She smiled at me. “It can’t be all that bad, can it? I will house you here in this fine castle. I’ll even find you a husband if you wish it.”
I stood up, angry now. Those couldn’t be my only options.
“You don’t understand, Ainsley. I must get home,” I cried. “I have a friend who’s probably worried sick about me. I have a life. I can’t be stuck here forever living as a pantry maid. You say I don’t belong here, and that I may not belong back at home. Well, where do I belong, huh?”
She yawned, as if my rant bored her.
“I’m tired lass. You’ll best be going now. I need my sleep. And you will find your answers when you leave, next week. Now, be gone with you, lassie. Do as I said. But make sure you find a trustworthy protector. I want you to have a good plan in place before you leave.”
And with that she lay down and rolled over. My mouth remained hanging open, but I took my leave of her quarters. As I walked down the stairs to the main floor of the castle, I felt like I was in a fog. Exhaustion overcame me so I found my spot near the fireplace and fell in a heap. I didn’t even have a room here, or a bed. The tears were still falling down my face when the fire went out. I must have been crying for hours. I silently rubbed the thistle, finding some comfort in one act of kindness.
Tissues by that point were something I realized I missed dearly, as snot just poured out and the hanky was no longer helping. I realized it was useless to fight sleep, so I closed my eyes and drifted off.
****
I worked the one week needed, until Ainsley gave me my official permission to leave the castle and go to town to find my bracelet. Days and weeks blended together here. I had lost count by week two and began fitting into the Scottish traditions fast. It was either that or someone discover that I didn’t belong here. I stayed in the kitchens and mostly in my pantry, stocking and keeping it tidy. During the night I served the inhabitants of the castle, staying far away from anyone who gave me ill looks. If I stayed quiet and busy, no one would notice me here.
Lady Ainsley was to hold a feast for her people in celebration of the coming moon on my last night in the castle. To prepare for such a feast of epic proportions Iona needed all hands on deck. All of us servants and kitchen staff had jobs tending to the food and to the decor of the castle. According to Iona, Lady Ainsley celebrated the first full moon of every month, in the hopes of her husband’s return. Perhaps she hoped he’d find his way home by the light of the moon, I wasn’t sure. And it was no ordinary feast. The men went out the day before to hunt wild boar, a dangerous business, and we did our jobs. I had heard that the best hunter for boar was Eoin. Alaire, a handmaid, sat back against the stone wall of the kitchen to tell us all about how Eoin killed the last boar.
I worked and listened, trying hard to not look interested, even though I sort of was.
“He saw the boar, but the evil pig didn’t see him, ye see. He crouched down, real low, and snuck up on it. But the scent is what gave him away, and the boar turnt around, and ran toward Eoin, almost sticking its tusk into his leg. That would have bled him dry.”
Her wild boar tale went on and on keeping all the women in awe up until the very end.
“Then, with a single blow, Eoin stabbed the boar straight across the throat killing it almost instantly.”
They all sighed, and I swear some of them fanned themselves. Eoin was popular among the women here. That was plain to see, but he seemed so quiet toward them all, and it dawned on me that it was always the mysterious types that drew in the ladies.
“This boar was killed by Connell Kennedy,” Iona stated, as she threw a slab of the meat onto the table. “Do ye have any wild fantastic stories about Connell then?” she asked Alaire.
Alaire just grinned and said, “No.”
“Then get yer arse out of my kitchen and go find something to do.”
Alaire scoffed and turned around, stomping out the door.
We began working on tenderizing the meat and cooking the vegetables on hand. When everything was done, we served everyone the feast. They all seemed to love the food, thanking Connell for a delicious boar to fill their bellies with. At the end of the night, everyone followed Ainsley outside as she lit a torch for Sir Malcolm to see his way home. I watched from a small kitchen window, thinking how sad she must feel that her husband wasn’t there with her. I wondered if he was in danger and if coming back was not safe for him. After everyone came inside I found my so-called bed and laid down, feeling all sorts of new aches from the day’s work.
The work was honest and at times, rough, but I would miss the ladies of the castle. I barely had time to think about another thing before sleep captured me.
I woke at first light, strangely enough. I didn’t have an alarm clock, but the cold room was so frosty that it served as one. I shivered in my dress and wished I could rip it off and put on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie to stay warm. Oh how I longed for
my comfy clothes.
