Albert nodded. He limped over to the window and gazed out at his fields, and the fells beyond them. ‘I guess I was expecting you to say something like that. But it’ll be hard to sit here when there’s things to be done. I’ve worked this farm since I was seven.’
Adam had got to know the farmer quite well and the two men got on together. ‘Your wife died three years ago, Albert,’ he said. ‘You’ve a son in the next valley who could take over here just as you took over from your father. The farm would be in good hands. Another generation of Dents.’
‘My father took it hard, having to hand over.’ Albert was silent a minute, then turned and said decisively, ‘I know you’re right and I know I can’t go on like this. I’ll hand the farm over. But I’m not staying here. You know I’ve another son, farms in New Zealand? He and his wife have been on at me for ages, asking me to go over and live with them. They say they’d find a job for me, just enough to keep me occupied. And I could see more of my grandchildren.’
‘It sounds good, but don’t hurry decisions,’ Adam said cautiously. ‘You have to think about things first.’
‘Something’s got to be done so I’m going to do it quickly. The time comes when it’s foolish to put off decisions, no matter how painful they might be. I’ll miss Larkcall Farm, but I’m going.’
‘Perhaps you’re right,’ Adam said.
The road from Larkcall Farm ran up the side of the fell, curved round a rocky outcrop and dropped into the next valley, where it met the main road. There was a place to pull off at the curve at the top, and Adam parked and went to sit on the grass. In front of him was the valley, a patchwork of fields. The steep hills on either side weren’t cultivated, but sheep grazed on the rough pasture. In the distance he could just see the sea. It was a peaceful landscape, beautiful and very British.
Adam thought about the man he had just spoken to, the decision he had made. The time comes when it’s foolish to put off decisions, no matter how painful they might be. Instinctively, Adam knew that Albert was right.
He had to make a decision over Lyn. He had to get her to offer him some hope, no matter how little. He had to be able to think that some day they might be … well, much closer. He couldn’t stand this uncertainty. Soon there would be the time, the opportunity, and he would do it. And if Lyn turned him down – then he would lose himself in work, as so often he had done before. Work with Ros in America. Not entirely satisfied with what he had decided, Adam went back to his car.
‘I really enjoyed the party,’ Joanne Morris said to Lyn the next day. ‘It was good, wasn’t it?’ She stood up from the examination couch. ‘Is everything all right?’ Joanne’s voice was over-casual, and Lyn knew that she was worried. That was the trouble with doctors and nurses as patients – they always knew too much, had their own opinions. And, of course, they could never be dispassionate.
Joanne was a junior doctor, one of the registrars at the practice. She was six months pregnant and had come to Lyn with a slightly raised blood pressure.
‘Well, as you know, this isn’t exactly normal,’ Lyn said. ‘But I suspect it’s got worse because you’ve been worrying about it, haven’t you? You know taking your own BP is, well, not always a good idea.’
Joanne looked embarrassed. ‘It’s hard not to,’ she mumbled. ‘And I know I’m not an older mum, but I am a bit overweight.’
‘So you took your own BP and instantly thought pre-eclampsia!’
‘Well, yes.’
Lyn. smiled. It was hard not to feel sympathy. She remembered how she herself had been alert for any possible problem when she’d been pregnant. ‘Probably nothing to worry about,’ she said, ‘but what I’d like to do is get one of the doctors to have a quick look at you. Any feelings about which one you’d like?’
As Joanne was a member of the practice, it was possible to bend the rules a little for her. She could pick her own doctor.
‘Dr Fletcher, if possible. He’s the one I know least well.’ A very understandable reaction.
It was late in the morning and the doctors usually reserved this time to answer telephone queries. Lyn checked with the receptionist and Adam was available. She put her head round his door and said, ‘If you’ve got a moment, I could do with a bit of professional advice. In my examination room?’
She didn’t tell him who it was or what the problem was. She didn’t want Joanne thinking that she’d talked behind her back.
