by Jae
"The middle?" Kade repeated with raised eyebrows. "I'm a Matheson. I'm not allowed to be average in anything. We don't do middle ground." During the last few weeks, she had come to realize that Del was probably right about her, but for now, it was easier to joke about it.
"Oh, so your family would rather have you be a perfect six?" Del asked with a smile.
No, that's one perfect attribute they'd never want me to have. "Anything other than a zero is not acceptable for a Matheson," she answered.
"Even if it means ignoring a part of yourself?" Del asked, keeping her voice carefully neutral. Kade recognized it as her "I'm helping you figure it out" tone.
"Ignoring a part of ourselves is a Matheson legacy," Kade said dryly. "My mother ignored my father's affairs, my father ignored his own son, and my brother ignores his daughter's sexual orientation."
Del looked her right in the eyes, the intense gaze almost like a physical touch. "And what are you ignoring, Kade?"
That a potentially dangerous man is stalking me. That it's just a matter of time until my mother hears about what is going on in my life. That I like dancing with you way too much. "That you tried to take over leading for the third time right now," Kade said with a smile that was only a little forced. She knew Del would accept the answer even though she knew there was more to it. It was one of the things she liked about Del. Del was one of very few people in her life who didn't pressure her to do what they wanted her to do.
"Well, maybe I don't like where you're leading us," Del answered playfully.
Despite the teasing words, Kade could sense a silent question lingering between them. Where are we going with this? "You don't?" she asked, reminding herself to breathe while she waited for the answer.
"Actually... I do." Del grinned down at her from the two-inch height advantage she had despite Kade's high heels. "It's a slow waltz, but I can live with that."
"Well, you'll have to because I'm not ready to foxtrot," Kade said seriously.
Del didn't stop smiling. "Waltzing is fine with me."
* * *
"Oh, no, Delicia Vasquez!" Grace took a pile of dirty dishes from Del's hands. "It's your birthday, and you're not helping in the kitchen today."
"I always help with the dishes," Del said. "I don't mind."
Grace shook her head. "Nope. You sit here and keep us company. Kade is gonna help me, right, Kade?"
Kade set down the tray of empty glasses. "Right." At least Del is not leaving me alone to be interrogated by Grace Kinsley.
Grace picked up one of the dishtowels and leaned against the counter while she waited for Kade to wash the first dishes. "You're a little quiet," she said to Del. "Everything all right?"
"Well, I'm another year older now, as a friend of mine so helpfully pointed out with her horde of candles. Guess I get tired more easily," Del answered with a smile.
Kade turned away from the sink to glance at Del. Now that Grace had pointed it out, she realized Del had indeed been unusually quiet for the last few hours.
"You're forty-three, Del, not ninety-three," Grace answered while she took the first washed glass from Kade's hands.
Forty-three, huh? Kade smiled to herself. Del's secret was finally out. Maybe the age difference should upset me, but somehow, it's the least of my concerns.
"Thank you so much for pointing it out to Kade," Del grumbled.
Grace didn't answer with the expected joke. "That call you got... that wasn't really your brother, was it?"
Kade stopped all movement when Del didn't answer immediately. "Yes," Del said after a few tense moments, "it was."
Kade turned around. "I thought you said you hadn't talked to any member of your family for the last twenty-five years? And now your brother calls out of the blue to congratulate you on your birthday?" It didn't make sense to Kade's logical mind. There had been twenty-five birthdays without any calls, so why call now?
"He didn't call because of my birthday," Del said. Her words were slow and her body stiff. "He called to tell me our father is dying."
The dishcloth sank to the bottom of the sink as Kade's nerveless hands let go of it. "Del." She wanted to rush to Del, to touch her in a reassuring way, but she was elbow-deep in soapy water and Grace was watching them. "I'm so sorry."
"He wants to see me before he dies, but I'm not sure I want to see him." Del's face was a stony mask.
Kade remembered clearly what Del had told her about her parents. Del's father had beaten her and thrown her out of his house when he realized his daughter was gay. He had never contacted her again. He had acted as if she was dead to him, and now that he was dying, Kade could understand why Del wasn't rushing to his sickbed.
Kade wasn't sure what to say. She didn't know how to make this easier for Del. She looked at Grace, Del's oldest friend, hoping she would know what to do and what to say.
But Grace just handed her the dishtowel and remained silent.
She's letting me handle this, Kade realized. She's handing over the responsibility for Del's emotional well-being. She quickly dried her hands and sat down next to Del while Grace took the place on Del's other side in silent support. "Will you go see him?" Kade asked quietly.
Del looked down at the table. "I'm not sure. Would you?"
Would I? It was a question Kade had asked herself for years. "My father never asked for me."
Del's gaze flew up, meeting Kade's with sudden realization. "Your father and you... you were estranged when he died?"
