by Jae
"Jamie?" Aiden guessed with a laugh.
"Not that young."
Now Aiden stopped laughing. "You're not with Evan, are you?"
Dawn frowned. Aiden didn't sound very enthusiastic about it. "Yes, I am."
"Without even telling me first?" Aiden sounded annoyed.
"Listen, let's talk about this later," Dawn tried to end the discussion before Evan could realize that they were arguing about her.
Aiden sighed. "You should have told me. She's my sister. I should be the one to talk to her. She's my responsibility now."
"This has nothing to do with you," Dawn said. She hated fighting with Aiden, but she was fully prepared to stand up to her if Aiden thought she could dictate Dawn's relationship with Evan.
"How can you say that? You're my lover, and she's my sister! This has everything to do with me!" She could hear Aiden start to pace around.
Wonderful. I guess I should have told her beforehand. "Are you at home?" she asked instead of continuing their discussion.
"Yeah."
"Then I'll come over later. We'll talk about it then," Dawn said.
"Fine. See you later." Aiden ended the call.
Dawn put the cell phone away. When she looked up, she saw Evan reaching out a hand to help her up. "Thanks." She tried not to smile as Evan demonstrated her strength by practically lifting her to her feet.
"I didn't think you'd actually do it," Evan said when they took off their skates and climbed back up onto the platform.
"Well, I'm reasonably good at ice-skating, and I figured it couldn't be that different. Guess I was wrong." Dawn chuckled and patted her backside.
Evan lit another cigarette and leaned back.
Dawn wrinkled her nose as the smoke drifted in her direction, but she didn't comment. You're not her therapist. You're not her mother, and you're not her sister. You're trying to be her friend, and that means accepting her decisions even if you think they're bad decisions.
"That was your cop girlfriend," Evan said, pointing at the cell phone in Dawn's pocket.
Dawn tilted her head. "Her name is Aiden Carlisle, and yes, that was her."
Evan flicked the ash off the tip of her cigarette. "She's the jealous type, keeps you on a short leash, huh?"
"No," Dawn said as calmly as possible. "There's no reason for jealousy. She knows that I would never cheat on her." And certainly not with her teenaged half sister!
"But she doesn't like you talking to me." Evan was not stupid. She had understood the gist of their phone conversation.
Dawn thought about her answer for long moments. She decided to tell Evan the truth and treat her like an adult. Only then could she expect Evan to do the same. "No, she doesn't," she admitted, "but it's not for the reasons you think."
"Yeah, right." Evan snorted. "A blind man could see that she wants to keep her precious girlfriend away from trash like me."
Dawn energetically shook her head. "That's not it at all. She doesn't think you are trash and neither do I." And you shouldn't think it, either. "Aiden just thinks that she, as your sister, should be the one to talk to you."
Evan spread her arms, indicating the skate park around them. "Then why isn't she here, huh?" she asked, an aggressive edge in her voice and stance.
"Because she's afraid," Dawn said quietly.
Evan laughed. "Good one, Doc."
"I'm serious. Just because she acts confident and tough doesn't mean she's not afraid sometimes." Dawn watched as Evan quickly looked away, studying the tip of her cigarette with exaggerated interest. Message received. "Aiden never had a sister. She doesn't know how to handle this situation or what to say to you. I can imagine that you might feel the same."
"How can I even be sure she really is my sister?" Evan said instead of talking about her feelings. "How do I know she's not just fucking with my head?"
Dawn shrugged. "You could have Aiden show you the scientific proof," she said. "Or you could just look me in the eyes and trust me when I tell you there's no doubt in my mind. You are half sisters."
Evan slowly turned her head and stared directly into Dawn's eyes. She quickly broke eye contact and threw her only half-smoked cigarette onto the half-pipe. "Whatever. Even if it's true, I don't care. I never had a sister, and I sure as hell don't need one now." She stood and climbed down from the platform.
"Don't," Dawn said. "Don't throw this away without thinking about it."
Evan didn't even turn back around.
Dawn quickly caught up with her. "Do you know who taught me how to ice-skate?"
Evan rolled her eyes. "Oh, let me guess: your beloved cop."
"No." Dawn had to laugh as a mental image of Aiden on the ice-skating rink flashed through her mind. "Aiden is really bad at ice-skating."
Evan grinned, visibly pleased with that answer.
Dawn held back a grin. She's denying any interest in Aiden or that she even is her sister, but she's already experiencing sibling rivalry. "It was Brian, my brother. He was five years older than I."
"Was? So he's dead now?" Evan asked, acting as if she didn't care at all.
Dawn bit her lip. "Yes. He was shot ten years ago. I still miss him."
"What has that sob story got to do with me?" Evan impatiently demanded to know.
She's trying to hurt me because she's hurting, Dawn realized. "You've got an older sibling now too. I know it's not the same for you –"
"Damn right it isn't – and that's the last thing I want to say on the subject. Don't you have an impatient girlfriend to go home to?" Evan took the skates from Dawn.