Lyn sat, watched and listened. She thought Adam was good with Joanne. At first he made no move to examine his patient. Instead, he chatted about her training, talked about what her future might be. Only when she was thoroughly relaxed did he access her details on the computer and then ask her what was worrying her. ‘My blood pressure’s too high. And I thought …’
He laughed. ‘I can guess. Pre-eclampsia. Thoroughly understandable. I’d think the same thing if I were pregnant and a doctor. Well, let’s have a look at you.’
And the now relaxed Joanne had no difficulty with the examination at all.
‘What do you think, Midwife Pierce?’ Adam asked cheerfully. ‘Diagnosis and treatment, please? You once told me you’d seen far more births than I ever had’
‘You’re the doctor. But I suspect that all that is necessary is bed rest. At home will be fine. But we’ll monitor progress and if necessary send her to hospital.’
‘I agree. No drugs at all?’
‘At the moment, no. Joanne should stop work at once for at least two weeks. Plenty of time in bed, no heavy work at all, minimum of physical exercise. At the end of that time we look at her again.’
‘Hang on, I work here,’ Joanne protested. ‘I’m only six months gone, we’ve planned it that I work for another eight weeks. The practice needs me.’
‘We do need you,’ Adam said gently. ‘If you go now, there’s going to be more work for the rest of us. This is your decision but you’ve got to think of the baby. Now I suggest you have a word with your husband, perhaps have a word with Cal and then make up your mind. You can carry on with your training when you’ve had your baby. There’s your life ahead of you.’
Joanne was silent a moment, then said, ‘I suppose you’re right. Now, I’ve got some visits this afternoon but tomorrow I could …’
‘Go and see Cal,’ Adam said. ‘Don’t tell him you feel fine and you can carry on – it’s not true. And he won’t believe you anyway. Tell him what’s wrong and then go home.’
‘But I …’
‘What would you say to a young woman who came to you as a doctor, with what’s wrong with you? If you say anything other than what I’ve said, then you need more training.’
‘I suppose you’re right. I’ll go and see Cal now.’
Adam and Lyn were left facing each other. It was a week since she told him her secret. When he’d gone home the next evening, after Albert Dent, he had found a note in his letter box. ‘We both need time to think. How about a few days when we don’t see each other alone? And, Adam, I do care for you. Lyn.’
He had thought for an hour before writing back. ‘If you think that is best. But remember, I love you and I’m here for you. Adam.’
Now she looked at him uncertainly. But he seemed to be sticking to their unwritten truce. He said, ‘Nearly all the mums I see now look to be little more than children. And the dads are the same. It makes me feel old. Time is slipping by me.’
‘Rubbish,’ Lyn said. ‘There’s plenty of years in you yet. You’re not old.’
But she wondered why he had made the half-comic remark. Was there a hint there? Time was passing for everyone.
At lunchtime next day Lyn managed to call in at home again, and as she stood at the front door Ros’s dark green car pulled up. Ros opened the car window and smiled at Lyn. ‘Is there any point in trying to have a quick word with Adam? It’s not urgent and I know he hates it when I disturb him at work.’
Lyn thought of the surgery she had just left, and sighed. ‘At the moment we’re bursting. All the doctors are frantic. A
dam won’t be free for at least another hour.’
‘That bad? Well, I can’t wait. I’ve got to drive down to London now so I’ll phone him this evening.’
‘Come and have a cup of tea first.’
‘I’d like that,’ Ros said. ‘I’m glad I caught you. I’ve got something for you.’
As they sat drinking tea she handed Lyn a small packet. ‘I haven’t forgotten how you patched my hand when we first met. This is a tiny present from me to say thank you.’
‘But I didn’t …’
‘Please!’ said Ros. ‘It’s just a small something.’
Lyn opened the packet. Inside was a dark green leather box containing a pair of earrings. Lyn took them out, fascinated. She’d never had anything like them before. Normally all she wore were plain gold studs. But these were different, drop earrings in a barbaric pattern of silver and turquoise. She went to her mirror and put them on.