I must have slept for about three hours, because I felt tired and groggy, but Ainsley allowed me leave, so I’d go. But first, I had to find a protector of sorts. That was going to be hard. I knew absolutely no one in this castle; no one I trusted anyhow. Trying to wake any of Sir Malcolm’s men would prove difficult, because they were most likely still drunk from the night before. Scots really loved their whiskey.
Crawling up from my position on the floor, I once again snuck into the dressing room. I pulled off my dress and found just what I wanted, sort of. I couldn’t find pants, so I settled for a buttery soft pair of stockings made from wool. I pulled on a brown and cream plaid skirt that was just a tad too large, which made me smile, and a white blouse. Over the blouse came a type of lace up bodice and then a thick wool shawl that matched the skirt. At least I was now warm and cozy and no longer looked like a maid. I had pulled out the satchel that held my glasses and clothing from when I first arrived here and planned to take that with me.
As I left the room, I found Iona in the kitchens preparing her meals. I had to say goodbye. If I found my bracelet I wasn’t coming back here and she deserved some sort of explanation.
“Oh, lass, you gave me a fright. Where are you off to?” she asked, looking me over.
I took her hand in mine, “Iona, I want to thank you for all you’ve done to help me while I was here and even when we were at the castle before this. You’ve been real nice to me. I’ll never forget that. I have to leave now. There’s a mission I must attend to.”
Her eyes went wide and then she nodded. “Tis okay, Mollie. I understand. But I wish you’d tell me where you’re going.”
I filled her in on as much as I could, without giving too much away about me not belonging here.
“Who will you take with ya?”
“I haven’t the slightest clue, really. I was thinking Torren MacAllister, but I don’t know him all that well.”
Iona laughed, “Nae, Mollie. Do not ask any of that lot. They are not the sort you want taking you on an important trip like this one. No, you need someone who will protect ya. Times are hard right now and if, God forbid, you were to be attacked, you want someone strong.” She bit her lip and drummed her fingers. “Ah! I’ve got it! You will be escorted by Eoin. He’s the very best at tracking and he’s a strong fighter, he is. Yes. I’ll fetch him at once.”
My face burned hot with embarrassment. I couldn’t take Eoin. He was nice to me last night at the feast, smiling up at me as I served him, but who knew what kind of mood he’d be in today? Eoin’s moods seemed to change with the weather.
Before I could protest, Iona was telling someone to wake him. My heart pounded as I waited in the kitchen for word on his refusal. When he came down the steps, I looked up to meet his gaze. He looked pissed. Yep, this was going to be horrible.
Bracing for his attitude, I remained quiet.
“So, I hear ye need a strong man to protect ye in the woods, eh?” he said as he grabbed a biscuit and chomped away at it, leaving crumbs all over his shirt. “Where are ye off to?”
His hair was a complete mess, and he looked like he rolled off a haystack just moments before.
“I… I need to ride two days to the nearest village to look for my bracelet. It’s very important, and has great value,” I told him. “Lady Ainsley advised me that I need someone to protect me. It wasn’t my idea, by the way. I can do it myself—”
He chuckled. “Nae, ye can’t. You aren’t fit to ride through these woods for two days, alone. That’s foolish, and you know it. You’d be killed, raped, or worse without the proper escort.”
He was right, and I knew that, but I didn’t want to ride two days with someone who had anger issues. I truly knew nothing about this man, and he knew nothing about me.
“Well, let’s get you fitted for a horse. I have just the one for you.” I rolled my eyes. “Ye still have my thistle I see.” He pointed to the flower that I had tucked between the fastenings of my shawl. I really wanted to preserve it somehow, for fear that it would wither up and die. It had dried nicely once I hung it upside down in the pantry, but throwing it out didn’t seem right.
“It’s pretty,” I said, simply. Not giving him satisfaction of seeing the flower was my goal, but he laughed cockily. “I can find someone else to take me, I’m sure.”
“Don’t be daft, lass,” Iona said coming between Eoin and me. “You know just as well that there are few in this castle who would take the time to help you on your quest. Just take the man and let him guide you.”
She kissed my cheek and handed me a small leather pouch. “I’ve filled it with some dry goods and herbs. You’ll find that most of the food will last ye, if you don’t eat too much of it. This,” she said handing me a leather canteen. “Will hold water for you both. Be careful out there, lass. And as soon as you can, come back to visit.”
I don’t know why or how, but I had a large sense inside telling me I wouldn’t see her again. Reaching out I enveloped her into a hug. I didn’t know her well, but she was the only one here I did know at all, really. She was always kind to me, even after I had been gone for so long. She had given me a job and a place to sleep. I would never forget that.
