by David Bennis
A narcissistic abuser is the opposite of an emotionally needy abuser for the reason that they can replace a person like a lover at any time with another person. This is because they are only interested in a relationship of any kind only when it benefits them somehow. They may also behave as a good parent to their child for the reason that he perceives the child as their own “extension.” This can be termed as indirect narcissism. A narcissist believes that life is all about being “happy” and not about “honor” even if it means obtaining that happiness leaves others unhappy for example, leaving a wife for another woman without caring if the wife and children would feel pain. A narcissist also possesses various other traits of other abusive traits like verbal, physical, emotional, financial, economic, and spiritual abuse.
The emotionally needy abuser
This type of abuser often lacks self-esteem and obtains self-worth from relationships – usually romantic ones. They would try to isolate their partner from the outside world and would get very jealous when their partner spends a lot of time with friends or even family. They become very clingy and possessive, and they use manipulation and guilt-tripping as their best tools. If emotional manipulation and abuse aren’t working, they resort to physical or verbal abuse just to keep the partner to themselves.
An emotionally needy abuser usually feels like they can’t live without their partner. They would make claims such as the partner being their soul mate or that they were meant to be together or even claim that God has revealed to them that they should be together. They would try to convince the partner that there is no other person who would love them the way they do. They are usually consumed with jealousy as well as fear of losing their partner. They make their partner responsible for their happiness. These kinds of abusers are usually hypersensitive, and they cry very easily. Their most preferred love interests are those codependent people who are emotionally stronger than they are and who would be forgiving, doting, and tolerant of them. These abusers can also be verbally, physically, financially, or spiritually abusive.
The addictive abuser
This is an abuser with either one or several addictions. It could be drugs and/or alcohol, sex, gambling, pornography, spending, eating, etc. They are usually ashamed of their addiction(s) and would do anything to hide and cover up their behaviors. These abusers are very skilled at manipulating and lying. Usually, when the addiction involves substance abuse, the abuser is usually volatile and can easily get angered.
Addictive abusers are usually impulsive and seldom exercise self-control. They believe that it is of utmost importance to get their needs and desires met. They enjoy taking risks but sometimes can be reckless. Many times, they would make promises to quit their addiction over and over without following through. However, the best hope for these abusers’ is professional long-term treatment. They can also exercise verbal, physical, financial, and spiritual abuse.
The womanizing abuser
A womanizer is usually extremely arrogant and in most cases, unfaithful to their partner. They are excessively consumed with and can even be addicted to seducing and flirting with other women. They are sometimes very charismatic but not all the time. They derive self-esteem from women or men who reciprocate their advances.
The abuser may or may not be good looking, have very low self-esteem, and they usually claim that they are flirtatious but rather it is just their “personality,” so nothing they have done is wrong. They are also expert manipulators and liars who lack any sensitivity towards their partner’s hurts, emotions, and needs, and they would rarely validate their partner’s feelings.
The womanizing abuser is one that can be defined as a smooth-talker, and they can expertly lie their way out of any situation. This image is very important to them, and sometimes they can resort to blaming their partners for being the unfaithful one instead if they do anything as trivial as wearing lipstick one day. When this blame-game occurs, it could be a sign that they are unfaithful. This abuser normally tends to lack empathy, and they can also be verbally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually abusive.
The chauvinistic abuser
This type of abuser thinks that they are superior, especially in a romantic context. They believe that their rights should always prevail. They lack empathy and compassion and are often very controlling. They can frequently degrade and humiliate their partner without showing any feelings of remorse, would never apologize or admit to any fault.
When confronted, the chauvinistic abuser usually blames their victim for their bad behavior. For example, an abusive husband would claim that if the wife hadn’t mouthed-off to him, then he wouldn’t have been abusive; therefore, it was his wife’s fault. The chauvinistic abuser has many traits that resemble that of a narcissistic abuser. They can also be verbally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually abusive.
The mentally ill abuser
This type of abuser can have mood disorders and even multiple personalities. They can be clinically depressed or may have frequent and unpredictable highs and lows medically known as manic and depressive stages. If the abuser has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) it can cause them to constantly keep tabs on their partner like by calling and texting all the time. Also, they may be anxious, and this can cause them to have a fear of losing their partner or being abandoned.
Other types of mental disorders associated with this type of abuser include borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, among others. They can easily be angered or prone to rage, or they can also be hypersensitive and can cry easily. Being on prescribed medication in these situations can sometimes be dangerous, and sometimes when they switch or entirely quit medication, they can be even more dangerous to both themselves and other people.
The martyr abuser
The martyr abuser thrives off if sympathy and pity from others and will do anything to be seen as a victim, even lying. This type of abuser may be a child of a mother who highly adored them and constantly excused their bad behavior while growing up. They may even go as far as to threaten suicide or actually attempt to do it in order to gain attention. Most times, they blame other people for their bad behavior. There are also times when they would apologize and claim it won’t happen again but would never change or even seek the help they need with the abuse.
The martyr abuser is usually a smooth-talker who can easily persuade anyone into believing them. They are also hypersensitive and would cry easily. They are very emotionally manipulative and abusive and uses guilt-tripping as their greatest tool of manipulation. They can also be physically, verbally, financially, and spiritually abusive.