"She can wait," Dawn decided. "I earned the right to hang out with you when I risked my neck on the half-pipe, and I intend to make the most of it. Want to go and get some ice cream?" She knew it was better to drop the subject of Aiden for now.
Evan looked at her down her nose. "Ice cream is for kids."
That tough-gal image is very important to you, isn't it? "Then I guess I'm a kid because I love it. Will you at least keep me company while I indulge in that childish treat?"
"I can do that," Evan said without showing any enthusiasm. "At least Jill and Roger won't get on my ass for being late if I tell them I hung out with you."
They got in the car, and Dawn drove them to the nearest ice-cream shop. "Are you sure you don't want anything?" Dawn asked when they sat down. "It's my treat."
"I don't need charity. I have my own money," Evan answered gruffly.
"I know. I just thought it would be fair for me to pay because I suggested it. You're welcome to pay next time." Dawn held her breath, waiting for Evan's answer.
Evan's long fingers played with the ice-cream menu. "Well, I guess I deserve a little something for showing you how to skate, huh?"
Dawn's first instinct was to agree, but then she stopped herself. Evan wanted to be treated like an adult, not like a kid she was humoring. "Showing?" she repeated incredulously. "You didn't show me anything, Evan. You just shoved the skates at me and told me not to break my neck. If you want to earn anything for teaching me how to skate, you have to try a little harder than that."
A hint of a smile played around Evan's lips, but she quickly forced it down. "You don't want me to teach you how to skate. Not really."
"What? Are you a mind reader now? If I say I'm interested, then I am interested. I'm a decent ice-skater, so I guess with the right teacher, I could be proficient at skating in no time. Unless, of course, you're not up to the job." She looked at Evan with a challenging twinkle in her eyes.
"Depends on what's in it for me," Evan said frankly.
"You mean money?" Dawn shook her head. "I don't pay my friends for doing me a favor. But how about this: you help me pick out a pair of skates and all the other equipment and teach me how to skate, and I'll pay for a new pair of skates for you."
"Any pair I want?" Evan asked with a furtive grin.
Dawn laughed. "Oooh, let me guess – you've got expensive tastes, huh?"
Evan gave her a lopsided grin.
Evan looked at the hand, then at Dawn's face. "I am the teacher? I get to call the shots?"
Oh, you're enjoying this role reversal, aren't you? Dawn was willing to give up the dominant position in their relationship. It might even help them form a relationship that had nothing to do with their former roles of therapist and patient. "You are the teacher," she agreed. "You call the shots."
Evan firmly gripped her hand. "Then we've got a deal."
* * *
A key jangled in the lock.
Aiden hastily put down the book she had held in her hands without reading for the last half hour. "Dawn?" she called, then mentally slapped herself. Who else would it be? Dawn was the only person who had a key to her apartment, and she was well aware of that, but she was too impatient at the moment to wait for Dawn to search her out and start a conversation in her own time.
Dawn entered the living room and went directly to the couch, where Aiden sat. "Hey, Aiden." She leaned down to kiss her hello.
Aiden wasn't in an affectionate mood, but she forced herself to return the gentle kiss. She didn't want to make Dawn feel as if she wasn't loved, just because she was angry with Dawn, with herself, and with the whole complicated situation. Withholding her love was what her mother had done when she was on one of her drinking binges, and Aiden didn't want to repeat the sins of either of her parents. "How is Evan?" she asked when Dawn sat down next to her.
"A little better, I think." Dawn shifted on the couch. "Next time, I want to start convincing her to accept a referral to another therapist."
Aiden was glad Evan seemed to have calmed down since running away from them last week. She had been worried, wondering where Evan had gone and with whom she was, but she had no idea what to do. She had the feeling that no matter what she did it would only end up driving Evan further away instead of helping her. "Next time?" she repeated with a frown. "Sounds like you have regular meetings planned even though you're no longer her therapist." She couldn't quite keep the reproachful tone from her voice.
"I thought about it all day. Normally, I would never try to get involved in the life of a former patient in any way, but with Evan... I think it would do her more harm than good if I stayed away." Dawn shifted again and softly touched Aiden's knee. "I know you think I'm trying to take your place in Evan's life and –"
"No." Aiden quickly covered Dawn's hand with her own. "What I said on the phone was stupid. I didn't mean it. Not like that. It makes me proud that you're reaching out to her like that."
Dawn looked at her. "But?" she prompted.
Aiden sighed, then grinned self-mockingly. Who would have ever thought that one day a psychologist would get to know me so very well? "But," she said, rubbing Dawn's hand to take the sting out of her words, "at the same time, it makes me feel guilty, inadequate, and angry because I know I can't do it. I can't reach her like you can."
