by Thea Chin
… or again woe will be upon thee.
* * *
“I can’t believe you two,” grits Chan, hanging up his keys at the door as the other two boys shuffle into the house. “I told you to stay away from secular authorities.”
Jaiden grabs his alpha’s shoulders as he looks into Chan’s eyes. “It’s for Ki though. She’s in danger.”
Behind him, Darren nods fervently. Chan looks between the two, wondering what could be so serious that it brought the two of them back together again. He secretly immediately forgives them for having him bail them out of jail.
“What’s wrong?” Everyone turns in surprise at the new voice and sees Tsukiko standing there, blinking innocently in their direction.
Or maybe they’re not so forgiven.
Jaiden takes a step forward but stops himself, so Darren reaches her first, throwing his arms around her and letting out a relieved sob.
“We thought something happened to you!” Jaiden exclaims. “You used our code emoji!”
She takes a look at his phone over Darren’s shoulder. Whether she recognizes sending the texts or not, she doesn’t show it. “Oh, that? I forgot. I’m sorry.”
With that, she eases Darren off of her and heads towards her room, leaving three confused boys behind.
T-16 Moons
Four months. Four months is what it took to perfect them. Honestly, it’s comparably fast given the time it took Dr. Lawrence to finish her glass machine. Tsukiko hides them behind her back as a knock sounds at her door.
“Come in.”
Jaiden reveals himself on the other side. “You alright, Ki?”
“Of course. Why?”
“It’s just… for the past few weeks… Nevermind. Angela wanted to go on a walk in the woods. Do you want to come?”
If there is one name that makes Tsukiko react, it is that one.
“I do. Just give me a minute to change.”
Jaiden brightens, knowing that would work. “Okay! I’ll see you out back when you’re ready.”
Tsukiko takes her hands out from behind her back and slips what is in them into her purse. Funny how one little meeting with Jacque Taylor replaces all reservations she had for Jaiden with the weight in her bag. She changes into something more active and slings her purse over her shoulder before joining Jaiden and the child outside in the cool autumn air.
“—then he stuffed ice cream in my mouth while I was sleeping! Those guys just won’t let me live!” he narrates animatedly.
Jaiden bites his lip in concern when she doesn’t laugh. She looks void of any emotions as if all she is trying to do is keep up with the energetic toddler in front of them. It used to be moments like these where they’re together, side by side, that he cherished the most. Now, she doesn’t even spare him so much as a glance.
“I could have choked!” he tries dramatically. Nothing.
He waves his hands around which finally successfully captures her attention, but as she turns to look, she misses a bump on the ground and loses her footing.
“Ki!” Jaiden is quick on his feet. He turns wolf to race to her location and turns back right as she falls into his arms.
“Sorry,” she groans, lifting a hand to brush away her bangs.
“N-no problem,” he stutters, heart pounding from the proximity. He shakes his head to get rid of such thoughts. No more, he scolds himself.
“What did you trip on?” Jaiden wonders once he’s put her back on her feet.
She looks down, and her eyes widen into giant disks. It’s a—!
“Bear!” Jaiden yells.
Tsukiko indeed is looking at a baby cub with a gunshot wound in its side. However, the dead animal isn’t what Jaiden is referring to.
She looks up to see a full grown Asian black bear snarling at them. They can only assume she’s the cub’s mother.
“Jaiden,” Tsukiko asks with as much composure as she can muster, feeling fear rise in her chest and break the months-long trance she’s been in. “What are our chances?”
“Not good,” he replies. “Especially since there’s also her.”
She follows where he’s pointing and sees Darren’s daughter approaching the mother bear with child-like curiosity.
“Okay, let’s back away from the cub first,” he suggests.
The mama bear runs to her baby as soon as Tsukiko and Jaiden step away with their hands raised in the air. They are about to let out a breath of relief when the mother bear snaps her head up and lets out a pained and dangerous roar. She has found the injury on her child and blames it on them.