The perfectionist abuser
The perfectionist abuser demands perfection in other people – especially their partner’s in relationships. They are very condescending, impatient, and intolerant at times to other people. They would engage in humiliation and ridicule to get their partner to get them to comply. They are also very critical and would complain regularly about their partner’s performance, be it their cooking, cleaning, shopping, driving, parenting, intelligence, work ethic, body weight and even their performance in the bedroom.
The victim is usually left with extremely low self-esteem when abused. The abuser usually also has low self-esteem and degrading other people is usually about making themselves feel good about themselves. They rarely apologize when they are abusive or degrading others. They are also physically, emotionally, verbally, financially, and spiritually abusive.
The misogynistic abuser
This is one of the most dangerous abusive people. A misogynist is a person who despises, dislikes, or is strongly biased against women. There are even religious/Christian persons who hate women. They engage in many tactics to manipulate, control, alienate, isolate, humiliate, destroy, or hurt women, even if they are romantically involved. A misogynist shows no compassion, sympathy, or empathy and couldn’t care less when the woman is suffering from like illness and can even deny them medical care at such times. In relationship
s, they are very controlling, even choosing who the partner can or can’t hang out with. To them, a woman’s basic job is to serve their men, and they have no value.
A lot of extreme religious cults usually attract this kind of people. If they have any involvement with a religious cult, they would distort the scripture on submission and justify their own bad behaviors. A misogynistic abuser will never admit fault or apologize because they believe they haven’t done anything wrong; therefore, the chances of them changing at all are close to nil. These abusers are extremely physically, verbally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially abusive.
The language narcissists use to manipulate their victims
Narcissists are charismatic admirers and lovers of nothing but themselves. If you had fallen for anyone of them before, nobody blames you. Narcissists are experts at making someone feel adored and like the luckiest people in the world before you start being their toy and a slave to their enormous manipulative ego; a victim. They seem to play mind games with a language only they can understand. But this is how you understand it as well.
The soft abuse
This takes place at the beginning of a relationship when neither the victim nor the narcissist has revealed their true colors. The narcissist will use words like “you can trust me.” The moment the victim start gaining confidence in them, they serve the narcissists everything, their flaws, past relationships, difficulties, and happy moments. Once they have all this information, they will use it, later on, to provoke and attack them with it.
The myth of eternal love
They are very good at showering their victims with sweet words and promises of eternal love. They would be like “Our love is special” or “I will love you forever.” Such words are meant to totally melt the victim’s heart and break it later. Once the victim falls for this trap, they become more than happy to follow with the narcissists’ manipulative game.
The confusion game
Narcissists would never mean what they say, and at the same time, they would never say what they mean. They are that complicated. They don’t like to be criticized or confronted at all; therefore, they will confuse their victims with “I was just joking,” “That wasn’t what I meant” or “I never said that.” Once the victim is left confused and has no clue, they will grab that opportunity to gain power. They always make sure they have the last word.
Using the victim’s secrets against them
In the beginning, we mentioned the victim opening up to the narcissists and telling them everything about themselves. Now, this is that time that the narcissists through everything at their victim’s face; no mercy! They are experts at using their victim’s insecurities and scars of the past against them. They will go like “You are too sensitive” or “You are too needy.” They use all the secrets and information to offend the victim. This just goes to show that they have no empathy, and their victim’s feelings don’t bother them.
Their hidden art of compliments
Narcissists are the best at making a person feel good. Their praises and compliments can take you to the moon and back. But they are false, nothing but a huge deception and lie as well as abusive. “You look nice today, but you looked better yesterday.” This is nothing close to honesty. They use a softer voice to criticize their victims for their own sole purposes.
The mirror effect
Narcissists will always find a way to put all the blame on their victims when they know they have wronged. “You are ridiculous” or “stop psychoanalyzing me.” These are some of the words they usually say. In the end, the victim will find themselves feeling like they were the ones who did something wrong.
Gaslighting
This is their lethal weapon when they decide and are ready to make their victim feel like they are losing their mind. They automatically become the victim’s idol, and the victim is the one seeking approval from them since they seem to know everything. The moment they gain power over their victim, they will start saying accusatory phrases like “You are making that up” or “You are crazy.”
In the end, keep in mind that narcissists can either get quiet or loud while using their language. What is important to note is that they will stop at nothing to reach their goals. These people are real psychopaths, and their behavior can lead their victims to depression, anxiety, and even suicide.
Conclusion
Thank you for making it through to the end of Dark Psychology Emotional Manipulation, let’s hope it was informative and able to provide you with all the tools you need to achieve your goals whatever they may be.
Now you know about the most dangerous minds that exist. You also know the principles that support the world of dark psychology, how they are modified and applied to different situations. You can also recognize the traits of the people who exercise dark psychology as well as those who are sought after by these dark people so that they can exert their dark psychological powers over them.
Every reader has a different experience. Was your experience about learning the tactics of dark psychology so that you know when it is being used on you and defend yourself? Maybe your experience was a little dark? And exciting? Maybe you have found yourself secretive tools you can use to get your way ahead in this dark world.
Whatever the case, at least you know the reality of this world, and the next step is to know your way forward. It is entirely up to you to choose the way you want to play things.
Finally, if you found this book useful in any way, a review on Amazon is always appreciated!