by Maya Daniels
She ignores me and all I hear is a sad exhale from her. I start screaming in my head, spitting profanities, threatening to kill myself so she doesn’t have a vessel, turning to dark magick and selling my soul…everything I can think of just so she will let me have my way, but nothing is working. My body stands calmly, waiting for the lantern and no sound comes out. I stop my tantrum only because I realize it takes longer for the red cloak to throw the lantern. Why does it take longer? As I’m about to start talking again to try to convince her to release my body back to me, the familiar voice speaks, and for the hundredth time, it feels like the universe stops in its track. Why can’t I place the voice? The dread comes back, and what’s worse, I feel the sorrow Inanna feels at the same time I hear the words spoken that would kill me a million times in a heartbeat.
“I knew you’d come eventually, Alexia, I was waiting for the day you would show yourself in front of me.” Softly spoken words that slice through me like a sharp blade. I stare holding my breath. Who the fuck is it?
“As I promised you, not even death can stop me from coming for you.” As those words are spoken, the red cloaked figure turns and drops the cloak to the ground.
I can’t breathe. My heart shreds into a million pieces that will never be put together again. Betrayal, hurt and pain mingle together to torment my hole of a heart while I stare at the eyes I know so well. Angel, I called him. Guilt I felt for losing him, yet here he stands in all his glory, his cruel dead eyes looking at me, gloating at my naivety and stupidity. My entire existence stops as I stare at those eyes, stranger’s eyes now, and before I pass out, I manage to utter one word like a curse.
“Derik?”
My body jerks and I see him lunge for me, arms outstretched, as shrieks fill the air from all the monsters around me.
I hear Inanna whisper softly, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from this pain, love.”
My body crumbles towards the ground as dark spots dance in front of my eyes and as I’m looking forward to the oblivion or death, my mind keeps screaming
Nooo,no,no,no,no,no!!!
There is a sharp pain where his fingers connect to my skin when he tries to grab my forearm to hold me, but they pass through my body like I’m air. I realize too late that I’m being pulled out of the realm without saving my sisters, without avenging my grandmother, but I don’t care. I’m dead. I feel nothing. Even the anger is gone, and now I am the void.
Blissful nothingness fills me, and I evaporate while staring at Derik’s angry eyes. I hear myself laugh. What is he angry about? That he played me for a fool? Or that I didn’t stay long enough for him to destroy my body like he destroyed my soul? As the scene fades in front of me, I close my eyes.
Within seconds I feel my bed under me and I look to see if I pulled him here with me. Strong arms wrap around me, and I look into Lucifer’s eyes. Seeing the worry and sadness there makes me want to slap him. They’re all liars, faking care and emotions they don’t feel. Pretending, wearing their masks to fool morons like me who carry their hearts on their sleeves for their entertainment. I stare at him numbly and wait to hear what line he’s going to feed me now. It better be good, because it’s keeping me present in this world by a thread. I can’t wait to let go and close my eyes forever. I’m done. They can all continue their game of chess without me. Pawn I am not, not anymore. He is still looking at me mutely, so I figure I’ll say one more thing before I let go.
“Save my sisters from Tomorith’s realm. Promise me!”
Not that I trust him, but his word is his binding. That much I know. I wonder how I managed to push Inanna out of my body. Or did she leave on her own when I died inside? No one wants to stick around a void, I guess.
“We will both save them, Alexia,” he says hoarsely, still staring at me with those eyes of his.
“No. I need you to promise! I have to go, Lucifer. If nothing was real, at least do this one thing for me. Promise me you’ll save my sisters,” I whisper and smile at him. They’re so good at their games. No way can you tell if they’re faking. At least a fool like me can’t tell, anyways.
“Don’t you dare, Alexia. I will hunt you to the abyss and drag your ass back, do you hear me?” he growls through clenched teeth, and I want to laugh. Yeah, right! The great Lucifer gives a fuck if an insignificant creature like me hangs on or not. How didn’t I see this before now? Am I really that stupid?
“Promise me,” I repeat and look at him expectantly. I just need him to say it and I’ll go.