Jaiden mutters a curse. “Ki, I’m going to get the kid, and then you’re going to jump on my back and we’re out of here, okay?”
“No, wait,” she objects. “That won’t work; it was a full moon last night, so you don’t have enough strength to pull that off. You should run back to the house and get help.”
“I’m not leaving you here alone,” Jaiden deadpans.
“Yes you are or we’re all dead.”
“Still—”
“Jaiden, I’m dying anyway!”
Her anxiety and built up stress get the better of her and she screams at her companion. This startles the toddler and she begins crying, which alarms the mother bear. Tsukiko watches in horror as the animal stands on her hind legs, about to obliterate the wailing child. Instinctively, Tsukiko lunges forward and wraps herself around Angela’s tiny body. She braces herself for the pain, but it doesn’t come. She lifts her head to see why right as Jaiden takes the blow for her and is sent soaring through the air before tumbling meters across the ground.
Jaiden struggles to get back on all fours. His pristine silver coat is now mixed with blood and dirt. When he is finally back on his paws, he bares his teeth at the bear, letting out a threatening snarl.
“NO!” she cries, forgetting all other inner turmoils as the bear races towards the wolf.
She sets the child down and jumps to her feet, trying to do something, anything, to help Jaiden stay alive. That is when she notices the glow on her wrist.
Darren.
The brown wolf soars over her head right on time, knocking the mother bear off balance just as she is about to maul Jaiden’s face. The bear is quick to get back on her feet, displaying her teeth for Darren to see as the wolf steps between her and his fallen friend. Around his wrists glows a faint yellow, giving him a slight edge over what chance Jaiden had. Still, can he win against a bear?
Worries are soon put to rest when they hear more howling from a distance. Before long, the entirety of Mu Alpha is by their side, backing the bear into a corner. Realizing that her chances have slimmed to zero, the mother bear lowers her head and turns back into the woods, leaving the cold body of her child behind.
The first to speak after ensuring that she is gone is Mark. “We need to get Jaiden medical care quick.”
“I’m fine,” he groans, earning a sharp glare from his frat brothers.
“Get back into wolf form! Those injuries can kill a man!” Xie Ming scolds.
The boys load the silver canine onto Cain’s back and begin leaving, and Tsukiko’s eyes glaze back over as the adrenaline settles.
“Need a ride?” Chan offers.
She shakes her head and walks towards the fallen cub. “I’ll stay with it for a little bit. Finley is calling animal services from the house to find who shot it.”
Chan nods and raises a brow at Darren. The younger male points at her, so the young alpha bids his goodbye, leaving the two alone.
“Thanks for coming,” she says as the remaining wolf kicks at a pebble.
He lets out a grunt with his hands in his pocket. She can tell something is off.
“Guess how I knew to come,” he says in a low voice.
Tsukiko’s voice gets caught in her throat, not understanding the purpose of the obvious question.
Darren lets out a sigh and turns sharply to face her, surprising her with his fierce gaze. He raises his soulmark and answers, “Because
this started tingling. Tingling, Tsukiko. These are supposed to be on fire when our soulmates are in danger. Do you know what this means, Tsukiko Tsujii? Do you?”
She takes a few steps back, startled by his sudden outburst.
“It means you’re dying. It means you’re going to look like that!” he finishes, pointing furiously at the cub when she doesn’t answer. “I mean, I already knew you were, but getting into a bear attack? Do you really want to leave that soon? You’re already acting like you’re half dead all the time these past few months too!”
So that’s what this is about. She lets her arms fall to her sides as she looks at him.
Darren lets out another deep exhale and walks up to Tsukiko, toes touching hers and taking both her wrists in his hands. “No, this isn’t your fault. I’m sorry for yelling. I just…” He turns his head towards the cub’s corpse, voice cracking as he speaks. “Looking at that makes reality so real. Too real…” He leans his forehead against hers. “And I realized that I can’t bear it. Please don’t leave, Tsukiko. Please. Not when I’ve… Not when I’ve finally fallen in love with you.”