Kade had never liked talking about family issues with non-family members. Actually, she had never liked talking about it with anyone. Now she was determined to do it anyway if it could help Del make a decision in this situation. "My father was a proud and stubborn man," she began.
"Like father like daughter, huh?" Del said it without accusation or judgment.
Kade smiled ruefully. "It's a family trait," she said. "He was a politician and a senior partner in an influential law firm."
"Matheson, Sutherland, & Bryce, right?" Del had already connected the dots.
"It's just Sutherland & Bryce now," Kade said without regret.
Del studied her. "Your father wanted you to join his firm." It wasn't hard to guess.
"He had ambitious plans for his only daughter. Joining the firm, marrying the son of one of his partners, and following him into politics one day." Somehow it all seemed so far away as if she were talking about somebody else's life. Still, the pain belonged to her.
"You're an ambitious woman too. I take it you didn't share the same ambitions?" Del asked.
That was putting it mildly. "Some of our dreams weren't all that different. I can see myself going into politics or taking over the DA's seat one day too."
"There are easier and faster ways to achieve that than being an underpaid, underappreciated Deputy DA," Del said, again without judgment. Kade understood she was just playing devil's advocate.
"That's what my father said too. We never saw eye to eye on the path to that goal. I didn't want to tread the beaten tracks," Kade admitted for the first time. "I wanted to go my own way. I was passionate about the law, not about the paycheck or defending clients who might or might not be innocent. My father didn't care about my reasons." After Doug had chosen to go into medicine instead of law, their father had put all his hopes in Kade. He wanted her to follow in his footsteps and fulfill his every expectation. "When I took a job with the DA's office, we had a huge fight. A year went by without us talking, but before we could reconcile, my father died of a heart attack."
"You think I should go and see my father before it's too late," Del assumed.
Kade shook her head. "That's not what I'm saying. I just don't want you to have the same regrets I do."
Del sighed. "I'll think about it."
Kade hesitantly reached out and, very aware of Grace's gaze resting on her, quickly laid a hand on Del's shoulder. "Let me know if I can help in any way, okay?" It felt good to extend the same offer of support Del had always given her.
<
br /> Del laid her hand on top of Kade's. "Thanks. I will," she said without hesitation.
CHAPTER 23
AIDEN LOOKED UP when Ray set a paper cup of aromatic coffee down on her desk. After drinking squad room sludge all day, this was a real treat. "Thanks, Ray." She reached for the coffee with her left hand while she continued to thumb through a file.
"Did I miss a memo?" Ray asked, pointing at the mountains of files on her desk. "Is there a new case I'm not aware of?"
"It's Kade's case," Aiden said in a low voice. It was late, and most of their colleagues had already left for the day, but she still wanted to be careful.
Ray sat down across from her. "So what's this?" he asked, gesturing with his paper cup in the direction of the files.
"I went through the cases that Kade was working on or had just signed off on when the flower deliveries began." She nodded down at the stacks of files on her desk. "Chances are that whoever is stalking her has a connection to one of Kade's cases from that time." At least they were hoping for a connection because if he was just a crazy stalker who had randomly picked Kade for his next victim, they would never find him.
"And?" Ray leaned forward in anticipation. "Did you find anything?"
Aiden swallowed a mouthful of still too hot coffee. "Three of them roughly match the description of the man the doorwoman saw lurking outside Kade's apartment building." She took a smaller stack of files and handed them to Ray.
"Three?" Ray fanned out the files. "There are four files in this pile." He flipped open the file on top and began to read. "Gary Ballard?"
Aiden knew she didn't need to remind him Ballard was the man who had raped Dawn. "Yeah."
"You think he has something to do with Kade being stalked?" Ray didn't bother to hide his skepticism.
"I know it looks like I'm overreacting because of Dawn, but it's a possibility we should check out. Ballard's case ended right before the stalking began," Aiden said. She had hesitated to add Ballard to the list of suspects because she knew it made her look unprofessional and too emotionally involved. In the end, she had decided to risk that rather than risk overlooking the possibility and endangering Kade.
"Yeah, but the case ended with a conviction – which means Ballard is in prison now," Ray said.
"That doesn't mean anything. He could have hired someone. Men like him always have enough friends, paid lackeys, or sick admirers to do the dirty work for them. Remember how Kade provoked him during the trial?" Kade had tried to provoke him by questioning his masculinity because they knew he would lose control if they hit him in his weak spot. More than once, it had looked as if he wanted to attack Kade right there in the courtroom, but he had kept himself in check until the very end when they had dragged him from the room and he had shouted threats and obscenities. "Maybe he wants revenge. And if he found out Kade is not as straight as we all thought..."
Their gazes met in alarm.
"If Ballard is behind all this, it would explain why he had Lieutenant Vasquez attacked. He has a history of feeling threatened by lesbians," Ray said. "Now that the attack failed, Kade might be in real danger."