“Witch, if you let go, I swear to you by my own immortal existence that I won’t just bring you back, you’ll be indebted to me for it for eternity. You hear me?!” He shakes me and I laugh. A dead laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.
“Promise,” I whisper again.
“It had to unravel like the Fates had it set, Alexia, I promise we will get through this. Just don’t let go. We will save them together. I will not leave your side. Look at me!”
I watch him, and it’s funny that looking into his eyes is not weird anymore. Well, I guess because my soul is dead, he has nothing to intimidate. Huh! What an interesting sensation.
“Promise!” I prompt him.
As I watch, one sparkling tear sneaks from the corner of his eye, and I watch the sparkling diamond travel down his perfect face towards his chin. It’s fascinating. Can they cry on a whim while playing their mind games? Who would’ve thought? Well, he did say the word promise, so I’ll hold to that thought because I can’t hold on any longer. I’m tired. The guilt that because of me, my grandmother died and my sisters got hurt is too much to bear. I just want to close my eyes. I can let go now.
I look at him one more time and place my hand on his cheek. He leans into it and I smile. I almost believe it. Gentle, kind Lucifer. If I had strength, I would’ve laughed. With a deep sigh, I smile at him as my eyes start closing.
“Goodbye,” I whisper, still smiling.
A roar like nothing I’ve ever heard before slices through my head. Power that can destroy galaxies slams into my body. It feels like I’m going to burst into a gazillion pieces and disappear. I feel his fingers bite into my skin with such force that I hear bones snapping from the inside. Out of nowhere, he slams his mouth on mine and strong energy zaps me so hard that my back bows off the bed. That’s the last thing I feel before my mind says What the fuck?? and I’m out. It figures—my last words are me swearing!
9
Lucifer…
I’ve always found the humans’ minds and their feeble attempts to fool themselves into believing they are good or bad, depending on the human, I guess, fascinating. I cannot fathom the concept. There is righteousness, of course, but that is all. Maybe that’s why I find them fascinating. This curiosity of mine with them has cost me much, yet I cannot quench my thirst to understand them, especially the witch upstairs. What a fascinating creature. I feel the sides of my mouth twitch while I’m trying not to smile. The old witch is looking at me through narrowed eyes.
“Something funny, Lucifer?”
“I do not see what can be funny, old woman. Why do you ask?” I cock my eyebrow at her and focus on her pale blue eyes. She’s old but there is so much life in them. She doesn’t look away. Good! I will need her help soon enough.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at, angel, but I can tell you that if she gets hurt in any way, I’ll be sure to make your existence as miserable as possible.”
Throwing my head back, I laugh. I have not had this much fun for a very long time. It’s very stupid to assume you can play games with entities such as me, although many have tried, mortal and immortal alike. Suffice it to say, it didn’t end well for either kind. It’s a good thing they’re so stuck in their puny minds with their polarities, egotistic creatures that they are. Well, not all of them, no. The witch upstairs is different. That’s what got me to start paying attention a long time ago, but she never lived long enough for me to figure her out. Like her precious water, she slipped through my fingers in each of h
er lifetimes—but not this time! I’m determined. I will figure out this piece of the puzzle in the great scheme of things that is called Alexia Semiramis. The Gift of the Sea is in my hands now and I’m not wasting this chance. Not this time. I stop laughing and cock my head to the side, feeling the subtle ripples in the energies around this forsaken realm.
“Ah! She travels!” I tell the old witch with a smile. Daisy, her name is.
“What?” She frowns.
“Your witch just entered the astral realms,” I tell her and watch her face go pale. I smirk. They are such weak creatures, scared of their own shadows no matter how brave some appear to be. Pathetic.
“We have to wake her up. She’s not strong enough to travel now. She just woke up!” She jumps up from the chair and heads towards the stairs.
“Stop!”
“I’m not stopping, angel, and I dare you to try to stop me yourself,” she says angrily over her shoulder but truly doesn’t stop. I wonder if it’s courage or just stupidity. I flick my wrist and she freezes in her spot.