The confession isn’t surprising. The two are soulmates after all; everyone knew which way his heart would turn after his breakup. Despite this, her breath still gets caught in her throat and her body turns rigid at his words. Harden your heart, she tells herself.
“Darren…”
She doesn’t have to say anymore. He already knows that he’s why she’s leaving. He already knows that there is nothing that can be done about it. Well, perhaps not nothing.
He lifts his glassy eyes to look at her. His soulmate. The one above everything and everyone. But is there someone that’s an exception to “everyone”? Is it his own daughter?
Darren shakes his head, not believing that such an idea—the very one that he threatened Jaiden against many moons ago—passed through his head. He throws his arms around her and buries his head in her neck.
“I’m sorry,” he croaks. She can feel his tears rolling down her skin. Or is that tear hers?
Despite her better judgement and previous convictions, she allows her arms to go around his waist for the last time. She pulls something out of her purse and closes her eyes.
“I’ve told you to stop apologizing,” she whispers and stabs him with an injection.
She feels him go limp in her arms as the contents begin to take effect. She pulls out the needle and the last drop of poison stains the leaves below blue.
“Forget me,” she murmurs, laying him down, “and all the pain and apologies that I carry.”
With one last look at her soulmate, Tsukiko straightens back up and turns towards the frat house, the syringes in her purse jiggling as she does so.
* * *
Tsukiko pushes open the door to where she calls her room somewhere in the labyrinths between Destiny and St. Valentine. She wonders if Darren knows about these tunnels—if he knows that his father traded the second life of his soulmate to gain continual support from the Council.
Once she’s closed the door behind her, she slides down against it, burying her head in her knees as nine empty syringes that were once filled with a modified version of Dr. Lawrence’s memory wiping fluids fall out of her pockets. She has done it. She has erased herself from the wolves’ and their soulmates’ lives for a chance to save her own.
That’s right. That’s what she has chosen, and there is no regretting it now.
Tsukiko stands up and brushes away her tears. She takes out one last syringe and looks at her fading soulmark. Maybe she’ll get a tattoo to make it look like a flower or something. She jabs the needle into her arm with her thumb over the plunger, eyes squeezed shut, and stops. She’s shaking. She’s shaking more now than when she stood alone in front of Jacque Taylor’s portrait awaiting death. She’s shaking more now than when she was caught in the snow storm. She’s shaking more now than when she stood against the mother bear.
Slowly, her tremor ceases when the memory of the warmth of Jaiden’s fur fills her mind. She recalls going to the movies with the two girls and playing video games with Finley and Cain. She recalls Chan’s patience whenever she needed advice. She recalls Mark brightening any day with his silly jokes and Xie Ming being there whenever she got hurt. And Darren…
“Screw it.” The last injection is cast onto the floor as she rushes out the door.
Since her involvement with the Council, Tsukiko discovered more than she thought was within the realm of reality. It makes her wonder who she was before half her life was erased, but she must have been something if they trusted her to lead Dr. Lawrence’s projects. Day and night, Tsukiko slaved over making a portable amnesia-inducing vaccine. Since she’s managed that, she has a little more time for other endeavors, one that she cannot waste any time moping around about.
The team the Council gave her that consists of a handful of outcasts freezes as soon as she enters. She looks back at them as she tosses on her lab coat, and they quickly put their heads back down and continue working. There isn’t much conversation that goes in the lab.
Rather than performing the experiments herself, Tsukiko spends most of her time reading the research done before her arrival and conjuring new procedures for her team. The first phase of the re-biosucitation project seems to have been completed in Lauren Dust’s lifetime, but she can hardly understand any of the work done. Not that it matters; they had told her someone else is in charge of that particular project. She runs her fingers across the words printed on the top of every page. “For longevity,” it reads. Is it for the species, as they had told her, or is it really for Jacque Taylor himself?