"You shouldn't expect yourself to," Dawn said. "Shared genes aside, you're strangers and know absolutely nothing about each other. You can't go from being the enemy who wanted to put her behind bars to beloved sister in one big leap."
"I know." Aiden let her head fall back against the back of the couch. "I know I can't get there in one big leap, but I feel like I don't even know the first tiny step."
"Try being her friend first," Dawn suggested.
Aiden inhaled and exhaled deeply. "Easier said than done. I don't know how to befriend a rebellious teenager, and she doesn't make it easy on me."
"Why should she? Evan never had it easy, so she doesn't make things easy for anyone else either. You have to remember that you're only dealing with finding out you have a sister, but she has to deal with so much more at the moment – there's Laurie Matheson and almost getting charged with rape, the constant arguing with her foster parents, and even the fact that I told her I won't continue as her therapist." Dawn ticked it off on her fingers. "Try to put yourself in her shoes."
That's what's making this so hard. "I've done nothing but put myself in her shoes since I found out she's my half sister." Aiden stared at the wall as the familiar "what ifs" started in her mind. "What if my mother had decided she couldn't stand to keep me around? What if she had given me up for adoption? What if I had grown up in a dozen foster homes? What if I had never known my father was a rapist?"
"That's the point: you didn't grow up like that. Evan did." The greenish gray-eyes looked at Aiden very seriously. "I know the revelation that you have a sister raises a lot of questions about yourself and your father, but for now, try not to make this about you. Make it about Evan."
Aiden groaned and rubbed her face. "I know you're right, but it still doesn't help me to face Evan. I don't know how you do it. You're so frustratingly good with people." She gently poked Dawn to show her she was only teasing. The admiration and the envy she felt were real, though.
"You're good with people too." Dawn reached out and trailed two of her fingers down Aiden's jaw.
A tingle ran down Aiden's body, almost making her forget the conversation for a moment. She cleared her throat and corrected, "I'm good with victims."
"Yes, you are." Dawn gazed deeply into Aiden's eyes, and in her gaze, Aiden could read the gratefulness of a woman who had once been a rape victim in one of her cases.
"Yeah, but that approach won't work with Evan," Aiden said. That was the only thing she was sure of.
Dawn smiled. "Evan wouldn't like being treated like a victim, that's for sure. You have to find another way to relate to her."
"For example?" Aiden wasn't above accepting advice from her psychologist girlfriend.
"Find some common ground, something you have in common," Dawn said without even having to think about it.
One thing came to mind immediately. "Having a violent father?" Aiden asked sarcastically. She didn't even know if Evan had been told about the way she had been conceived. Hell, I'm not even sure if she was conceived by rape. Maybe that old bastard settled down and started a family!
"Something positive," Dawn rebuked her gently.
"Being in love with you?" Aiden suggested with a grin, already anticipating Dawn's reaction.
Dawn pinched her thigh, making Aiden jump and rub the affected body part. "Evan is not in love with me!"
"Okay, it's not love, but she has a teenage crush on you." Aiden was finally relaxed enough to laugh about something that had to do with her half sister.
Dawn stubbornly shook her head. "It's not a crush. If anything, it's what my psychoanalytical colleagues call transference. She still sees me as her therapist, not as the person behind that job. It's easy for a patient to fall for his or her therapist – or to think they are. You know what Evan's childhood and home life were like. Now imagine suddenly having someone focus entirely on you and show you concern."
"I know what you mean. So that common ground is out too, huh?" Aiden sighed. "What else do we have in common? I'm a cop, and she's on the fast track to becoming a criminal."
"Get that out of your head right now! If you think about her like that, you'll never have a relationship with your sister!" Dawn's voice was surprisingly hard and angry.
Aiden knew Dawn was right. If she continued to think about Evan as a misguided hoodlum, she would probably treat her accordingly. She couldn't blame Evan if she wanted nothing to do with a person who treated her like that, sister or not. "I know you're right, but it's hard to see anything we might have in common." She rubbed her neck in resignation.
"That's because you're more than twice her age and at a very different point in life," Dawn said, now calm again.
Now that helps to make me feel better. Aiden made a face.
Dawn laughed. "I didn't say you were Methuselah. Imagine yourself at Evan's age for a second. What were you interested in at sixteen? What did you want more than anything else?"
Aiden leaned forward and stared at the coffee table without seeing it. Sixteen. She
remembered trying to spend as little time as possible at home when her mother barricaded herself into her studio to paint. She remembered her mother's drinking, the shouting, and the good times when her mother had stayed sober and hadn't been so busy with her art. What did I want more than anything else? "To get away from it all," she said out loud.
"And how did you do that when you were sixteen?" Dawn asked.
"I accepted a marriage proposal," Aiden said and laughed at the expression on Dawn's face.
Dawn stared at her long enough to make sure Aiden wasn't joking. "Wow. We want to find things you have in common with Evan, and instead we discover that we have more in common than we thought! What happened?"