‘Let me see,’ Ros said. ‘I know what works visually.’
Lyn turned and Ros went on with some satisfaction, ‘I knew you’d look good in those. It’s that heart shaped face, those good cheekbones. Not every woman could wear them – I certainly wouldn’t dare to. But you can.’
Lyn felt complimented, the more so because Ros had been so detached in her assessment. She realised she was coming out of her shell. For so long she hadn’t cared if she was complimented, now she thought she liked it.
‘Thank you so much. They’re lovely,’ she said. ‘Now I’m going to look for a chance to wear them. But tell me, what’s this problem with Adam?’
Ros looked exasperated. ‘I love that man but he can be so irritating! He’s changing! Or this countryside is changing him! The idea was that he should come here for just six months, have a kind of sabbatical, get back to his roots as a doctor. Then back to the city, medicine there and more TV work with me. And I’ve had an offer from an American firm that could be really big! But now he’s talking about staying here indefinitely. Any idea why?’
Lyn shrugged. ‘Not really,’ she said.
Ros seemed suddenly to have a new idea. She looked at Lyn shrewdly. ‘It’s not you, is it?’
Lyn thought she managed to look calm. ‘Not at all,’ she said with a laugh. ‘I’m a widow. I’ve been in love and I just don’t want another relationship.’
‘Hmm,’ Ros said, and Lyn hoped she had been believed. Ros went on, ‘Adam could be big and that would mean that I would get to be big with him. But I’ve got a lot of regard for him as a friend – I suppose I love the old grouse. I want him to be happy. If staying round here makes him happy, then good luck to him. I’ll support him.’
She put down her cup and stood. ‘I’d better be off. Tell him I called. I’ll phone him later. And wear the earrings. They look good!’ Then she was gone.
Lyn went back to the mirror and looked at herself. Yes, the earrings did look good. But the news she had just heard wasn’t so good.
She just couldn’t manage to keep away from Adam. If he was around, then she would be drawn to him. They were drawn to each other. The slightest misery in his face made her soul ache.
He had come for six months and so far he had been here about two. Perhaps she could manage to maintain a brave face for another four months. But if he stayed here indefinitely? Living next door to her? She just couldn’t manage that. The pain would be too much. She might have to think about leaving.
Chapter Ten
It had been the best summer and autumn that people could remember. The warm unseasonal weather continued; every night there seemed to be a programme pointing out that Britain now had the best weather in Europe and considering the prospect of global warming. It was hot, it was dry; it was wonderful.
Lyn loved it. But being close to the land, she knew that the continued lack of rain wasn’t a good thing. The farmers were complaining – complaining of a lack of water in the rainy Lake District!
And after a while there was a new threat – forest fires. There were outbreaks all over, often in the plantations of easily combustible fir trees.
Lyn set off the next afternoon to visit yet another of her patients who lived on the very outskirts of her area, travelling through yet another maze of tiny back roads. After a while there was the roar of engines behind her and sound of a siren wailing. She pulled into a field entrance and let three great fire engines pass. Over the past few days she had seen several of them. The crews were working almost non-stop.
It was Martha Evans’s third baby; the birth had been smooth and everything was all right. Martha was an experienced and intelligent mother. Lyn had, of course to make a number of statutory calls, but she knew there would be absolutely no need for her inspection. Still, she called, had an iced drink and saw that all was fine.
She set off for home. Her car had been in the sun, and it was quite warm inside. Lyn pulled her uniform away from her body, wiped her face. Perhaps when she started driving the draft would cool her.
As she drove on she felt the car rock. The wind was growing stronger and she saw trees bending as the breeze increased. She shuddered. Fire, humidity and wind were an evil combination. She hoped there would be no more trouble.
She was driving past a small plantation near the top of a hill when she saw a car parked by the side of the road. She squinted. Surely that was Adam’s car? As she thought that he appeared and waved to her to pull in behind him. She did. What was Adam doing out here?