“Miss Tsujii?”
Tsukiko looks up to see one of her subordinates looking at her with a pig in his hands. The one werewolf, she recalls, John. Or as he told her during their first meeting, “Just John.”
“Your procedures—they worked.”
The animal glows a soft yellow along with the boy’s wrist. Tsukiko drops her papers and takes the pig without hesitation. She’s done it. She’s finally replicated Mark’s experiment. Hers, however, features a number of microscopic machines receiving and transmitting data dispersed along the mark rather than one large one that can be taped under a watch.
“Good work,” she breathes, making the boy beam at the rare compliment. Then to the others, “Take the day off, all of you.”
“But the amnesia immunity project—”
“Shh, she said go, so let’s just go.”
They all scurry out the door except for John who looks at her with worried eyes. Tsukiko takes one glance at him and immediately regrets it. He cannot be older than 15, the same age Jaiden was when his heart was ripped out by the death of his soulmate.
“You can stay,” she mumbles despite herself.
His cheeks puff out as he smiles and bounces into a stool. “What are you doing?” he dares ask, seeing her pick up a pipette.
“Testing a theory,” she answers vaguely while extracting blood from the animal.
The boy hums. “I’ve never met my soulmate before. This piggy is the closest I have to one.”
She shouldn’t have let him stay. Now he thinks he can be all friendly and chatty with her, Tsukiko grimaces. She hates the way her heart yearns for another companion when she had just betrayed nine of them.
“Maybe you can choose who you want your soulmate to be if we figure this out,” she humors him by modifying words Mark spoke to her before.
“Nah, I want to meet my soulmate naturally. It’s more genuine that way.”
They both know that he will die underground as the Council’s dog before he gets the chance to meet his soulmate, but no one says anything.
“Although,” he continues, “Lily is kind of cute.”
Tsukiko scoffs at the mention of another member of her lab. She inserts a butterfly needle into the swine and pulls back the plunger.
“Prime these for electrophoresis,” she tells the boy, handing him samples of the experiment’s and regu
lar pig’s blood. She rolls up her sleeve to take a sample of her own.
“Woah!” cries the boy. “Your mark is really faded, Ms. Tsujii! What happened?”
That’s why she didn’t want to involve too many people in this side project.
“I can’t remember,” she lies. It’s the lie she wants to believe though.
He blinks. “Did you accidentally take some of the neuro repositioners?”
She wishes she would let herself. “No, I was just never aware of why.”
“Usually people say ‘I don’t know,’ not ‘I can’t remember,’ when that’s the case,” he points out.
He’s been stuck underground for years already. What does this kid know?
“Maybe if we found a way to reverse the neuro repositioner you can remember.”
Tsukiko looks at him with surprise. That’s right! Besides, there must be something the Council wanted to hide from her if they had erased her memories. She looks down at the vial of blood she drew as déjà vu washes over her. Something that might help her research.
“Is this to make your mark dark again?” John asks, indicating to the primed tubes he’s placing on ice. “I know this research isn’t funded by the Council.”
She flinches. How did he figure that out? “Yes.”
He lets out a hum. “You should stop lying, Ms. Tsujii. It’s not good for you.”
Tsukiko completely freezes this time. This boy is scaring her.
“Usually people don’t admit to such selfish actions so readily,” he explains. “So what is it really for, if not to save yourself?”
She looks at him through narrowed eyes for an entire minute, not moving a muscle before she finally mumbles, “None of your business.”
T-12 Moons
Another four months go by before they even come close to the anecdote the werewolf boy suggested. Tsukiko is rather disappointed in how long it took, actually. She knows that her time is ticking, and even if she were to be reborn, she most likely wouldn’t be allowed to remember anything about this life, so then why must the Council continue bothering her with obstacles to slow down her progress?