by Jim McCarthy
Chapter Sixteen:
Create Good Habits
I really want you to be as happy as possible. I’m confident that if you actually incorporate all of these practices into your daily routine, you will feel better and create more pleasure and purpose in your life. You will be happier.
But many people aren’t quite sure how to take that next step. They don’t know how to put down this book and start doing the practices. So this chapter is a way to show you how to develop positive habits, such as the Magical 1 Percent.
You Are the Sum of Your Habits
I am fond of this maxim, which became popular in the 19th century:
We sow a thought and reap an act;
We sow an act and reap a habit;
We sow a habit and reap a character;
We sow a character and reap a destiny.
What percentage of your daily decisions are habits? According to Pulitzer Prize–winning writer Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, about 40–45 percent of our daily decisions are not really decisions at all, but habits that are done without a lot of contemplation. This might sound bad, but you can also make this fact work for you.1
Duhigg describes “the Habit Loop” as:
•the Cue — the reminder of what you want to do
•the Routine — the activity itself
•the Reward — a pleasurable thing you genuinely enjoy
Duhigg notes that people focus on the routine, but it’s really the cue and the reward that influence how habits function. In order to change a habit, you need to premediate the cues and rewards — deciding ahead of time what you will do when you see that trigger, and then what your specific reward will be.2
In his example, instead of going to the café and eating a cookie at 3:15 p.m. every afternoon, he decides in advance that at 3:15 p.m. every day, he will walk over to a colleague and gossip for 20 minutes — which for Duhigg is pleasurable enough to constitute his reward. This is how he replaced a “bad habit” with a “good one” (and lost a lot of weight in the process).3
BJ Fogg, who directs the Behavior Design Lab at Stanford University, advocates that we develop what he calls “Tiny Habits.”
When WRVO Public Media’s Take Care program interviewed Dr. Fogg, he explained, “Habits are a lot like plants. You can start them small. Start them in the right place. And keep them nurtured and they will grow naturally to their predestined size … It’s much easier and it’s much more reliable to start habits that are small, and get them firmly rooted in the ground and you do that by feeling successful — that’s what roots the habits in the brain — and over time you allow it to grow and become a full habit.”4
Dr. Fogg advises that you follow this template to create a new “Tiny Habit”:
After I
[existing habit],
I will
[tiny new behavior].5
You make the decision ahead of time, so you don’t have to ruminate over whether you’re going to do something or not. You’ve already decided.
In the WRVO interview, Fogg went on to say, “When it comes to … lasting change it’s really more of a design challenge than a motivation challenge, and that’s a big shift in traditional thinking. There’s a systematic way to match yourself with the right behavior that will lead to less stress or losing weight or so on.”6
For example, do you floss your teeth every day? You know you should. So here is one of Fogg’s examples of how you can develop the tiny new habit of flossing: “After I brush my teeth at night, I will floss one tooth.”7
There! You’ve already decided it. You don’t stop to think about the last time you flossed. You don’t have to consider whether it’s really good to floss or not. You don’t have to recall what stuff might have gotten stuck in between your teeth since your last flossing! As Nike has been telling us for decades, “Just do it.”
Leveraging what Duhigg and Fogg have told us about cues, simply put your floss right next to your toothbrush and toothpaste, so you can’t help but see the floss right there. And then, after you brush at night, you see the floss and recall your prior decision: “After I brush my teeth at night, I will floss.” Notice that you’re building off of an existing habit (brushing your teeth), which is already a solid part of your routine.
All of this sounds simple, right? Good — that’s the idea. This is not about you building superhero willpower. In fact, it’s the opposite of that. Dr. Fogg encourages you to set the bar so low on your new habit that it’s laughably easy to do. For example, if you find it too hard to floss all 32 of your teeth, then just floss one! The next day, floss two! Pretty soon, you’ll probably say, “I can do better than this! I’ll floss all of my teeth right now!”8
The Power of Tiny Habits
Even before I heard about this research, I experienced the power of the Tiny Habits method. My girlfriend at the time (now my wife) said, “Jim, you should build your upper body strength.” (This is never what a man wants to hear from his girlfriend. In fact, I think she’s wrong! But anyway …)
So I said, “OK, I’ll start by doing daily push-ups. I’ll start with five in the morning, and the next day I’ll do six, and I’ll add one per day. I’ll do it right after I do my morning stretching and yoga.”
She said, “That’s ridiculous! You can do a lot more than five! Why don’t you start with 20 or 30?”
“Nope,” I said, “I’ll start with five.” Within a week I was up to 12. And in a matter of time, I was up to three sets of 25 per day. I started easy. I ramped up steadily. And I kept with it — establishing a solid habit that I’ve kept for the last five years.
Notice that I built off an existing habit — my morning stretching and yoga. That is a habit that I started more than 30 years ago, when I said to myself, “After I roll out of bed in the morning, I will do some stretching.” Later, it was easy to add some yoga. And meditation. And affirmations. And writing my daily goals in a short email to myself.