He came to her open window, his expression for once stern. ‘I knew you’d come back this way,’ he said. ‘I saw you were booked in to visit Martha Evans.’
Some of the areas the staff visited were wild and lonely. It was one of Cal’s rules that all staff making visits should log in where they were going and roughly when they expected to arrive and leave.
‘You could have phoned me on my mobile if you wanted to meet me. What’s so important?’
‘We have to talk. And I wanted to do it well away from the surgery, from our houses even.’
‘But why now? And why no warning?’
‘Now, because I can’t go on any longer like this. And no warning because I think we need to approach things without time to prepare. We need instant honesty. For the first time his face showed signs of uncertainty. ‘We need to sort things out, Lyn. Can you spare half an hour to talk to me?’
‘All afternoon if you want,’ she said. ‘If you’re sure it’s a good idea.’
‘You don’t think it is?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said sadly, ‘I don’t know what you’re going to say.’ But she had a good idea, and she wasn’t looking forward to it.
They drove their cars into the trees, and then he led her through the plantation along a broad path. She knew where they were going – in half a mile there was a plateau where they could survey the full length of Lake Windermere and see the Langdales beyond.
He offered her his hand, she took it. And they walked in silence.
Finally they reached the plateau. For a moment they looked at the view, but it wasn’t as clear as it should have been. Here and there they could see a thick haze which Lyn knew to be smoke. There were fires raging, or fires under control. They desperately needed rain.
There was a log to sit on, they sat side by side. She had said nothing so far, she wanted him to start the conversation, to lead it She was frightened about where it might go.
‘I’m supposed to be a communicator,’ he said, ‘supposed to be good with words. I’ve tried to rehearse this speech and I’ve got nowhere. I think I know what I want to say but I’m scared of saying it.’
‘Why not wait, then?’ she asked in a small voice. ‘Think about things a bit more?’ She didn’t want him to speak. She thought that whatever he said would result in her having to make some kind of decision and she didn’t want to decide anything. And decisions once made were hard to reverse.
‘I don’t want to wait! In fact, I can’t wait! Do you know what you’re doing to me, Lyn, what it’s like being so close to you and yet
having to keep my distance? It hurts!’
‘I think I know what it’s like. In fact, I do know. And, Adam, the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I’d rather hurt myself.’
He was silent now and leaned towards her. She hoped he wouldn’t kiss her, it would make things so much harder.
‘We want no talk of hurting,’ he said. Then be moved to the end of the log, sat well away from her.
‘There’s something between us,’ he said. ‘It started the first time we met, when you capsized. It started the minute you opened your eyes. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve never felt it before, and you feel it, too. Don’t you?’
Her lips were dry but she managed to mutter, ‘Well, I know what you’re talking about.’
‘No! You feel it, Lyn!’
She had to be honest. ‘Yes, I feel it. I’ve said so before. But that’s not to say that things aren’t … awkward.’
‘We can deal with awkward. Now, you’ve said I mustn’t use the word "love" so I won’t But I will say I’m getting more and more … fond of you.’ His lips twisted as he said the word. ‘I’ve never felt anything like this before. And because it’s been so long coming, I think it’s so much stronger. Now I want you to tell me you feel the same. Not right now, I can wait. I’ll wait days, weeks, months, just so long as I know I’ll get an answer one day.’
Adam stopped. There was nothing she could say, this was all too much. What was worst was that she knew he was telling the truth.
He went on, ‘The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I feel that you owe me something. Now, I’m going for a walk for five minutes to give you time get your thoughts together. You say you can’t have babies and because of this you won’t consider a long term relationship with me. Lyn, I’ve thought about this a lot. Whatever happens, I want to be with you. But if you feel you can’t be with me, then I’ll respect that and leave you alone. In fact, I’ll leave the practice. I’ve had a quiet word with Cal, told him about that offer of more TV work in America. He says that it would be awkward but he could release me from my contract.’
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