And not only Kade, Aiden realized. What if he wants revenge not only against the prosecutor but also against the women who testified against him? Dawn's testimony was what put him behind bars. The sudden urge to call Dawn, to race home and make sure she was all right almost overwhelmed Aiden. A lot of thoughts shot through her head. What if the trashing of Dawn's car back in January was not a coincidence? What if Ballard was behind that too?
"Hey, you all right?" Ray frowned. "You look a little pale all of a sudden."
"I just realized that Dawn might be in danger too." Aiden's voice was a whisper as if saying it aloud would make it true.
"And you," Ray added seriously.
She almost wished Ballard or his lackey would go for her. "I'm not worried about me. I'm a big girl with a big gun." She grinned at Ray.
"So is Lieutenant Vasquez," he warned. "It didn't do her any good when she was surprised from behind."
Aiden pointed her pen at him. "Yeah, but she didn't have you to watch her back. Are you up for paying Ballard a little visit tomorrow?"
"Uh... um, yes, of course. Meet you at the precinct?" Ray asked casually, but Aiden had noticed his hesitation.
"You have plans," she said, making it a statement, not a question.
Ray looked almost embarrassed. "It's just that I promised Susan an uninterrupted weekend just for the two of us. No kids, no work. She thinks we need it."
"Hey, you don't need to apologize for having a private life." Now that she had Dawn, she could understand the need for time off better than she ever had.
"I'm not apologizing. I just don't want you to go alone. I'll come with you." Ray's decision sounded final.
Aiden rubbed the back of her neck. "You know what? I'll ask the third member of our lesbian case squad. I'm sure Del would love to go visit that bastard with me."
Ray frowned. "Is that a good idea?"
"Both of us have worked cases without male supervision before, Ray," she said, even knowing it was not what Ray meant.
"You're both close to one of Ballard's victims." There was a warning tone in Ray's voice.
Aiden raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you afraid we'll run amok and kill him in his cell without you there to hold us back?"
"Are you sure how you'll react when you're alone with the man who raped the woman you love?"
Ray's quiet question robbed Aiden of breath. She hadn't allowed herself to think about it that way. "No," she answered. "I don't know how I'll react. But I'm not gonna do something stupid."
Ray looked at her, his eyes probing into hers. After a few seconds, he nodded. "Will you tell Dawn that you're going to visit Ballard?"
Aiden groaned. She hadn't thought about that. "I don't know." On one hand, she didn't want to bring back painful memories now that Dawn had finally found some peace, but on the other hand, she didn't want to hide the truth from Dawn. If there was even the remote possibility that Dawn might be in danger, she had to warn her. Aiden knew she had a lot to think about on her drive home.
* * *
"Who would have thought," Dawn said, leaning back in her chair, "Del Vasquez lying on a shrink's couch – of her own free will."
Del stretched out on the couch in Dawn's office, reminding Dawn of a lithe panther. "I hope you're not expecting me to pay you for your advice."
"No. I'm talking to you as a friend." Dawn didn't answer with a joke. Making this distinction clear was always a very serious thing for her.
"So what is your friendly advice?" Del asked. "Should I go and see my father or abandon him like he abandoned me?"
Dawn sighed. "I'm afraid I can't give you objective advice about this. I know that I'd give anything to be able to talk to my father again just one more time."
"It's not the same thing. Your dad was wonderful; mine was an asshole," Del summarized it in ever-efficient cop style. Then her gaze softened, and she asked, "If you could, what would you like to tell your dad?"
Dawn looked at the photo of her father that hung on the wall opposite her desk. "I'd love to introduce him to Aiden, and I'd..." She breathed deeply. "Sometimes, I wonder what he'd say to some aspects of my life."
"What aspects?"
"Well, the gay aspects, mainly," Dawn said. She had only discovered that part of herself after her father had died, and she had often wondered if he would have accepted her. She knew her dad had grown up with a very strict father, and in many regards, he had been a typical cop. She wasn't sure about his attitude toward homosexuality. "How did he react when you told him you're gay?" she asked Del. She realized that they had never talked about it before.
Del put her arms behind her head and stared at the ceiling with a feint grin on her lips. "Well... I didn't exactly tell him."
"You were in the closet? You?" Dawn asked in surprise. She couldn't imagine the out and proud Del being anything but up-front about her sexual orientation
.
"It was another time," Del said. "Twenty years ago, the force was still the good old boys club. As a female rookie, it was hard enough to get any respect without outing myself."
Dawn could understand that. Being a newbie and being a woman had been enough of an obstacle, so Del had preferred not to be out at the job. "So how did Dad learn about it if you didn't tell him?" she asked, suddenly curious.
"My first week in training with your dad, we had to interview a witness – who turned out to be a woman I'd had a short fling with." Del grimaced as she remembered. "When she saw me in my uniform, she told anyone within hearing distance in graphic detail what she'd like me to do to her with my handcuffs and my nightstick."