“Is this better, old woman?”
“Lucifer, I know you can’t understand this as much as you try, but you will, soon enough. I saw it earlier in your eyes. I beg of you, let me go wake her up. She is not strong enough. She needs a bit more time. I know all about her path in this lifetime. This is the game changer, and you will be grateful you let me help in the long run, trust me. You will regret it if you don’t stop it now, and for her sake, I would hate to say I told you so when you ask for my help.”
I narrow my eyes at the old woman, but she’s looking at me calmly, now, like we’re discussing the weather. A moment ago she was threatening me, and now it’s like a different human standing frozen in the spot. This is what I find so fascinating about them.
Then her words hit me like lightning, and I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Me! She made me feel this and I want to lash out at her, but her words swirl in my head. I know she has a point. The witch upstairs is playing with my head and I’m trying to understand it, but I cannot. She does and says things that give me these foreign sensations I don’t understand, and she leaves me to wonder if something is changing in me or if it’s this damn realm.
Like her earlier comment when she forgot I was present. Why do I care if she notices me or not? My presence here is to figure out the puzzle that is her, not to care if she knows I’m there. Yet the tightening in my stomach tells me her words stir up something in me. It’s my curiosity! That’s all!
And my powers going out of control when she collapsed in my arms three months ago was just anger from thinking she’ll try to slip away from me again before I figure her out. Yes! That is the truth of this situation. I feel more at peace now, so I can speak.
“The Fates set things in motion and the web needs to unravel itself as it should. Not even I dare interfere with it, woman. My place is to sit and observe, nothing more. The worthy find their way through the trials the Fates set on their path. The unworthy have more lifetimes to go until they learn. The spiral keeps circling. We do not stop the process.”
“You’re blind, angel, but I can’t say a word to change your mind without saying too much and bringing things on her head that I can’t predict to help her. Remember my words. You will soon regret this. She is neither mentally nor emotionally strong enough at the moment to travel through astral realms. Release me, I will not wake her. I promise.” She shakes her head sadly and tears shimmer in her eyes. “Poor child…,” she whispers at the end.
I feel uneasy at this, but I release her absentmindedly while my mind races with the implications of her words. What does that mean, that I’ll regret this? This is not about me, it’s about the witch. The old woman doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I turn around, pick up the cup of tea she made for me and lose myself in my own thoughts. I will ignore the old woman, she is not nearly as entertaining as Alexia. I cannot wait until she leaves. My stomach tightens but I force it away. It is not my place to interfere with the web of life. I learned that lesson the hard way. Now humans scare their children with my name because of it. Stupid creatures, no matter how fascinating they are.
“I did help her prepare to go save her family, did I not? Even if I thought at one point it was useless and she’s too broken.” I find myself speaking and I wonder at my own stupidity. This realm is affecting me. I need to leave this place very soon.
“She is not like any other human, Lucifer, you know this. That is the reason you are here now.” Daisy speaks clearly but with tiredness in her voice.
I watch her slowly walk back towards the table and sit back down. She grabs the mug of tea in a white-knuckled grip and the tightness in my stomach returns. The old woman is more disturbed now than when she found her precious Alexia unconscious and bleeding three months ago. I’m starting to wonder if there is more to her than I previously assumed. Does she know something that I do not? I narrow my eyes at her. As impossible as it sounds, something tells me that she does and I’m determined to find out.
“Of course, she is not. She is a witch, is she not? That hardly makes her human, no matter how much she looks like one.” I wave my hand in the air nonchalantly.
“Keep telling yourself that’s why she’s different,” she says angrily.
“Do share your wisdom, oh great witch, and enlighten poor old me.”
“Don’t mock me, Lucifer. If you weren’t so arrogant and concerned about your own agendas, you’d see for yourself what is right in front of your face. There are bigger players than you involved this time, and unless you get your head out of your ass, you’ll play right into their hands!” she snaps.