“Come now,” Eoin said. “We must leave soon.”
We walked to the stables to pick our horses, but on the way, Eoin said simply, “You never came to find me.”
I looked up, completely confused, “What?”
“Last time we met, I told ye to come find me.”
Oh yes, in the library. “I got busy.” It was my only excuse.
“I see. No worry, then.” Now I would wonder what he wanted from me, and I’d never know.
The horses neighed loudly as we entered the stables. The horsemaster was busily brushing a beautiful golden mare, who sniffed at me as I walked by.
“Eoin, what are ye doing here so early, lad?”
“I’ll need two horses, Graham. The lady and I are going to a village to search for a lost, what was it?”
Of course he’d forget what it was. “Family heirloom.”
“Ah, an heirloom. Say, you haven’t found anything here in the stables like that have ye? Or perhaps heard tell about anyone finding a rare.” He paused, looking at me awaiting my answer.
“It’s a bracelet. It goes around my wrist, and the color is rare, rose gold. It would be shiny in the sunlight.” I remembered when I first received the bracelet, the feeling of immense sadness and joy at the same time. Sadness that Grandma had died, but joy that it was now my job to hold such power. Many people asked me about the bracelet and its importance; why I never took it off. My answer was usually simple, “It’s important to me.”
Truly, no one but Jessa understood its worth. If it were lost and I was in my time, I wouldn’t be able to travel anymore. There was no replacement for the power the bracelet held. Every Librarian had a special item that allowed them to travel. Mine was that bracelet, and it was gone.
“I’ve not seen anything like that around here or heard tell of that. If I did happen to find it, I’d not say much to anyone, that’s for sure. Hocking it for money would be the first thing I’d do.”
That made me feel better about leaving the castle. It made me realize that someone perhaps did sell it and that this wasn’t a wasted trip; that maybe there was some truth to what Ainsley said.
“I’ll need two fine horses, man. Two not looking to keel over any day soon,” Eoin said, not jokingly. He was serious, and for good reason. The horses weren’t all in great shape.
“You know how hard it is to keep these horses, Eoin. I try me best.” Poor Graham. He was nearly blind and I’m sure the cost to feed them was high. I wasn’t even sure how the castle inhabitants were fed. The ins and outs of castle expenses really weren’t my forte. Eoin patted Graham on the back and reassured him that once we were b
ack, he’d help out more in the stables. Once he was done, he picked two horses. The golden mare and the strong black stallion that I wouldn’t go near. He loaded them up with all that we’d need and then helped me up on my mare, whose name was Sloane. His horse he called Warrior. He did look like a warrior all right, just like Eoin himself. We rode down the hill and I turned Sloane around to take one last look at the castle. I’d never see this place again, and the feeling wasn’t just that, it was a knowing. My heart told me it was so.
Ten
We rode until the sun came up fully into the sky and then we rode some more. We said all of two words to one another the whole time. Eoin mostly grunted at me to keep up, and I grunted back for him to shut up. The pain in my back and tailbone was worse with every passing hour. We only stopped for short intervals to feed and water the horses, allowing me to stretch and walk around. Finally, when the sun began to fade behind the trees, Eoin said it was time to stop for good. He tied the horses to a tree and we found a spot under thick foliage in which to start a small fire and bed down for the night. The cold began to seep into my very bones. I was dressed warmly, but not for the misty wet autumn night that we sat in. Eoin fed the fire and I pulled out the food Iona had packaged for us. Salted meat with what looked like a barley bread that was hard as a rock, was our dinner. I hadn’t eaten meat since high school, but my stomach was near empty and I was starved. I was willing to chow down on the meat for the cause of being hungry. We ate in silence, chewing was exhausting and talking would do us in. I lay back onto the cold ground and rolled over away from Eoin. Sleeping in this confined space with a total stranger was weird, but the exhaustion prevented me from worrying too much about it.
I felt a blanket being tucked around me and drifted off to a light sleep hearing noises all night long. It was perhaps, the longest night of my life. Cracks from the fire, howls from animals, snapping twigs, it all kept me from a real, deep sleep. Eoin made no noise. No snoring, no grunting, and no movement. I found out in the morning, when the sun arose, that he had not been there. There was no Eoin next to me. The spot next to me was cold, as if no one had been there all night. I looked around and saw that I was completely alone. The fear of doing this by myself set in. He’d left me. He gave up and threw in the towel and went back to the castle. I was lost out here. I had no sense of direction and I was going to die.
The Archivist (The Librarian Chronicles Book 2) Page 7