If you had asked me in the late 1980s, “Hey Jim, how about you do this every day for the next 30 years?” I would have said, “That’s almost impossible! I don’t have that sort of willpower or discipline!” But if you had said, “How about you simply do this today? And then again tomorrow? And you keep at it?” That would have been much easier to accept. Ultimately, that’s how I’ve thought about it.
This positive habit has built my self-confidence. I now know that I can add all sorts of good stuff to my morning routine, since one cue leads to the next. Here are other examples of habits you might want to incorporate into your life:
•After I get into bed, I thank my partner for doing something nice during the day.
•After I make my morning protein smoothie, I take my daily vitamins and supplements.
•When I see my tennis shoes and gym bag next to my bed, I know that I’ll do my workout.
•When I see the recurring reminder on my online calendar, I write out my weekly goals.
•After I dry my face, I put skin lotion on it.
•When I go to the grocery store, I only shop around the perimeter of the store, so I buy fruits and produce and real foods, and avoid the unhealthy, packaged foods in the center aisles.
•When I drive, I do not drink alcohol.
Dr. Fogg advises that to get the most out of the Reward part of “the Habit Loop,” you need to celebrate victory immediately with a “tiny thrill.” For example, you could pump your fists and yell, “Yay! I’m awesome!” jump up and say, “Bingo!” or do a little happy dance and sing, “I feel good!” à la James Brown.9
Does this sound silly? You bet!
Does it work? Absolutely, according to Fogg.
Why? In doing these movements and saying these words, you’re sending a powerful, immediate message to your brain, letting it know that this habit is
rewarding. In an interview with Success magazine, Fogg explained, “Our brains are very bad at distinguishing between ‘I did this huge thing and I’m feeling awesome about it’ and ‘I did this tiny thing and I’m still feeling awesome about it,’” Fogg says. “Somehow in our heads we exaggerate, which is a good thing. That’s part of the hack — building success momentum, allowing yourself to feel successful, allowing that success to be larger than it rationally should be, then growing and leveraging that attitude into bigger things.”10
Do you need this to be any easier? I’m a big fan of “easy.” This next step should help.
Block Out Your Calendar
Even before I heard about this research, I experienced the power of the Tiny Habits method. My girlfriend at the In the previous section, we discussed the importance of a cue or trigger for the routine you already decided to do. As BJ Fogg suggests, you can sequence events so that one easily flows to another, such as flossing after you brush your teeth. That works great for ingrained habits. But I’ve found that blocking out my online calendar is the perfect reminder of what I premeditate to do, when I want to do it, how often, and for how long.
Here’s what your “blocked out calendar” might look like:
In this example, you could put in your calendar “Family Time” for every Sunday afternoon, and “Time with Kids” for Saturdays. Sure, you might need to change plans if something comes up, but otherwise you have decided in advance that these are important ways to spend your weekends.
Your calendar can remind you to call your parents, check in with a friend, or have a date night with your partner every week. You will need a lot less willpower to exercise, if you already have “Work Out” baked into your itinerary. Others will find it harder to schedule you for a meeting at 7:00 p.m., if you’ve already committed in your calendar to leave the office at 6:30 every evening.
My calendar gives me the cues to write out my daily, weekly, and monthly goals. “Write Daily Goals” might take up 30 minutes of space in my online calendar, but in reality I usually only need three minutes to do this. In general, I’ve found that one hour in planning saves me 10 hours in execution.
Importantly, I encourage you to schedule your Magical 1 Percent. I like doing mine early in the day, but you might find that lunchtime is the best time for you to invest 10 minutes in your physical, mental, and spiritual health.
By the way, you might have heard that it takes repeating a behavior 21 consecutive days before it becomes habit. I looked into this, and evidently there is no solid research on that number. Instead, studies indicate that some habits will take hold very quickly, and others could take months. The good news is that you can miss a few days, and then get back to practicing your behavior.11
In any case, if you’re the kind to rely on a calendar, automated reminders can help you a lot. No, it’s not sexy. It doesn’t feel creative. There is no burst of genius. There is no zest, flair, or panache to this. It’s just plain, simple, easy, achievable, mechanical implementation — of all the important stuff you want to make happen in your life. This is how many successful people succeed.
I get a great feeling of accomplishment and discipline knowing that I can use Tiny Habits to change my behavior long term. Andy Grove, the legendary former chairman and CEO of Intel, encouraged managers to create routine in their schedules in order to reduce stress. His sound logic was that you have enough unpredictable things happening in your life anyway, so it’s better to operationalize whatever you can anticipate.12
“What gets measured, gets done,” is a common quote from the business world. “What gets scheduled, gets done,” is equally wise. As such, I encourage you to take a baby step by creating a recurring event for just one thing you want to do. (Go to the spa once per month? Call a high school friend every quarter? Exercise twice per week?) Just start there — and see how good it feels when you envision, schedule, and accomplish your goal.
Yay! You’re awesome!
What’s Next for You?
I’d like to leave you with these parting thoughts:
Cancer has taught me a lot about happiness. I’m grateful that I received my diagnosis, because it has forced me to face my own mortality, practice mindfulness, and live each day.