Her eyes go round as she slaps a hand over her mouth, as if that will take her words back. She has my full attention now. Too bad if she thinks I’ll let it pass because she might get in trouble. Slowly, I rise from my seat and tower over her. Now I’m angry. The thought of someone using me as a player for their own gain makes my blood boil, and I can only imagine what she sees when she shrinks back in her chair as if that will calm me down. My whole body is shaking, and I know I’m something you don’t want to be looking at this moment, but I couldn’t care less. My power surges wildly around me and loud thunder starts crashing somewhere in the distance, but I’m focused on the old woman in front of me.
I growl through clenched teeth, “Speak!”
I squeeze out that one word and breathe through my nose in a poor attempt to calm down. If I scare her more, I’m afraid she’ll have a heart attack and die, which will do me no good in finding out what is going on. She only shakes her head, shakes it so hard that her neatly-tied hair goes flying around her face. She is even paler now than when she tried to go wake Alexia. The uneasiness in the pit of my stomach returns double. I want to grab her and shake her until she speaks but it will do me no good, so I clench my hands and breathe through my nose, pushing my power back to allow me to speak. A few moments later, the air that enters my lungs comes in easier, so I try to relax my muscles and slowly sit back down. Maybe that will calm the old woman a little. I shake my head as if to clear my anger.
“I did not mean to scare you, but you need to tell me what you know.” I lift my hand to stop her from interrupting me and she closes her mouth. “If I don’t know what I’m dealing with, I cannot help your Alexia. I suppose you are correct in your observation that I did not see the bigger picture in all this. It sure feels that way, now that you mentioned it. The witch had me fascinated hundreds of years ago, but she never stayed alive long enough to satisfy my curiosity. That is why I offered my help. I see there is something bigger at play now, for I do not doubt your words. There must be something you can tell me without bringing change to the events that are to pass.”
I impress myself with the calmness in my voice. There! That should placate the old woman enough for her to speak. I did learn that these creatures will go to their own doom for those they claim as their own. The witch upstairs is a pure example. It has made me wonder many times what it feels
like to have someone value your life above their own and for what reason. They call it love but it is not true. Through millennia, I have watched humans claiming love for each other, only to turn around and make the other suffer when they claim love yet to someone else. I do not think they understand the emotion—or maybe it’s just as twisted as their feeble minds. I want to laugh when I hear them use it to justify their poor choices. They confuse passion for love, yet looking at this whole situation makes me feel as if I am the one not understanding something. Me! It makes me want to lash out at humanity, which would at the least give them good reason to fear me. I look at the old woman and wait. I can feel that she’s fighting an internal battle. Is it right or is it wrong? Am I good or am I bad? Ah, the pathetic existence! I almost laugh, looking at the war she is fighting displayed in her eyes. Ha! There it is! Decision has been made.
She juts her chin up as if she is defying the Source itself. If she weren’t so focused on it, she would see the gleam in my eyes as I feel that whatever she says will bring me closer to figuring out this whole situation. I love playing the game of chess, but I myself have no intention of being one of the pieces. This little victory is very sweet.
“The balance has been lost for many years, angel. In the eternal bickering between the gods about who can outsmart whom, many things went askew. It brought suffering to everyone including them, but they’re too arrogant to notice until it’s too late.” She looks at her cup, shaking her head. “The more the balance was tipped one way or the other, the more they did not realize they were losing their power and with it, their immortality. How many have been forgotten? They sit in their realms foolishly believing the humans are lesser creatures until they fade into nothingness and blend back with the Source as if they never existed—and they believe it is they who pull the strings and play the games, just like you do now. Alexia never lived long enough in any of her lifetimes until this one, because someone made sure she did not, not because she was foolishly following her heart. Inanna chose wisely when picking herself a vessel, but not because of who Alexia is. She chose wisely because of what Alexia is. The Dark Mother chose her because she is the one to even the scales, and you are needed for that, too. Darkness does not destroy the light, it defines it, my dear Light bearer, and while I tell you things that you should’ve already known, her soul is being torn apart and you will need to mend it together. You are more closely connected than you think. I am not sure you are fit for that task, since you have no idea what stands in front of you when you look at her.”