I hope that this book will help you make similar gains and discoveries.
If you’ve invested the time to do the writing activities and you’ve shared your answers with someone you love, you will have a treasure trove of surprisingly simple ways to:
Live each day — by investing in your relationships and community, so you leave a legacy of love and impact that you are proud of.
Live each day — by doing work that you find meaningful, challenging, and fun, so you can look back and have no regrets.
Live each day — by striking your ideal balance between pleasure and purpose, comparing yourself only to your best self, and enjoying your journey.
Live each day — by practicing your Magical 1 Percent.
Live each day — and create your happiness.
So, from the bottom of my heart, I wish you abundant joy and success in your journey ahead.
Thank you!
Jim
Acknowledgments
First of all, thank you for reading this book. If you find it useful, then I’d like to encourage you to give a copy to someone you love. Also, leaving a review of Live Each Day on Amazon, Goodreads, or wherever else you find appropriate not only helps me, but other readers, too.
Writing this book is the culmination of a lifetime of loving support from my parents, siblings, teachers, professors, coaches, managers, colleagues, employees, romantic partners, and random strangers … as well as others who belong to “family, friends, and community.” My gratitude goes out to all those who have supported me along the journey.
Next, I’d like to thank the people who played an essential role in creating this book. Each of them has been a unique delight to work with:
Jessika Bella Mura, who did the editorial review and line editing. She was gentle yet tough, demanding yet kind in helping me make the final product much better. I thank her for her dedication, expertise, and encouragement.
Angela Howes, who was fast yet thorough in her copy editing.
Cathy McMahen, who was meticulous in creating the endnotes and doing the final proofread.
Mirko Pohle, who designed both the exterior and interior of Live Each Day. If you find this book beautiful, then you can thank him for that. Every time I thought we had done enough iterations of an idea, he would come up with some more — which were even better.
Jacquie Pirnie, who was my marketing and social media maven. Jacquie’s ongoing efforts took a lot off of my plate, so I could put my head down and actually write this book.
Chad Dudley, who does an excellent job — working quickly and with quality — to manage my website.
In addition, there’s my “Reading Team” — people who have given me feedback on my writing. They are, by first name in alphabetical order: Charlie Fields, Dan McCarthy, Dang Huynh, Dean Neese, Ed McCarthy, Gerald Wluka, Glenn Kurtz, Guille Castellanos, Jacquie Pirnie, Jan Biermeyer, Jason Fang, John Rodriguez, Kathy Chamberlain, Kerrie Carden, Kori Wees, Lauren Mai, Lindsey Harju, Mark Hayward, Martha Madero, Mary Huffman, Michael Bergdahl, Michael McCarthy, Mike Orsak, Nick Flores, Rahul Bhandari, Ranah Edelin, Ray Bamford, Reed Maltzman, Robbie Kellman Baxter, Roth Herrlinger, Stacy McCarthy, Stephen Small, Steven Chew, Ted Huffman, Thi Thumasathit, Tony Chen, and Tony Tang. Their ideas have been priceless.
I’d also like to thank all of the committed, caring, brilliant, kind teachers that I’ve had throughout my life. I learned from them at Christ the King Grade School and Creighton Preparatory School in Omaha, at the University of Iowa, at the Institute of European Studies (IES) in Vienna, at the Eberhard Karls University of Tübingen in Germany, and at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business.
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br /> In addition to all the dear friends who are part of my “Reading Team,” there is a group of incredible teachers and mentors, managers and friends which has had a lasting impact in my life:
Father Nick Pope, S.J., Professor David Schoenbaum, Romayne Wheeler, the Fulbright Program, Bill McAndrews, Professor María Dolores González Portal, Marina Specht, Richard Friss, Justin O’Brien, John Haywood, Tony Surtees, Jennifer Dulski, Brandon Huff, Dave Zinman, Ricki Frankel, Kiana Sharifi, Jim Scheinman, Craig Stevenson, and Diane Hunt.
I’ve been lucky to work with smart, talented, fun, and very cool people all over the world, with all different sorts of backgrounds. They have taught me much.
Thanks to all the scientists, researchers, writers, and thinkers whom I cite and quote in this book. I am grateful for the universities, publishers, magazines, and newspapers who curate and distribute valuable information to benefit humankind. Scientific inquiry and free speech are essential for a democracy to function.
My gratitude to the American Cancer Society for their mission to eliminate this disease, and love to the health care providers who have attended to me with expertise and compassion.
Thanks to all of the people and organizations — start-ups, alumni organizations, nonprofits, and Fortune 500 companies — that have given me the opportunity to conduct my workshops and keynotes. Without them, I would never have been able to learn, grow, or touch people’s lives in a positive way. Similarly, thanks to all the folks who’ve attended my talks: they showed up, gave me a chance, opened up, thought hard, shared their ideas and emotions, cried, laughed, went outside their comfort zones, wrote their action plans, and made their public commitments. They encouraged me and gave me insightful feedback so I could improve.